Ok, so here's the deal.
I am headed home for a little while. I am flying to my dad's Thursday morning. The family reunion is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday... And it's going to be WILD! After things wrap up on Sunday I'll be jetting back to my mom's place to help her maintain her sanity. I'll be there until the 4th of August. This means I'm going to need your prayers.
I really dislike my hometown.
I left for a reason.
I am also not a fan of the living situation there, because my grandpa, as much as I love him, is a crotchety old man, and my mom is far more patient with grandpa and his assorted fits and behaviors. I will need you to pray for the maintenance of my sanity and hoping that I don't go off on the old man... I love him... But I worry.
This weekend I will be pretty much totally and completely out of contact. I don't even think my phone works out in the sticks where our cabins are. It's kinda remote to say the least.
After the weekend wraps up, I will either be checking in only occasionally, or in the more likely scenario, I will be checking in on you bitches CONSTANTLY in an effort to stave off boredom, or merely postponing my suicide via stabbing pencils up my nose until I have repeatedly poked my brain into a mush resembling oatmeal... SO YOU BETTER BRING IT! (Keep me entertained so that I don't have to track down that pencil... or slit anyone else's throat.)
As for today, I spent an (entirely too large) part of my day trapped on a CTA train, and then visiting with Anthony, because I will be gone the night that he has arranged to go out and celebrate his birthday. So I took him a card, and a cupcake with a birthday candle in it. (Hey, don't knock it, its all this poor girl could manage right now!) And while I was there, Caroline showed up. She's been having relationship troubles lately, so she's not getting consistent action the way she'd become accustomed to getting it... This brings us to QOTD. (And as much as I don't like quoting myself, she demanded that this quote make the page.)
Caroline: "UGH... GOD, I just need a big mug of vodka."
Liz: "Umm, no, you just need a big mug of cock salad!"
(Caroline nearly soiled herself at this point, and demanded it be QOTD, so the fans get what they want!)
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Sleepless in Chicago...
I mentioned to you all a little while ago that my sleep cycle was all wonky lately. Well, after three days of that mess, I took a sleep aid, and slept at a reasonable time and got things back on track... Or so I thought.
With this recent heat, the times that I can sleep have been pretty much be summed up as fitful at best. And so the sleep cycle was once again thrown for a loop. So I tried to nip it in the bud by taking a sleep aid right off the bat. There's only one problem... IT DIDN'T FRICKIN WORK!!!
I took my normal prescription sleep aid at a reasonable hour, wrapped up what I was doing, and tried to catch some Z's... But the Z's didn't come. Instead of inducing sleep, I ended up just feeling funny... You know that point when you've had a heavy night of drinking, and you just want to sleep, but you can't? It's like the room is spinning and you just want it to stop so you can rest, and you know that if you'd had another drink before deciding to call it a night, you'd be passed out, but you know if you had another drink now, that in all likelihood you'd end up barfing up your dinner, and probably your soul... Well yeah, that's how I felt. And basically I didn't get the slightest bit of rest.
It's 6:37 AM and I haven't slept yet... nor do I feel tired enough to rest now.
This is WRETCHED.
With this recent heat, the times that I can sleep have been pretty much be summed up as fitful at best. And so the sleep cycle was once again thrown for a loop. So I tried to nip it in the bud by taking a sleep aid right off the bat. There's only one problem... IT DIDN'T FRICKIN WORK!!!
I took my normal prescription sleep aid at a reasonable hour, wrapped up what I was doing, and tried to catch some Z's... But the Z's didn't come. Instead of inducing sleep, I ended up just feeling funny... You know that point when you've had a heavy night of drinking, and you just want to sleep, but you can't? It's like the room is spinning and you just want it to stop so you can rest, and you know that if you'd had another drink before deciding to call it a night, you'd be passed out, but you know if you had another drink now, that in all likelihood you'd end up barfing up your dinner, and probably your soul... Well yeah, that's how I felt. And basically I didn't get the slightest bit of rest.
It's 6:37 AM and I haven't slept yet... nor do I feel tired enough to rest now.
This is WRETCHED.
An oldie, but a goodie...
I don't really have much of anything new and interesting to tell you, so I figured I'd just bust out a story that gives me a chuckle every time I think about it...
As soon as I could legally work, I trained and sought employment as a lifeguard working for the city department of parks and recreation. It was a fun job that I worked year-round and I loved it most days. There were occasional days when I would want to strangle many a pool-rat child, but more often than not I really enjoyed myself. I enjoyed it so much that I would frequently work 80 and 90 hour weeks, working all 7 days and padding my paycheck with extra hours spent coaching swim team, teaching group swim lessons, contracting out private lessons, and working specially booked after hours pool parties. Like I said, I really liked what I did. I liked it so much largely because of the people I worked with.
I worked hard, and I was rapidly promoted. And I spent three of my six years on the job with one of the cushiest jobs in the department... And EVERYONE knew it... But because I was good at my job, and I knew how to treat my staff, it was a good deal all around. Unlike some other facilities, my pool was always immaculately clean, the chemicals were on the money, the paperwork was all in order, and the supplies were fully stocked.
I worked as a city lifeguard for 6 years. Five of them good.
At the beginning of the fifth year, the job of my department supervisor was given to the father of a friend of mine. You'd think that would be a good thing... It wasn't. The guy who was put in charge had NO CLUE what he was doing, and he alienated everyone who did know how to make things run like clockwork. (Myself included.) He instituted policies that made NO sense, wasted staff time, effort and energy. It also pissed me off, ROYALLY. At the end of the summer season my fifth year, (what I thought at the time to be my last year because I was intending to stay in Chicago the following summer.) Well, at the end of that season all of the mid-level staff members were asked to complete performance evaluations of people who were both under their supervision as well as evaluations for those who supervised us. And since I was not one to let things slide... And since I thought it was my final year on the job I was VERY VERY honest on my evaluation of my supervisors.
Well, the sixth busy season rolls around and I still needed a job to get me through the summer, so I checked into getting my old job back. Well, the supervisor I reamed in my evaluation was still in the position to decide what, if anything he could do with me... He was displeased by my evaluation of him, so we sat and went through it, word for word. And in my SUPERIOR BULLSHITTING skills, I made him rethink his original perception of the negative comments I left for him the year before. I gave it my all, because I knew that if I didn't I'd be up a creek with no job and no income for the summer... As it turned out, THE INCOMPARABLE DICKNOSE BOUGHT IT! Bought every word of it. But at that point the jobs were all assigned. So I couldn't have my regular cushy job... But he offered me a regular guard job with head guard pay and none of the head guard hassles... I took him up on it.
The hitch? I had to work under a head guard who was insufferable, incompetent, and useless. So basically I knew that if I took this position I would almost certainly spend my hours at work trying to quell the competent staff who were always getting their orders from the idiot above them. (Basically, the staff was mine, the pool was mine, the head guard duties that sucked went to the head guard, and when she tried to pass orders down the chain of command, I would alter them slightly to make sure there would be no mutiny among the staff. I also found ways to amuse myself and the other guards at the expense of the idiot "in charge."
