Thursday, March 31, 2005

Full of piss & vinegar and ready to go!

Today I had class with the professor I told off on Tuesday... it was uneventful. (We will see if my outburst has any effect on my grades when I get my quiz back next week.) A few of my classmates approached me before the professor arrived and told me that they were amused and thrilled with my statements and that the professor continued to babble and further detain them after my departure... I was amused at hearing this.


Terri Schiavo dies, her family mourns her loss, and the rest of the world breathes a collective sigh of relief.

Please don't get me wrong, I think that any death is a sad thing, especially for those close to the deceased... and especially under these kinds of circumstances. But here's my take. No matter which side one took on the Schiavo "right-to-die" case, the fact is, it's over, and we can all breathe again.

Yes, it is unfortunate for her parents and others who supported keeping her alive that they lost their fight with the legal system.

Yes it is sad that those who believe in a person's right to die had to come into the spotlight with such a controversial case.

Yes it is unfortunate that all of this happened because people don't think far enough ahead to sign, or at least verbalize, a living will. (Ladies and gents, I hate to tell you this, but the fact of the matter is that you're not going to make it out alive... Death is a part of living, and since you never know when it's coming, you need to be at least partially prepared for it. That means telling MANY of those around you what your wished would be in such a situation.)

The fact is that this case was controversial for a number of reasons, none of which I will get into here... (This has never been a political forum) But I took philosophy of medical ethics and I think there is a strong argument for both sides, and I don't think the U.S. Congress should have been involved... the only branch which should have anything to do with this case should have been the Supreme Court.

I'm just glad that we can move on from this ugly event in our collective lexicon.

I have seen and heard a few different takes on the Schiavo case, and I think that the parents were holding out hope for something that WAS NOT going to happen. Brain matter does not regenerate. However Michael Shiavo seemed to lack any care or compassion for his wife, and that says something.


If you want to try to rehabilitate me in the event I become a vegetable, by all means, do so. But if in the end there is no hope for my recovery, pull the plug.

If there is a chance I could ever recover and have at least a somewhat normal existance, you leave me plugged in.

By somewhat normal, I mean I want to be able to talk to and understand the people who stick with me, and I don't want to be drooling on myself or relying on machines to eat, breathe, and poop.

I think that life is sacred, and not something to be trifled with, but the fact is, that if keeping me alive despite every fact stacked against my recovery is something you want to do, just know it's not for my benefit, it's for you. I wouldn't want to deprive others of medical resources which might preserve the life of someone else who might have more of a chance.


The other day I gave a shoutout to my true friends... that's because you guys can't ever hear someone say "you're awesome" and mean it too often. The fact is that we take each other for granted and we forget to tell those we care about that WE DO CARE... so to you, my readers, and my real pals who might not read on a daily basis, but have stuck by me through some crazy shit, I love you. You are wonderful. And when it comes to it, and the chips are down, I'm glad to know you've got my back.


Much love homies!

I'm going to hell, but this time it's for killing the pope.

Today the pope learned that I am no longer going to be his facebook friend! Poor pope! (I really am going to hell.)

Sunny days... full of comedy.

IT'S A GLORIOUSLY SUNNY DAY IN CHICAGO, (with PM thunderstorms, clearing into a cool damp evening...) Who could ask for more?

I go to class, I go to work. I come home to laundry and room cleaning. All in all, a grand day.

I don't know if it's the sun that has me in such a great mood, or if it's other factors, but whatever it is, I'M LOVING IT! FOR REAL.


Since we're on the topic of good days, check this out... THIS GUY had a good day.


MelJoy is off to the women's final four in Indy. She deserves a day or two off! (Hope you have fun my dear!)


Here's a little something for your enjoyment (Thanks Bret!) I actually had a link to this over there on the side, but I hadn't explored it for a while, and Bret pointed this little gem out to me.



3.31.05 - "I'm not sure how I feel about France. I've never been there, but it seems to be a strange land full of swarthy men in yellow pants." ~Alana


Note to the masses: When everything always seems to be your fault, there will come a time when you stop giving a damn... That's a fact.


I love ALL of my true friends. You guys seriously kick ass, and I consider myself lucky to have you in my life!

"Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends."


