Tuesday, August 31, 2004
On our return trip, we saw a Chicago police car half-blocking a lane of traffic on Sheridan (Yeah, up in the two six.) The policemen were still in the car, and were talking to the passenger of an automobile that they had apparently stopped. The policemen wrap things up, and as they pull away the man they had stopped to talk to must have said something, because the police car suddenly backed up suddenly, and without missing a beat the man on the street knew well enough to go ahead and put his hands on the hood... The cop gets the quote of the day... because it was just such a classic two-six scene. (The guy would have gotten off scott-free if he'd just waited for the cops to get another 10 feet away.)
9.1.04 - "Alright, you fuckin' smartass..." ~Cop to an african-american man up in the two six...
Cyanide kool-aid is also a perfectly reasonable option...
The day I'm on the stand in my own defense against the murder one charge, I can totally see publishing this entry totally biting me in the ass.
8.31.04 - "Yeah, Liz has great boobs, and I have a fabulous ass... so basically, if we were just one person, we'd be so awesome!" ~Alana talking to Dave about our physical assets.
Monday, August 30, 2004
I don't understand boys... I REALLY REALLY DON'T! The new boy is a puzzle, blended with a conundrum, wrapped in an enigma. Fortunately he doesn't know about the blog, so I can vent all of this nonsense here.
So, we had a date Sunday... but to be quite honest I don't think I can call it a date. After a night of drunken fun with Alana and Ben, and a more than a little vomit on the bathroom floor courtesy of Josh (more on all that later,) The Phil-ster picked me up and we headed out to the Brookfield zoo. Now before we get into all of this, there are a few things that I'd like to make perfectly clear.
1) There are a lot of things I don't understand... Boys top the list, right up there with organic chemistry, the appeal of David Hasselhoff's music to the German masses, and the magical goodness of something so basic as Cheerio's... but I digress.
2) At no point did I ever, nor will I ever, say that women are easy creatures to understand... We are in fact, frequently irrational, many times quite illogical, and downright crazy beings who are utterly ruled by our emotions, our hormones (at varying times of the month), and really great sales at our favorite stores... Men on the other hand claim to be simple, and yet, despite being a well-educated, intelligent person, the more I see the less I understand about them.
3) It has become quite clear to me that the more opinons I seek or receive with regard to this matter, so far none of them tend to mesh well with any other people's opinions, so they are of very little ACTUAL use to me.
4) I would like to stress that officially speaking, this was only our second date... I say this because it's important for my readership to understand that I'm not venting all of this because I'm wigging out about it, I am just throwing it out there because I don't understand it... (If anyone has any revelations, or superb insight into the matter, please advise.)
Ok, so here's how it all goes down. We're rolling along on our way to the zoo, and with traffic and whatnot, it takes roughly an hour to get there. Conversation was good, I looked cute, breath is under control despite following a night of intoxication. The basics are covered.
So we get into the zoo. We have a map, we're wanting to go see the monkeys. So we go see the monkeys, and the rhinos, and the elephants, and the reptiles, and the birds, and the bats, and it wasn't until about three and a half hours into the outing that the boy made physical contact with me, and even then it was kind of an incidental touch that lasted no longer than one whole second.
The fact is, that after about one hour it became apparent that he was not going to make the first move in that regard... so when even moderately appropriate I kinda gave him little pats on the back, or leaned up against him to point out an animal or two, or three that neither of us immediately saw, and after a couple hours of trying that with no kind of reaction I began to wonder what the hell was going on... I didn't know if he thought I was invading his space, or what... But basically I got nothing! (And this just had so much potential...) Now it should be noted that the Brookfield zoo is a LARGE zoo, full of happy little families, frolicking children, and cute little couples holding hands, and me being the sentimental girl that I am, I tried to initiate contact a few times (Note: more than ONCE... it was multiple...) And after consistent, repeated efforts I began to get a little flustered. I mean is a little contact too much to ask? But here's the thing that really makes me wonder, the guy is a massage therapist, and he spends all day touching people way the hell more than a little hand holding... and I got nothing. And by nothing I mean NOTHING. (Do I have cooties? Did I spend the whole day with something large and green dangling from my nose? Did I say or do something to offend his delicate sensibilities? Afer 5 and a half hours in ANYONE'S company, a girl starts to wonder.) I mean I kissed him on the first date, and got close enough to him that he complimented the way my hair smelled, so it's obvious that I thought we originally had SOME kind of connection. Maybe I was wrong. I usually am when it comes to boys... and I am a bit of a makeout whore, so I don't know... maybe I imagined the whole thing.
Long story short, the first date felt pretty good, this one was pretty rotten, so I figure we're even right now. So he wants to go out this weekend, and I think that's going to be the one that really decides it for me... if it doesn't go well, then I might have to just cut him loose. I mean I'm all for protecting my virtues, but I mean GIVE ME SOMETHING!!! CRAP... and he was such a nice guy...