So one day while performing the basic opeining-up procedures, before the idiot in charge arrived. (Yeah, I had a key to get in before she was there, because like I said, it was my staff, it was MY pool.) So as I unlocked the facility and readied it for use, and started sweeping the deck, I noticed something strange. An object on the deck...
Now it's not altogether unusual for kids to see that everything is locked up, and that the staff has gone home for the day, and so they decide to hop the fence and get some unsupervised swimming in. But there's a catch... When they go swimming unsupervised with the pool all locked up, the bathrooms are all locked up too.
That object I see on the deck? Its a GIANT, and I do mean GIANT, TURD. No, I'm not kidding... It was huge. Stop whatever else you are doing. Hold out your right arm with your elbow at a 90 degree angle. Now imagine that nothing past your wrist exists... Now imagine that nothing past your elbow exists. Now take that forearm that you have left floating in front of you, and imagine its not your forearm, but a great big turd... YEAH. It was THAT BIG!
There it is, plain as day. About 7 feet from the edge of the pool, out in the open. Just lying there... if it were possible for turds to show pride over their position and size, this one would have been smiling, I have no doubt. As such I just left it where it was, and went about my business of cleaning other areas off the facility.
As other staff members strolled in, they came over to me to see what was going on, what they needed to do, and what the hell I was stealthily giggling at. It was then that I turned their attention to the object on deck. I laughed heartily as they strolled over to find out what I already knew. I laughed convulsively as they found out for themselves what I already knew. I EXPLODED with laughter as they responded to what they saw lying on the deck, toasting in the morning sun.
Taryn's response: "OH MY GOD, SICK!"
Brian's response: "OH GOD, GROSS! Did you do that so that we don't have to open? Because if you did I'm jealous I didn't think of it first." (For the record, no, I didn't do it! I just found it.)
Terra's response: "EWWWWWWWW!"
Brittany's response: "EW EW EW EW EW!! That's the sickest thing I think I've ever seen."
Nick's response: "WHAT THE... WHO DOES THAT!?"
My response to Nick's response: "Well, whoever did it, they are about 9 lbs lighter!"
And so you can see that the whole staff has arrived at this point, and there is still a turd on the deck of the pool that we are supposed to have open for public use in about 15 minutes. Then Stefanie (The much detested, useless head guard that no one on staff likes) rolls in.
"Hey guys! What's going on, are we ready to open?"
My response was the only intelligible one. "UHHH, NO."
"Why not?"
"Umm, you see that thing over there on the deck?"
"Yeah, why? What is it, and why is it there?"
"You can go over and check it out for yourself. It's there because nobody on staff here is willing, or is paid enough to deal with it, so we left it for you."
"What? What is it?"
"Go look."
She proceeds to walk out and see what's there. She comes back and looks at me.
"What do we do?"
"I don't know why you're looking at me, I am not cleaning it up... I'm lower on the pole here... I don't think that GIANT shit falls in my range of ascribed duties."
"But we've got to open! What do we do?"
"YOU have to go out there and clean it up... because none of us are willing."
"But HOW? How do I clean it up?"
"You don't know how to clean up solid shit? You really are useless."
"I'll get your stuff ready and tell you what to do, but I'm not doing it."
"OK."
I outfitted her with latex gloves, a 5 gallon bucket of disinfectant, a pushbroom, a hose and a biohazard bag in which to dispose of the smiling turd. I told her to put the gloves on, double bag if she'd like, and go out and pick up the turd, put it in the biohazard bag and run that to the biohazard receptacle we have outside the facility that is emptied regularly. You then dump the bucket of disinfectant over the infected area, and scrub it with a broom. Leave the disinfectant sit for 8-10 minutes and then wash it away opposite the pool using the hose.
Well we never got that far.
She put the gloves on went out to pick up the turd and apparently it broke up in her hand. And then a wasp, (which she was terriffied of) flew up to her. Prompting her to flail wildly. And she flailed so wildly that she ended up with shit ALLLL OVER HER! All of the shit that didn't end up on Stefanie eventually went into the biohazard bag, but oh Stefanie... She was damn near covered in shit.
The rest of the staff, myself included, laughed heartily at her expense, and questioned how exactly a person can get what appeared to be a solid log of shit all over herself in a matter of only a few seconds... We laughed some more, and Stefanie began to cry. And I don't have to tell you, that tears from the despised useless one only further fueled the hyena-like laughter coming from the rest of us. We told her to go home and shower and we'd hold off the opening until she got back. (I devised this compromise because it greatly benefitted the whole staff.) We didn't have to open on time because she wasn't there, so we got an extra hour of paid time on our asses, and she got to shower the shit off of her body in the comfort of her own home. It was a win-win.
And I got a legendary tale that still makes me laugh!
As soon as I could legally work, I trained and sought employment as a lifeguard working for the city department of parks and recreation. It was a fun job that I worked year-round and I loved it most days. There were occasional days when I would want to strangle many a pool-rat child, but more often than not I really enjoyed myself. I enjoyed it so much that I would frequently work 80 and 90 hour weeks, working all 7 days and padding my paycheck with extra hours spent coaching swim team, teaching group swim lessons, contracting out private lessons, and working specially booked after hours pool parties. Like I said, I really liked what I did. I liked it so much largely because of the people I worked with.
I worked hard, and I was rapidly promoted. And I spent three of my six years on the job with one of the cushiest jobs in the department... And EVERYONE knew it... But because I was good at my job, and I knew how to treat my staff, it was a good deal all around. Unlike some other facilities, my pool was always immaculately clean, the chemicals were on the money, the paperwork was all in order, and the supplies were fully stocked.
I worked as a city lifeguard for 6 years. Five of them good.
At the beginning of the fifth year, the job of my department supervisor was given to the father of a friend of mine. You'd think that would be a good thing... It wasn't. The guy who was put in charge had NO CLUE what he was doing, and he alienated everyone who did know how to make things run like clockwork. (Myself included.) He instituted policies that made NO sense, wasted staff time, effort and energy. It also pissed me off, ROYALLY. At the end of the summer season my fifth year, (what I thought at the time to be my last year because I was intending to stay in Chicago the following summer.) Well, at the end of that season all of the mid-level staff members were asked to complete performance evaluations of people who were both under their supervision as well as evaluations for those who supervised us. And since I was not one to let things slide... And since I thought it was my final year on the job I was VERY VERY honest on my evaluation of my supervisors.
Well, the sixth busy season rolls around and I still needed a job to get me through the summer, so I checked into getting my old job back. Well, the supervisor I reamed in my evaluation was still in the position to decide what, if anything he could do with me... He was displeased by my evaluation of him, so we sat and went through it, word for word. And in my SUPERIOR BULLSHITTING skills, I made him rethink his original perception of the negative comments I left for him the year before. I gave it my all, because I knew that if I didn't I'd be up a creek with no job and no income for the summer... As it turned out, THE INCOMPARABLE DICKNOSE BOUGHT IT! Bought every word of it. But at that point the jobs were all assigned. So I couldn't have my regular cushy job... But he offered me a regular guard job with head guard pay and none of the head guard hassles... I took him up on it.
