DON'T RUN AWAY, IT'S THE SAME OLD HAPPY HOUR WITH A GREAT NEW LOOK!

Yes, it's true, I have remodeled the page for you! I did this for a few reasons.

1. It's St. Patrick's day, and since I DID have an entirely green page before, I'm switching the color palette to a new navy blue hue.
2. Momma's remodeling my home, (painting, new windows, a newly remodeled bathroom, and possibly the removal of the old carpet in favor of the hardwood floors) so I thought I should do a little remodeling too... and since I pay rent and want my security deposit back, I can only remodel here
3. Should Dave ever decide to make a return appearance, I want the place to look new and fresh.
4. I had to edit the technical nonsense anyway because Dave's webpage is no longer on the internet, and so while I will still allow him to contribute here if he so chooses, I will not allow a dead link to clutter my page.
5. I had the time, and the motivation.
6. You kids deserve it!

I ran the new look by a few people and it's a rousing success as far as I can tell... Hell, just look at the comment Mel left!

People think it's FRESH, HIP, and COOL! (And they frickin' LOVE the dots!)

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I have a drama midterm at 11:30 AM... I have not read 2 of the 4 plays that this midterm is going to cover... as a semi-professional bullshitter, I am not concerned by this fact.

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Mel and I have once again come to the conclusion that we have no choice but to ride the wave of reality television.

We're pitching an idea to CBS to air a reality show based on the goings-on in the Loyola University Athletic Department... I think we'd have more luck pitching to Fox, but if CBS picks us up we're in for a bigger payday. (We're still looking for a real winner of a title)

*I'm convinced that if we get this show on the air Patrick Schultz will become one of the most beloved characters in the history of the American television lexicon... and then, when it is discovered that in addition to all the great nights of beer and shots that Pat will have become known for, the clear liquid he is always drinking on camera is in fact straight vodka, the American public will conduct a reality-celebrity intervention. Being the drunkard he is, and thus refusing to go to meetings, Pat will rebel, run for president of the U.S. running not as a republican or a democrat, but on the DRUNKARD ticket, and he will win in a landslide.

For those of you who are not aware, this is the second reality show to which I have at least partial rights... (I own the first one outright, though I will share some of my percentage points with Kirsten McLinden... and I will give her co-producer rights) The first one involves a bunch of acenine, sarcastic, like-minded thinkers (normal people like Kirsten and myself) with the occasional like-minded celebrity guest (i.e. - Bill Simmons) dreaming up new things to entertain ourselves, and thus entertain America... I'm telling you, this is a GOLD MINE!

(If there are any reality television producers reading this, have your people call my people!)

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My cousin, a wife, homemaker, and mother of two, was hit by a forklift today. She is fine. (But once again, how many people who don't have a cousin working on a loading dock can say this? THIS IS WHY I NEED A REALITY SHOW!)

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With regard to my apparently constant anger, I've gotten several variations on the same general response, here are a few of them:

• "Wait, YOU? Angry all the time? Bitter and cynical maybe, but never angry."
• "Angry is probably the last word I would ever pick to describe you... You're that happy dwarf, although you have the occasional Grumpy, Sleepy, or Sneezy day, Jeez, who am I kidding, you're frickin Snow White."
• "Please tell me that you punched something and screamed "I am a happy person" through your teeth!"
• "Someone said you were angry all the time? Has this person actually met you?"
• "OK, OK, you're making this up, right? This is another one of your inventive stories that you tell to cheer me up and stimulate the imagination, right?"

Yeah... these are actual responses from people who I told the story to. (The selected responses were actually a random sampling from 5 different people who have known me for assorted lengths of time, some longer, some shorter than the person in question who said I was mad.)

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Qotd

3.17.05 - "Dude, studying is for jerks and lesbians"~Mendez

3.18.05 - (Hitch was walking down the hall on crutches after having had ankle surgery)

Raven: "Oh, my gosh, Hitch, what happened?"

Hitch: "Jake and I got into it... he lost."

3.18.05- (Mel was talking about riding the "short bus" to school)

Mel: "...and when the bus didn't show up, my brother pulled me to school

Liz: "Dragged you by your harness? Or by a jumprope tied to his bike while you wore skates?"

Mel: "Skateboard... I had a flourescent orange, hand-me-down skateboard from my Aunt Cinnamon... and there are so many things wrong with that last statement, I'm ending it there"

3.19.05 - "Mathletes unite!! ....Mmmmmmmm...pi" ~Mel

*It should further be noted that Mel also began a sentence with "Well, my first year at science camp..." but the rest of the sentence was too grotesque to put up... (and no, it has nothing to do with a flute, you sick-o!) But I thought I should mention it just in case there was ever any doubt as to whether or not she was a TOTAL nerd.

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I caught Sam cheating on me. I am now DIVORCED.