As for Josh and all his puke on the bathroom floor, just read Jen's blog... and be on the lookout for morning after pics coming soon.
Basically Ben's a champ, and we love him for Mr. mom for Josh.
Ben: "Lizzle for shizzle my nizzle!"
Liz: "Benny! My ...uhhhh.... BENNY!"
Ben: "What? ...Sounded like you just had an orgasm there!"
Liz: "No no no, I couldn't think of anyhing that rhymes, or at least nothing that made any kind of sense while rhyming."
Ben: "Oh ok. I guess that was my wishful thinking"
Sunday, August 29, 2004
i'm pretty durnk right now so i won't go into great detail, but i thought i'd get the subject started. Love ya
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Since the drunken adventures will begin tonight, I can't guarantee what kind of shape I'll be in tomorrow, so I'll go ahead and put up the quote of the day for the 29th now.
8.29.04 - "The only good thing about taking on more than you can chew is that there's always the possibility that it will actually kill you." ~ From Heather's profile... and a handy reminder to all of us that we should strive for mediocrity. (Katie Miller, please take note!)
8.28.04 - "Well, I'm glad that you finally only have one roommate, that way when I actually DO come to visit I can just sling one of you over each shoulder when I drink you both under the table!" ~Tarreck (It should be noted that Tarreck is a small guy, in fact, I believe that Jennie is taller than he is... Poor, delusional, little man)
Friday, August 27, 2004
And since I've got the spare time tonight, I just happened to notice how incredibly ill-disciplined I've been with the quotes of the day! Someone should have said something! I had been blogging plenty and yet totally neglecting the primary regular feature. Yeah, sure you kids come for the humor and the rants too, but those are secondary and tertiary things, because I know more people who look in just to see the quote of the day! And now that I think about that, SHAME ON YOU! You are the ones responsible for providing my quotes, and making sure I stay on top of posting them! You suck at life! You're grounded! No dinner for you tonight, and no more internet for you! Go on! SHOO! You should be ashamed of yourself!
...Oh, don't look at me like that. You know I can't resist the puppy dog eyes... OK, fine, come back. But don't you ever let this happen again! You understand? Good. Now that we're clear enjoy the quotes!
8.26.04 - "Hey, Liz, I got hair dye on the toilet paper... so it looks kinda like I pooped on it and put it back." ~Jennie
Alana: "Well i might be gettin hoed out for saturday evenin'- even though i have to wear the big ugly black boot."
Liz: "Wear a cute skirt!"
Alana: "That's the plan as of now."
Liz: "Easier to remove when you get lucky!"<><>
Alana: "don't even have to remove it.>"
I gotta say that I am right there with Bill Simmons on disagreeing with the fine folks at ESPN about the top 25 sports movies of the past 25 years. I mean, ok, YEAH number one was a no-brainer. HOOSIERS is just the ONLY movie that culd be number one... but here, look at the rest of these:
|BEST SPORTS MOVIES
As selected by ESPN25's Expert Panel
|BEST SPORTS MOVIES
As ranked by ESPN.com SportsNation users
|1. Hoosiers||1. Hoosiers|
|2. Raging Bull||2. Caddyshack|
|3. Field of Dreams||3. Field of Dreams|
|4. Bull Durham||4. Rudy|
|5. Caddyshack||5. Major League|
|6. The Natural||6. The Natural|
|7. Chariots of Fire||7. Bull Durham|
|8. Jerry Maguire||8. Remember the Titans|
|9. Seabiscuit||9. Jerry Maguire|
|10. Remember the Titans||10. Raging Bull|
|11. A League of Their Own||11. White Men Can't Jump|
|12. Eight Men Out||12. Seabiscuit|
|13. White Men Can't Jump||13. League of Their Own|
|14. Major League||14. The Rookie|
|15. Tin Cup||15. Eight Men Out|
|16. 61*||16. Tin Cup|
|17. The Hurricane||17. 61*|
|18. The Color of Money||18. Chariots of Fire|
|19. Finding Forrester||19. The Hurricane|
|20. The Rookie||20. The Color of Money|
|21. Ali||21. Ali|
|22. Bend it Like Beckham||22. Finding Forrester|
|23. Cobb||23. Cobb|
|24. Rudy||24. Searching for Bobby Fischer|
|25. Searching for Bobby Fischer||25. Bend It Like Beckham|
Some of these make me wonder, why Ed isn't on this list. You know Ed... the sports classic starring Matt LeBlanc as a minor league pitcher who has a killer fast ball, but struggles with controlling his curve. So of course the team's overall play and Matt's pitching so dramatically improve when the team somehow manages to land a chimpanzee as a player... because that makes all kinds of sense. What? You didn't see that one? Well, that's ok, most people didn't see a lot of the other movies that made the official top 25.