The hitch? I had to work under a head guard who was insufferable, incompetent, and useless. So basically I knew that if I took this position I would almost certainly spend my hours at work trying to quell the competent staff who were always getting their orders from the idiot above them. (Basically, the staff was mine, the pool was mine, the head guard duties that sucked went to the head guard, and when she tried to pass orders down the chain of command, I would alter them slightly to make sure there would be no mutiny among the staff. I also found ways to amuse myself and the other guards at the expense of the idiot "in charge."
So one day while performing the basic opeining-up procedures, before the idiot in charge arrived. (Yeah, I had a key to get in before she was there, because like I said, it was my staff, it was MY pool.) So as I unlocked the facility and readied it for use, and started sweeping the deck, I noticed something strange. An object on the deck...
Now it's not altogether unusual for kids to see that everything is locked up, and that the staff has gone home for the day, and so they decide to hop the fence and get some unsupervised swimming in. But there's a catch... When they go swimming unsupervised with the pool all locked up, the bathrooms are all locked up too.
That object I see on the deck? Its a GIANT, and I do mean GIANT, TURD. No, I'm not kidding... It was huge. Stop whatever else you are doing. Hold out your right arm with your elbow at a 90 degree angle. Now imagine that nothing past your wrist exists... Now imagine that nothing past your elbow exists. Now take that forearm that you have left floating in front of you, and imagine its not your forearm, but a great big turd... YEAH. It was THAT BIG!
There it is, plain as day. About 7 feet from the edge of the pool, out in the open. Just lying there... if it were possible for turds to show pride over their position and size, this one would have been smiling, I have no doubt. As such I just left it where it was, and went about my business of cleaning other areas off the facility.
As other staff members strolled in, they came over to me to see what was going on, what they needed to do, and what the hell I was stealthily giggling at. It was then that I turned their attention to the object on deck. I laughed heartily as they strolled over to find out what I already knew. I laughed convulsively as they found out for themselves what I already knew. I EXPLODED with laughter as they responded to what they saw lying on the deck, toasting in the morning sun.
Taryn's response: "OH MY GOD, SICK!"
Brian's response: "OH GOD, GROSS! Did you do that so that we don't have to open? Because if you did I'm jealous I didn't think of it first." (For the record, no, I didn't do it! I just found it.)
Terra's response: "EWWWWWWWW!"
Brittany's response: "EW EW EW EW EW!! That's the sickest thing I think I've ever seen."
Nick's response: "WHAT THE... WHO DOES THAT!?"
My response to Nick's response: "Well, whoever did it, they are about 9 lbs lighter!"
And so you can see that the whole staff has arrived at this point, and there is still a turd on the deck of the pool that we are supposed to have open for public use in about 15 minutes. Then Stefanie (The much detested, useless head guard that no one on staff likes) rolls in.
"Hey guys! What's going on, are we ready to open?"
My response was the only intelligible one. "UHHH, NO."
"Why not?"
"Umm, you see that thing over there on the deck?"
"Yeah, why? What is it, and why is it there?"
"You can go over and check it out for yourself. It's there because nobody on staff here is willing, or is paid enough to deal with it, so we left it for you."
"What? What is it?"
"Go look."
She proceeds to walk out and see what's there. She comes back and looks at me.
"What do we do?"
"I don't know why you're looking at me, I am not cleaning it up... I'm lower on the pole here... I don't think that GIANT shit falls in my range of ascribed duties."
"But we've got to open! What do we do?"
"YOU have to go out there and clean it up... because none of us are willing."
"But HOW? How do I clean it up?"
"You don't know how to clean up solid shit? You really are useless."
"I'll get your stuff ready and tell you what to do, but I'm not doing it."
"OK."
I outfitted her with latex gloves, a 5 gallon bucket of disinfectant, a pushbroom, a hose and a biohazard bag in which to dispose of the smiling turd. I told her to put the gloves on, double bag if she'd like, and go out and pick up the turd, put it in the biohazard bag and run that to the biohazard receptacle we have outside the facility that is emptied regularly. You then dump the bucket of disinfectant over the infected area, and scrub it with a broom. Leave the disinfectant sit for 8-10 minutes and then wash it away opposite the pool using the hose.
Well we never got that far.
She put the gloves on went out to pick up the turd and apparently it broke up in her hand. And then a wasp, (which she was terriffied of) flew up to her. Prompting her to flail wildly. And she flailed so wildly that she ended up with shit ALLLL OVER HER! All of the shit that didn't end up on Stefanie eventually went into the biohazard bag, but oh Stefanie... She was damn near covered in shit.
The rest of the staff, myself included, laughed heartily at her expense, and questioned how exactly a person can get what appeared to be a solid log of shit all over herself in a matter of only a few seconds... We laughed some more, and Stefanie began to cry. And I don't have to tell you, that tears from the despised useless one only further fueled the hyena-like laughter coming from the rest of us. We told her to go home and shower and we'd hold off the opening until she got back. (I devised this compromise because it greatly benefitted the whole staff.) We didn't have to open on time because she wasn't there, so we got an extra hour of paid time on our asses, and she got to shower the shit off of her body in the comfort of her own home. It was a win-win.
And I got a legendary tale that still makes me laugh!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
::Sniff:: ::Sniff::
Hey... :
:Sniff::
Does anyone else smell bacon?
Is there someone having a barbecue around here?
No?
Oh... Wait. That's just the smell of my own flesh cooking as it sears in this godforsaken heat. Seriously, this wretched swelter needs to come to an abrupt end... Like NOW. I don't think anyone would complain.
I'd escape to the beach and jump in the lake if I thought for one minute I could go into the water without constantly wondering exactly how many hobos baptized themselves in the same general area in the last few days in an effort to assuage themselves or evade heatstroke for much the same reason that I find myself there. The beaches are public domain, after all.
The worst part? Butler jokes that it's hotter than Africa outside, and since I don't have A/C that means its hotter than Africa inside for me too! I considered this line of thinking... And then I looked into it. I checked the average temperatures in the three catalogued regions of Africa to see the average high temperature... And the results were just as I suspected! (Look! This is Chicago, and here are the reports for Equatorial Kenya / Morocco / South Africa. Mind you, these are the averages, and I know for a fact that it's been WAY the hell hotter than 83 in Chicago lately. Right now, 83 is like you're sitting under a tree, in a grassy park, by the lake in the middle of the night. And it's a WET heat. BLECH.)
I wish I were kidding when I mention that I have resorted to taking cold showers at odd intervals throughout the day, and sticking my head in the freezer on a regular basis. It really is THAT miserable.
I'm betting that you are all sick of my whining right about now, so I'll just cut it out before you get mad at me... Its time for another soak in an icy tub anyway!
:Sniff::
Does anyone else smell bacon?
Is there someone having a barbecue around here?
No?
Oh... Wait. That's just the smell of my own flesh cooking as it sears in this godforsaken heat. Seriously, this wretched swelter needs to come to an abrupt end... Like NOW. I don't think anyone would complain.
