Monday, August 25, 2008

Snarky asshole for hire...

I have applied for countless jobs over the past few weeks. I am only now starting to see some limited results.

I find it utterly ridiculous that someone with my work experience and prowess for professionalism in a text based application format. And it's not like they are giving me interviews and then turning me down because I made some crass joke about something I thought was innocuous but turned out to be something that my interviewer cared deeply for. I mean how the hell was I supposed to know that interviewer was a Hot Wheels aficionado? Or that other interviewer was really sensitive about use of the term "banana hammock?"

I say these things as hypothetical scenarios because lord knows the responses to my job inquiries has been slower than (insert joke about the mentally handicapped, or George W. Bush, or some other such nonsense) ... Slow. You get the idea. And home skillet needs to start generating some revenue.

Basically, I apply for all the jobs I can find, I play word twist on Facebook, I hang out with the cat, I try to come up with other job finding resources, and I dream of human contact.

I'm sorry if I haven't made it around to your blog lately, but if it isn't salacious celebrity gossip, or a job search site, I've been notably absent... I've even been absent here. Sorry. I just lack any and all motivation to do much other than compulsively check my e-mail hoping that someone has discovered my awesomeness and elects to pay me a vast fortune just to be me!

Monday, August 18, 2008

I took geometry back in the day...

When I was in high school, so very long ago, one of the required courses was geometry. I always found geometry came to me rather easily, and I found it very easy to work on a problem with concrete parameters and an easy translation for applications in real life. I never had a problem with algebra either, and I certainly see the real world applications there, too. But once we're getting into imaginary numbers and irrational functions... Well, I'm sorry, if I have to dream up a number because it doesn't exist, and I have to deal with the math being irrational, when I've got friends on the rag who bring plenty of irrationality into my life, well, sorry math, I just can't be bothered.

I mention the topic of geometry because during the recent job search, I have inadvertently stumbled upon the geometry lesson that they don't tell you about in high school.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am of course speaking of the grand pyramid scheme.

Every day, I go to the job search sites I apply to the jobs that look legit, I look for new ads in the paper, I avoid the ads that look a little hinky, or where the salary seems ridiculously high or low for the demands of the job, anything requiring an initial investment on my part, or anything else which raises the ol' mental red flags. And along with the bevy of typical response e-mails indicating that my application has been received, I somehow always manage to also capture the attention of bitches who think I'd be just GREAT at selling life insurance or financial planning services... Trust me people, my life is not insured, and my finances are a wreck... In fact, my life isn't insured probably as a direct result of my finances being a wreck. Simply put, I'm not your girl! And yet they keep calling and e-mailing and stroking my ego by telling me that my work experience and my resume are wonderful, then they tell me what they want me to do. Some of these companies have apparently never heard of, because when I check them out to do my pre-interview homework, the vast reaches of the internet reveal a plethora of disgruntled folks who were taken in by the superficial glitter applied in attempts to conceal the congealed, pale, moldy underbelly of their corporate reality. And can you believe it, those disgruntled people who thought it would be ok to work for those folks because they just wanted a job, and then found out that they were being taken advantage of, well believe it or not they take to the realms of the internet to give voice to their displeasure.

Apparently I am the only one doing my homework, because there are a crap ton of these people out there saying that they had no indication that they were involved in a pyramid scheme until they were hired and being taken advantage of, in the form of being asked to recruit friends and family, or supply contact information of loved ones to the assholes in charge so that the newly hired peons could advance beyond their unpaid training period.

Well, my momma didn't raise no fool! And unlike those poor bastards, I am smart enough to do my homework in advance. This means I don't waste my time with those asshats... I've had enough employers taking advantage of my work ethic and loyalty while under-compensating me.

So there you have it. I'm not an idiot. I've got a legitimate college degree, and the school loan debt to prove it. I've got a solid work history, and skills which would make me a total asset to any company intelligent enough to put me to work and reward me with fair earnings and perhaps a decent benefit package... (I don't think a few days of PTO in the first year is asking too much.)

The fact remains that I took geometry. And you know what? I aced that bitch! And just like those poor Hebrew slaves thousands of years ago, I don't want anything to do with those fucking pyramids!

This post sponsored by: Momma! (Happy birthday, Miss Becky!)

Friday, August 15, 2008

I'm pretty sure a little bit of pee came out...

A couple of things threw me for a loop today.

First off, let's keep in mind that my roommate spends a great deal of time at her boyfriend's house. Sometimes days on end. And since my car is in the shop, I can't exactly come and go as I please... I pretty much stay at the house, look for a job, talk to the cat, and watch olympic coverage. The admiral hasn't been home for a couple of days... And by "hasn't been home," I mean that I haven't seen her at all since the 12th and what little contact I've had with her has been in the form of text messages.

So I've gotten pretty good at being alone in the house and going about my business.