Now here's the thing, I might have different criteria for what defines a sports movie, let alone one of the top 25 sports movies, but I think (and correct me if I'm wrong here,) that The Sandlot was much more qualified as a top ranking sports movie than Searching for Bobby Fischer. And if you're really looking to limit the number of baseball movies on the roster, then that's fine... leave Bobby Fischer and replace Cobb... nobody saw either one anyway, and if you're really attached to dark dramatic baseball stores, then that's fine, leave Cobb in and take out The Rookie... That way you replace one sappy, cheesy family-oriented baseball story with a movie that is an original, memorable, family-oriented baseball story. This is just a jumping off point, there are a lot of revisions to be made to the bottom 24 movies on the list... like I said Hoosiers stays at number one. Am I alone here? Am I the only one who thinks we need to construct the real list of the top 25 and let ESPN know what's up? I think I'm going to have to establish some kind of criteria for ranking and get this thing in the works. (Please feel free to suggest movies that make your top 25)
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go watch the E! True Hollywood Story: Jim Varney (Yeah, the guy who played Ernest.)
Thursday, August 26, 2004
1) I get a letter from school informing me that they have not recieved a copy of some forms, so they were just politely informing me that I owe them just shy of 13 thousand dollars for the semester.
2) I was informed that I could not work (and thus not receive a paycheck) until the afforementioned forms were processed which will be a minimum of 2 weeks.
3) My school e-mail account was inexplicably shut down, and the campus computing center I.T. people had no idea why.
and last but certainly not least: 4) Upon my return home from learning about all three of the previous problems, I walk in to my bedroom to check my computer messages only to find that I had none...
I guess I should be more specific. There have been a great many times when I've walked in to check my messages and found that nobody had anything to say to me in my absence, this time was different though. The difference was that when I walked in and realized I had no messages it was because I had no computer. (Go back and read that last sentence again... go ahead, do it now... I'll wait.) Yeah. In the world of a college student who is used to having a computer, and with classes only four days away, if there's any justification for a heart attack, that's probably going to rank right up there at the top. So there I stood, looking at where my computer should have been and wasn't. I looked back on the counter, Jennie's old laptop was right where it had been, I went back to the back and saw that Jennie's office laptop and desktop computers were both in their normal places. There is no obvious damage to either door, televisions and any other items of value had not been touched, so now confusion sets in on top of panic. I call Jen to see if for some strange reason she'd come in while I was gone and taken my computer. I called her cell, got voicemail. I called her office, got voicemail. Called her cell again. SHIT. No answer. (I am literally shitting my pants at this point.) So I try to think... (please note I said tried to think, because it was a task that required some degree of effort and focus and was still mostly unsuccessful).
After about five minutes of trying to think about who else had a key to our apartment, and what reasoning could possibly explain why anyone would ever need to remove my computer, and what the hell I was going to do without it, I knew I had to wait until I'd heard from Jennie before calling the police and/or the landlord/maintenance man. It was about this time that a small hispanic man walked in through the back door of the apartment. He was strolling in like he lived here and saw me at which point we had the following exchange:
Liz: "Umm hello?"
Hispanic fellow: "OH! Hello!"
Liz: "Seeing as you have just keyed into my apartment, you wouldn't happen to know anything about a missing laptop computer, would you?"
Hispanic fellow: (Walking into my bedroom without really justifying his presence in my apartment) "Uhh, yeah, I have it... It's here, we had an emergency."
Liz: "Erm, well, is there a reason why you came into my apartment while I was gone and took it without my permission?"
Hispanic fellow: "Uhhh, you'd have to talk to Tom about that." (Hispanic fellow calls Tom the building maintenance man and tells him to come talk to me) "Tom said he'd be right down."
Liz: "Yeah, thanks... is that all?"
Hispanic fellow: "Yes, he'll be here soon. Goodbye."
[Hispanic fellow lets himself out the back door, and shortly thereafter Tom arrives.]
Tom: "Yeah, hi, sorry, we had an emergency and we needed a laptop, and since we'd recently worked on the hookups in your apartment, we knew you had one."
Liz: "You needed a laptop so you took mine without permission, and without giving me any kind of notice?"
Tom: "Yeah, sorry about that."
Liz: "Well that's all well and good, but in the meantime, I think I defacated on the floor and had a stroke."
Tom: "Yeah, you see it was an emergency, and I don't get paid to deal with the computers, (blah blah blah, poor excuse) and I'm sorry."
Yeah, so he apologized profusely, but that doesn't shore us up for the fact that I gonna need a pacemaker and a fresh pair of underwear to get things back to some semblance of normalcy. Oh yeah, and then there's the cursory, "I feel violated."
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
1) I have a tendency to let alcohol open up the proverbial "emotional floodgates".
2) I tend to make out with boys when I drink. (Ok, this in itself isn't a problem, but I will say that I owe an apology to all those of you who have ever witnessed my public displays of affection and been offended by it)
3) I tend to drink too much, and before you know it, we've got all kinds of messy problems. (Open and repetitive apology to Alana for those nights.)
