Thursday, December 30, 2004

I don't know why it is that I come home from Chicago and all of a sudden I become incapable of composing blog entries until 2:30 in the morning... I really don't. But alas I have once again let another day go by, and not gotten to the blog until nearly bedtime.

Since mom and I went shopping and drinking this evening, I am rather tired now and once again I'm putting off the blog entry that I have promised you. My sincerest apoogies. I will however tempt you with some of the topics I'm working on for you:

  1. How I am slowly turning into my mom
  2. How some things (for better, or for the worse) never seem to change
  3. Why dial-up interned service makes me want to kill myself
  4. Why I can't be left alone with the internet, a season of "Sex and the City", a credit card, and a hankerin' for beautiful new footwear.
  5. How much I miss Kirsten... and DAVE.
  6. How awesome my Christmas was!
See, so once I get off my lazy ass... or rather, as I will be sitting as I'm typing these entries, ON my lazy ass, you can see that you will have plenty to read and be entertained by. I only do this because I care... and because I forgot your birthday, or didn't bake you some muffins, or because I told on you when I caught you eating babies and you got mad at me for it... or something. Anyway... I promise I'll try to do better.


QOTD - (Since Kirsten called this evening, she owns it... and alas she's bridging the gap into the new year... HOW GLORIOUS!)

12.31.04 - "Liz, I know you think you've seen some hickies in your day, and I thought I'd seen some real doozies in mine... HELL, I've had some real doozies in mine, or so I thought! This monstrosity was seriously 3 inches wide and like ... at LEAST 6 inches vertically! And it wasn't like it was on the side where we could cover it with hair or a high neck sweater, no, it was on her fuckin' throat! I tried putting makeup on it, and I felt like a mortician! I think the only way to divert attention from it would have been for me to slit my own throat, but even then they still would have noticed it!" ~Kirsten, on trying to cover her sister's monster hickie (And what a glorious way to close out 2004)

1.1.05 - "Yeah well all I really do anymore is go to work, go to class, and go to the bar... and if I'm not actively doing any of that, it's only because I'm outside havin' a quick smoke." ~Kirsten

1.2.05 - "My mom sends me money every week for food... but what Pam doesn't realize is that I'll spend 20 bucks stocking up on 32 cent boxes of off-brand macaroni and cheese and ramen noodles, and I'll eat a box of crackers for dinner, just so that I can spend the rest of the money on alcohol and cigarettes... my goal is to cut down for the spring term." ~Kirsten, on having priorities.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Another day, lazily spent doing nothing. GLORIOUS!

Read my books, watched some movies, went to Bonefish Grill for dinner. BRILLIANT!


I'll give you the entry you deserve later... as for now, tracks and quotes will have to suffice.



Incubus - "Drive"

Primitive Radio Gods - "Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with a Quarter in My Hand."


12.29.04 - "I know the drought is a big thing right now, but I figured I could take you out to have a nice meal and maybe take your mind off of it for a day." ~Mom

12.30.04 - "So I may have wanted to play with your boobs, is that so wrong? ... [later in conversation] I still want your boobs. Really, I DO. They are nice. " ~Andrew, my former neighbor

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Track of the day - Simon & Garfunkle, "I Am a Rock"


Yep, that's right folks, I'm a rock. A rock with slutty red toenails.

I tried everything else, so the toenails must be it. The last time I was home (which was in the summer and just after the last time I was kissable) I got a pedicure. Since the last time I got any love from a boy preceded my last pedicure, I'm thinking that the little Vietnamese, or Filipino, or Laotian or whatever pan-asian woman who scrubbed and rubbed my feet might have scrubbed and rubbed away my magic... This is a sound form of logic... I'm convinced of it! So a little change for the piggies has to be it, right? So we went to Walgreens tonight and I saw some very slutty red nail polish with a very slight sheen, which was just entirely too perfect to pass up, so here I am with my slutty toes. (I think they will look fabulous in my fabulous Charles David open-toed Barbie shoes when I get back to the city where I left them.) This is my last vestigial theory, so if this one doesn't work out and ends up falling by the wayside, I'm in REAL trouble. (Which isn't to suggest that I don't think my current state isn't entirely 100% trouble to begin with.)

Yes, I am aware that I am obsessing over this quite a bit, but I think that given the circumstances a little bit of obsession is warranted. So, yes, my current state is obsessive, pathetic, action-less, slutty-toed, whiny, and TROUBLE.

Part of me already feels sorry for the next boy who deems me worthy of making out with... It will almost definitely go down one of two possible ways; either A) I will be totally unable to control myself and I will end up swallowing his tongue, or B) I will have totally forgotten what I'm supposed to do in that situation and I will have to end up playing possum (and yes, I am aware that the animal name is actually spelled with an O, but I think for this term it's just a P...) (Besides, nothing starts with an O these days... and if you just got that joke, I want to thank you for being here and reading this! And if you didn't get it, then don't let it keep you up nights... because it likely won't... ba-dum-bum.) and should I play possum, my tongue will lay there like a dead carp or somthing-or-other and I will then stand there with a face as red as a baboon's ass, waiting for the ground to open up and swallow me... And knowing my luck, I get the distinct uneasy feeling that IF I should ever get back on the proverbial horse it will almost certainly be with some random guy who ends up being a horrible kisser and wants to lick my forehead, or bite my nose, or something equally weird and gross. (I've got that kind of luck when I've got any luck at all)

The last paragraph had entirely too many animal references... opossums and horses and baboons! Oh my! (Oh god, did I just make that joke? Please say it isn't so!) With that joke I have come to the realization that I'm slowly turning into my mom... (Which is NOT entirely bad, but it's too much to get into right now... that's a whole other entry.) I love you mom.


12.28.04 - "I can't talk now, Kirsten is helping me cover a hickie, but she wants me to tell you she'll call you soon!" ~ Little "Pippen" Tricia "Juancho" McLinden (At least someone is gettin some real life lovin!)

Sunday, December 26, 2004

I must be some sick kind of masochist.