I'd escape to the beach and jump in the lake if I thought for one minute I could go into the water without constantly wondering exactly how many hobos baptized themselves in the same general area in the last few days in an effort to assuage themselves or evade heatstroke for much the same reason that I find myself there. The beaches are public domain, after all.
The worst part? Butler jokes that it's hotter than Africa outside, and since I don't have A/C that means its hotter than Africa inside for me too! I considered this line of thinking... And then I looked into it. I checked the average temperatures in the three catalogued regions of Africa to see the average high temperature... And the results were just as I suspected! (Look! This is Chicago, and here are the reports for Equatorial Kenya / Morocco / South Africa. Mind you, these are the averages, and I know for a fact that it's been WAY the hell hotter than 83 in Chicago lately. Right now, 83 is like you're sitting under a tree, in a grassy park, by the lake in the middle of the night. And it's a WET heat. BLECH.)
I wish I were kidding when I mention that I have resorted to taking cold showers at odd intervals throughout the day, and sticking my head in the freezer on a regular basis. It really is THAT miserable.
I'm betting that you are all sick of my whining right about now, so I'll just cut it out before you get mad at me... Its time for another soak in an icy tub anyway!
Monday, July 17, 2006
Quantity vs. Quality...
In modern America, we're taught that more is better. Plain and simple. But there comes a point when you really have to question the number produced versus the overall worthiness of the product in question. In this case, the posts.
So here's the question: Do you all prefer to read something that is REALLY funny, maybe once a week, or would you prefer mild entertainment every day?
For a long time I've thought that it's better to have a little laugh every day, but I'm starting to question the (possibly higher) value of that anxiously awaited belly laugh.
Let me know what you think.
So here's the question: Do you all prefer to read something that is REALLY funny, maybe once a week, or would you prefer mild entertainment every day?
For a long time I've thought that it's better to have a little laugh every day, but I'm starting to question the (possibly higher) value of that anxiously awaited belly laugh.
Let me know what you think.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Foreign film night!
Its foreign film night here in the Casa de Lizzle.
Because foreign films make me happy.
On the docket for the evening: (With wine and leftover turkey chili)
I have pictures and stories from the weekend, but I want to get to my movies, so just check back in later on.
Because I said so, THAT'S WHY!
Because foreign films make me happy.
On the docket for the evening: (With wine and leftover turkey chili)
- Y tu mama tambien
- Amelie
- The Motorcycle Diaries
I have pictures and stories from the weekend, but I want to get to my movies, so just check back in later on.
Because I said so, THAT'S WHY!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
I don't know what the hell is going on...
I have had a WEIRD ASS week. So what do I do? I call friends and try to hash out the reason everything has suddenly turned on it's ear.
I call Mellie-Mel, aka Lonnie. Her explaination? She doesn't really have one. She says she has given up on trying to explain the events of this life. That doesn't really help me. But at least she and I listen to the assorted events going on with one another. And that's nice.
I call Kirsten, get her voicemail.
I call my brother, get his voicemail because he is undoubtedly working.
I call my mom, get her voicemail, because she is undoubtedly humoring grandpa and sitting there while he watches Lawrence Welk on PBS... (Sorry momma, THAT BLOWS.)
So what has me so thrown?
Well, basically, I think the earth has spun off it's axis and directly toward the nexxus of the universe. Why do I think this?
Well for starters, I think somehow in the middle of the night, the entire city of Chicago has magically been transported to some latitude roughly equivalent to that of Nairobi, Kenya. FOR REAL. This heat is just insane! When we were wondering where the hell that global warming thing was back in February... Well, we found out! It showed up this weekend! CRIMENY, a girl has to take a cold shower and let a fan blow on her while still damp just to get a little relief! Seriously, I took to watching March of the Penguins and thinking cold thoughts just to get through the evenings.
Also, the earth must be spinning out of control, because it would seem that there is actually a boy interested in dating the Lizzle. (I know, CUH-RAY-ZEEEE!) I'm not going to get into it too much, because ... Well, it's early, and there isn't really much to get into. (That and I don't want to make this blog about my dating mis-adventures... And believe me, if that was something I was interested in doing, I could dredge up all kinds of material, none of it pretty.) I'd sooner delve into the rich history of my amusing, psychotic roommate situations... There are ENDLESS testimonials to the fact that I have lived with some serious crazies in my day. (Note to self: If ever hurting for a post, mention just why I love living alone so much...)
I don't know what to make of all this. Any thoughts?
Before I wrap this up, I want to respond to a couple of comments on the previous post:
And then I think I'll have a couple of ice-cold dirty martinis, because they make me drunk and happy ...and they are cold!
I call Mellie-Mel, aka Lonnie. Her explaination? She doesn't really have one. She says she has given up on trying to explain the events of this life. That doesn't really help me. But at least she and I listen to the assorted events going on with one another. And that's nice.
I call Kirsten, get her voicemail.
I call my brother, get his voicemail because he is undoubtedly working.
I call my mom, get her voicemail, because she is undoubtedly humoring grandpa and sitting there while he watches Lawrence Welk on PBS... (Sorry momma, THAT BLOWS.)
So what has me so thrown?
Well, basically, I think the earth has spun off it's axis and directly toward the nexxus of the universe. Why do I think this?
Well for starters, I think somehow in the middle of the night, the entire city of Chicago has magically been transported to some latitude roughly equivalent to that of Nairobi, Kenya. FOR REAL. This heat is just insane! When we were wondering where the hell that global warming thing was back in February... Well, we found out! It showed up this weekend! CRIMENY, a girl has to take a cold shower and let a fan blow on her while still damp just to get a little relief! Seriously, I took to watching March of the Penguins and thinking cold thoughts just to get through the evenings.
Also, the earth must be spinning out of control, because it would seem that there is actually a boy interested in dating the Lizzle. (I know, CUH-RAY-ZEEEE!) I'm not going to get into it too much, because ... Well, it's early, and there isn't really much to get into. (That and I don't want to make this blog about my dating mis-adventures... And believe me, if that was something I was interested in doing, I could dredge up all kinds of material, none of it pretty.) I'd sooner delve into the rich history of my amusing, psychotic roommate situations... There are ENDLESS testimonials to the fact that I have lived with some serious crazies in my day. (Note to self: If ever hurting for a post, mention just why I love living alone so much...)
I don't know what to make of all this. Any thoughts?
Before I wrap this up, I want to respond to a couple of comments on the previous post:
- Darth - Post Apocalyptic humping is fine and dandy when you're involved in the humping, but there comes a point when you hear other people doing it, and after sooooo lonnnnng you just feel like you are intruding on someone else's good time... I guess I'm just not voyeuristic like that. (Also, going to the beach is not the best place to cool off, because the sun beats down on you, the sand radiates the heat back at you from underneath, and you don't have easy access to chilled beverages... Which is why I love the beach at about 80 degrees rather than 97.)
- Brenda - I'll e-mail you my turkey chili recipe if you'd like! (It really is quite good!) And I don't understand people who want the pirate teeth either... I mean you'd think their teeth would get hot wearing that thick yellow coat all the time!