My mom told me that I am her hero, how cool is that? (Mel said it too, so I think it's pretty frickin cool... but that's just me)

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

I have a theory... and yes, I am still an asshole.

Today, on my way to class I passed a little old man who squeaked with every step he took. Admittedly, the following thought crossed my mind, "I wonder if that squeaking is from his artificial hip, or just his orthopedic shoes..."

I have my own theory, but I'm going to let you all wonder for yourselves.


And yes, I am still an asshole.

A little back story: I was in my literary drama class this morning, admittedly doing a little last minute review for a history exam which was to follow immediately after... (not that it mattered because we were watching the movie of the play we had just read, and the play was written in movie script form.) But anyway, the professor had said at the begining of class that she intended to pass back our midterms at the end of the class period.

So we watched the movie, and I reviewed for history. After the movie ended there were approximately 30 minutes left in the 75 minute class period. The nameless professor then spent these 30 minutes babbling about an interview that two writers had done with the director of the movie version of the play we just read. (Read that again, just so we're clear.) Yes. She was babbling for the last 30 minutes of class about something several degrees removed from the actual play which is all that any of us were responsible for.

We only had to read the play. She got us to watch the movie. The director of that movie then did an interview with two writers. Nobody in class was aware of this interview, nor were we expected to read it or be aware of its contents... but for some reason it was THAT important.

So, at 12:45 the class period technically ends. It is now 12:45 when she switches gears to talk about the midterm. Most professors would take this time to say "The grades weren't as high as I hoped for, if you have any questions about the grading please read the notes I wrote in the margins and come see me if something isn't clear." And then they pass back the papers... Not this professor. No, she kept us 5 minutes into the between-class-break and was still babbling about technical problems with essays when I reached my breaking point. Yes, class ended at 12:45, and I sat patiently until 12:50 before I got mad... so at 12:50 I raised my hand. (And I said my version of what every other person in that room was thinking but lacked the nuts to say)

Prof: (Responding to my raised hand,) "You have a question? Yes?"
Liz: "No, I have a test in my next class, and I need to go."
Prof: "Your test begins at 12:45?"
Liz: "No, if that were the case I'd already be late. My test starts at 1:00, but I've still got to get over to that class."
Prof: "Well you can go then."

I then stood up, made my way to the front of the room and asked her for my midterm... Yeah, that's right, after all that I still had the nuts to stand in front of all my classmates and collect my test before leaving while they all sat there, still waiting for her to finish her extended lecture. I then walked out as she kept talking and began to pass exams to the rest of the class. (I am such a hard ass!)

It's not my fault that I get impatient when I have other shit to do and someone is already keeping me beyond their allotted time.

If this makes me an asshole, then so be it.


I wrecked shop on my history test, in case you care.


I owe MelJoy and her giant ego five dollars.


I have the cutest little neighbor boy in the whole world! Anthony is WAY cuter than your neighbor boy!)



3.30.05 - "Mel went to science camp? I bet that bitch also went to frickin NASA for space camp! OOOOH, now that I think about it, I'd give my left tit to go to space camp!" ~Jaimie


I've gotten a few complaints/concerned messages about the way the blog has been loading for people lately. So once again, for clarification, if the page is not loading correctly in Netscape or AOL, or some other browser, then please try using the Firefox browser... Firefox is a more secure browser anyway, and it has never failed to properly display the blog. I appreciate your concerns but if you're not going to pay attention when I tell you things, then I don't know why I even bother.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Easter in Schaum-Vegas

I'll keep things brief.

I did Easter in Schaumburg this year. It was a LOVELY time! (Thank you Stephansen family!)

Friday morning I headed out to Schaumpton and we had a lovely time visiting and whatnot before the drinking began. (about 7 PM) And so we drank and watched hoops... and then we went to the bar, where I learned I am a total dumbass because despite being 22 I came to find out that I forgot my ID back in the city. Fortunately it turned out to be a non-issue because the chick on the door decided to take a break from life...

Saturday we slept, A LOT. Watched hoops, and then... GET THIS!


Yes, you read that right! ROLLER SKATING! It was a great deal of fun... and just so you know, Yes the roller rink is still universally the same place, right down to the rectangular pizza and over-sweetened slushies... Even after all these years and over all these miles, some things just don't ever change! (Apparently roller-nazis are universal, too!)