Despite my knowledge and loathing of my drought, I torture myself. It's been 160 days since a boy has even kissed me as we all too painfully know... And in spite of knowing this, how am I spending my free time at the homestead? That's right, I'm watching whole seasons of "Sex and the City" in one sitting. Yep, I guess I've come to be of the belief that if I can't get any kind of lovin, I might as well watch other neurotic women get action and then either find a way to screw it up themselves, or to come to the inevitable conclusion that men really suck. Yeah, if I can't have it, I'll watch other people have it for a little bit (thus masochistically torturing myself) and then watch it crumble (being a little bit of a relationship sadist for the fictional world)... This is my life. (And I'm really starting to think that I really suck at it.)

Everyone who has been so kind as to tell me that I'll make it through this dry spell, give me advice on how to break it, how to get through it, etc... well, if you're not my mom, you all certainly sound like her. Examples:
  1. No, Liz, you're beautiful...
  2. You're funny, smart, cute, and any boy that can't see that doesn't deserve you.
  3. You're going to look hot and you're going to go out and some boy is just going to throw himself at you.
  4. If your bra and panties match, you can rule the world, and nothing can stand in your way.
  5. If you just stop thinking about it, and relax it will happen.
  6. It's gonna happen as soon you least expect it.
  7. You don't suck at life.
  8. You're a talented, sweet, loving, giving, genuine girl, boys don't know how to respond to that these days.
  9. Oh, I know this cute guy... I could set you up!
  10. Well, you've always got Dave.
To these 10 most commonly heard lines, I must almost invariably reply the same 10 ways:
  1. Thank you for saying so, but I disagree... and apparently so do all the acceptable boys on the face of the earth, so at least I agree with them on something!
  2. They might not deserve me, but I deserve to at least make out with one of them, right?
  3. I've looked hot every time I've gone out in the last 160 days and look where that's gotten me.
  4. I have worn matched bras and panties every time I've gone out in the last 160 days and look where that's gotten me.
  5. I was relaxed until day 125, when I realized it had been that long since anything had happened... and in that 125 days of relaxation and not thinking about it, I got nothing then either.
  6. (See #5 and change to "Not thinking about it for 125 days")
  7. I do suck at life and apparently the men can smell the pathetic on me... it's like a 160 day old musk!
  8. Boys might not know how to respond to my good qualities, but what am I supposed to do? Not be so awesome?
  9. The "cute guys" are NEVER cute.... they end up being like Santana or Favier.
  10. Yes, Dave loves me, and I love Dave... but I've got one word for you: BALTIMORE.
I highly doubt that there will be any kissin on New Year's, so that leaves me holding out hope for Florida... if I get nothing there, GOD HELP ME!

I am convinced that I have a form of adult- conversational- A.D.D.


You know what? I got Play Doh for Christmas and you didn't. And that makes me cooler than you.


I had a post a while back full of things that I randomly thought up during the day... and today I got the answer to one of the questions I've wondered for quite some time about! I had always wondered if people who are raised in a bi-lingual household, when they are thinking to themselves in their head, which language they thought in... and today I got to ask Mendez... (Spanish and English speaker, on the off chance that you are either new, or were illiterate until now.) And so now I finally know... she thinks in English.


A boy I used to be friends with once told me that I had a cute nose and that he wanted to bite it... I just thought about that today for no particular reason, and I'm still a little weirded out by it... and I still don't understand how it was supposed to be a compliment as he said it was. (I'm very befuddled)


"Befuddled" is a great word. And it doesn't get nearly enough play!


I am getting new socks tomorrow. I couldn't be happier about this! Although it doesn't mean I'll be throwing out all my old socks... even though they are all the same and most the ones I'd be throwing out have holes in them. (I'll probably throw out the ones with the BIG holes.)


By BIG holes, I mean big enough to get a whole toe through...


Why are you still reading my mumblings?


I love Bill Murray... I'd love him even if he wasn't a Cubs fan, (but since he IS a Cubs fan, he's that much more awesome!)


I forgot to wish Mendez a Happy Birthday back on 12/22 and that makes me an asshole... Sorry Mendez, Hope you had a good one kiddo. We're still homies.


I like grape kool-aid... and I drank A LOT of it in the the last couple days... perhaps a little too much.


I like BINGO... I miss going over to the clubhouse at the Glenmary counrty club with my brother and step-sister and playing BINGO when we were kids... that was fun, even though we never won.


I don't know if it's bad that I think 20 bucks is expensive for a plain white tank top... I am still willing to pay it, but I don't like it! (But it is a nice tank top... not like a wifebeater or anything)


I can't find my hairbrush. This is a big problem. I didn't brush my hair at all on Christmas day. (I just threw it up in a bun so that nobody would notice... and they didn't!!)


My brother's girlfriend saw a picture of me being all tan from a summer of lifeguarding and said I looked like Malibu Barbie. (I disagree... I wish I had Malibu Barbie's legs... even if they only bend 15 degrees)


My mom is trying to poison me with expired toothpaste... (Likely laced with cyanide!)

Saturday, December 25, 2004

(Ya jerks!)
(Just kiddin)

(Don't be so sensitive.)

(You'd only be jerks if you celebrated Kwanzaa...)

(And to Mendez, Feliz Navidad... because she speaks Mexican!)



12.25.04 - "Liz, no matter how many girls I date, or how much I like this Karen chick, you're the girl for me!" ~Dave

12.26.04 - "By the way how's the drought going?" ~ Dave, roughly 3 seconds later.

12.27.04 - "Liz, I'm gonna get you the best Christmas present ever... Do you want an Ipod?" ~Dave (Very drunk, but very lovable... I do want an Ipod, but I REALLY don't expect dave to get me one... I think this was one of his famous drunken offerings that I'd never think of holding him to.)


That's right kids, we heard from the ever-elusive Dave.


My sister went to my dad's without me. (All because it took me 20 minutes to return her phone call.) I'm sure that my dad will be upset, but I made an effort in the morning, and I think that should count for something!! (Oh, and Dave wants me to kick his dad's ass, although I don't know why... but if he's going to allow me to call in a couple favors and have it done by other people I know, that's fine... as I doubt I'd be able to manage it myself, despite being the scrapper I am.)


PS - I am aware that Mexicans speak Spanish... when I said Mendez spoke Mexican, that was a joke. (Lighten up!)

