Sunday, October 31, 2004
Yes, kids, that's right, it's Halloween night. Sunday. I have class in the morning. Do I care? NO. And why is that? Well, I was talking to my sister about this, (and Ben a little earlier on in the day...) and we've determined that senior year is worth fuck all. Yup. I've already taken the hardest test I'm going to have all year, and I got an A- on it despite only having REALLY studied about 2 hours for it, and so that doesn't really bode well for my study habits for the rest of the semester. The only class I really care about is Jewelry... and that makes me wonder if my collegiate career hasn't been horribly misspent studying the wrong field. However, I really don't think my dad would look too highly on having an art student/artist kid... (Not that I really care what my dad thinks because... well, he's a tool. And, oh yeah, he forgot my birthday.) I know my mom will sing my praises no matter what I do... being an academic, an artist, a lawyer, a nun, she wouldn't care as long as I was happy... and that's what makes my mom SO AWESOME. (And we all know that ALL my friends LOVE my mom, and are jealous because my mom is WAAAAAY cooler than their mom... But I digress.)
So yeah, my senior year is loaded up with entirely core classes, so that leaves me with every excuse to go and get personally loaded up on whatever substance happens to be handy... (almost always large amounts of alcohol... though pills have far fewer calories, so I might consider switching up) Basically my senior year has exacerbated any "problem" that I might have ever had with substance use/abuse. I don't think I have "a problem" for numerous reasons which we won't get into now, but I just think the fact that I don't give a damn about school anymore has made me much more willing to focus on having a good time rather than that whole "academic achievement" thing. So that's what it's about these days... and I know MANY of my friends who feel the same way.
I mean Dave loves me, and I love him... so I've got that angle handled. I've got one really supportive parent, so I'm handled there. I've got great siblings, awesome friends, a swell roommate, an entertaining job that might not pay much, but it keeps me busy and amused, and life is good. Right? (Well except for those pesky classes that interfere with the cooler parts of my day.)
So what makes these classes such crap? Well basically my sister and a few of my friends understand where I'm coming from here... I'm not trying to toot my own horn by any means, (those of you who really know me know that's not my style at all, I'm self depracating, if anything...) but basically, I'm a lot smarter and more creative than a lot of the people I'm forced to be in class with. (This is especially true of core classes since I'm stuck in with underclassmen who are trying to get the core out of the way before they decide on/develop their major.) My sister, and a few of my friends are smart enough to have the same kind of issues with people in general... because the vast majority of people really aren't that bright. (To your credit, if you understand the humor used in the entries on this page, you are automatically several points ahead of a lot of people!) I'm babbling again.
Here are the quotes of the day:
10.31.04 - "I dont like penguins ... penguins are scary!" ~Alana
11.1.04 - "Umm, it's kinda like the library" ~Emily (I'm going to be the only one amused by this one, sorry)
And a couple of fun links.
Harry Potter Puppet Pals
Penguin pokin' fun (three different endings kids!)
Friday, October 29, 2004
In my head we were still in Chicago, but the place where we were was actually an amazing combination of my former-neighbor JP's apartment, my house in Evansville, Glenmary country club in Louisville Kentucky, and a gymnastics training facility back in Evansville. (Needless to say, it was a super-cool, crazy-ass place.)
For some strange reason I had in my head that I still lived in my current apartment, but I was also aware that I had 4 roommates, (none of whom I have ever lived with) My roommates were Kaci Wittmer, (a girl who I went to grade school and high school with, but was never really friends with, and I have certainly given no thought since h.s. graduation,) Jake Brown, (one of the trainers who I work with) K.B. (Loyola track & field athlete) and Jill Weiser, (one of my friends from freshman year who I have not talked to for more than 2 years now).
Others in attendance were: Steve Stone, (former Cubs pitcher turned Cubs announcer who VERY recently stepped down,) Dave Hurley (and what I can only assume were a bunch of his drunk friends) Mark, (no explaination necessary) C-Murda, (no explaination necessary) my brother (no explaination necessary) and his girlfriend Lisa (again no explaination necessary), Alana (SPOOLIE!!!), Chris, Brad Pitt (as Mickey in "Snatch"), Oliver Thomas, (a boy who was in my homeroom in high school,) Julia Lynch, (a girl who I was KINDA friends with in high school,) Nealy,(a girl from my high school driver's ed class) Nate Adams, (flower slingin boss, birthday buddy, and dancing queen extraordinaire) Krystian,(one of my volleyball boys) Kim Burmeister,(a girl I used to lifeguard with VERY briefly my first year as a guard... before she started poppin out kids) Bryan Wassmer,(one of the guards I supervised when I was head guard at the ghetto pool) a squirrel, a duck, and two or three dogs. Quite the oddball cast, I know.