- Deb - I will promptly be visiting you to siphon off your air conditioning and liquor. Also, Jeff IS watching you poop! (Can you believe I used to have a relatively loving relationship with a guy who, in all seriousness, wanted to give that poster to me for my birthday?)
- Joy - I don't know why the comment link does that. Most of the time I don't have a problem with it, but on occasion it happens. I find that if I reload the page or close and re-open the browser it comes back though... Go fig.
And then I think I'll have a couple of ice-cold dirty martinis, because they make me drunk and happy ...and they are cold!
Batteries (and title) not included...
Umm, I don't really know where to begin...
- So I guess I'll just lead off with telling you that my upstairs neighbors have been going at it like mad again. I swear, it's like feast or famine up there, sometimes they don't make a peep for weeks and weeks, and then all of a sudden, BAM! They start humping like the post-apocalyptic repopulation of earth rests solely on them. And right now, they are some sexin' fools!
- I made turkey chili this evening... And it is DEEEEELISH! You should be very jealous because you don't get to try some. VERY jealous.
- (Its turkey chili because I don't eat beef... and turkey is better for you!)
- I think I just saw one of my friends on an old episode of "Wild On." Kendra, was that you?
- Life kinda sucks when your A/C doesn't work, and it's supposed to be between 90 and 100 degrees with 60% humidity all weekend... Looks like I'm going to have to make plans to get the hell away from my apartment for the weekend!
- Anyone want to come with me? We just need to find someplace with air conditioning! ...and liquor.
- Raspberry yogurt is delicious. I believe it is the king of all the yogurt flavors!
- I saw the other day that Paris Hilton announced that she'll be giving up sex for a whole year. To that I respond that even if, one year from now, someone showed unequivocal proof that there is in fact a hell, and that it had totally and completely frozen over, I still won't believe that Paris was able to keep it in her pants for more than three consecutive days. Wait, did I say days? I meant hours, three hours.
- If you click this link, you will in all likelihood have this image burned in your brain forever... But you're too curious not to look, aren't you!
- Has anyone else seen that commercial for the Kenmore Elite fridge where the lady is carrying the obnoxiously large pink cake around all day? Did you notice that she took it with her into the bathroom? And by into the bathroom, I'm talkin IN. THE. STALL! Am I the only person who is totally grossed out by this? Please tell me I'm not alone here!
- Speaking of being grossed out, Nello mentioned in her Thursday 13 that she knew of people who don't use toothpaste on a daily basis. BLECH! That's just foul! If I thought about it, I probably know a few people who don't brush at least once daily... But it's really REALLY disgusting, so I try not to think about it!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
My best friend has lost her pussy... (UPDATED!)
Oh... Honestly. You kids spent more time with your head in the gutter than... Er... Umm... Well, something that spends a LOT of time in the gutter.
I'm sorry to report that dear little Toby has gone missing. As an inside cat, who has been declawed, we worry about him now that he has snuck his way out of the house and into the wilderness. If you live in theColumbus , Ohio
Hi,
I'm sorry to report that dear little Toby has gone missing. As an inside cat, who has been declawed, we worry about him now that he has snuck his way out of the house and into the wilderness. If you live in the
UPDATE!!!! I got this e-mail today.
| |
I just wanted to let you guys know, that there was some sort of miracle, and last night at
(To see Kelly's paint program genius, click here)
Since you asked...
The trademaking process goes a little something like this...
You come up with a phrase that you want to trademark.
You go to this site for the U.S. patent and trademark office.
You click on the trademark link in the sidebar. You can file online or on paper forms that you mail in.
You research the current trademarks to make sure that the phrase is not already in use. (They have reseraching tools for this.)
You then decide what you want your trademark to appear on. (You have to make sure to get all the categories of goods that you want included in your trademark, otherwise someone can use your trademark on goods that weren't covered in your categories, and you have no rights to it.) You pay a fee for each category, and the overall trademark.
Then you submit it to the office, they assign someone to make sure you are the first to pursue a trademark on it, and eventually they get back to you letting you know whether or not you get it. If you're not the first to pursue it, they get to keep your money, so that researching thing pays off. And if you're the first, then it's yours.
And that's how it's done.
Its not hard at all, just a little bit costly, and it's maddening to wait on the approval.
Fortunately, we were the first to think of trademarking, "I want to like you but..." But we filed for two trademarks to prevent knockoffs... It was an expensive, but strategic decision.
And so there you have it!
TA-DAAAAA!
You come up with a phrase that you want to trademark.
You go to this site for the U.S. patent and trademark office.
You click on the trademark link in the sidebar. You can file online or on paper forms that you mail in.
You research the current trademarks to make sure that the phrase is not already in use. (They have reseraching tools for this.)
You then decide what you want your trademark to appear on. (You have to make sure to get all the categories of goods that you want included in your trademark, otherwise someone can use your trademark on goods that weren't covered in your categories, and you have no rights to it.) You pay a fee for each category, and the overall trademark.
Then you submit it to the office, they assign someone to make sure you are the first to pursue a trademark on it, and eventually they get back to you letting you know whether or not you get it. If you're not the first to pursue it, they get to keep your money, so that researching thing pays off. And if you're the first, then it's yours.
And that's how it's done.
Its not hard at all, just a little bit costly, and it's maddening to wait on the approval.
Fortunately, we were the first to think of trademarking, "I want to like you but..." But we filed for two trademarks to prevent knockoffs... It was an expensive, but strategic decision.
And so there you have it!
TA-DAAAAA!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Well, there's good news and there's bad news...
Back in November I told you all that I had a big idea... and that I was trademarking that idea. Well, the time has come! The trademark has FINALLY come through. That's the good news.
The bad news is that given my recent/current employment situation, I have NO money to put into publicizing and developing the product.
For those of you who have spent the last few months anxiously awaiting the trademarked secret, I am going to reveal it to you NOW!
We trademarked the phrase, "I want to like you, but..." As in, "I want to like you, but you're an idiot." Or, "I want to like you, but I'm not that drunk yet!" Since we own the rights to the main phrase, we retain control over what it can and can't be paired with. (This protects us from a legal standpoint because we don't want people to pair it with racial/offensive social statements and then have some pissy soccer mom decide that she's offended so she's going to sue us so that her kid can go to college.)
We do have a LONG list of things that we plan on pairing with the trademark, and many of them had us wetting ourselves with laughter... So we're hoping that once we get some money to really get it out there that it will take off like mad.
You like it? You think I wasted money on the trademark? Let me know what you think! I'm anxious to have a dialogue about this... Now that I can finally talk about it!
In other important news, for those of you who don't already know, Project Runway has started it's third season, and I spent my evening watching and IMing with Marcia. For those of you who are interested, go click that link to Marcia... We felt the same way about most everything. I can't wait to see where this season goes!
The bad news is that given my recent/current employment situation, I have NO money to put into publicizing and developing the product.
For those of you who have spent the last few months anxiously awaiting the trademarked secret, I am going to reveal it to you NOW!