Friday, December 24, 2004

I promised that I'd tell you all about "That Guy" (If you don't recall, please refer to the TOTD section of the post from a couple days ago.)

So what is "That Guy?"
"That Guy" originally referred to any incident on TV or film where you find yourself watching a movie or show and you are confronted with an actor/actress who seems to be in everything. The actor/actress in question usually inhabits some small role, (supporting characters, cameo appearances, etc... the stuff these folks gotta do to pay the bills.) and while you can place them in other roles, you can't actually NAME them. Thus these actors/actresses are referred to as "That Guy" as in "You know, THAT GUY, from Shawshank Redemption..." or "Oh, hey, isn't that THAT GUY from that one John Cusack movie?"

"That Guys" are often referred to by their better-known co-stars. And some of the "That Guys" have become so legendary as to make it into the "That Guy Hall of Fame." But of course since it's full of all those actors we just can't name, the list of inductees isn't available... and even if I did give you names, the "That guys" aren't big enough that you'd really recognize them by name only anyway. You get the idea.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Bing Crosby is the devil... He and his WHITE CHRISTMAS MUST BE STOPPED!

I just shoveled my driveway... No, I don't have the longest driveway known to man, but I'll tell you something, when it's buried under a 3 foot thick snow drift, it feels a WHOLE LOT LONGER. And by the end, I stood there in the slush at the end of the driveway, where the concrete meets the asphalt, and I literally cursed Bing and his most famous song. I need to look into finding out something in the way of lodging a formal complaint against the Crosby estate... because I can do without a white christmas. And all those girls I go to school with? The ones who always talk about how much they love the snow? Yeah, I curse them too because they only love the snow since they've never had to shovel through 36 inch drifts of it.

The State Police are all telling everyone to stay home. There are people on the interstate who have been trapped in their cars for 30 hours... and yet, my (pregnant) sister with 2 year old in tow still seems hell-bent on going to Louisville for the Holiday. Well, it's her 4 wheel drive, and I've got the time, so I think we're going... God help us. (Do expect a full recounting of the trip, and exactly how long it takes us)


QOTD - "I think that hell actually has frozen over, and the devil was giving me a preview of coming attractions by forcing me to shovel the driveway today... I gotta stop making fun of people!"

Yep, that's right, holidays make people stupid. (And not just the winter holidays, although they do seem to be the embodiment of stupidity.) It seems to me that around any holiday you really seem to note more incidents of readily available stupidity. Want examples? FINE...

  • People become desperate to fall in love with someone to share a holiday as opposed to being alone again... STUPID.
  • People blowing their fingers (or other body parts, or body parts of friends) off playing with fireworks... STUPID.
  • People driving in 18 inches of snow to go to the mall to wrap up the holiday shopping... VERY STUPID.
  • People burning their houses down trying to deep fry a turkey... STUPID.
  • People paying $100 or more to go to one bar for the evening so that you can be in the company of others who spent entirely too much on an evening that is merely celebrating that we are still smart enough to count down from 10. (But apparently not smart enough to save our money...) STUPID.
These are just a few examples I'm sure you can think of more if you try. (I think this is me being a bit of a scrooge, because right now I'm snowed in and I can only handle so much Bing Crosby and re-runs of a Muppet Christmas Carol (And I like the muppets more than most!) ... It's like knowing that TNT airs 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" and committing yourself to watching it on loop for the whole 24 hours... it gets to be a little much. So I'm being a grinch right now. You'll deal.


I don't like that telemarketers are now calling my cell phone.


I saw an extended trailer for "White Noise" and I'm telling you all now, that if the movie holds up to the trailer even the slightest bit (and I think it will) then this has to be the most terrifying movie ever made. I'm not kidding you, the extended trailer REALLY made me want to soil myself. This will undoubtedly be one of those movies that gives you nightmares for months on end... and will I see it despite knowing this? Most likely. [sigh]



12.21.04 - "I bought you new stuff because I know when you put it on you'll look good, and you'll feel good, and some boy is gonna come up to you and say 'Come here baby!' and you'll totally make out!" ~ Mom. (Yes the drought has gotten bad enough that my mom has gone on sympathy buying trips.)

12.22.04 - "I tried to get 007Taco, but it wouldn't let me!" ~ My big brother and his name for trivia at BW3's

12.23.04 - "THUNDER SNOW!!!"



Mono - "Life in Mono" (I've had this one on loop for an hour and it gets better every time around... It's one of those "That Guy" songs. I'll have to explain "That Guy" to all of you in my readership who don't actively read Bill Simmons... But that's for another day.)

Hoobastank - "Crawling in the Dark" (This was probably their biggest hit before "The Reason" when all of a sudden EVERYBODY liked Hoobastank)

Pete Yorn - "Come Back Home" (Oh, Pedro.)

Sunday, December 19, 2004

After my last post I got curious as to when we last heard from Daver... So, I just checked things out, and we haven't had so much as a comment from Dave since December 2 (on the 11/30/ post) and we haven't had a Dave post since November 19. WOW. SLACKER. Nobody's that busy. (He started a draft on 12.14, but apparently was too busy to finish it and/or actually post it... I blame those crazy snowboarding federales. I'm going to be really upset unless I find out Dave was selected to be a contestant on Supermarket Sweep, or something like that.
You make me nervous.

The semester is all over now. THANK GOD. My system was so thrown off by all that studying and whatnot that the weekend was pretty much ruined. Basically I don't think I've ever slept that much over the course of a two day period. Friday, after my second final I went to work, then came home and slept. I got up in time to go out, got all gussied up for the masses, had Mendez (who was WASTED!), Joshua, Alana, Ben, over [Edited at request] and we had a few rounds around the peninsula and after a while we realized that it was midnight, so if were going out, we needed to get on it. So we headed for the el... and we didn't get on a train. Yup, drama kept us from getting on a train. That is something we won't get into... but suffice it to say that I was not pleased about having put forth all the effort to make myself presentable in addition to the cost of the roughly 2 pounds of makeup I put on... (Just kidding, it was really only about a pound and a half.) and then we didn't even end up going out to the bars. (Like I noted in my away message, I don't think Friday should be counted against me because lord knows that in spite of my total exhaustion, I put forth the effort, and it was not my fault that we never made it to the bars as I had planned... this is why I was disgruntled the other night, and I have not intention of really getting into it, because I'm not salty, shit happens, and it's over now.)