4) I tend to downplay those problems entirely too much.
5) Broken seal issues are never fun when you're between stops in your drunken escapade... (I know that Alana can sympathize with me here.)
That's just the top 5, and I am already seeing a pattern of personal humiliation... Does this mean I'm going to stop drinking? Is this the end of Lizzle's alcoholic adventures? Of course not!
So in my last post I promised a great entry and funny stuff... yeah... so I lied. I really don't have much of anything in the way of a funny post with amusing quotes, primarily because I got drunk and decided to sleep it off instead of going ahead and putting it up while it was fresh last night. I'm an asshole.
I will, however, share Ben's Las Vegas story...
Ben went to Vegas with certain expectations and pre-concieved notions... he was met with a real doozie of a reality check (Vegas style). So he's walking down the street and is propositioned by a prostitute (We'll call this first hooker Regina). (If I'm getting things in the right order, it was an offer of a "full-body massage") He turns Regina down and goes into a casino bar where he is propositioned by another hooker (We'll call this second prostitute Kathy). The first prostitute, Regina, is not entirely out of the picture just yet, she followed Ben into the bar, and witnessed the second proposition from our new friend Kathy. So our dear sweet little Benny turned down the Kathy as well, but being the nice guy that he is, he buys both Regina and Kathy a round of drinks. After a little conversation and another round, the first Regina had to use the restroom, so Ben was left alone with Kathy, at which time Kathy posed a very interesting question to Ben in an exchange that went something like this:
Kathy: "Um, you know that other hooker is a man, right?"
Ben: "What? No way! That's not a man!"
Kathy: "Yeah, she's totally a man."
Ben: "Really? I didn't think she was all that attractive as a woman, but now that I know it's a man... wow, I'm kind of impressed, I never would have guessed."
(Shortly thereafter, Regina, or should we say Reggie, returned.)
Reggie once again propostioned Ben, and once again, Ben turned Reggie down... although I feel safe in saying that this time Ben did it with a bit more conviction.
So when Reggie kept on trying to put the moves on Ben, Ben just came out with it... here's the exchange:
Reggie: "I think we could have a lot of fun together."
Ben: "No, I really don't think we would."
Reggie: "Sure we would!"
Ben: "Man, you're a dude! Aren't you?"
Reggie: (Flabberghasted) "Well, yes, but you never would have noticed"
Ben: "UHHH, I THINK I'D HAVE NOTICED THAT!"
Reggie: "No, you really wouldn't... [Reggie hikes up his/her skirt at the bar] Do you see anyhing?"
Ben: (Rather shocked) "Well... no." [pause] "Impressive tuck job, by the way."
Reggie: "Thanks. You want to buy me another drink?"
(Ben bought both Reggie and Kathy another drink and walked away alone, a little wiser and with a pretty great first-night-in-Vegas story.)
The next night Ben had his pocket picked, and while he did catch the perp, he didn't recover any of his money, so that put a significant damper on the rest of the trip.
So if you see Ben, you can give him a hard time, but go easy on him because we still love him.
Today Jen decided that she was reviving her blog, even though she doesn't find herself as a regular contributor on mine... although maybe once she gets cookin' on her own, maybe she'll be inspired to take up the slack she's left on the happy hour.... maybe not. We'll see.
Tonight was joyously spent celebrating Ben's 21st birthday... although a little later than originally planned. We went to Charlie's Ale House and had dinner and several rounds only before returning home to have more rounds, a small debate and a few tears... but all is good. We are probably better than ever in the land of lizzle. (I heard from spoolie, and the admiral, and that really rounded out the evening.)
Kirsten is planning a visit, for those of you who care.
I'll post a much funnier and more informative post and some really terriffic quotes later... when I've had less to drink and more to sleep.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Personally I think Dave would have a lot of fun hanging out with this character... they seem to have quite a bit in common. I also found his AIM screen name and chatted with him briefly this evening... I think he was trying to hit on me via the internet... he asked me what I was wearing... but I digress.
I must say that I do sincerely apologize to my few readers for the recent lack of alcohol-related hijinx... since I went home there was very little alcohol involved, thus not doing justice to the happy hour portion of the title here. But I'm back now, people missed me, and school is starting up again, so look for a return to the drunken fun and general debauchery that I've apparently become infamous for. What can I say? I love life. And I think it's amusing that I'm becomming notorious for my enjoyment! (Which only brings me further enjoyment.) But yeah... basically I'm looking forward to the return of "the adventures of quasi-alcoholic Lizzle, and her trusty sidekick Lana-mama-Spoolie-Stephansen" and you should too!
Oh, and in response to the NYC fellow's question and to explain the next couple of sentences, I wore a black tank top, a patterned black knee-length flouncy skirt, and a white mesh cardigan.