So we've got this crazy cast running around in this crazy house/apartment/gymnastics gym/country club place and of course comedy ensues. I know that in my dream we were drinking a lot, and we were playing pool, and playing in the gymnastics gym, (and we all know that when you combine alcohol and super-springy trampolines among other gymnastics equipment and apparatus, everyone wins!
...And then we had to go to church, where I was seated with my mom and Lisa Robinson, (my roommate from first semester of freshman year) and I was on crutches.
There's more, but it just gets really crazy, and hard to explain.
Hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my cracked-out head. I'm sure that all of this means something, and that if I were to track down a book on dreams and their meanings, I'd find out that I'm going to miraculously conceive the spawn of satan, or drink myself into a coma and die soon, or something of that nature... You know, nothing too out of the ordinary for me.
Yeah, this has to do with Benny and Spoolie. Lord knows I love them both immensely, and nothing (Even them dating each other) will change that. However, I have a bit of a bone to pick. I was drinking with them this evening, and definitely found myself in that awkward position where there was really nothing else to do but pretend I hadn't heard what was said, or plug my ears and start singing "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!" (Yeah, this is something that most of us haven't done since roughly age 8, but hey, we all have our limits.) There are just certain lines you can't cross in this situation.
Yes, it's true, when your friends date people you expect, if not desire, some of the juicy details... however when your friends are dating each other, this is not the case. Why is that? Well, I think it has to do with the fact that when you're only friends with one person you can focus on the details being given to you about your friend's new love rather than thinking about your friend in the situation. This changes, however, when your friends date each other. I think it's akin to sensory overload. Because no matter what is being said, or who is saying it, they are still talking about one of your friends... just an ugly situation... although it does (at times) provide some very high comedy for all.
Like I said though, the relationship talk not withstanding, Benny and Spoolie still dwell in that special unimpeachable place in my heart (Dave recently relinquished his position in this prestigious cabinet of numerically limited, but otherwise supreme members)...
Since Dave got himself fired, I'll be forced to marry this boy, because he proposes to me every day... This is a sad day for me because we all know that I am not a fan of dating, let alone marrying, a significantly younger man. It just ain't my style.
I should note that I am rather disappointed that nobody had anything to say about the social sadism theory.
I find that I drink a lot on weeknights, and I'm ok with that.
10.29.04 - "You know, Liz, I think Jennie drinks WAYYY more now with you than she ever did when she went to IU... Except for maybe that semester when she turned 21" ~Nicole
10.30.04 - "Oh, don't let me interrupt you! I hate to impose on your drinking!" ~ My mom.
Waz is going to be "A big tool" for Halloween... (HIGH COMEDY) But, hey Waz, I thought you kids set specific rules for this trip which stated that you couldn't dress up as members of the coaching staff... Was I wrong?
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Bill Simmons didn't die last night (At least, I don't think he did... it is possible though because he did set up a provision to have his article published in the event of his death...) Well either way, here's the article for you to enjoy.
"6:10 - Following a Ramirez single, Fox shows Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore wearing Red Sox sweatshirts and clapping excitedly. I wish I was actually driving the Red Sox Bandwagon right now, just so I could screech to a halt, whirl around, point to them and scream, "Get off! RIGHT NOW! I mean it! Get off! Move it! Gather your things and GET OFF!"
"Time for a quick story: At the Pats game two Sundays ago, I didn't dress warmly enough and ended up buying a hooded Pats sweatshirt and matching old-school ski cap with Pat Patriot on it, which I wore at Game 4 against the Yanks later that night. Needless to say, the combo returned for Game 5 ... and nine days later, I'm still wearing the sweatshirt (with the cap as a late-inning closer). Also, I have a T-shirt covered in bird poop hidden in my bedroom. Other than that, I'm totally normal about this Red Sox thing. Just wanted to get that on the record."