Saturday I got up, went to the post office, got made fun of by a homeless guy, went to the bookstore where I was promptly violated. (Apparently I so grossly abused my books by NOT opening them, that they were devalued to the point of being worth only 62 dollars... down significantly from the original 450 I paid.) This is madness. Then I went to work, and you all know how that goes... On my way home I stopped to pick up some hot pockets ... (they're on sale this week, you know) and that pretty much brings us up to speed, because I've done little more than sleep, watch televised sports, and do some recreational reading. (As you should all know by now, this was my intended plan for how to best spend the break) Me gusta mucho! (Probaby not proper spanish I know, but I really don't give a damn)


I (Heart) James Franko


Dave has been abducted by the yetties again!


As for the drought, I'm tired of people telling me to just relax, and not think about it. Believe me when I tell you that relaxing and not thinking about it is an impossibility. After 152 it's all I can do to keep from making out with the TV whenever there's a hot guy on... P.S. I've noticed that Calvin Klein perfume commercials are the hardest to watch. And believe it or not, the commercials for erectile dysfunction come in second. (And I'm kinda weirded out by the fact I'm even bothered by old folks kissin.)


12.18.04 - [Edited at request.]

12.19.04 - "I come from an African American family, Gina. Fried chicken is what kills my people." ~ Crystal Page, courtesy of Sarah V.

12.20.o4 - "I'm starting to think I live in a musical... People around me just randomly burst into song. I swear if I see someone bust out a tap solo, I'm checkin everywhere for cameras." ~Emily S.


Plumb - "Damaged"

Avion - "Seven Days Without You"

Massive Attack - "Teardrop"

I think my fortune cookie called me a sucker... I got both fortunes in the same damn cookie... First off, the odds of getting 2 fortunes in one cookie are pretty slim... The odds of getting these two together has to mean something.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

I am officially disgruntled.

Disgruntled is offically defined as 1) Discontented. 2) in a sulky state of dissatisfaction.

So, I am not salty, I am disgruntled... but it's 3:18, so we'll get into this later.

Friday, December 17, 2004

It's 11:37, I should be reviewing for my consumer psych final (which is my only non-8:30 final, instead being at 1:45,) but I am too tired to absorb any information, so I figure this is an equally good way to spend a few minutes. I hate to be repetitive to those of you who have been around me lately, and I hate to keep being "Debbie Downer" but this no sleep business SUCKS ASS. I'd say if I had to guess how much sleep I've had since last Saturday, I'd guess in the range of about 18 hours... Sleeping the standard 8 hour night for the same amount of days would mean I should have at least 48. Which means that I'm operating on nearly 2/3 total sleep deprivation. QUALITY.

Basically, that means that once I do crank this last bitch of a test out, I'm going to work, where I will do very little, and then I will go home... And I WILL SLEEP. (Although I've note entirely ruled out going out and/or drinking this evening... Because the drought does take precedence.)

Ok, enough of this malarkey, it's time to get back to business and go review so I can bitchslap this last final... Stupid bloody consumer psychology... I don't want to think about mindful mass marketing strategies, and the combinatorial methods of Fishbein and Aijen, and the reasoned action theory... it's all a buncha hooey!

I shoulda gone to clown college. (I'd be a straight A student)

A Very Special Birthday Shoutout to Christine K.
It's Chris' Birthday!!
A fabulous new game! It's PIMPTASTIC! (Thanks Sally)
Second, third and fourth levels are awesome. (First one is kinda cracked out.)
And you can even shoot craps while you wait!
Jennie sent me this Thursday. I've seen it now in a couple of different forms, Chris K. has another form of it in her office, but I still found the little diddy applicable either way:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

So Yeah, I think that applies.

Quotes are up to date, here are tracks.

Jane Siberry - "It Can't Rain All the Time"

U2 - "Electrical Storm"

(I know too many Jennie, Jenny, Jennifer, Jens... and that's a fact.)

Thursday, December 16, 2004

We've had another comment from mystery boy spotted! And I still don't know who this fellow is. This is craziness... I WANNA KNOW who this person is!!!

As for finals, 4 down and 2 to go. I'm still trying to figure out how I scheduled my courses so that I didn't have anything before 10:30 AM (And yes, I did this with the very specific knowledge that I DON'T FUNCTION WELL BEFORE 11 AM EVER...) and yet somehow the university thinks it's really funny to mess with my like-minded fellow students and me by arranging the finals schedule to be as follows; Monday 8:30 final followed by turning in a project, Tuesday 8:30 final, Wednesday no finals for anyone (Study day for EVERYONE) Thursday 8:30 final. Friday 8:30 final and 1:00 final... so 4 out of my 5 actual finals were scheduled for 8:30... as for that last one, well, I think it's only because we have that study day off, so an 8:30 was impossible. Meanwhile all those kids who have had 8:30 classes all along? Yeah, they have finals at 10:30 and 1:00 WHY????? SOMEONE EXPLAIN THE LOGIC!
I should be studying, but if I didn't put up these quotes now, I would forget them, and we'd all be at a loss.

12.16.04 -
Liz: "...and I blame all of that for my lackadaisical attitude towards attending classes even now, and if you ask me, I'm still doing pretty well for myself."
Jen Mendez: "wo wo wo did you just make up a word?"
Liz: "No."
Jen Mendez: "Leave that genius lingo at home [Last name redacted]!"

12.17.04 - (E. Kang's away message) So I'm waitin in line at Dominicks & there's this old asian woman in front of me in line staring at me. So I'm like okay whatever. She says to me, "you look like my dead son." I'm like woah... but i ignore her. She turns around again & says, "when I leave, can you please say 'bye mom' to me?"
Okay so I'm totally weirded out but i decided to do it to be nice.
I say it and she leaves. Next thing I hear is "That'll be $101.78." I'm like what? He says, "You're mom said you would take care of her grocery bill."
I'm like, "No fucken way!" So I book out the door into the parking lot. I'm looking around and I see her getting into her car. I run over there and open the door, but she's trying to close it. I finally get a hold of her leg and I try pulling on it. I keep pulling and pulling on it like I'm pulling your leg right now.