Based on this description, I looked decent today... I actually put forth a bit of effort. That said, I want to just say that I was cat-called, whistled at, hooted at, and generally ogled by dirty old men... I was cat-called a total of 9 times by my count, the most amusing was the Puerto Rican literally LEANED OUT THE WINDOW of his van WHILE DRIVING to holler "Aye Mamacita!" as well as some other spanish jibberish which I assume would have been offensive if I could have understood it. Do guys REALLY think this is an effective ploy to tempt women into speaking to them? Do they REALLY? I can't imagine what woman would ever find this tactic to be so effective as to strike up a conversation with the cat-caller, and I really don't see much of a strong relationship being based on any such meeting... But maybe that's just me. I should also note that I don't think that this cat-calling free-for-all was because I really looked all that great, I just think it's a reflection of the neighborhood in which I currently reside... I should also note that if I was still up in "The 26" (to be pronounced "the two six" referring to my old zip code, 60626) I have a feeling that the tally would have easily been double... because I'm moving up in the world. Similarly, if I lived in Lincoln Park, I'd have likely only heard one or two cat calls, most likely from homeless men sitting at the bus stops.
In the next couple days I will update the links, I promise. In the meantime, I think I'm gonna skedaddle.
QOTD for today is under yesterday's entry.
Monday, August 23, 2004
For ten straight evenings I've had my ass planted on the couch and my eyes glued to a perfect flat Trinitron. Not often does television make my heart race or my stomach churn, but as of late I feel cheated if I end a day having not paced in front of the television, screaming and pulling my hair out. The Olympics have taken over my life and I need help.
With that said I'd like to define the term "Diva" which has been used to describe one Svetlana Khorkina. Dave's definition is as follows
1.A bitch who, if not at the top of her game at present, was at one point extremely talented in one way or another.
2.An opera singer or something.
It should also be noted that a diva's area of expertise is always insignificant and useless. Yes i realize that music, the most common talent of the modern diva, is very important on a spiritual, cultural and individual level, but it must be noted that very little of the worlds most significant music was spawned of a modern diva. In fact I'd say none. Besides music is not the lone art. In short I'll bet my left nut that the woman who cures cancer(an accomplishment of true importance) will NOT be remembered as a diva. Got it?
Svetlana's performances on the vault, floor and beam were disappointing at best. I just wasn't impressed. She didn't sell any of her routines and lost major points for her lack of amplitude. Maybe I'm alone, but I think she was lucky to get silver. I did, however, shed an invisible tear for her, knowing that she would never have the individual gold. That tear soon found itself left behind and alone. My jaw dropped when "the diva" had the nerve to claim she was "robbed" of a gold medal because she's not American. I didn't mute the television when she stole the camera's from the true champion during a media conference after the event and I even smiled when she dramatically wrapped the Russian flag around herself before leaving it on the uneven bars. But to blame her second place finish on anything other than a lack luster performance is just too much. I hate her.
.....This was going to be a much better rant, but I was distracted men's high bar...... wow. I'll expand on my hatred of Svetlana later.
Basically, I got home, I tried to get my room in some semblance of order... unsuccessfully. I went to dinner with Jen and Bret which was a virtual hotbed of quotes... and has firmly convinced me that Bret will be right there in hell with the rest of us. After dinner we worked on our computer problems for a bit, I put my new sheets on my bed (They are SPECTACULAR!) and we watched Euro-Trip before bedtime. So Jen went to bed, I talked to Alana for a bit and called it a night too. Here's the basic recap of my time at home:
I got home, I hung out with momma, the big bro, and the big bro's woman. Saw the little sis while she was in town to visit the big sis. Babysat the nephew for the big sis over the four week home stand. LAUGHED A LOT, because he is about 97% comedy, and visited with grandparents, and a few friends ... although not many, because I don't like most of the people I used to be tight with... Funny how that works... There was also a period of illness, a lot of spoiling at the hands of my mother, some olympic coverage viewing, momma's berfday-day, and a quick visit to see the poppage and company. It was a pretty good trip all around.
I'm not going to bore all of you with further details, but there were hilights and a few lows, but I had a good time, and I am glad to be back in Chicago... But if one more person asks me if I'm ready for school to start, I think I'm gonna snap... I've gotta go get some stuff done, so I'll post the quotes of the day that I'm behind on, and let that be the end of it.
8.19.04 - "I've always taught my children to embrace the occurence of bodily functions... after all its natural, even if it's not always pleasant." ~My dad on speaking openly about "the slides"
8.20.04 - "Have you seen my baseball?" - My step-mom
8.21.04 - "Actually, I just wanna get it over with, I just wanna do it and be broken in." ~Alana
Jen: "Hey! Bret has 'Sex for Dummies' in his back seat!"
Liz: "Bret, are you a dummy when it comes to sex?"
Bret: "Wanna find out?"
