Friday, August 17, 2012

Adapt or die...

So I joined ye olde tumblr...

I figured that so much of the time that I think about posting, I am generally at work, or out and about and can't manage a long, drawn-out post... I really just want to give you more of a "status update" level post. This is made exponentially easier by the fact that tumblr has a very user-friendly app for just that purpose, unlike blogger which still requires a web login and copious typing on a tiny keyboard for a more blogger-friendly post.

I can't say don't worry, because I don't know how all this is going to pan out, but much like Jay over at and, I hope to RELATIVELY maintain both, opting for blogger when in the mood for long, drawn out posts that require deluxe elaboration for the full effect of a story, but leaning toward tumblr when doing the mere day-to-day update of awesomeness.

No, I still don't live in a fancy city full of interesting goings-on, but I'm working on it... Much like so many things in my life.

Basically, while this is my first home, I want to play this by ear and see how things go, and while I intend to maintain a presence here, I will also be posting to, which I have also added to the sidebar for your convenience.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Long overdue updates...

Recently, I have busied myself with rejuvenating the ridiculous disaster areas that are the flower beds in front of my house.

...Yeah, it's still six thousand degrees outside, and we've had very little rainfall for months, so the soil is dry as a bone and hard as a rock, but I needed the project to burn off some frustration, pent up aggression, and otherwise misspent calories, and frankly, it was a helpful diversion from other things I've been focusing too much on lately.

So I raked and weeded those bitches like nobody's business, pulled up and reset all of the brick edging, planted six little boxwood shrubs, lined every square inch of that nonsense and then put down some mulch. (Ordinarily I am not a fan of mulch, because I hate how it smells when it gets wet, but I wasn't about to put down rock because that shit is a nightmare if you change your mind about the look you're shooting for later... Mulch was pretty much the only option, because SOMETHING had to be done!)

In the process, I managed to wrangle myself a mean case of poison ivy despite all of my best efforts at avoidance, prevention, protective clothing, (which was bonkers considering the heat index,) and treatment immediately after exposure. I have a stunning display of Satan's itchy devil rash behind both knees, (how I managed that while wearing long pants, I'll never know,) along the side of my left ring finger, and I think I even found a tiny bit in my belly button of all places!

I also cut out an obscenely large clematis, (which was so ridiculous and dense that I actually broke my "bolt-cutter style" ratcheting clippers... Again, don't ask me how the hell I managed that!) And after all that was said and done, I wanted to show off my accomplishments, so I put in a dozen or so new solar path lights so that the magnificence of my achievement can even be observed by the late-night-passerby-crowd.

Of course, not wanting to do all of this in the most intense heat of the day, I took to working on it in the late afternoon and evening hours for a few days, (because I currently have ZERO social life,) and of course that means I was also essentially offering myself as a delicious snack food item for what seems like every mosquito in a ten mile radius... Between those lovely bug bite welts, (scabs where I have scratched like a mad woman,) the lovely and ferocious poison ivy rash, and the dirt which now seems to be permanently embedded under my fingernails despite copious amounts of scrubbing, it's probably best that I don't have a social life at the moment, because I am not fit to make an appearance much of anywhere other than a crack house or maybe a meth lab... If I were about 150 lbs heavier, had nearly visible cartoon-style stink lines emanating up from my body, and had a menagerie of cats and small yappy dogs, I would at least LOOK like I fit right in at a poop house. (I swear, I will finish recounting all of that nonsense someday soon... I recently recovered several unpublished installments of that harrowing tale off an old flash drive, so I think it was a sign that I should probably jump back into that mess for your entertainment.)

Outside of that, I have been remarkably idle at the office... The boss actually told me he didn't have my next big projects organized enough to hand over just yet, forgetting that organizing his utter nonsense into a cogent system or meaningful end is kind of what I do most of the time... He's funny like that.

My basement makeover is on hold temporarily... I've painted the walls and most of the trim work, but can't really do much else until I get the carpet laid, and that's not happening just yet.

The guys who are supposed to be redoing the screens for my back porch should be getting that shit underway in the next week or so, and once that's done I can finish painting the porch soffits, the porch floor, and the front stoop and focus most of the rest of my time and efforts indoors until next spring... I still have a couple more outdoor projects after that, but I'm trying to be realistic about my timelines.

That really just leaves me with cataloging my receipts so as to ease the process of squeezing every last dime out of my insurance settlement as we approach the one-year anniversary of that fiasco, and thus, hopefully closing the books on that debacle for good!

I will say, I am looking forward to the idle time known as the Olympics, because let's be honest, the summer games are really the ONLY games, and once every four years just isn't enough when it comes to international sporting madness taking over 6 channels of my cable lineup and filling up my DVR for two weeks. Seriously... I love that shit, and this year, the games end the same day that Shark Week starts, so basically, nothing is getting done for almost the entire month of August.