(Now that's quality.)
No time for a real post... I must [gulp] STUDY [GASP!]

But here are your regular features

12.15.04 - "Damn that Chuck Norris!" ~ Dave V.

Prince - When Doves Cry

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

There's nothing funny about it...

Yeah, we all know that I've gone through a drought of epic proportions lately, that's no secret. (I knew it was big when I had to start physically turning away from commercials where people kiss... and when I subconsciously knew this had been going on long enough that I felt the need to track down a calendar and actually count the days...) But Now, I fear is has become an even more significant problem. Why you ask? Because I have been trying to slowly generate some interest in this page among my friends, acquaintances, and cohorts... unfortunately my constant focus on the drought has pulled my focus off of what is really important. HUMOR. Ok, yeah, to the casual reader there is some comedy in my suffering, and the occasional recounting of my nights out which all end the same way, but seriously, if I expect to generate ANY new readership, I've really gotta step the comedy back up. Sorry guys, my apologies.

Hey, if I thought I could use the drought as a constant source of humor for the benefit of my readership, I'd keep this up as long as the jokes held out... but I think we all know that at this point, there's REALLY nothing funny about it.

But for those of you who have suffered along with me, poring over every miserable word, I thank you for your personal fortitude. And to the readers who bailed on me because I temporarily lost my touch, well you can go suck on an egg!

Monday, December 13, 2004

Day 146 - Ben came over early in the afternoon to pick up his bag and to let me know that the bet was caled off. As he put it "It was null because we didn't get to go out at all, so it's only fair to give you a fair shake, you know... it's only sportsman-like" The remainder of my day was spent being lazy, watching televised sports, followed by extensive ALL NIGHT study session with Mendez for Brain & Behavior. And as much as we might have laughed about nonsensical info on the brain contained in the book and notes, it was not as pleasant as anyone in earshot might imagine. (Though studying with Mendez made the overall studying and test taking experience as painless as was really possible.)

Day 147 - Spent taking test, turning in project, and napping. That's all.

*NOTE* - Walking into a weekend knowing that you're not going to go out at all because you've got to work and study, and thus not have any chance of gettin any action is not a positive way to segue into finals week. It kinda takes the wind out of your sails and blows your confidence.


I have noticed that I've been having the most cracked out dreams lately. I don't know if finals week has me all wigged out, and that's what has been causing the bizarre crap in my dreams, or what... but I don't like it.


As for Loyola playing North Carolina, well, I'll just say that I love my boys, but WOW. And I'll also say that to lose by only 49 points was a gift... I mean as much as we might try to spin it positively, there's just no way to paint this picture in a pleasant light... here's what I'm talking about Loyola's article on the game in question and North Carolina's version of events. Yeah, there's only so much the wordsmithery of the sports info department can do.


Hey people, what do I want for Christmas???? (Seriously, tell me what I might want... I don't even have the first clue)


12.13.04 - "NO ME GUSTA!" (This was a sentence that could frequently be heard during the B&B all-night study session... and it kinda captured the overall sentiment of finals week in general in addition to the specific final)

12.14.04 -
Nate: "How are you doing?"
Liz: "Ehhhh."
Nate: "Why only 'Ehhhh?' What, did all your husbands leave you?"
(Yes, yes they have all left me to fester and rot all semester long.)

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Saturday - 145.

A little bit more about Thursday night with Ben & Alana; we had a few rounds at the apartment, as usual, then we went down the street to the Andersonville/Clark St. bars rather than Southport... (Trying to change things up in an effort to get things going.) We went to Hopleaf, (A bar I don't like,) and we chatted up our table-neighbors. (I actually got the chance to introduce myself to a guy by saying "Hi, I'm pathetic, nice to meet you." This isn't something I would normally do, but it went with the conversation... so I took the chance.) After a little debate about the mexi-man from last weekend, along came the bet. So Ben just out & out says he thinks I'll make it to at least 175. Alana originally said she'd take that bet, then she upped the ante as I said by changing the deadline to 4 AM Saturday. We then saw a guy who was giving me the eye, he was bordering on unacceptable, but since desperate times call for desperate measures, I was considering grabbing him and doing the bare minimum just to prove Ben wrong and win the bet for Alana... But then Ben spilled his beer all over himself, and looked like he peed his pants, so we had to leave. Damn.

Friday was a super productive day though. I got up, went to both of my classes, filed for graduation, filed all the necessary paperwork for my minor, (only a couple months late) went and spent a while in the jewelry lab, went to work, and got kissed by a boy. (Yes, you read that right! ...But alas the drought still continues. Please allow me to explain.) Yep, I was standing in the cage, talking to Erin about the drought, when Dan comes walking down the hall... So as a joke I turned and said "Now THAT'S a boy I could make out with!" and I turn back to my conversation... well out of nowhere Dan comes up, grabbed my face and kissed me. I was too shocked and suprised by it to take advantage of such an opportunity, so since it wasn't a make-out kind of kiss, the drought officially continues. Double damn.

Saturday I got up, went to the game, worked for a bit, talked to the other cage girls, came home and painted up a storm. I cranked out my theology final project... (I put together one of the worst pieces of art I've EVER done, and I will disavow any knowledge of after this semester. But here's how I look at it, Theology professors don't know a damn thing about technical grading of art, and I have a feeling this prof will be especially generous... and slapping together a piece of worthless art beats writing an 8+ page paper any day!) And I also worked on the next piece in my flower series, and watched some movies... you know, fun stuff.

That's all really. Nothing interesting, or funny as usual, sorry.


While I was talking to the girls at work today I came to the sudden realization that I have not gone on a real rant in quite some time! I mean REALLY, it's been a while! Ok, yes, my daily whining about not getting any action kinda adds up to be a rant, but the thing is, I've not had a big out & out rant for quite a while now. But it's coming. I promise you... IT'S COMING.