We came home after rollerskating and watched a twisted re-make of Snow White... Sigourney Weaver, seven forest-dwelling miscreants or something... Long story short, someone was on large amounts of crack.

Sunday was Easter of course... where I was exposed to "lamb butter" (butter molded into the shape of a lamb) which probably makes me a hethen, but whatever.We then watched some more hoops and well, I'll just say it was once again not a good day for my bracket... oh well.

Monday morning rolled around and I came home... and here I am. I got my bocce balls, a couple of my books, a couple of hours at work... you know the routine!

Pictures are posted below.



3.27.05 - (Pulling into traffic on Sheridan Rd.)
"I hope nobody's comin'... oop, somebody's comin'!" ~Alana

2.28.05 - "Awwww, people with deformities are so nice!" ~Alana

3.29.05 - "Oh, I know why Larry wanted to date me, I was easy!" ~Kathy (Momma) Stephansen

Alana (plumpy) Stephansen being SEXY, kinda....

Awwww, SHHHHHH!! Heather is sleeping!

Alana and Larry the legendary lobster man of Schaumburg... (Don't ask, you had to be there)

look at the faces of these three characters... you'll see why this HAD to go up

Heather and her pirate shirt.

Heather. Sexy, kinda....

Ben getting all laced up. (Comedy ensues.)

I apologize for the darkness of this picture, but if you look carefully, yes, those are roller skates on Ben's feet.

Yes, the roller rink still serves the exact same greasy rectangular pizza that you remember from 12 years ago.

This has to qualify as some kind of animal cruelty.

Karla, Jeff & Roxie... a cage match to the death

This is Roxie and her teeth... three words "Ludo smell bad!" (Karla knows what I'm talking about)

Lizzle and Jeff-o... Two crazy assholes.

Friday, March 25, 2005

I forgot... Ever get drunk and forget? Happened to me.

Yeah, we went out to celebrate the fact that we are, in fact, sexy bitches, as well as the start of Easter weekend! (Good job Jesus, way to save us all buddy!) ... because lord knows we all need some savin'!!

So the plan was to go out and drink and take lots of pictures... but I got a little Kool Aid mixed with my vodka and I got drunk and forgot. So, there are only the 4 or so that you see below.

As you can see I went out with Ben, Alana, and Heather. What you can't see is that we were met by Mendez and her little brown ass, and her friend Lili... (I think that's how she spells it!) You can't see that because we have no pictures of it... OH LIFE.

Another thing you can't see is the CUTE medical student who was hitting on me... unfortunately his lame friends wanted to go to Nick's well before last call (And as we all know Nick's NEVER gets hoppin' until after all the other bars have closed.) So we stayed where we were and he left. (BOO!!!) We eventually ended up at Nick's and we didn't see him. What a bunch of bunk.

Oh well.

There are other cute med students out there!


And with that I am off to the city of Schaumpton... (A.K.A. Schaumburg.) I'll be back on Monday. I hope you kids can find other ways to amuse yourselves until then. (Go out, get drunk and call me, you might get a mention on the Monday edition of the happy hour!)

Ben abusing his liver and his lungs... BOTH AT THE SAME TIME!!! FRICKIN' AMAZING! I KNOW!!!

Alana and Heather... Two, count them! TWO SEXY BITCHES!

Alana has red-eye because she is the devil... but dammit I love her!

Heather, Ben, and Alana... Three VERY sexy bitches.

I find this shit and it makes me laugh... I am inclined to share!

Thursday, March 24, 2005


Yeah, I didn't go anywhere for spring break, so this is an exciting extended weekend for Lizzle-cake! As you can see in the previous post, I have sworn off the cock! (But only the type with feathers) though the other cock has no role in my life right now either... This is why we're kickin off Jesus's blowout weekend with a man-hatin' drink fest with Mendez (among others.)

There will be pictures.

As for other matters, classes are poop. My dad doesn't understand time zones. My mom buys my affection. I have dirt under my fingernails. My roommate has already departed for easter weekend. I drink just the right amount to keep things interesting. I graduate in May. Your mom goes to college. That tastes like tough actin' Tinactin. Jesus is in my posse. My Beautiful Launderette is a terrible play, but would be interesting as a movie. I am still of moderate political views. I need to take the trash out. J-Dub is sick but working the tournament at All State Arena. MelJoy is an addict. And Pat Schultz is a dirty bastard!