8.23.04 - "Well, I wanted Jennie to come out with me to a movie, and she said she was going to do laundry, and since her grandma was living there, I told her to just make her grandma do it, I mean after all, what else does she have to do but wash Jennie's clothes and wait to die! And did Jennie come with me to see that movie, yes, I think she did!" ~Bret
Liz: "I think I'll take a shower and go to bed too..."
Jennie: "Dude, being clean is WAY over-rated."
8.25.05 - "Yeah, well, you'll be 4 months along with little Johnny." ~Leo on why I'll be getting married in a year
Friday, August 20, 2004
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
As for everything else, I'll bring you kids up to speed on the travel plans so that you're aware, because I know a few of you care about this sort of thing. So I'll be here for my mommy's berfday-day, and then Thursday morning I'm heading out to Louisville to see my dad, step-mom and little sister for a bit, and help Becky out with the man while we're there, and then I'll catch my flight to Chicago on Sunday. So for all those of you who have so desperately missed me, give me a call or a message on Sunday after 5 or so, and I should be in your neck of the woods to respond! And Monday I get to go in to work at the gym... oh how I've missed all the joys of the cage... actually, I've just missed the people, not so much on everything else. And next weekend (I think) Tarreck should be coming up to finance a fun time in the windy city for the Lizzle. After that, it's back to school time... BLECH! (Mentally insert the Mr. Yuck face here) I must say that after all the spoiling that my mom has done during my month at home, heading back to actual classes is gonna be a REALLY big reality check... One I'm NOT AT ALL looking forward to.
In other news, I still haven't seen my grandma, although I plan on doing that today. I still haven't talked to Dave, although he was supposed to call me. And I still don't really wanna see Lauren, although she's not very good at taking the BIG hints I'm droppin! (It's gotten so bad that she might actually stalk me all the way to Louisville just to hang out... Kinda weird if you ask me.)
QOTD (In honor of momma's berfday-day!)
8.18.04 - "It's not my birthday... I'm not having a birthay... Actually, you missed it... you were at Becky's so long that it's over"
Saturday, August 14, 2004
8.16.04 - "How INCREDIBLY misleading! It's just a single tiny nugget! I was expecting an EXPLOSION!" ~ Becky talking about Tyler's "nugget" which had been deceptively foul-smelling for the better part of a half an hour.
8.17.04 - "Yeah, he's funny like that, any time you fart, he'll reach up and touch your butt and ask 'Did you poop?' In fact, just the other night when I was rocking him to sleep, I farted and he just smelled it and he looked up at me, said, 'Mommy, did you poop?' and tried to reach around." ~ Becky on Tyler's fart detection prowess.
Friday, August 13, 2004
Ok, so I'll admit it, I was WRONG! The other day when I talked about the terrible twos... I had no idea what I was talking about. The other day was a walk in the park. Tonight was the REAL definition of the TERRIBLE twos. Before was just your garden variety irritating kid stuff. Tonight was different. Every ten seconds there was something else, some new problem, something else that couldn't be solved without tears and screaming and ten minutes of whining. We were physically incapable of having mommy out of our sights, we dumped popcorn on the floor, and then cried when the dog started to come sniff and munch on it. I'll put it to you like this, I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY glad that I'm not a mommy yet, because if I were, I would also be a convicted felon who pulled a Susan Smith and drowned her children. I'm thrilled that at the end of the day I can pass him off to his mother and be done with it. GOD BLESS ALL THE GOOD MOTHERS OUT THERE! SERIOUSLY!
But today also had it's good points... in fact, it was a really awesome day up until babysitting time which was only from 4-8:30 PM. Why was it so awesome you ask? I got to sleep in, and my momma woke me up to tell me that we were "going on a quest"... I had no idea what the quest entailed, I was told to just blindly follow. So we got to the mall, and I got a pair of charcoal-grey pants, chocolate-brown pants, makeup, and we moved on. We grabbed some lunch at Shyler's and then went shoe shopping. I got some new running shoes for the impending school year, and momma was going to take me to the art supply store, but we figured that we would save that for tomorrow. She also informed me that tomorrow I would get my pedicure! YAAAAY! When we got home she then told me to go ahead and order myself some new undergarments! WOO HOO! Mommy is trying to spoil me rotten before I go back to school.... And I'm not complaining at all! I like being spoiled. My mommy is the best mommy ever... even when she's not spoiling me she's the best! (It's just THAT much better when she does get the chance to spoil me!) I love you mommy, thanks for not drowning me during my terrible twos!
Happy Olympic day!
Well those 4 and a half HORRID hours of tot-wrangling have worn this girl out. I'm going to bed... here's the quote of the day
Chi-town countdown: 7 days.
Logan (The kid next door to Becky) : "Hey, I like your shirt!"
[Logan walks away]
Becky: "I don't know that he likes your shirt so much as what you've got IN your shirt."