Dave honey, I'm going to need your address again... I accidentally tossed the piece of paper that I originally wrote it down on... I know your name, and your street (Because it's funny) and that's all I've got... if you want your Christmas present you're gonna need to send that my way again. (That might mean you'll have to e-mail me, or heaven forbid, call my punk ass... but you know it'll be worth it, if only because you get a present for it.)


12.12.04 - "You guys are exchanging laundry stories? You've gotten that desperate for conversation topics? Wow, that's an all time conversational low... but I guess you were bound to reach it sometime." ~Alan


TOTD (I'm already one behind, so you kids get a few today... so I'm ahead of the game going into finals week)

Lit - "Perfect One" - I seem to have a predeliction for obscure bands and one-hit wonders. Well this band was a one or two hit wonder, and neither of the hits were really THAT huge... and this song isn't one of the hits, so chances are you've not heard it. Give it a listen.

Joan Osbourne - "Lumina" - You might have a slight recollection of Joan Osbourne... she was a one-hit wonder with the song "What if God Was One of Us" and this song is from the same album... I think Lumina is arguably the best song on the whole album... A quality mellow tune.

Beth Hart - "L.A. Song" - Sticking with the obsure artist theme I've got going here, I really enjoyed this tune when it had a brief stint of radio airplay back home (And after many years of owning this album and loving this song, I'm still trying to figure out how the hell any DJs in Evansville ever found out about this tune!) I also rather enjoy the track "Skin" from the same album.

Pink Floyd - "Comfortably Numb" - I'm breaking the theme here, but going with an old standby favorite! It's really impossible to listen to this song and not like it. (This was the first Pink Floyd song I ever heard, and I originally only heard it as a cover... but this song is the reason I came to like Floyd!)


With that folks, I leave you to go study for my finals... (RIIIIIGHT, like I'm actually going to do any studying!)

Friday, December 10, 2004

I called Dave, he's fine... not abducted by pygmies, leprachauns, or, rastafarians. Thank goodness.

Class, work, dinner with Spoolie... followed by Thursday night drinkin.

Ben bet against me. The original bet was that I'd make it to day 175... then Alana upped the ante and made the bet expire at 4 AM on Saturday morning... So basically I have to make out with SOMEONE tomorrow... at this point it's become a matter of principle.

QOTD for today was just too foul to actually type up and publish for the masses... (Really!! I seriously wanted to vomit) But if you really want to know about it, I'll tell you, just ask.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

I think Dave has been kidnapped by terrorists, or hamsters, or a coconut disguised as a terrorist or a hamster, or something... every day when I check my e-mail and such, I look to see if someone has sent me a message demanding some kind of ransom (although I'm poor so I don't know what they'd be asking me for) but it when it shows up it will undoubtedly include a picture of my Dave, blindfolded, clutching a teddy bear in one hand and a copy of today's New York Times in the other.

I worry about that boy!

Dave, if you can read this, stay away from terrorists, hamsters, and coconuts!!

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Shaun is all pissed off because he seems to think he was misquoted. Well you know what I have to say to that? Stop being a whiny bitch and deal with it! (but since you're my boss I'd say it with enough respect to not get fired... but really, if you fired me you'd be up shit creek without a paddle, and I have a feeling you'd be doing a lot more laundry yourself!) But Shaun's complaint prompted me to see if I needed to make a revision in the announcement of quote of the day, noting a paraphrase or something, and I actually checked on that, and if you will kindly refer to the first entry in which QOTD is posted (I've linked to it here for ease of navigation) please note that I did in fact make the provision that quotes might not be exact, but if you have a problem you can certainly present me with the problem and a suggestion for wording on the needed revision. So, basically I just told you where you can stick it.


I was recently talking to SIDintern, Ms Jennifer Westfall about some things, and we got to talking about hair. No, not like "Oh, how am I going to do my hair for the big dance" or "I think I want to drop out of college and sweep hair at a salon for a living" but a phenomenon which occurs when dealing with human hair. Human hair is considered sexy, beautiful, etc. as long as it's still attached to the head. People enjoy running their fingers through the hair of people they know well, and love, people they are friendly and/or intimate with, but the second the hair is no longer attached to the head it suddenly becomes dirty and gross. Think about it, when you find a hair on your clothes, or your sofa, or the floor, even if it's yours or belonging to someone you know and love, you still consider it gross. Funny how the one second between when the hair is on the head and when the hair is on anything else makes something that was otherwise attractive suddenly so repulsive.

*Please note that this entry is ony referring to the hair above the shoulders... so no comments about other hair please.


Ok, so I've talked to about 80 people about the yetti-face-ripping scenario. I didn't keep any formal written results, but based on observed trends, here's what I can tell you:

  • Boys were about 2 times more likely to be ok with looking like Richard Simmons for the rest of their lives than girls.
  • About 2/3 of the people who said they would rather look like Richard Simmons also said something about using their new face to capitalize on his fame.
  • A few people (myself included) who said they would rather have no face said that they would definitely write a book about having no face, and go on Oprah and Montel. (Maury really only does paternity tests anymore, so he's out.)
  • A few responses didn't really fit into either category. For example; Ray-ray said that she'd walk around with a bag on her head that had a smiley face on it. Kippy said she would like to combine the options and have Richard Simmons' fro, but would rather have no face.
  • About 1/3 of all surveyed said they would rather kill themselves than live with either option.
  • Sally Howell has a crush on Richard Simmons because she digs the hair and the shorty shorts.
  • Male athletes were more likely than other males to choose Richard's face (Especially those on the volleyball team... weird.)

Day 142: I've got clean socks again! And somebody is trying to scam my grandpa! (WE CAN'T HAVE THAT! Nobody messes with my Grandpa Oscar!)

Still nothing from mystery boy, and still no boy. (That's no shocker though) And I do think it's safe to say that if I make it to 200, I'm going to need some serious therapy, because we all know I don't wanna call old-mexi-man from the other night to solicit the favor from him... Oh wow... even just typing that caused me to throw up in my mouth a bit.