"7:18 -- Top three places where I wish Fox had planted cameras tonight: 3.) Steinbrenner's house; 2.) Buckner's house; 1.) Nomar's house. I just picture a sullen Nomar watching the game in the dark, as Mia brings him a glass of water and he says, "Thanks, beautiful."
"7:38 -- Boston goes quietly in the seventh, leading to That Guy from Creed singing "God Bless America" between innings. Somehow, they found the one singer who sucks more than the Cardinals offense."
"8:21 -- Just had this exchange with the Sports Gal:
-- Me: "If I have a heart attack and die, copy the text in this document, paste it into an e-mail and send it to Kevin Jackson at ESPN."
-- Her: "You serious?"
-- Me: "Actually, yeah."
10.27.04 - "Yeah, I hopped around my apartment for about one second, and then I lost all feeling in my appendages... (About 10 mintes later) At present I am writhing on the floor of my apartment." ~ Kirsten (regarding the joy of the BoSox win!)
Kirsten can totally appreciate this.
The rest of you might only have a casual interest in the topic... (but we all know that Daver owes us an apology)
I awarded Alana with the quote of the day for something, but I'm too drunk to remember what exactly... I'm going to go take my cursory drunk shower now.
I love you kiddies!
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Are you ready for this? I don't think you are! You ready yet? ... How about now? ...Now? Ok. I'll wait....
Ok, ready or not, here goes.
SOCIAL SADISM. Yeah, social sadism.
I'm posting it now because I need to have a date on this idea... I'm seeking a patent for the concept. Want an explaination, do you? Well allow me to enlighten you. Everyone has met someone who they just inexplicably have a deep desire to throw into the path of an oncomming bus. It's a fact that most of us normal folks have come to grips with. And yeah, we all have days where we're being bitchy or annoying, and people want to throw us under a bus, but I'm referring to the people who consistently engage in behaviors which consistently grate on the nerves of those around them on a daily or near-daily basis. It is with these people my theory is concerned.
These horrible, annoying, soulless, morally corrupt, ethically inept, socially unconcerned people are the ones who have been brought up in socially sadistic households. It all begins innocently enough. Parents pamper their kids, (and by pamper, I mean literally spoil the kids,) and teach them that they are better than other people so that the kids grow up, leave the home, and wreak havoc on society. The parents are not abusing the child, and are thus not held accountable for child abuse, but the children grow up to abuse society because they think they are above the rules... Thus, SOCIAL SADISM. The parents have so little regard for the world, and society in general that they see fit to turn loose their miscreant children on the unsuspecting citizens of the civillized world. Now while money has a very strong correlation to socially sadistic households, the socially sadistic do not necessarily need to be wealthy, and by the same token some wealthy kids turn out just fine. Socially sadistic parents need only to lavish their children with attention and praise in all the wrong ways, and this too will teach a child that they are above others in society, thus spoiling them in the literal sense of the word, and in the end there is nothing that the rest of us can do but band together and lobby for more frequent bus service and more lenient laws regarding justifiable homicide.
And with that, I will await my book deal and my praises as one of the greatest sociological thinkers of the modern age... I'll just be sitting here, drinking a few brews, watching the BoSox win the World Series, so please leave gifts of money, reality show contracts, attractive men, fan mail, pleasantly scented candles, and jewelry at the door. Thank you!
This one's for you Kirst! (Bill would be so proud, don't you think?)
I found out my oldest sister, Becky, is having a baby boy! (I know it's not what she wanted, but the way I see it Tyler will now have a playmate to keep him company and keep him occupied while she is pregnant with and eventually doting on her little girl when the time comes.) And Kim, my other older sister got a job at U of L, so she will be moving back to a familiar neck of the woods! Yay!!
Craziness! And as if that isn't enough, for those of you who remember Greg Stellatos, he's a model now. I didn't believe it at first either, but then I was directed to a copy of the October 25 RedEye, where I promptly located an ad for Carson's men's clothing department, and guess who was there, looking like a greek Ken-doll, smiling and plastic... You guessed it! Greg. Wow... what has the world come to?
I had to write a paper on Roberto Clemente for Spanish class when I was in high school... Weird that I all of a sudden remembered that.