Now that we're all caught up, here are the quotes!


3.25.05 - "If I had a tail, today it would be dragging on the ground, or tucked between my legs." ~A tail-less J-Dub.

3.26.05 - Mel was talking about wanting to be a dentist
Mel: "I love teeth."
Liz: "You might love teeth, but you have to love organic chemistry and biology first."
Mel: "I can learn it... I went to science camp, for the love!"


Special side note: If you have had trouble viewing this page lately, please consider using the Firefox browser... For some strange reason netscape and AOL have a tendency to occasionally distort the display properties of the page, where as Firefox has always displayed the page as it was intended! If you don't have Firefox on your computer you can go here and download it for free!

It is also a more secure browser than netscape!


Yeah, that's right!

You read it here first!


None for Liz.

None for you!





Well maybe one or two more fat cocks!

Get your mind out of the gutter... and you call the cock a filthy animal! Jeez!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I just keep running across this crap...

For all my fellow drinkers out there, perhaps you'll appreciate this little ditty featuring a dizzying array of monkeys!

And I am pretty sure I posted this one for you all last year, but in case you missed it, here's the moon song... (and even if you've seen it, the song retains its humor!)

And then there's SPOON GUARD!!!

And for those of you who are opposed to the use of SPOON GUARDS, try this!

I really don't know how or why I am able to maintain a working mental cache of these ridiculous websites... But whatever.

If this kid isn't your hero...

While out at the bar last night, a song came on, and reminded me that I needed to post a link to a funny video... because I waste a lot more time playing on the internet than I probably should.

Here's the kid!

And if anybody can figure out how THIS GUY can do both of these at once, let me know... I'm frickin amazed!

I'm going to let this picture of Mariah Carey speak for itself.

This one's for J-dub... You think the owner is a dog lover, or a cat lover?

Am I the only one who knows three year olds who are better able to dress themselves when compared to Britney Spears?

I don't know who told her this was cute... but they lied.

The truth about college; 80 Things that the admissions office won't tell you

I've been working on this one for a while... I've compiled bits and pieces of my own experiences, my friends' experiences, and other odd little truths... Here goes nothin'!