We trademarked the phrase, "I want to like you, but..." As in, "I want to like you, but you're an idiot." Or, "I want to like you, but I'm not that drunk yet!" Since we own the rights to the main phrase, we retain control over what it can and can't be paired with. (This protects us from a legal standpoint because we don't want people to pair it with racial/offensive social statements and then have some pissy soccer mom decide that she's offended so she's going to sue us so that her kid can go to college.)
We do have a LONG list of things that we plan on pairing with the trademark, and many of them had us wetting ourselves with laughter... So we're hoping that once we get some money to really get it out there that it will take off like mad.
You like it? You think I wasted money on the trademark? Let me know what you think! I'm anxious to have a dialogue about this... Now that I can finally talk about it!
In other important news, for those of you who don't already know, Project Runway has started it's third season, and I spent my evening watching and IMing with Marcia. For those of you who are interested, go click that link to Marcia... We felt the same way about most everything. I can't wait to see where this season goes!
Spacewalkers Lose Spatula...
I kid you not, that headline appeared on CNN.com. It was the headline for this article. Now if you actually take the time to read that article, you can see that it would seem that the astronauts have much bigger problems than losing a damn spatula.
... Of course, this was a specially designed SPACE SPATULA, so I totally see the need for concern... You know losing that space spatula is totally a WAY bigger deal than those cracks in the heat shield thing that was responsible for the last shuttle breaking up and burning to a crisp the last time, or the fact that one of the tethers keeping the astronauts from floating away came undone, or the fact that one of them almost lost his safety jetpack... Yeah... That space spatula is definitely the headlining mishap!
... Of course, this was a specially designed SPACE SPATULA, so I totally see the need for concern... You know losing that space spatula is totally a WAY bigger deal than those cracks in the heat shield thing that was responsible for the last shuttle breaking up and burning to a crisp the last time, or the fact that one of the tethers keeping the astronauts from floating away came undone, or the fact that one of them almost lost his safety jetpack... Yeah... That space spatula is definitely the headlining mishap!
I'll make this quick...
I didn't do much today... Looked for a job, made some calls. You know the drill.
My friend Beth was in town on business, so we went out for dinner and drinks downtown and we BS-ed for a few hours. It was lovely. I am now a little drunk, and I have a headache... And since I am not dating anyone neither of these things is a problem.
Please allow me to note that Wednesday will be bringing the biggest TV highlight for me since March Madness... (Because as much as I love my Cubbies, they have been tough to watch this year... It happens, but you gotta stick with your team in good times and bad in order to call yourself a REAL fan.)
What is it you ask?
WHY, PROJECT RUNWAY, OF COURSE!
I love it, and no matter what you say, its a big deal for me... and Y'all know I don't watch tv!
My friend Beth was in town on business, so we went out for dinner and drinks downtown and we BS-ed for a few hours. It was lovely. I am now a little drunk, and I have a headache... And since I am not dating anyone neither of these things is a problem.
Please allow me to note that Wednesday will be bringing the biggest TV highlight for me since March Madness... (Because as much as I love my Cubbies, they have been tough to watch this year... It happens, but you gotta stick with your team in good times and bad in order to call yourself a REAL fan.)
What is it you ask?
WHY, PROJECT RUNWAY, OF COURSE!
I love it, and no matter what you say, its a big deal for me... and Y'all know I don't watch tv!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
My sleep schedule is ALL OUTTA WHACK...
[IMPORTANT EDITORIAL NOTE: I took sleep meds before beginning the composition of the coming post, and as time wears on, the sleep aids take hold a bit more, and well... Let's just say that I am not sure exactly how this is going to pan out or make sense, because by the end the drugs will be working some magic with my words... but I digress... On with the post!]
Seriously, while searching for gainful employment and not getting up at a specific time for current lack of employment, (because there are only so many new listings every day) and being thrown off by that 3 AM yoga session, my body just doesn't know which end is up as far as the sleep schedule goes. I won't get into just how far off my body is right now, because that's incredibly boring to you, I'm sure, and its a little embarrassing for me, but suffice it to say its BAD.
Since I am so far off schedule, I had an hour long conversation with my long lost friend, Kevin. Kevin only now has discovered the Happy Hour, and I hope he is finding everything that this is not the typical blog that people lead you to when people say, "Oh, I have a blog." and then they lead you to some craptulescent toilet overflowing with ego and grandiose notions of thinking they are better than someone, or a depressed puddle where they spill out their "feelings" and by "feelings" I mean they post the lyrics to some depressing song and try to show us that they can relate to the suicidal tendencies that the song might mention, or the deep hole of depression... blah blah blah... We all know those blogs, we've seen them. And the only people who really read those blogs are the people who wrote them, toiling over their every word like this post will be in the running for the next pulitzer, often leaving the better part of any small audience bored beyond belief or totally struggling to get past the opening sentences. And on the off chance that someone gets any real meaning out of any of it, it's perhaps that the writer needs to seek out some kind of counseling services.
I think it's fair to say that that's not what we're about here at Happy Hour. RIGHT??? You guys will back me up here, won't you?
I like to consider this place a locale where I can vent my assorted crap, debase myself to the point where ego doesn't factor into the eqation of happy hour blogging, give you a few laughs, and get me back to where I need to be every day. (Let me know if I'm totally off-base with my assessment of where I'm at.)
But I mentioned I was talking to Kevin, and Kevin is a poet, who is learning that while writing poetry is a very intimate thing, sometimes the outside world needs a little peek in at it... So he sent me a healthy selection of poems and as we turned to blog talk, I offered to post up some of his stuff and see what everyone else thinks too. (If you comment on the poems, please be honest about what you are getting from it, or what you think about it, but at the same time remember that I'd like to maintain a friendship with this boy.)
So here are the selections that I thought I'd post for you kids to see... (And just so we're clear, if in any part of this, he mentions a girl, it isn't me. ) These are not necessarily my favorites, or the ones that Kevin and I will discuss at length, but I am kind of giving you a smaller sampling of the ones I got.
Seriously, while searching for gainful employment and not getting up at a specific time for current lack of employment, (because there are only so many new listings every day) and being thrown off by that 3 AM yoga session, my body just doesn't know which end is up as far as the sleep schedule goes. I won't get into just how far off my body is right now, because that's incredibly boring to you, I'm sure, and its a little embarrassing for me, but suffice it to say its BAD.
Since I am so far off schedule, I had an hour long conversation with my long lost friend, Kevin. Kevin only now has discovered the Happy Hour, and I hope he is finding everything that this is not the typical blog that people lead you to when people say, "Oh, I have a blog." and then they lead you to some craptulescent toilet overflowing with ego and grandiose notions of thinking they are better than someone, or a depressed puddle where they spill out their "feelings" and by "feelings" I mean they post the lyrics to some depressing song and try to show us that they can relate to the suicidal tendencies that the song might mention, or the deep hole of depression... blah blah blah... We all know those blogs, we've seen them. And the only people who really read those blogs are the people who wrote them, toiling over their every word like this post will be in the running for the next pulitzer, often leaving the better part of any small audience bored beyond belief or totally struggling to get past the opening sentences. And on the off chance that someone gets any real meaning out of any of it, it's perhaps that the writer needs to seek out some kind of counseling services.