That's all you get for now... I hope you enjoyed yourselves, my little jellybeans!

Friday, July 13, 2012

Some people have REAL problems.

So I have been working on updates for here and elsewhere, trying to get caught up with the work I missed with my multiple recent ventures out of town, trying to collect and catalog all of my receipts for the past year to give to the insurance adjuster so that we can wrap up that ugly business, (can you believe it's almost been a year already!?!) and then this evening while I was in the midst of working on some nonsense that seemed important at the time, I got some awful news.

One of my dear friends, (really, family by marriage,) went into labor and delivered her second child. She was a little ahead of schedule with this delivery, but not alarmingly so. This would obviously be considered good news, but then it was coupled with the horrific detail that the baby did not survive. 

...So there's that.

My heart breaks for her and her husband and first child. This is an unfathomably awful thing for anyone to experience, and I can't begin to wrap my head around how awful the experience must be for all involved parties. I feel utterly impotent and have no idea what I can do to help in such an immensely awful time.

I'll get around to more cheerful and amusing updates, including pictures and maybe even video from my trip to see The Admiral, her son, (The Captain) and attending his first birthday party, but now seems like the wrong time to go running with that idea...

Back soon, my little doves.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Why are the weekends so short when the weeks are so long?

So I got back from my little mini-vacation. Upon getting home I dove right back into the pile of work that heaped up while I was away. Then I ran errands and attended my cousin's wedding over the weekend... Since then it's been work, work, work, and preparing for another weekend getaway, this time for the annual family reunion.

Post reunion it will be another week of work followed by another trip out of town, this time for the Admiral's son's 1st birthday party. Of course, this conflicts with my plans to spend that particular weekend watching the Walking Dead marathon... Thank goodness we live in the digital age, complete with modern conveniences like DVR!

I still have yet to complete the promised updates on the other blog, and such, but I will get to them sooner or later.

Just letting you know that things are fine and that you are still my little turtle turds!

Thursday, June 14, 2012


Sorry for the lack of posting lately. I've been busy trying to wrap up a lot around the ol' homestead and at the office in preparation for an overdue mini-vacation. (Despite the fact that I love my job, and my boss is great, sometimes it's nice to have a little getaway that doesn't involve staying home and working on my to-do list.) I'll be back probably around the middle of next week, and will update things then... Also, there will be an update to the "secret" blog, and I will update the permissions for the additional readers who have requested access at that time.

Until then, be good my little turkeys!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

A turn-around...

So I know I've had my bouts of self-indulgent "woe-is-me" I hate being single and childless moments in the past... And I know that there is probably more of that to come in my future, but today I came to a realization...

There are days when pushing 30, and being unwed and childless can be TOTALLY AWESOME.

What brought me to this conclusion?

Well, you see, the other night after downing a bottle of wine, (over the course of a few hours, it wasn't a wino-chug-fest,) I checked my email and saw that there was "secret sale" going on for one of my FAVORITE girlie things... Luxury handbags. (Yes, I own my own cordless drill, and miter saw, and a bad-ass grill, and I'm still into girlie things like fancy purses... I am an odd amalgamation of traits, but I embrace it, because it makes me a unicorn among women.)

So feeling pretty good, thanks to the wine, I perused the items up for purchase and found two purses and a wallet that EASILY topped $1000 when found at full retail price. I paid a fraction of that... FAR LESS than half. And I got them direct from the company website, so I know they are legit.

And when I got home from work today, there was an inconspicuous cardboard box on my porch... But I knew what was in there, and it made me smile before I was even out of the car.

So I went out to the porch to collect my box, and got giddy with excitement as I brought it to the kitchen to cut it open. And they are BEAUTIFUL bags. I realize that there are starving villages in Africa that could feed everyone for a month on what I spent, but frankly they were the last thing on my mind... Because it was at that moment that I realized that many of my friends and peers have settled for what they thought they wanted. Some are enviably happy, sure, but many of them hate their spouses, or in some cases former spouses... And while I'm not discounting the rewarding nature of parenting for most people, I even know some who resent their children, and that makes me so sad for them.

You see, today was one of those days where a little self-indulgent consumerism taught me a valuable lesson. Those people who got married and/or had children now have other people to consider first. Their spouse's needs, their children's needs... "We need to pay tuition, and the kids need new shoes." Or, "Honey, I am buying a new lawnmower..." or something similar; whereas I only have myself to please. Sometimes I forget that fact. I forget that I have absolutely nothing to tie me down. I have a great job that is super-flexible, and a boss who is convinced I can walk on water, so he lets me do as I please. I can take the projects I want, I can turn projects down if I want. I can work from home in my pajamas, or I can get dressed up and sashay into the office if I feel like it, and through it all, I collect my paycheck, put it in the bank, pay my relatively minor bills, and have the freedom to do and buy whatever the hell I want whenever the hell I want it because I only have to worry about me.