I have the weirdest experiences on the El... The other day I was waiting on the platform and I'm not kidding you, there was a guy there who was spitting a LOT. He was spitting so much that I decided to see how many times he spit from the time I started counting until the next train arrived... The totals? The guy spit 573 times in the 6 minutes and 12 seconds before the train arrived. I'm not kidding!! FIVE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY THREE TIMES! I was unaware that the human salivary glands could produce that much spit that fast! And today I was sitting on the El, reading the RedEye, and some guy totally throws his cell phone at me. I mean what the hell? (Fortunately for me his aim wasn't very good and he missed me by an inch or so, and his phone ended up clear at the other end of the El car. Combine that with some of my other stories and I just gotta wonder if I'm jinxed when it comes to the Chicago trains.
10.26.04 - "Ethics is tricky... oh and you can't kill people... so if that is what you want to do don't be a doctor." ~Fatty (I asked her for a brief synopsis of medical ethics... what was I thinking?)
It was at some point today that I realized that I am a playa. No doubt. Check out a paragraph from this email....
"...every time I began to fall asleep I immediately snapped
awake, like I was afraid I was gonna miss something. Just couldn't let
go with you so close. I'm sure we could work through the sleep issues,
but you're probably right, if we deny ourselves weeknights we'll be far
less likely to suffer through days like this. I'll just have to start
living for the weekends... seriously though I can't back any of that up.
If you ever want to grab a bite to eat or beat up a hobo at 4am on a
Tuesday don't hesitate to call. I'm in."
Here I use romance and comedy to spin a web with which to entangle fair maiden.
"I have to admit, you're starting to sucker me into you. Especially with
lines like this.. " Just couldn't let go with you so close." Another
oddity.. never really had anyone say that before either... you made me
Now here's the thing. My message was not meant to be a pick up line. I meant that. I have problems sleeping when an attractive half dressed woman is laying next to me. I couldn't sleep because she was right next to me. After reading her response and reviewing my statement... well it just sounds slimy. If she forwards this email to her friends I very much doubt it will be met with rave reviews. Just thought it would be funny if I fell victim to my own sense of romance. Well funny in a rip out my heart and spit in my eye kinda way.
Monday, October 25, 2004
So Friday night after work, the last thing on my mind was what I'd be doing Monday. So Jen and I went to dinner and a movie. Saturday I had to go in to work for a while, and when I got home it was time to watch some World Series game 1 action, and get ready for AJ's party. Jake came over, and while he doesn't really drink, we all know that I am a corruptor. Nicole showed up shortly thereafter, and a round or two later we were on our way down to the party. We mill about for a little while, watch the rest of the World Series game, played some flippy cup, you know, the usual party nonsense.
I know I saw a girl fall off the swing in the living room, and I know that I, like everyone else, stood there and laughed rather than helping her up. (Yeah, I'm still going to hell, but you know what, I guarantee that if I'd have fallen off that swing, that girl wouldn't have rushed to my aid either...) I don't feel at all bad about giggling at her expense. My take on it is that if you're drunk enough to fall off the swing, you probably had no business being on the swing in the first place.
We left the party to go to Carol's (which we all know I hate, but since I was sharing a cab it really wasn't up to me) The cabbie did try to fuck with us, since he could tell we were drunk, but after a little debate he didn't charge us the full fare, and we'll just leave it at that. So there we are, at Carol's... and we can't get in, why? Because 26 year old Jake forgot his ID. Who does that? So we came home.
Sunday, of course, was a hangover-recovery day, with a necessary trip to Target, a brief appearance at an UGLY soccer game, a nice little nap, more procrastination tactics, and watching game 2 of the World Series. It wasn't until the 7th inning stretch that I even picked a topic for my paper. And at roughly 3 AM I finished that sucker off, admitted to myself that I didn't give a damn about my stats test, and went to bed.
I got up went to class, didn't do so hot on my test, went to jewelry but forgot my tools, so I played sick and left early, and killed a couple hours before night class. I then went to night class, got my quiz back, turned in my paper, signed in, and bailed at the earliest possible moment.
So that Medical Ethics test tomorrow? Yeah, I'm not actively studying for that either, now, am I?
A couple of quick notes on the subject of boys:
1) I seem to be unable to seduce the boys I do want, and unable to get rid of the ones I don't want... why?
