Monday, March 30, 2009

Hey there, remember me?

Sorry I've been so terrible to you kids lately! You've done nothing but shower me with affection and praise, and I've been neglecting you like a wicked stepmother who forces you to live in the windowless basement and have only mice for friends... I could've made a "People Under the Stairs" reference there, but that would make me that creepy lady who gets all freaky with her brother, and despite living in the South, I don't get down like that.

Anyway, I promise that I have a good reason for neglecting you. And it all has to do with the fact that I'm kind of a big deal. You all know about my new job, and while having a respectable job in this economy is news enough, I have already made a name for myself, because I learned in one WEEK what it took my predecessor nearly a MONTH to learn. That makes me awesome. It also makes me very tired, because not only have I had to learn it, I've had to explain it to pretty much everybody down here who knows me, one at a time. They run into me at church, or at the grocery, or I get invited to their house or whatever, and then, one at a time, people will congratulate me on getting a good job so fast, and then ask what it is that I do. I take the time to explain to them the basics, and then they get all confused, so I have to give them more detail. Usually around the time I finish telling someone the gist of my job, someone else shows up and the whole cycle starts over. It is flat out exhausting. Add to that the fact that my weekends are spent at the kids' sporting events, babysitting the kids, trying to find the parts to fix my car, and looking for a good deal on an apartment in a reasonably safe area of town, and well, that really rounds things out. Are you tired of hearing me whine about how busy and awesome I am now? Because I'm fucking BEAT!

My cousin Frank has repeatedly suggested that I take up adult rec sports or other means of meeting people because he basically wants me to find a dude and get married already. I don't know about you kids, but if I could find the time to breathe I'd be happy, let alone trying to breathe while making out with someone... I mean that'd be nice and all, but I've been here less than a month, and already landed the job and have narrowed down the apartment search significantly... I figure the boy will come around given time.

So if you've been wondering why the hell you can't get your regular dose of the poop house chronicles, calm down. The remaining posts are in the pipeline. It might take a little time to get to them, but this has been a pretty significant shake-up for me, and I'm trying to get the dust to settle a little bit. If you're that antsy, go back to the beginning and refresh yourself... Gorging yourself on poop house posts ought to be enough imaginary-sensory overload to slake your thirst for a little while... In fact, if you go back and read them all at once, I'll commend you for keeping your lunch down.

That's where we stand.

Get it?

Got it?


Sunday, March 22, 2009

In case you were wondering,

I nailed it.

This is yet another reason that I am so much happier below the Mason-Dixon.

2.5 weeks of job searching landing a REAL job that does not involve poop houses or cashiering, versus three months of job searching and getting stuck behind a cash register and doing hourly restroom checks and having to clean up other people's vomit and explosive diarrhea messes. Salary versus hourly. Benefits and 401k versus no benefits and wanting to chop my legs off at the knee because my feet hurt so badly from standing for 9 hours at a stretch.

Things are WAY better here.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Could it be the best day ever?

We know that I'm a junkie when it comes to the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. That has clearly been established in years past. And in more recent posts, we've established that I'm a fan of my new home in the South.

So I'm really hoping that the stars are aligned to make this the best day ever, because not only is it the first day of game play in the tournament, but I have an interview that I totally think I'll nail! Couple that with the fact that the weather is spectacular, and after my interview is over I'm headed to the family lake house for a long weekend of tournament viewing, boozing, hooting and hollering, game playing, basketball watching, jet-skiing, bracket busting amusement. Basically, if I get this job on top of everything else, this weekend is going to rock the house. I'm trying not to get my hopes up so high that I totally choke, but I'm pretty damn excited.

After consulting with the Admiral in our annual tournament selection series, and discussing the job interview, (because she does pretty much the exact job I'm interviewing for,) I'm feeling pretty confident about this nonsense, and all I have to do is make that easy layup... Though if I don't get the job, I will totally revise that figurative language to reflect something on the order of a Hail-Mary- buzzer-beater- half-court shot, as opposed to the bunny shot of an unguarded layup... Or for the few tournament nerds out there, I will equate it to the year that Kenyon Martin went up for an easy layup and came down only to snap his leg like a twig, and crush the hopes and dreams of 90% of the tournament enthusiasts, all of whom had Cincy winning it all that year because he made them unstoppable. I'm really hoping that this doesn't go down like that.

So keep those fingers crossed for me sports fans, (and all non-sports fans who love me enough to want me to get a damn job). If you enjoy reading anything here, you really need to keep those fingers crossed, because getting a good job means that I can finally afford to get my computer fixed and post more frequently because I won't be spending my down time looking for a damn job.

It's going to be awesome, I just know it!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Before I forget...

I know that I haven't posted in over a week and then I followed it with two posts in under an hour, but I do want to make a couple of quick points.