It really is amazing that it took me this long to come to this conclusion. I'm kind of ashamed of that. But today, I recognized that I actually have it pretty great and I'm going to go on celebrating me for a while... Just because I can!

Friday, May 18, 2012

Moving on...

Ok, so after much discussion with multiple parties, the big story seems to be a bit of a non-starter. It was a big deal to me, but the general consensus is just, "Well, that shit happens." So I'm moving on to other things.

My boss has been out of town this week, and that thrills me to no end because in my particular office, I am known as something of a "fixer." Basically, what that boils down to is this; any time my boss has something that he lacks the time or inclination to do, it falls to me. This has included, but not been limited to anything from preparing legal briefs, balancing the books, verifying transactions, and cross-checking receipts on expense accounts, to painting walls and assembling office furniture, and preparing lecture materials when he needs to go teach a seminar... My work varies wildly from day to day, and I've learned to embrace a very casual wardrobe that can easily be changed around as the need arises... But since the boss is out of town, he saddled me with a sizable project suited to my particular skill set. Essentially, I was responsible for the repainting and design overhaul of his library... Yeah. HIS library. He doesn't share.

Knowing the type of grunt work involved, and the OCD level of perfection/cleanliness of my boss, I was dreading the idea of having him running in and out and checking on everything repeatedly while I was undertaking a task as unwieldy as painting can sometimes be, and redesigning a room, which under ordinary circumstances would dovetail quite nicely with my particular skill set and recent remodeling expertise... But then he said he would be out of town for a week. SCORE! That frees me up to do things as I see fit, (the right way!) working the big picture first and then sweating the details at the end. (Which is completely backwards from how he would have me doing it if he had his way.)

Well, I accomplished my goals at work, and even won a side wager, because there was a bet in place that the rub marks on the walls left by the book cases wouldn't cover using only paint... Someone was convinced that they would need an additional layer of primer and then paint, but having painted as many walls as I've painted recently, I knew that there was not going to be any problem with coverage.

As if I didn't get enough of this nonsense while at work this week, I took it upon myself to get my basement repainted and prepped for further minor remodeling efforts so that I can host overnight guests without having to set up an air mattress in my home office... I would much prefer just to have a standard setup of normal furniture at the ready as the need arises... And post-fire, I'm not short of furniture, because while some stuff went straight into the dumpster, a lot of really great stuff got relegated to the basement because I made the executive decision to convert two tiny guest bedrooms into one BIG guest room that is closer in size to the master, and convert what was a large walk-in closet into a great little office nook that offers more privacy for office mess than the primary home-office on the main floor... (When your house is gutted by fire, water, and insurance-paid contractors, you can get away with making those kinds of changes without worry of busting the budget!)

So I painted in the basement... Initially I used a paint sprayer. And while the claims show it to be all smooth and simple and fast, none of that could be further from the truth! I gave it a fair shake... It took forever, because the sprayers available to the commercial masses apparently SUCK ASS, but I wanted to give it all a complete coat with the sprayer to ensure that there wasn't just some mental retardation happening on my part and that I just jacked up one wall or something... Nope. The process was painstakingly slow, the coverage was spotty at best, even going super slow, and I still had to take a brush and roller to every wall to correct all the light spots. (I was not pleased with my purchase, and despite the fact that it is now used and covered with speckles of paint, I will be taking it back to the store and demanding my money back.) But after round two of painting, taking a more standard approach with brushes and rollers, the walls look great, the color is fantastic (Behr, French Lilac - a lovely light greyish purple) And so now I just have the trim to paint which won't even take a day, including the time to tape it all out, and then I'll be ready for new carpet (Which, yes, I will be installing myself...) and then I can get everything else set up so that my family and/or drunk friends have a soft place to crash.

I also got most of the weather stripping hung after work today... So that leaves only some pretty minor stuff left on my home improvement punch list. (There are a couple of larger projects too, though... Let's see...)

  1. Paint the front storm door. Just a fresh coat of white!
  2. Paint the exterior trim around the front and back doors, including the cornices and all that nonsense.
  3. Paint the front stoop... The current paint is all chipped and weird, and a horrid shade of red.
  4. Paint the floor of the back screened porch. (I'm having new screens put in professionally, even though I know I could totally do it myself... Some things are worth paying the pros to tackle for you!)
  5. Paint the garage... I would prefer to just knock it down, but unfortunately, my lawn grooming implements and my grill need a home, and so a coat of paint is the cheapest solution to the problem at the moment.
  6. Fill cracks in the brick work with tuckpointing mortar material... (This is not as big a deal as it sounds.)
  7. Till the mound in the back yard where the garden used to be and spread the dirt around so as to eliminate the bulk of the mound.
  8. Purchase and plant some new shrubs in the front of the house. 
That about covers what I have planned this summer. Personally, I think it is all rather doable...  But then again, I know I'm awesome, so maybe I'm biased.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Ok, so I've posted it...