12.7.04 - "I can't sing, you'd throw things at me... now while I' m very hungry in a cafeteria I might take you up on that, I don't think I'll take my chances in the jewelry lab where you're armed with a torch, sharp things, and heavy blunt objects" ~Lydia

12.8.04 - "Ok, so in this scenario, I'm living in the Yukon. There is a golf course nearby, but it's covered in snow, so it's closed, I live in a cabin out in the woods, where I cook, and hunt for game, but I don't occupy the rest of my time making package bombs or stuff like that, right? [Yes.] Ok, well do I rape men who pass by in the woods? Because I don't want to have any part of this scenario if I gotta rape men." ~Schultzie.

12.9.04 - "I raped your rooster!" ~Random IM from ex roommate Emily.


TOTD - Ozzy Osbourne's "Mama I'm Comin' Home" -Classic, You know it.


I (Y) Jerry Orbach!
Day 141. Still no action, still no word from the mystery boy, still no socks.

That's right, I have no socks... well I have no remaining clean pairs of the socks I like to wear. Tomorrow is laundry day though! (Shhh, don't tell!)

But as for Tuesday, I got up, turned in the paper that I did last night, and then I spent 7 hours in the jewelry lab. Yeah, that's right, 7 STRAIGHT HOURS. RIDICULOUS. But I did get a whole lot done.

Then I came home, only to have the weirdest conversation ever with good ol' fatty (aka Becky) about llamas, the Swedish national anthem, pandas, the JFK assassination and the "magic bullet theory", yetties, Canadian government-subsidized healthcare, and Richard Simmons... (I swear! Every single one of those things was involved in that order in the conversation! There was also a t-rex with laser eyes involve in there somewhere too...) But after that conversation I was left curious about something, so I began to informally poll people with the following question:

Ok, you have been mauled by a pack of wild yetties, and your face is ripped off in the attack, You now have the option of living the rest of you life either with no face at all, or spending the rest of your life with the face of Richard Simmons, what do you do?

(At present this is still an informal survey, but I've already begun to notice areally interesting correlation between certain lifestyle demographic characteristics and which optoin is chosen... please feel free to contribute your two cents to the whole thing!)

I know I'm behind on quotes, and I've got some good ones, but I don't feel like tracking them down to post them... you'll get them soon enough. (Remember all those times when I was early... yeah, so be forgiving!)

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Day 140 was actually pretty productive.

I actually went to 3 out of my 4 classes, (and I actually had a valid reason to opt out of the 4th) I ran by work, and played some cards, shot the shit for a little bit, and wished my B-ball girls luck (sorry that didn't pan out better for you ladies!) I then headed in the general direction of my home, I went to the bank, and when I finally came home I found out that my new knickers had arrived, and then I came to the sudden realization that the paper that I thought was due Thursday was actually, in fact, due tomorrow... er, today rather... Tuesday.

When you come to the realization that you have to write up a somewhat lenghthy consumer psych marketing report analyzing how Nokia could utilize different marketing strategies to boost phone sales, because it's due the following morning, you generally get right on it, right? Yeah, not me. I took a nap.

When I woke up, I had dinner, contacted people I have consumer psychology with, and I tossed around a couple ideas, and then got started. I finished by about 3, and here I am.


I would like to note that there has been much discussion and speculation about the identity of the mystery boy. For those of you who don't recall "mystery boy" refer to the entry for 12.4 which begins with "Ok, so I'm back to loving boys..."

And mystery boy has still made no attempt to contact me and let me know who he really is. (Mystery boy, if you're reading this, you can still email me at, and I promise to keep your identity mysterious to everybody else ... but for the love of god, this is making me NUTS!)


Track of the day - "Novacaine for the Soul" by the Eels
You might have a very slight recollection of this one from several years ago... more likely that you don't but there's a slight chance.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

And the Sahara has grown by yet another weekend... (I blame Jennifer because she said the d-word before we went out... thus jinxing it all.)

We went to lakeview lounge, which was kinda scary, then down to southport, and we ended up in Messner's. It was at Messner's where Alana accidentally stepped backwards, and her heel crunched a bone in my foot. We went to the ladies room, where some random drunk girl suggested I put my foot in the sink and run cold water over it... (There's only one sink in the bathroom, so even if that would've fixed anything, which obviously it wouldn't, I wouldn't have put my foot all up in the only sink.) So yeah, I've got another drunken injury to my credit.

We came out of the bathroom, grabbed a seat, and proceeded to get hit on by... well... nobody. And just when I had resigned myself to another boy-less night out (with a broken foot), which has become all too typical for me lately, things got worse. A short little middle-aged mexican fellow, sits next to Ben and tries to strike up a conversation with us. (Side note: As if it isn't hard enough to hear someone in a crowded bar, add in a very thick accent which makes the person that much harder to understand, then combine that with the fact that the guy is old enough to be your dad, and in general, not what you're looking for, but he sat down anyway and stayed... pretty much killing even the slightest glimmer of hope to get hit on by any respectable boys... you getting the picture?) And so the whole night is becoming increasingly bleak.

Don't get me wrong, I know how to give the unwanted guys a blowoff, even in periods of severe drought and desperation, but old mexican guy was buying drinks... and not just for me, but for my friends as well. And so I basically took a hit for the team, sacrificing my high hopes for making out with a cute boy, so that my friends and I could keep drinking without incurring great expense, and those of you who have been out to the Chicago bars know that it can be quite an expense (especially for poor college kids!) And at the end of the night Mexi-man gave me his card, with his number scrawled on the back of it in kindergarten-style print, with words misspelled, and the number hardly readable. (I half expected one of the letters in his name to be printed backwards... it's that bad) If I suddenly obtain access to a scanner, I'm scanning in this card so that everyone else can see too! REALLY! And I definitely gave him the rejection hotline phone number. (Ben got kinda upset with me for that... but I'll be damned if I'm gonna have a dirty old guy like that calling my real number... we don't need a repeat of the Santana incident!)

So we got into a cab, and began our ride home, and our cabbie definitely got into a little fender bender out in front of Nick's (which we opted to skip in light of our cabbie's poor, yet supposedly sober, driving skills... and this is supposed to convince me that I'm better off with a DD? Well yeah, I am better off with a DD, but WOW! This is just nuts.)

And today I woke up with a limp, an old mexican's phone number, and another quality drunken adventure story for the masses... It's all for you kids!!