I think it's fair to say that that's not what we're about here at Happy Hour. RIGHT??? You guys will back me up here, won't you?
I like to consider this place a locale where I can vent my assorted crap, debase myself to the point where ego doesn't factor into the eqation of happy hour blogging, give you a few laughs, and get me back to where I need to be every day. (Let me know if I'm totally off-base with my assessment of where I'm at.)
But I mentioned I was talking to Kevin, and Kevin is a poet, who is learning that while writing poetry is a very intimate thing, sometimes the outside world needs a little peek in at it... So he sent me a healthy selection of poems and as we turned to blog talk, I offered to post up some of his stuff and see what everyone else thinks too. (If you comment on the poems, please be honest about what you are getting from it, or what you think about it, but at the same time remember that I'd like to maintain a friendship with this boy.)
So here are the selections that I thought I'd post for you kids to see... (And just so we're clear, if in any part of this, he mentions a girl, it isn't me. ) These are not necessarily my favorites, or the ones that Kevin and I will discuss at length, but I am kind of giving you a smaller sampling of the ones I got.
These Moments Are For You
Amidst all this
I scribe in my little leather bound book.
Meant for genius/brilliance/depth
Every word that leaves this pencil
thinks of you.
Amidst all this
thoughts, contemplation, pondering
there lies a deeper emotion
stirring in my mind – intriguing this body
wishes for you.
Amidst all this
solemnity, solitude, solace
these moments are for you.
Roscoe
How you inspire me!
You do not plead for peanuts
purveying a petulant spot to lie in the grass
watching the new faces come and go
only with faint interest you wait
Ah!
You damńed fly!
I snap at you!
Did I get you?
I wait for your return with unrest.
I get bored, you must be gone.
My time is best spent
…living…
Pure petulance pass the prose
What I feel is that no one knows
the time to sing*
the time to laugh°
the time to cry ^
* Your crazy hippie style
Makes the brown dog smile
° A brief moment to pass
A brief pat pat to sass
^ The brown dog loses its way
But how that dog loves to play
Knot kneading knappy knows
We know I need to love your woes
Take a dip in its warm waters
Get wet
And when you step out of it
You may never be dry again.
Kevin sent me those and several more which I will happily critique for him. But that's more of a thing that he and I will do away from the blogger realm, I just thought you kids might like a little glimpse at Kevin, the modern day straight male poet... Let him know what you think in the comments.
I would like to close this post by noting that I have composed the entire post wearing THESE.
Because wearing them makes me look as strange as I feel while writing on sleep meds.
Monday, July 10, 2006
THIS IS WHY I LOVE MARCIA!!!!!
While I was off gallivanting earlier this evening, I got an instant message from the one and only Pink Shoe. She sent me the latest and greatest in Snakes on a Plane releases.
Someone went and put together a Snakes on a Plane song! And I LOVE IT! Click here to give it a listen. (If you're at work, you might want to pop on some headphones and rock out for a couple of minutes.)
CHECK IT!
Word.
Someone went and put together a Snakes on a Plane song! And I LOVE IT! Click here to give it a listen. (If you're at work, you might want to pop on some headphones and rock out for a couple of minutes.)
CHECK IT!
Word.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
That doesn't work...
Just a quick public service announcement for all of you out there in bloggerland...
If you have been up all day, but can't seem to fall asleep, doing yoga at 3AM will not help tire you out. Yes, it is a good workout, and yes it is good for you, but it will only make you more awake.
Trust me, I am a doctor with a PhD in Awesome, and I am speaking from experience.
Thank you.
You may now resume your regularly scheduled blog reading.
If you have been up all day, but can't seem to fall asleep, doing yoga at 3AM will not help tire you out. Yes, it is a good workout, and yes it is good for you, but it will only make you more awake.
Trust me, I am a doctor with a PhD in Awesome, and I am speaking from experience.
Thank you.
You may now resume your regularly scheduled blog reading.
I'm juvenile... so sue me. (UPDATED!!!)
Riding around the city of Chicago recently, I noticed a few peculiar signs. They were simple signs, featuring a bright red background with only a few words of text, and no pictures or any explaination to really show what the sign was advertising. You might be thinking to yourself, "Well if there was text, wouldn't that show what the sign was advertising?" Simple answer... NO.
Apparently there is one out there that I haven't seen firsthand, that reads; "I'm a hot toe picker."
Of the signs I have seen, one sign read, "The hat sells the sandwich."
Another sign read, "My boogers itch."
And my personal favorite read, "I pooted." (See illustration below.)
Well, after much discussion and juvenile laughter, we finally found out what the signs are for. They are ads for the Cartoon Network... Where we located this rather illuminating explaination.
UPDATE: For an even funnier explaination of that sign, go here, let the "game" load, and put together the first puzzle, the "I pooted" puzzle, (seriously, it'll only take you like 12 seconds and then you get a great animated reward... I'm promising it's worth it.)
Apparently I need to start watching cartoons again.
Apparently there is one out there that I haven't seen firsthand, that reads; "I'm a hot toe picker."
Of the signs I have seen, one sign read, "The hat sells the sandwich."
Another sign read, "My boogers itch."
And my personal favorite read, "I pooted." (See illustration below.)
Well, after much discussion and juvenile laughter, we finally found out what the signs are for. They are ads for the Cartoon Network... Where we located this rather illuminating explaination.
UPDATE: For an even funnier explaination of that sign, go here, let the "game" load, and put together the first puzzle, the "I pooted" puzzle, (seriously, it'll only take you like 12 seconds and then you get a great animated reward... I'm promising it's worth it.)
Apparently I need to start watching cartoons again.
This was the wrong time to start thinking I'd eat right...
When I decided to start working out again and eating smarter, I failed to take into account that the Taste of Chicago was still going on.
Like any self respecting Chicagoan I attended the Taste and sampled the fare.
Turkey started things off with some saganaki... which is the fancy Greek term for fried cheese... But no matter what you call it, its still DEEEE-LISH!
I wasn't seeing anything that immediately caught my eye, so we strolled through the crowd towards the giant ferris wheel...
But then I saw what my real destination was intended to be! (Note the sun beaming over this mecca of sweet chocolatey goodness!)
And in the interest of preserving some remote semblance of health, I opted for strawberries (a healthful fruit,) topped with dark chocolate (which is good for the heart and rich in anti-oxidants!)
C opted for the milk chocolate rendition.
And of course, I had to feel sorry for the kid in the harness...
And for all you non Chicagoans, here's another of our fine landmarks, the Buckingham Fountain, which you may recognize from the opening credits of the sitcom Married With Children.
I also enjoyed some delightful crab legs, and a sampling of funnel cake... Seriously, who can try to eat wisely when you're surrounded by such spectacular temptations?
Like any self respecting Chicagoan I attended the Taste and sampled the fare.
Turkey started things off with some saganaki... which is the fancy Greek term for fried cheese... But no matter what you call it, its still DEEEE-LISH!
I wasn't seeing anything that immediately caught my eye, so we strolled through the crowd towards the giant ferris wheel...
But then I saw what my real destination was intended to be! (Note the sun beaming over this mecca of sweet chocolatey goodness!)