The first thing that made me pee a little bit was the one text I got from my missing roommate who apparently knows more about the status of my car than I do. It read, "You almost died. Your car was basically a moving bomb." There is no real room for interpretation in those two blunt sentences. They are both pretty matter of fact. And they state very frankly the possibility and proximity of my untimely demise. That makes me pee a little. And not in a good way, even if I am excited to still be alive.

The second thing that made me pee more than a little, was that after deciding to go to bed, or at least retire to my bedroom to read a book to wind down and round out the day, I was startled by a noise in the house. I'm sitting quietly on my bed in the back of the house, with the cat on the foot of the bed, and a book on my lap and suddenly I hear a very loud windows power-down tune... Knowing that my computer isn't on, and that I'm supposed to be alone in the house, I am quite lucky that I didn't end up with a hershey highway in my pantaloons! I give myself some credit for having that much self control. I am really trying to find a rational excuse, but considering it's like 2AM, and I'm hearing computer noises, and I'm supposed to be alone with the cat, well my mind is racing and I'm in full-on bewildered mode. It really doesn't help that I immensely enjoy the breaks in olympic coverage which happen to coincide with shows about hauntings and the like... (It's my thing. I enjoy that shit. Let it go.) But despite being pretty sure that there's a logical explanation for this, the fleeting thought is there because I believe in that stuff!

A few moments later I hear the windows welcome tones... I look at my computer. Still off. And these noises are loud! I'm really bewildered at this point... (Is this what it feels like to be one of those cotton-headed celebrity hoes? Just totally bewildered all the time? That's gotta suck!)

It's then I realize that the Admiral left her computer on several days ago, and despite the fact that the monitor was in hibernate mode, (so that it mentally registered as off to me) the computer itself was still on, it had done an automatic update requiring a restart and so it shut itself down and rebooted. I'm not going to lie, it scared me... Though "startled" might be the more appropriate word.

And now I leave you with the admiral's boyfriend on a mechanical bull... Because that had me nearly pissing myself with laughter last week... Not because it was necessarily all that hilarious, but because it's pretty damned funny just how bad he is.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Getting that feeling...

I've been getting that feeling again. You know the one. It's that feeling that I'm turning into a total downer. Today was no exception to the rule either.

I talked to three people today.

First I talked to the mechanic.

The news wasn't good. The original estimate to get Andy patched up and ready to go was about $400. This call was to say, that number was too low because another part was fucked up. Now I was looking more in the region of $600.

I talked to the admiral and to momma about this. They consoled me some.

The mechanic called back.

"Umm, I found out why those other two parts went bad on you... I found out that the part that supplies those parts with energy shorted them out and proceeded to melt... Brace yourself... Because your new total is $811.45 and the car will be ready Friday."

Well, that's just awesome.

Clearly that's how I planned to spend a huge chunk of what little money I had saved up before leaving my old job.

On that same note however, even with this unfortunate news, and my financial ruin, I am still beyond elated that I don't work for those assholes anymore. It's been a month since my last day there, and I still don't feel the slightest tinge of sorrow for leaving that job.

Friday, August 08, 2008

There's a reason they name boats after women...

So in keeping with my overall run of luck in this life, my car decided to wait until after I was unemployed and relocated to a city where I don't know a reputable mechanic before breaking down. Awesome.

My car's name is Andy. His predecessor's name was Calvin. I name my cars after men for a few very specific reasons:

  • Nobody really NEEDS one, but they are nice to have around in a lot of situations.
  • They are great while they are reliable and make themselves useful, but as soon as they leave you in a lurch, they become nothing but a colossal headache.
  • They tend to be less reliable as time goes on.
  • The list goes on and on, but you get the overall idea of the comparison.
So other than that excitement, I've been looking for a job, going to fairs, playing with the Admiral's cat during the day, (don't be dirty... I'm not a lesbian,) and lately I've had the added excitement of constant olympic coverage.

I am sorry there's not more meat to this post, but the fact is that there's just not a whole lot going on right now, and I don't want to bore you with all the intricate details of my mundane days... This will change once I find work, I'm sure!

Monday, August 04, 2008

Are you frickin kidding me?

I get back from the wedding in Chicago (which was lovely, by the way, and there are pictures to come soon...) only to find that when I shut down my computer before I left, it performed some kind of automatic update. What exactly was updated, and what was improved, I couldn't tell you. What I can tell you is that my mood was considerably altered for the worse when I opened my browser to find that all of my bookmarks are gone.

Every last one.


So I've spent the better part of a day going through my browsing history (which was surprisingly not touched in the apparent overhaul which stole my bookmarks) my sidebar links, other people's sidebar links, and other such nonsense trying to do what science has been unable to accomplish yet, and find the missing links.

I think I've got most of them, but if you know of any places I need to be that I'm not, please let me know, because I am struggling a bit here!