12.5.04 - "Oh, you know what you should do, put your foot in the sink, and run cold water over it... because you know it only takes 10 pounds of pressure to break a foot!" ~Drunk girl in the bathroom at the bar... I don't know how she thought cold water would fix my foot, but that was her advice!

QOTD for 12.6.04 is a conversation I had with Nate G. about his away message, as for quotes, take from it what you will:
Nate: "my roommates just found out I could fart on command... they were pleasantly surprised"
Liz: "how is that possible? you can just compel gasses to move through your system at will, so that it reaches your bottom at the commanded time? I mean it's different for burping on command... that's on the other end of the system! I'm impressed man, REALLY."
Nate: "i suck it in... from my butt"
Liz: "ummm, I don't know whether to be totally grossed out or really impressed"
Nate: "yeah, neither do most people"


TOTD - Bob Dylan "Most of the Time"


And since my stories of personal humiliation always find their way here, I'm adding a little something for you kiddies!

The Count-o-Drought: Presently standing at 139

Yes, that's right it's been 139 days since I've even made out with a boy.
And yes, I'm aware that's

Saturday, December 04, 2004

It's 6:30 PM on a Saturday night... gettin ready time! Well, I'm already dressed, and the hair isn't going to take much time tonight, so I've got a little time for you. (Aren't you lucky!)

Basically I'm writing a blog entry because I am tired of folding clothes, and I don't want to talk to anybody online because they might mention my (you know what) and if you don't know what I mean by a "you know what" then go back and read the last few entries... you might get it. And if you still don't get it, think something on the order of the SAHARA, or something similar. Yeah, the wheels are turning.... You're almost there!! C'mon, say it! YUP! You got it, congrats.

(I'm not saying it though, and if you say it to me, I might have to stab you in the face with my half-round jeweler's file.)


TOTD - "Nobody Loves Me" by Portishead. (I'm being lame lately and tying the track of the day to my current situation... I know I said I wouldn't do that, but desperate times call for desperate measures!)
Ok, so I'm back to loving boys... even though they don't love me AT ALL at the moment. (This is a positive announcement because a while ago I was totally HATING boys, and then I revised it to having a renewed faith in boys... and now I love them again) I'm loving them again on the theory that perhaps they will love me too (eventually)!

As for the recent comments, I have racked my brain trying to figure out who this mystery person is... The other day I got a comment which said, "if i wasn't involved... and if i had the chance to meet you again... god damn it i would date ya! you are a beautiful person... on the inside and the out.....and i hope that you don't give up... just maybe you should stop looking for it... and it might find you

Friday, December 03, 2004

I just gotta say it, I love my friends. you are all fabulous folks who love me despite all my nonsense and my mistakes and my stupidity... YOU'RE SUPER!

I went to BOTH of my classes on Thursday, and I went to work afterwards... (Quite an accomplishment all things considered.) But I got an A- on my Philosophy of medical ethics paper (the one I wrote at home over break approx. 4 hours before it was due) and I got a QOTD from consumer psych, and then I went to work, where I found out that my boss was paying me for hours I'm not entirely sure that I worked and I trounced Christine K. in some card playing fun... I did drop one game to her however, and I've never been happier about losing!!! (Chris N. kinda made a fool of me though when I was playing a game of 13 with myself *13 is a form of solitaire, so it is not uncommon to play alone* because I was making a sheet to remind myself which royals went together with what, because I'm an idiot like that... and well, apparently he thought I couldn't add to 13 either... but I still love him.)

While at work I taked to my mom on the phone. And when I told her that I would likely meet up with Alana for dinner, she said, "Well, then I imagine that you're going to be doing a lot of drinking tonight then..." I told her no, and she was all proud of me for being a sober champion, and then of course I met up with Alana and we polish off a couple bottles of wine (One VERY large bottle, and one normal bottle, plus some beer...) I am shamed... sorry mommy.

But I got spoolie and Ben in thefacebook!!!! (So that makes me happy!)

And when I left alana's, both spoolie and ben were REALLY concerned about my well being... (despite my repeated efforts to convince them that I was sober enough to get home safely) which makes me love them all the more. (Although I do still need to finish the story about the pocket vagina for Kerry!)

Dave and Kirsten still haven't called me, but I still love them immensely because they are two of the coolest people I know outside the greater chicagoland area!


12.2.04 - "I seriously didn't even remember you were in this class until I saw you walk in here today!" ~ Anne McCormack (A girl who is in my consumer psych class)

12.3.04 - "No, seriously, take this and use it as cab fare to get home... because I'm not getting you anything else for christmas!" ~Ben G.


Elliot Smith - "Between the Bars" (Because I'm a lush!)


Feel better Jennifer! Stop being a sickit punkin!

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Snow is the sniper of meterological occurrences. It is silent! And frequently you don't even know that a snow has fallen until you wake up in the morning and look out the window, and BAM! Like a bullet from the long-range rifle of a killer who was only waiting for a clear shot, it hits you. CRAP. You're left thinking to yourself, "Not only is it cold outside, it's cold, and there's snow on the ground, so the bottom of my pants is going to get all wet and gross from having to tromp around in it, and my feet will be cold and wet because I'm a jackass and I didn't buy boots yet. STUPID WINTER... I shoulda moved to Bermuda!"

Well, kids, we've been hit by the sniper.


I am not a believer in horoscopes by any means, or tarot card readings, or palm reading, or any of that other nonsense, but that doesn't mean that I don't occasionally check things out to see what some hack thinks is going to become of me... it's a little harmless fun, and after composing that last entry I decided to go to where I have a free account, (I would never pay for that nonsense, but it's fun on occasion) and I decided to check things out. I wanted to see if I did a tarot reading what it woud come back at me with...

You know what it told me? It basically said, "DAMN, you suck at life right now! Go away and think about ways to improve on your lonely misery before we find out you're contagious and your horrible affliction rubs off on us!" Great... I can't even fool an unmanned tarot reading website... basically I've gotta be oozing bad karma and lonely vibes from every pore. OUCH!


TOTD - Meredith Brooks - "What Would Happen If We Kissed?" (Yeah, I'm tempting the fates by putting this one up as track of the day at present, but you know what, I DON'T CARE! It's not like I've got anything to lose!)