And in the interest of preserving some remote semblance of health, I opted for strawberries (a healthful fruit,) topped with dark chocolate (which is good for the heart and rich in anti-oxidants!)
C opted for the milk chocolate rendition.
And of course, I had to feel sorry for the kid in the harness...
And for all you non Chicagoans, here's another of our fine landmarks, the Buckingham Fountain, which you may recognize from the opening credits of the sitcom Married With Children.
I also enjoyed some delightful crab legs, and a sampling of funnel cake... Seriously, who can try to eat wisely when you're surrounded by such spectacular temptations?
Friday, July 07, 2006
PICTURE PAGES! (Fourth of July Edition)
Last weekend, while momma was here, I mentioned that we went to Alana's annual Independence Day Weekend Barbecue. I also mentioned that my camera fell out of my purse when we were driving home, and that I didn't realize this until momma was already on her way back home. Momma mailed the camera back to me, and so here are the pictures from the event... (Warning: There are old man nipples ahead!)
Things started out calmly enough with a cornhole (bean bag) tournament. Here we see Ben and Jeff strategizing.
Here is a longer shot of the field of play for those of you who don't know about cornhole.
Kerri declares victory, and Heather just holds her beer.
It was also a celebration of Jeff-o's birthday!
It's still pretty calm, but then again, the sun is still up...
Larry harasses John a little bit.
Things heat up as the bocce balls come out! (There aren't more pictures of bocce ball because I was too busy chucking for the green team most of the time.)
Heather, looking like the hotness!
The Wascow brothers! John and Jeff-o! (This picture was taken not long before the farting story I mentioned that nearly had me peeing my pants with laughter.)
The sun has gone down, the liquor has been freely flowing for a while now...
And then the nipples come out.
Ron seems like a pretty tame guy...
And then he just decides to lose his shirt altogether.
Larry shows his off too... like any good host.
And then Mr. Pappas decided he wanted into the club.
And then he played the air guitar to some AC/DC.
And then he decided to dance for a while. (Please note Ron still has his shirt off.)
And he dances some more...
And here's one of me and momma!!!
And Heather and her momma!
These guys just keep going!
And going...
And going...
And going...
...And GOING.
As the late rains drove us inside, we kept on drinking and sitting around watching Jaws.
And at that point we knew that if we stayed much longer we'd never make it home. So we cut out because momma still had to drive home the next day.
And that's that. I hope it's evident just how much fun we have at this thing! (Which reminds me... That family reunion is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER!)
Things started out calmly enough with a cornhole (bean bag) tournament. Here we see Ben and Jeff strategizing.
Here is a longer shot of the field of play for those of you who don't know about cornhole.
Kerri declares victory, and Heather just holds her beer.
It was also a celebration of Jeff-o's birthday!
It's still pretty calm, but then again, the sun is still up...
Larry harasses John a little bit.
Things heat up as the bocce balls come out! (There aren't more pictures of bocce ball because I was too busy chucking for the green team most of the time.)
Heather, looking like the hotness!
The Wascow brothers! John and Jeff-o! (This picture was taken not long before the farting story I mentioned that nearly had me peeing my pants with laughter.)
The sun has gone down, the liquor has been freely flowing for a while now...
And then the nipples come out.
Ron seems like a pretty tame guy...
And then he just decides to lose his shirt altogether.
Larry shows his off too... like any good host.
And then Mr. Pappas decided he wanted into the club.
And then he played the air guitar to some AC/DC.
And then he decided to dance for a while. (Please note Ron still has his shirt off.)
And he dances some more...
And here's one of me and momma!!!
And Heather and her momma!
These guys just keep going!
And going...
And going...
And going...
...And GOING.
As the late rains drove us inside, we kept on drinking and sitting around watching Jaws.
And at that point we knew that if we stayed much longer we'd never make it home. So we cut out because momma still had to drive home the next day.
And that's that. I hope it's evident just how much fun we have at this thing! (Which reminds me... That family reunion is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER!)
Unintentional comedy...
Ok, so I worked out, I did yoga and abs today, (I will say that I forgot just how intense of an ab and leg workout you get from just doing yoga... but I digress.) I am a big fan of the yoga workout because if you do it right you can still get a really good workout without wreaking havoc on your joints, and my knees are a DISASTER, so it's a good thing.
I'd like to note that it's tough to keep my focus on the yoga in the morning, because I live on the second floor of my building, right over the alley, and thus right over the dumpsters in said alley. The difficulty is that since my AC unit is kaput at the moment, and the building manager has yet to replace it, I have to keep my windows open, and a window fan on in order to keep things reasonably comfortable. The smell or garbage warming in the morning sun and wafting up into the apartment is EVER SO DELIGHTFUL in and of itself, but try focusing on holding a yoga pose and maintaining deep nasal breathing while enjoying that scrumptulescent odor as it blows across your face... MMMMM! (If you didn't catch any sarcasm in that last bit, just click away to yahoo games or something now, because if that's the case, I don't want you as a reader anymore.)
The unintentional comedy comes in here because after I was done with my yoga, and went to do the ab workout, (it's one of those ab workouts with a yoga ball.) I went ahead and did it but laughed at the guy on the workout tape, because he was just so unintentionally funny to watch... So what did I do, after my workout, I thought it might be funny to see the tape in fast forward... And I think the hearty laugh I had at the expense might have been a better ab workout than the exercises on the tape itself!
Watching people workout is funny. Watching one guy work out alone is either sexy or REALLY funny. Watching one guy work out alone with a yoga ball hilarious. And watching that guy work out alone with a yoga ball in fast-forward speed is just pure unadulterated comedy.
Eh, maybe its just me... At least I found a way to enjoy the workout, right?
I'd like to note that it's tough to keep my focus on the yoga in the morning, because I live on the second floor of my building, right over the alley, and thus right over the dumpsters in said alley. The difficulty is that since my AC unit is kaput at the moment, and the building manager has yet to replace it, I have to keep my windows open, and a window fan on in order to keep things reasonably comfortable. The smell or garbage warming in the morning sun and wafting up into the apartment is EVER SO DELIGHTFUL in and of itself, but try focusing on holding a yoga pose and maintaining deep nasal breathing while enjoying that scrumptulescent odor as it blows across your face... MMMMM! (If you didn't catch any sarcasm in that last bit, just click away to yahoo games or something now, because if that's the case, I don't want you as a reader anymore.)
The unintentional comedy comes in here because after I was done with my yoga, and went to do the ab workout, (it's one of those ab workouts with a yoga ball.) I went ahead and did it but laughed at the guy on the workout tape, because he was just so unintentionally funny to watch... So what did I do, after my workout, I thought it might be funny to see the tape in fast forward... And I think the hearty laugh I had at the expense might have been a better ab workout than the exercises on the tape itself!
Watching people workout is funny. Watching one guy work out alone is either sexy or REALLY funny. Watching one guy work out alone with a yoga ball hilarious. And watching that guy work out alone with a yoga ball in fast-forward speed is just pure unadulterated comedy.
Eh, maybe its just me... At least I found a way to enjoy the workout, right?
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