8.13.04 ~ "Honestly, the thing I'm most worried about is that they'll get pissed that i'm kissing everyone and then no one will want to kiss me." ~Heather (That's a girl with her priorities in order!)
8.14.04 ~ "Well, he'll come home from work and ask me what I did all day, like I'm just sitting on my ass... but I've got it made while I'm pregnant, because he'll say, 'Jeez, Becky, what the hell did you do today?' and I'll just look at him and say, 'Gee honey, I grew ears today, what did you do?' and the fact is there just ain't a damn thing he can say to that." ~Becky on stumping her husband with her pregnancy productivity.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
I will say that I am very glad to see the new-found dialogue in the comment section! These little things amuse and please me so much!
Ronnie: "What the hell are you watching?"
Liz: "Lord of the Rings... because there's nothing else on.
Ronnie: "Nothing? We get like 200 channels!"
Liz: "Nothing else, unless you want to watch the E! True Hollywood Story of Tonya Harding"
Ronnie: "Oh fuck that! I never thought I'd say this, but Lord of the Rings it is.... God bless daytime television."
Countdown to Chi-town: 10 days!
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
8.11.04 - "My mom is driving me nuts!" ~Murda (Kids, when she said this, she had been home LESS THAN 5 HOURS!)
Chi-town countdown~ 11 days.
Dave, I'm still waiting on that phone call you promised me! (I'd hate to bother you at work, or interrupt your "special time" with your new lady-friend. Does she know you used to be a woman? You might want to bring her up to speed on that whole situation...
As for me, I'm feeling SO MUCH better... Still not 100%, but I'd say I'm at about 80% which is a vast improvement. Fortunately I have a wonderful momma who is willing to do anything within her means to make me feel better! She rocks! And I thank those of you who have sent get-well-wishes, because I appreciate them quite a lot. It means a lot to know that people care about my health!
I've been meaning to update the links on the blog... Some of them are pretty tired by now, I know, and I apologize for that! The thing is, if you kids want some new stuff up here, I'm gonna need a few contributions from y'all... Some suggestions for new funny stuff.
Oh, and speaking of funny stuff, tonight while I was at Walgreen's, I got the most ingenious toy ever created for less than 5 bucks! I'm not kidding... It's brilliant.
Well, I'm beat. Here's your quote of the day!
Mike: "I think we need to address the fact that we never dated."
Liz: "I disagree."
Mike: "You disagree that we never dated? When did we date? Where was I? More importantly, was I any good?"
Countdown to Chicago: 12 days!
Monday, August 09, 2004
North Carolina, on the other hand, sucked. Atleast the Burlington area near which we stayed did. Always ashamed to let a Saturday night go by without getting sloshed I drug Aaryn out to find the local watering hole. Applebees (however its spelled) was the only establishment we could find that sold alcohol in any form or fashion. This wasn't an option however, being that I won't drink at a restraunt bar (unless waiting for a table), hotel bar (unless waiting for a room) or an airport bar (unless... you've got the idea) because i've found the patrons to be pretty shady, depressing and very much the scum of the earth. The only cool thing I found in Burlington was a drive through liquor store. I've heard you guys have em in your part of the country, but there isn't a one in maryland. Dammit! It's genius! I bought two six packs and pack of smokes, not because i wanted to, but because i could. it was magic.
The best part of the trip was the drive. The new car runs great, handles like a dream and accelerates very well for a sedan. The leather seats, 12 disc changer, sun roof and tinted windows made it a very comfy ride. On the way back to baltimore I was tooling around with this turbo charged Neon for about 3 hours up route 85. We eventually hit real traffic and I thought I had lost him as he got boxed in pretty early, but to my surprise he showed up again 2 hours later at a McDonalds! Aaryn and I had pulled over for food and this guy walked right up to us and sat down. He intoduced himself as silver SRT Neon and asked if i drove a silver Grand Prix GTP. We talked about cars and such for about an hour while his gf and mine rolled their eyes. Had a great time. I got the car up to 120 mph on i95 before Aaryn started screaming. Girls are wierd.
Sunday, August 08, 2004
8.9.04 - "Hey punkin, is there anything you want to do? Any place you want to go tonight?" ~Momma
(For those of you who don't get it, when she said it, it was about 7 PM Sunday night, in EVANSVILLE, IN... there is nothing to do, and no place to go after 5 on a Sunday in Evansville, IN.)
Hooray for Greg Maddux! Way to go on the big 300!
Huzzah to my buddy Water-head! (Water-head knows who he/she is and why he/she is deserving of a huzzah!) You deserve it and you know it! You win!
And here it is, your quote of the day!
Liz: "Well, I walked from Wrigley Field to my apartment..."
Lisa: "How far is that?"
Liz: "Oh I'd say about 3 miles or so."
Mom: "Well that's not so bad."
Liz: "IN HEELS!"