1. Quarters will become as valuable as gold.
2. Two meals per day is the standard.
3. You should road trip whenever possible.
4. Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster/breaker before, but it is now.
5. You will begin to nap again.
6. Your bookstore bill will almost equal tuition.
7. Squirt guns = stress relief.
8. Instant messenger becomes an addiction.
9. E-mail becomes your second language. (or in Krystian's case, 5th language)
10. College students can and do throw paper airplanes.
11. You never realized that so many people were smarter than you.
12. College athletics are the coolest things on the planet.
13. Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you wouldn't know, but you can recite last week's re-run of The 70's Show verbatim.
14. Cartoons are for all ages.
15. Disney movies are more than just classics.
16. You will never rent/buy more movies in your life, but if you can't find it at a store, just ask your neighbors... THEY WILL HAVE IT.
17. No one is too old, or too cool for video games.
18. Procrastination is an art form.
19. SNOOD is more addictive than heroin.
20. Thanks to Kazaa/Audiogalaxy/Morpheus, you will never listen to any of your CDs ever again.
21. Before, it never hurt so much to get sick... And believe me, you WILL get sick.
22. The health service nurses are there because they couldn't make it at a real hospital. Never, ever EVER forget that.
23. Care packages will rank right up there with birthdays.
24. Campus is only really clean, and the good food is only offered for Family Weekend and Freshman Orientation.
25. Nothing you want to register for will be open... EVER.
26. Classes...the later the better. If you remember nothing else, remember this.
27. You will no longer be thankful that the fire alarms are here to protect you.
28. Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires.
29. The only time to dress up is when your jeans are dirty.
30. Showers become less important; sleep becomes more important.
31. Night is a relative term, and to the rational college student, being asleep by 2:30 am is an early night.
32. Creativity in the dining halls is KEY.
33. The freshman 15 is NOT a myth.
34. If it's snowing out, the only valid reason you will leave your room is for food or a test.
35. Dishes smell after days of piling up, if you don't learn this one, your own leave it to a roommate to teach you.
36. Cereal makes a meal any time of the day.
37. You will no longer be above eating anywhere that is an all you can eat buffet.
38. You WILL eat anything that is free, and you will go to great lengths to find it.
39. You will discover exactly how many pages you can type under a fast-approaching deadline, and you will learn how to make 5 pages look like 7.
40. Stealing from the dining hall will become second nature.
41. ATM's are the devils advocate. They will become a saving grace and a plague of your existence.
42. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them or lock yourself out of the room more than ever.
43. If you paid more than five bucks for it, don't throw it away when it breaks, because duct tape heals all wounds.
44. If they say you can't have it in your dorm room, they are just kidding.
45. You will come to hate certain elevators with a passion. (BUT ALL STAIRS ARE THE DEVIL)
46. You will begin to negotiate with God even if you have doubted his existence in the past: "Please God, if you let me pass this final, I'll never drink again!"
47. Pictures, posters, emails or anything else we can find to cover the ugly cell we live in, can and will be transformed into wallpaper.
48. Everyone is only nice for the first week. After that, no matter how nice you are, some people just won't smile back. Get used to it.
49. You will realize that you are never alone!
50. You will realize that college is the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky classes.
51) If it's not snowing, one mile is not too far to walk for a party, especially when you consider how much ramen you can buy with the money you'd spend on a cab fare.
52) You will realize at some point that you'd rather clean than study.
53) "Oh man how did it get so late!" will come out of your mouth on average at least once a night.
54) Mom's meatloaf and potatoes become something you desire, not avoid.
55) Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it will eventually come to seem normal.
56) You will find yourself scheduling your classes around sleep habits and soap operas.
57) You know the pizza boy by name, and if you're smart you will tip him whatever you are able.
58) At least occasionally, if not frequently, you will find yourself going to sleep when it's light and getting up when it's dark.
59) You will live for getting mail.
60) Looking out the window becomes a form of entertainment.
61) Prank phone calls will become funny again.
62) You will start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
63) Seemingly ordinary animals like pigeons and squirrels, under the right circumstances, can become absolutely terrifying.
64) Rearranging your room will likely become one of your favorite pastimes.
65) The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday.
66) It doesn't matter how late you schedule your first class, you'll still sleep through it.
67) You can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways. (Take that any way you like.)
68) No matter how 'cool' you were in high school, no one here cares.
69) If you are wearing polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up.
70) Every clock on campus shows a different time.
71) If you were smart in high school, so what? It doesn't matter here.
72) You will most likely go to a party the night before a final.
73) Labs/Art studios take up more time than all your other classes put together.
74) You can know everything and still fail a test.
75) You can know nothing and ace a test.
76) You can get used to almost anything find out about your roommate.
77) Most of your actual education will be obtained outside of class.
78) Friendship all about getting drunk together.
79) You might very well become one of those people that your parents warned you about.
80) Psychology is really Biology. Biology is really Chemistry, Chemistry is really Physics and Physics is really Math.

And a bonus:

10 ways college is like preschool:

  1. You occasionally cry for your mother.
  2. You cross the street without bothering to look for cars.
  3. Snack time is a necessity.
  4. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like because everyone else looks as stupid as you do.
  5. You stay at home and play games with your friends.
  6. Having cool toys makes all the other kids want to be your friend. (Silly putty and pogo sticks have been replaced by playstations and cars though)
  7. Yelling out embarrassing things to your friends over large distances is ok again.
  8. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.
  9. You take naps.
  10. You look forward to grilled cheese sandwiches.

3.23.05 -
Mendez: "If Loyola were a human, it would be Hitler!"
Liz: "Funny, I totally called Loyola a nazi regime over spring break"
Mendez: "That totally makes sense though... IT IS A NAZI REGIME!"

3.24.05 - "Liz, we need to find you a boy!" ~Mel (if only she knew how true that statement was!)

I have turquoise pants. Word to your mother.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

I know I've described the now infamous "Bible shirt" to a lot of you, and depending on who has found their way here, I'm sure some of you haven't seen it. For clarification, it says "Crack a bible.... Get high with Jesus" in lovely sparkly letters. I bought it at a goodwill store in Evansville, IN for one dollar. To this day I regard this shirt as my best purchase under 5 dollars.

I think it's time we had a little talk about paranoia... WAIT! HOLD ON! IS SOMEBODY COMING?