  • First, I apologize for not checking in on many of your blogs recently. And I certainly haven't been much for commenting since a few months ago when my computer went bonkers... I've lost most of my bookmarks as I use my cousin's computer here, and seldom have time to go through the whole sidebar to catch up with everyone.

  • Secondly, (albeit much more importantly,) I know that many of you couldn't give a rat's pink ass about this, but I want to point out that BRACKET DAY IS RAPIDLY DESCENDING UPON US, AND I FOR ONE COULDN'T BE MORE EXCITED! You all forget from year to year that this is better than Christmas for me, because it gives me a totally fail safe excuse to drink beer and consume buffalo wings while gorging my auditory and visual senses with NCAA Men's Basketball nonstop for days on end. (It stretches over a couple of weeks by the finals, but in the later rounds there are days with no games in there and clearly those days totally don't count!)

  • Thirdly, I still get regular updates from people who continue to work for my old employer, (The poop house job, not the retail job,) and from what I gather, the shit is REALLY hitting the fan over there, and believe it or not, they are actually FIRING some of the more dedicated people who are not only WILLING to do the worst job on earth, they are, or rather, WERE totally COMMITTED to the job... This all sounds crazy to rational people and continues to make me happy that I told those bitches to suck it when I did.

Thank you, that is all... If you haven't already read it, there is a new post below, but these surreptitious thoughts and addenda came after the fact and therefore stole the heading thunder.

There's a place where people are actually HELPFUL?

So, I've been here for almost two weeks. Most of my time has been spent settling in, getting to know the lay of the land, and looking for a job. It was the latter of which that had me so perplexed, and I'm still a little surprised by what I've found.

I know that in past posts, and in my general conversation, I've mentioned to anyone who will listen that the news has regularly reported that Ohio was the state hit hardest by the recent economic recession. And while I've only relocated to one state since the market upheaval, I must say that the bleak picture in Ohio is an accurate one when compared to my new homeland. Around here, while people talk about the recession, and jobs aren't exactly overabundant, the fact is that there is work out there, and much to my shock and dismay, people are actually willing to do what they can to help a sister out!

Imagine my utter awe at making one phone call and being instantly given three outlets to search for jobs by someone who doesn't even know me. Imagine my jaw hitting the floor as the woman later emails me with two more possible contacts for me to pursue without a moment's hesitation. Imagine my complete astonishment when my cousin gave me another person to call who may or may not know of anything I can do, and upon talking to her for a mere five minutes she's asking me whether or not paid benefits would be a deal breaker. Am I really that good? Or is it just freakin' AWESOME down here? Now, yes, I've had a fair amount of people giving me the cold-shouldered brush off, (FUCK YOU AIG, I DIDN'T WANT TO WORK FOR YOU ANYWAY, YOU BAILOUT-NEEDING, COMMON-MAN-ROBBING ASSHOLES!!! I just didn't have the bad manners or the heart to walk away after the poor sweet little underling grabbed me out of the crowd and tried to get me to talk to her snake oil salesman of a manager.) And I've gotten plenty of the "Well, you need an appointment to meet with anyone in HR, and to do that you have to apply on our website and wait for them to call you," But the fact is that I really do love it down here, and I love that people are friendly and helpful, and that I've got people to talk to at the end of the day, and it's not Ohio... All of which is AWESOME!

Who am I now? I'm all happy and shit... If I don't start busting out Debbie Downer news, you all are going to start wondering what the hell happened to the old Lizzle and leave me! (Well, you wouldn't leave right away, you're still waiting on the conclusion of the Poop House Chronicles!)

I'm telling you, if it weren't for all of the McCain/Palin stickers all over the place, I'd think I'd died and gone to heaven!

Wednesday, March 04, 2009


Hey everybody! I made it safely to my new home in the South, though I must say, the trip was an interesting one! One involving cars spinning out into the median despite near perfect road conditions, and several inches of snow causing traffic snags, and sleeping in the cab of the u-haul when the roads got a little too ridiculous... It was a harrowing journey, and making it through Tennessee was a white-knuckled ride to say the least! But I'm here, and settling in.

Since I'm no longer an Ohio resident, I apologize to all the people who do live there, but I just gotta say, OHIO SUCKS ASS! I mean REALLY REALLY SUCKS ASS! For those of you who don't live there, don't go! And for those of you who do live there, I'm sorry but you need to think about moving... Soon.

And I will say that even though I've only been here for a couple of days, and those days have been spent primarily with my family, everyone I've talked to seems really optimistic about the economy and my quickly finding a new job that doesn't involve cashiering, or doing restroom checks, or fetching carts from a sub-zero parking lot, or cleaning up someone else's explosive diarrhea, or going into poop houses, etc.

I have a good feeling about all of this!

I'll check back soon, until then, stay out of trouble, and make good choices!