Mom & Lisa: (In unison) "OOOOH!"
Scoot: "I can't believe what I just heard! If I were to say there are starving babies in Afghanistan, I'd get no reaction... I hear 'I walked 3 miles in heels' and I hear 'OOOOOOH!!' from every other person in the room... I just can't believe it!"
Friday, August 06, 2004
But since I took a couple days off, I'll bring you kids up to speed. Basically. I had another one of my personal epiphanies, this time it's about societal perception of love and sex... I won't bore all of you with the minute details, but I'll just say that I think it's a good thing that I had this kind of moment of clarity now. The timing on these things is just incredible!
Outside of all that, I'd say that while my homecoming has a bit lack-luster in most regards, but the time spent with the family, and the babysitting job have both been awesome! Basically my sister Becky pays me to play with my nephew, and to keep her company! I love this job! Also I have gotten to spend some time with my mom and my brother. We've had some quality margarita nights, and some video game amusement. Becky and I have had good lunches, and "Sex and the City" mini-marathons... GOOD TIMES!
The other day Tyler accidentally gave me a kick to the jaw, but that's one of the hazards of the job... I'll live!
OH! And before I finish this off, I've got 2 things to say...
1) Jen, my AC better be in my room when I get back!
2) Just when everybody thought the Jesus bed couldn't get any better, IT HAS! I made a luxury-item purchase... 350 thread count Jacqard Sateen sheets.... I'M NEVER GETTING OUT OF BED TO GO TO CLASS... EVER!
Here are the quotes of the day that I owe you!
8.3.04 - "Sex is like cuddling... Only damper" ~Quote from Becky Adams' AIM profile.
8.4.04 - "Well... Peter Pan is hot!" ~Alana talking about Peter Pan... I don't know why.
Liz: "Karla can lick my big toe!"
Alana: "Nothin' like a good toe lickin'!"
(I was saying that Karla would just have to wait, and Alana was enthusiastically agreeing!)
James: "Well, I'll give you a choice, I can either talk bad about your mom or your baseball team"
Liz: "You don't want to do either one, because either way you're lying... I mean you talk about my mom, and you're going to hell, and I'll have to kick your ass, and if you talk about my Cubs, I'll talk back, and you'll look bad because your baseball knowledge will be shown up by a girl.
James: "Damn, either way you've got my manhood and I lose..."
Liz: "Admit it, you like it when I have your manhood."
James: "Well, I've offered my manhood, but you don't want that... You just take my dignity."
8.7.04 - (We were playing a video game where he had to save little Chinese people from a burning building)
Mom: "Oh! Catch him! Save that one!"
Bill: "Yeah, let's save all those little yellow babies!"
Liz: "You know you're going to hell for saying that, right?"
Bill: "Yeah, I pretty well figured as much a long time ago."
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
My liz has been gone for over a week now. It is sad. Sometimes I just open her door and stare at her bed and take her life size body pillow that no one knows what she really does with it in that bed and hold it soo close. Ewww...that sounds freaky. Nope but i do miss myself some liz roomie fun and look forward to the return date of my roomie. Until then I stole the AC unit out of her room two nights ago when it was 90 out and thought i might die if i had to stand in the kitchen for 4 minutes waiting for the microwave. he he. I am a WIMP. I melt. I know this so its ok.
Ok...I'm rambling, but ramble or no ramble i BLOGGED just for you!
Hugs and love,
Monday, August 02, 2004
I was giving him a bath tonight, and he was sitting there and just out of the blue he farted.... he turned and looked at me with this big grin on his face and goes, "What was that?" and with a straight face I tried to say, "I don't know... what was that?" and he goes "It was me! I pooted." There is something to be said for TOTAL honesty...
And the other night we had put him to bed, and like an hour later he stealthily crept down to the living room and I didn't even see or hear him until he was 2 feet from the couch, and he turned and looked at me with the biggest grin on his face... like he knew he wasn't supposed to be there and he turned to Becky and looked her dead in the eye, and said "Hi, mommy! Can we watch Hairy Monsters?" Which just goes to show you, even an hour after he was supposedly asleep, we still needed to expect the unexpected.
I've got some quotes of the day to post, but I'll do that later, because I gotta go to bed NOW, due to the fact that I've gotta tot-wrangle EARLY tomorrow.
Sunday, August 01, 2004
So theLizzle wants more participation. Fair enough.
OMG I need a break from life! It's been soooo busy. This weekend was spent with Aaryn and much like last weekend there was not much sleep had, but fun aplenty. Friday night my group went to a small bar on the westside of
Saturday I went to a farm fair in north-eastern
In short I was "doing something" constantly this weekend, as i have the past few. I'm getting tired of "doing stuff" and need some "me time" or "lounging around" very badly. Unfortunately I don't see any of that in my near future. Next friday i'm off work to spend the day in
Lastly... Michael Moore is an ass.
DJ Pan Blanco >