Yeah, as the title would imply, y'all are a bunch of paranoid kiddos.

By y'all, I'm referring to those of you who go out with me and end up with pictures up here. YES, YOU.

I am actually using this one as a quote of the day, because I've heard it a few times here lately: "Hey, um, can you do me a favor and take down that picture of me?" (Now under a certain set of circumstances, I am willing to oblige your requests, though not always.) Basically you kids are terrified that someone is going to see this page and find out that you spent part of your weekend dancing, drinking, and socializing in a bar... Considering you are all over the age of 21, I really don't think that having a picture of you in a bar posted on this measly little page should be the greatest of your worries. (I think part of your paranoia stems from the fact that you grossly overestimate the popularity of this page... REALLY.)

Furthermore, I think it should factor in that as your friend I would never post anything TOO incriminating, and if you were willing to do it in front of everyone else who was around at the time, then it was probably not as big of a deal as YOU think it is.

People come here because a large chunk of the time, I write about funny stuff, and as far as I'm concerned it's relatively intelligent humor. You know what that means? The people who regularly read this are generally somewhat intelligent... and I give them credit for being able to tell the difference between a picture of two people grinding on a dance floor vs. two people grinding elsewhere.

I'm not meaning to get preachy on you kids. You know I love you. And you know that if it's a BIG problem I'll be more than willing to help you out, but seriously lighten up. If you work in the athletic department, and are over the age of 21, it's a pretty safe assumption that you've headed over to Bruno's after a game, right? Well guess what that means... YOUR SUPERIORS KNOW YOU CONSUME ALCOHOL! (Shocker, I know!) But you wanna know something else? They aren't stopping you when they are with you because it's allowed.

Lighten up, I'll keep you out of trouble. And besides, considering where I sit in the gym, and the things I hear and see while sitting there, a picture from a bar is the least of anyone's worries. I know all kinds of dirt that I don't go repeating (UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE) ... So stop worrying, I'm not a malicious person.

P.S. - If you kids are going to ask me to take down pictures of things like say, a certain dancefloor shot featuring you, then do not advocate the posting of less flattering shots of others, like a certain shot of me getting my face licked, or someone else trying to expose my chest to the masses at the bar... We here at the happy hour weblog do not advocate double standards. (Yeah, I said it!)


Now that we've got that all covered, I'm going to go ahead and apologize for being a grump yesterday. I know that you kids don't come here for stories from the more depressing days that occasionally happen... I'm gonna try to stay upbeat for you. (Wink, wink.)


I would like to take this time to thank Jen Mendez for leaving me a comment yesterday saying that she would propose to me if one of use were not female... Strange as it might seem, I understood what she meant, and I take that as a compliment. Thanks Nen.


I've been slacking on the quotes of the day, I'm so very sorry... it just kinda got away from me. Please allow me to make it up to you.


Liz: "Seriously, who are we today?!?"
Mel: "I'll tell you who we are, WE'RE ROCKSTARS!"

3.21.05 - "Liz, I'm in New York, and I'm the LEAST sober of the group... We were going to go out, but then people got too drunk, and we didn't make it out the door... is that bad?" ~Beth H.

3.22.04 - (As promised) "Hey, um, can you do me a favor and take down that picture of me?" ~Multiple sources


Side note to Shane: No, I was not mad.

Side note to Mel with reference to the side note to Shane: "I'M A HAPPY PERSON DAMMIT!"


Special congratulations are due to Shaun, Shane, Mel, Jamie, Molly, and some guy I don't know for winning the intramural championship basketball tourney! Way to go guys! Way to represent!

Monday, March 21, 2005

The grass is always greener... but this post is blue.

Hi, in case we haven't been intorduced, I'm Liz, and I'm an apparently unloveable magnet for weirdness.

Ok, that felt like an introduction at an A.A. meeting... perhaps that was a little bit on the melodramatic side. My apologies. (Just trying to set the scene for you kids as today's entry might not be the typical comedy piece you'd normally find here.) Today the darker side of my personality wins out.