I have posted the story I was wrestling with. It is on a private blog that you will need to log into in order to read. That requires that you email me at All I ask is that you somewhat identify yourself, (if you prefer to maintain your anonymity by identifying yourself using your known pseudonym, that's fine, but I need some kind of identifier,) and providing me with an email address so that I can add you to a list of approved readers. I will then add you and email you back with the address for the post and you should be able to read it as a guest.

So there you go.

Thursday, May 10, 2012


I have a story... A real doozy of a story, in fact. All true stuff as always. But I am wrestling with whether or not to tell it.

You see, in the grand scheme of things, I have relatively little shame. (I mean I told you all about how I puked so hard I peed on myself the last time I was sick, so you know that there is little I won't come clean about.) The thing is, while I have almost no shame, the same can't necessarily be said for other folks who are lucky enough to share time with me in person. And while my inclination has always been to keep a policy of full disclosure here, I also understand that this is a very public forum, and even if not that many people come here to read, or even remember that this blog exists, if I put it out there, it's out there... And I'm not the kind of person to go airing other people's dirty laundry, even if it does include me in a VERY significant way.

So I think I'm probably going to keep wrestling with this for a while, and do a little homework to see what I can do about posting it in a more controlled (read: "password protected private post" kind of way... I know this can be done, but I've never had to do it here, so I'll have to look into it a little further.) If I can make it work, I'll post it, but if I can't, then you'll just have to chalk this one up to, "every girl has her secrets," and let that be the end of it.

Just know I haven't forgotten about you, my little corn muffins!

Saturday, May 05, 2012

Let's get some shit done...

So I've been busy... We know this.

I painted the front door, (it looks awesome). I painted the outside of the french doors to the patio, (they look a little less awesome because I still need to give them another finish coat to smooth out some uneven areas, but they will look awesome.) I've purchased the trim paint to refresh the look of the exterior door frames, the eaves over the front and back doors, and the storm door out front. Also kind of semi-impulse-purchased a new storm door for the back door...(the old one is crappy and awful, and while I was out getting paint and supplies, it was noted that storm doors were on sale, so even though it wasn't necessarily on the docket, I had taken measurements so I could get it when it was time...)

 So I've got another weekend of DIY activity ahead of me. I've already taken the old storm door off the back, (necessary just to get the correct measurements) and done a rough fit of the new door... Tomorrow's activities will be almost entirely back door oriented. (And no, I am not talking about THAT back door... Get your mind out of the gutter!) Basically, I've got to cut the trim rails, do a dry fit of the new storm door with rails, paint the door frame, hang the new storm door, take the actual back door off the hinges remove the old door sweep because it's kind of bent and threatening to damage the new kitchen floor, sand out some problem areas, and paint the back door, let it sufficiently dry, rehang it, and then do some touch ups which will undoubtedly be necessary. (I am just hoping that the weather cooperates.)

In case you were wondering, (and even if you weren't, I will bore you anyway,) it has been like 90 degrees around here lately, which is common for May, but we've also have had a rash of ridiculous storms the last several days. Even on days when we weren't supposed to have rain, as soon as I had/have the time and inclination to get something done, BOOM! Thunder, lightning, hail, frogs, locusts... So I am trying to work it out so that I can do the doors one at a time so that there is at least one layer of something to keep bugs/ heat/ stormy weather/ killer bees/ herpes/ etc. outside while I work on other things.

Incidentally, I am also finally getting rid of an old washing machine that has been sitting in the basement for a long time, and I sold it via a craigslist ad, and the guy is supposed to be coming to get it Saturday afternoon, so if you see a blurb on the CNN homepage talking about a killer who finds victims via month-old craigslist ads for major appliances on the cheap, and I haven't posted in a while, well... you'll know what happened. I am just hoping that his murdering and appliance pick-up don't interfere with my plans. I have shit to do! (I do have plans to have someone else here at pickup time so I'm not home alone with some strange dude and his burly buddy who is supposed to help haul a washing machine out of the basement just show up at my house, so please don't think I'm a total idiot who doesn't plan for the worst case scenario.)

But it's going to be a long and laborious weekend, so I've got to get some sleep so I can get things poppin' early before the weather ruins everything... because between that and being garotted with the cord of the washing machine I was trying to unload, it's all bound to go horribly wrong.