Friday, October 10, 2008

Someone Asked...

When last I posted, someone asked in the comments what I was up to rather than composing the next poop house chronicles post. Well, here's the answer.

I've been applying and interviewing like a rational person, and contemplating my birthday like a fool.

I went for two interviews on Thursday. The first one seemed promising via phone, but the second I walked into the building I KNEW it was suspect. From the muzak being pumped into the next room to the fact that they were willing to interview guy wearing ratty jeans and a polo, the second I walked in the front door, I knew that this ended badly. I stayed in the office, despite the fact that I already knew where this was going.

I talked to the receptionist. She seemed somewhat short of completely vapid and devoid of information. She complimented my watch. I assumed since she realized it was an expensive watch, she wouldn't lead me awry without divulging information about the situation into which I was being introduced. A moment later, I was greeted by the gentleman who had called and recruited me to this facility. He greeted me warmly, and asked fairly pertinent questions... He then stated that someone else would be leading a group presentation. This was the giveaway. Trying to be polite, and knowing that I didn't have to be at my next appointment for another couple of hours, I sat, I listened.

Before the schpeil even began, I knew what was coming. And despite being seated in the second row, I could tell that there was at least one other person who also knew, but remained seated as well. At this point a fairly attractive female came to the front of the room and began speaking. She talked about the growth in the "wellness industry" and she talked about the company foundations, and the benefits of direct marketing. She then noted that we would not be expected to do direct marketing.


After the conclusion of her initial speech, and her powepoint presentation, it was more than a little bit clear that this was a pyramid scheme. And not only that, it was a pyramid scheme in which they lured people to presentations, based on the possible promise of a REAL job, but upon which the were preying on the dumb, and using them for their personal information and contacts. Not being dumb, I sat through the inital presentation politely... As did the person in front of me who I also previously mentioned I did not find to be completely stupid. As soon as the lights resumed normal levels of functionality, she stood up, as I did, and she walked to the guy who talked us both into showing up. She noted that this idiocy wasn't for her... Although she used more polite terms. She walked out. I then spoke to the guy myself. I noted that much like the girl before me, this also was not for me. He tried to talk me into staying, and tried to talk me into making the initial investment in the company, if not as a sales rep, then as a customer!

For the bargain price of only $165.95 I coud buy FIVE whole bottles of their product to convince myself of their results! Needless to say, I laughed in his face and said, "No, I think you have me confused for an imbecile. I will not be buying your product, nor will I be selling it for you. I hope you and your hype have a nice day, because you'll be doing it without me."

He tiried to talk me into staying to talk to other people in the office. He tried to talk me into spending money to become a customer so that I became convinced as to the effectiveness of the product he wanted me to shill. I informed him that I was much more concerned with paying my bills and obtaining a REAL JOB as opposed to earning him a commission in a pyramid scheme. I then walked out, following the girl who preceeded me.

I'd like to think that the other 30 people in the room were merely plants solely designated to convince either myself or the other girl that this was something real, but I get the distinct impression that most of them were actually, rather stupidly, convinced by a poorly constructed powerpoint and an only mildly engaging speaker that this was a legitimate job opportunity.

I'd LOVE to think that the second that both the other girl and I were out the door that all the other people in the room were instantly deflated and waiting for the next crop of people to come in the door, but I think a lot of them were legitimately stupid enough to stay on and be conned out of their hard earned money. Either way, it's not my problem.

After I departed from that shit show, I found that I'd wasted barely enough of my time to preclude me from engaging the girl who'd left before me merely by circumstance, and I was left with more than enough time to get to my next interview.

I went to the next interview, I interviewed well, used the poop house in answer format to convince her that I knew what the hell I was doing, while leaving out enough details so as not to terrify her, and I think I got myself a job... Knock wood.

In the meantime, I celebrated a birthday.

I tried to talk to someone with whom I used to have romantic entanglements, in order to celebrate the day properly, but that fell flat on its ass. I talked to my mother who celebrated appropriately that I was no longer in her uterus all these years later, and I'm hoping that at some point this weekend my best friend/roommate will come home to assist me in getting properly drunk and making this birthday count.

But I will say this... No matter what happens on my birthday, this is probably the best one I've had in several years, largely because despite being single, and no matter what the bank balance reads, nor what the other "standard measurments of happiness" say, I have found that I am much happier doing my own thing and pursuing my own interests. I only hope that the rest of the year can go so well!

I've found the bright spot in things for now. And for that, and that alone, I am totally happy.

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