I found a few spare moments on my Sunday afternoon, and so having a computer that works at lightning speeds, I decided to do something I haven't done in a long time... I went "blog rolling." (For those of you who don't know what that means, I clicked that little button at the top and looked at other blogs, all belonging to people I've never met.) You know what I found? I'd say I looked at somewhere around 30 other blogs, and I found about nine in languages I don't speak, four pages trying to get me a car loan, two pages about real estate prospecting, 2 pages preaching uber-right wing conservative religious views, and a whole bunch about how sad life is. Today I'm with them... today, I'm gonna be one of the sad ones.

"Why so blue, Lizzle-cake?" you ask.

Answer: Because in attition to the myriad of bizarre factors that typically comprise my existance, today I'm hormonal. And seeing as I am normally a pretty upbeat person, (despite "being mad all the time,") when I get hormonal, sometimes I get sad. It happens to the best of 'em... and today it got the better of me.

I was watching what is quickly becoming my favorite show on TV, Intervention. And as I sat there watching, I found myself saying "DAMN, these people are really fucked up." And in spite of that fact, in spite of these people having seriously huge problems, the majority of them have a boyfriend or girlfriend... Most days, as long as I'm not in the midst of a makeout drought, I don't care about not having a boyfriend. I admit that it crosses my mind, and I know that with relationships come with a whole other set of issues, but the thing is, I found myself watching Intervention and I couldn't help thinking "Damn, if these folks who have all these horrible addictions and problems can find someone who will love them, and stick with them through addiction and recovery, what the hell is wrong with me?"

Now I'm not looking for someone to support my smack habit, and I'm not looking for Mr. Right... I don't want to get married any time soon, and I understand that I have no concept of the person who I could feasibly spend the rest of my life with at this point in time... I am only 22. But the fact is, at 22 I'm looking for some signs of life out there... just something, anything... a tiny glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel.



............... Nope. Nothing. Pitch black. Damn.

I'm not going to go on and hypothesize about this. I'm not going to waste your time or mine. I'm just sad today. It'll pass... always does. And then it'll be back to the normal HAPPY (MAD) Liz.

*For the record, I'm not holding onto the "ALWAYS MAD" thing out of spite for the person who said it, (I could give a fuck that they said it,) I'm holding onto it because it is SO FUCKING FUNNY!

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies

Friday night... two words: OUTTA CONTROL.

Not much to say about the AM hours, but once the sun went down, the city warmed up.

It was a crazy day on the hardwood too, and my bracket looks like it has been stabbed and left bleeding in an alley... typical really. But that's not important.

Men's volleyball had a 7PM game, and once they finished making short work of Quincy, it was time for the legends of alumni to head out on the town. As you can see in the pictures below, it was a wild night out. I'm not gonna lie to you, some kissing occurred, and Mel and I had a bonding moment... (Get your mind out of the gutter. It was a totally hetero bonding moment.) And while I won't get into details, I'll just tell you it was COMEDY GOLD. (Much love Mel, MUCH LOVE.)

I don't know what else to say, so I'm just gonna let the pictures do the talkin.

J-dub and Lizzle.

J-dub and Mel.

The sexy bitches of Alumni Gym.

This is what we like to refer to as the "Deer in headlights look"

Jamie is tellin people how it's gonna be.

Dana and Mel are totally checking out Jamie's chest. (They are lovely, aren't they!)

Jamie using a straw to violate Pat... (I don't think I'd keep using that straw to drink Jamie)

In typical Lizzle fashion, the shoes had to come off at some point in the evening.



Jamie and some boy I don't know.

Mel and Jamie. PROM 2005

Jamie likes to get a little outta control on the dance floor... (and in life) As if you didn't already know.

Liz and Shane.

Jamie and TALL DAN

Everybody loves a winner...

Note to self: stop hanging out with people who like to lick others.

Typical bar picture, people falling down, people helping them up, people laughing at themselves, and some idiot who has to ruin the picture with a lude gesture...

I think Mel is doing "the hustle" ...though I'm not 100% on that.

Jamie is either really scary, really into whatever it is she's saying, doing her best impression of a charging moose, or some combination of any of the three...

Seriously guys, where IS hot dan? Has anyone seen hot dan?

Mel has "HI" confused with "HIGH" ... either that, or she is HIGH

It's a Jamie sandwich.

Friday, March 18, 2005


Lizzle has her fair share of average days... in fact, Lizzle might have what one refers to as a plethora of average days. It's true. But then, out of the blue, notability (and occasionally greatness) thrusts itself upon one of Lizzle's days...This was one of notability, not of greatness.

First off, it was St. Patrick's day... We Chicagoans love any reason to drink beer, let alone dye it green. So with that in mind, I'll tell you all about my weird day.

I awoke about 10 minutes before my alarm was set to go off because my phone was ringing... fortunately, this time it wasn't my dad calling. Instead it was an A.M. drunk dial from my favorite Irishman, Kirsten McLinden. We chatted as I prepared for the day, and it was good. (As I've said before in the rules of phone ettiquite, it is OK if you wake me up from a pleasant slumber ONLY in the event of death, emergency, or drunk dial.)

I took the Drama midterm I mentioned to you kids before, and that went off with relative ease... I was thrilled to note that we got to pick which plays we wanted to write about with regard to each question. (And since we only had to answer one question, and address only 2 plays no matter which question we picked, and since I'd only read 2 plays, I was pretty frickin happy.)

I then skipped history for a VERY valid reason, and later came to regret it anyway... DAMMIT.

I utilized my extra time gained from skipping history to return home in the middle of the day... (This is when the true weirdness begins)

As I was walking home, I was hit on by a sandwich.....

Please re-read that last sentence and give it a chance to sink in. (I'll wait)






Yes, I was hit on by a SANDWICH. (*And no, I am not on high doses of psycho-reactive substances.)

I know that this is only something that could happen in the city, and specifically could only happen to me in reality, but I still find this somewhat disturbing and yet somehow amusing.

(*It is also strangely indicative of Lizzle's current state of affairs, but we won't get into all that.)

So here's the scene for you: I'm walking home, I leave the El and walk towards Broadway. I wait for the light, and as I'm waiting I hear a booming voice projected over a bullhorn. Upon closer attention, the voice is specifically talking to me... And it is asking for my phone number.

And who is holding the bullhorn asking for my phone number? A SANDWICH.

First off, who gets hit on while crossing Broadway?
Secondly, who gets hit on while crossing Broadway over a bullhorn?
And finally, who gets hit on while crossing Broadway over a bullhorn being used by a SANDWICH?

ME. That's who.

(This is yet another reason I need a reality show... but I digress.)

So I decide for some strange reason that I do need to attend my psych of learning and behavior class... though now, I can't think why.

After class, I went to work.At work, I took the lovely pictures you see displayed below, and made plans to go out in celebration of St. Patrick. (I love that green-wearin' leprachaun jackass!)

After work, I spent my pre-drinking time wisely by combining my drinkin with my computer skill, (because like Kip Dynamite, I love technology,) and I founded the newest addition to the internet (Yes, I am a huge nerd, thank you for noticing.)

I then met up with some crazies at the bars in Wrigleyville, where I am told that one of the drink slingers apparently found me attractive,(though, looking at my pictures, I can't imagine why.)

And after a few rounds at the bar, the group broke up... Shane wanted to go to a different bar, Jamie decided to go home so that she could make it to her AM practice, and J-Dub... well, I don't really know what happened to J-Dub. Suffice it to say that she said she'd meet us at O'Malleys and she never showed. So it ended up being me, and Shane... and all of Shane's hoes.

So, you wanna talk about a weird day, let's recap the significant points of my St. Patty's:

  • Wake up with a drunk dial
  • Take a crappy midterm.
  • Skip a class I hate and end up regretting it.
  • Get hit on by a SANDWICH
  • Attend a class I never go to
  • Go to work where evening plans are made
  • Spend pre-drinking time developing a new webpage advocating the release of Barry Schuester.
  • Meet up with an odd assortment of people at the bar.
  • Finish out the night hanging out with retired underwear model, Shane Davis
  • Kiss some boy by the name of Rich, because it's St Patty's and I'm 25% bloody Irish.
  • Walk a long way to an el stop because in Lincoln park it's safe to do it.
  • Come home and recount the day's events for all of you fine folks.

Only I go from a come-on by a sandwich, to hanging out with an underwear model, to kissing a random guy named Rich, to walking home alone... WOW.

Shane trying on Jamie's hat... why does this make me think of my grandpa in some weird way??? (And once again, J-Dub with her tongue out, like Michael Jordan... Girl, you need to learn to control that thing)