2) (For those of you in the know) You know that boy I've had a crush on forever? Yeah, I think today I came to the conclusion that I'm over that... time to find a new one. (Wink Wink)
3) Dave loves me, but he is thrilled to be sleeping NEXT to other girls... I just can't win.
Ashlee Simpson is a lip syncher... and she so recently made public statements about how she was very anti-lip-synching.... For shame little Ashlee!! For shame!
10.25.04 - "Rim job, what?" ~Alana.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
You may remember this post from a couple weeks ago Well I took the "really cool girl" (let's call her Karen) out yesterday to some of the more historic villages here in Maryland and had a great time. She's a friggin winner! I haven't felt this way about a girl since I was 19. She has been on the tip of my tongue all day. She's smart (er than me), funny (though just a shade less than me), pure joy to hang out with (big drinker), beautiful (hot hot hot), and in all ways out of my league (Note: I've already used two words that end in ue) She's got a degree in computer engineering which is a very similar field to my own. It's great to talk to a girl whom doesn't squint upon hearing the words computer programming. She works for a rather notable arms contractor and is doing very well for herself (very well indeed). And she's so hot... Here's the problem: she's moving BACK to New Jersey at the end of December, as dictated by her work, where she also plans to study for her masters. Call me crazy but I'm of the belief that long distance relationships most often fail and are hardly worth the trouble. So I'm stuck. Here's a girl I could very easily fall in love with, and we're talkin head over heals, that I know is going to be out of my life in 2 months... NOW I WANT A CIGARETTE!
Liz when ya going to move to MD and end my pain?
Oh and one last thing This young man needs a mentor
Yeah, I just dropped the F-Bomb up in here.
LAME-O! (Such is life at the moment.)
But the party was great! Thanks AJ and roommates, you kids know how to throw a totally awesome shindig, even if your place smells a little funny. Much love.
Saturday, October 23, 2004
No one else ever had a dislocated ankle tendon sutured temporarily into place by stitching the skin to the deep tissue below it, much less had gone ahead to do it a second time less than a week later to pitch in a game of this magnitude. --This is what baseball is really about, and this is why I'm rooting for Boston.
That is all.
Friday, October 22, 2004
It was not until tonight that I had occasion to truly appreciate that fact. Yes, she has been drunk in my company before, but usually by then I am equally as drunk, or more drunk, so I never have the opportunity to truly see it for what it really is... COMEDY GOLD.
She comes in and the first words I hear are "Liz, I'm DRUNK, REALLY DRUNK... And I hate reunions!" She then proceeded to put something in the oven, begged me to remove her air conditioner from her bedroom window, crawled around on the floor, flashed our newly carved jack-o-lanterns, (Because she thought it would make them happy,) tried to touch my ass a few times, and generally amused me with her intoxicated conversation skills. Oh, my dear Jennifer.
Here's a sampling of her drunk IMs from her bedroom, roughly 15 feet away from me:
Jen: bri i am so drunk
Liz: yeah... now get
Jen: now witaywa
Jen: what youarent bir
Jen: lol lolol
Liz: no, I'm not.
Jen: git me gone
Liz: now GET!
She also snagged QOTD with a couple of winners:
10.22.04 - "I'm a bucket!" ~ Drunk Jen
10.23.04 - "What now, bitches? You know what you are, and what you want! You're a fry! And you want to GET LAID! Every one of you little fry-bitches just wants to get laid!" ~ Drunk Jen talking to her french fries.
10.24.04 - "No, Stay! We're going to have a party! I've got lots of french fries and cheese friends!" ~Drunk Jen begging me to keep her company
On another positive note, I have come up with a couple of decent ideas for a halloween costume!
Thursday, October 21, 2004
You know what else makes me happy? Clean jeans... even if I have to smuggle them into the gym to wash them. Yes, that's right, I smuggle in my laundry now. Shawn doesn't really care whether or not I do my laundry at work, just as long as I am a bit more subtle about it than the last time I did it, because apparently Hitch mentioned something to him upon seeing the REALLY mega huge bag I brought in last time. Granted, the last time I did laundry at work I had about three weeks worth of clothes, a set of sheets, a few towels, and a partridge in a pear tree. But I kind of enjoy sluggling in my laundry, it kinda adds an extra element of espionage-fun.
Paychecks also make me happy! Yeah, that's right, at present money can make me happy. Why? Because I'm frickin poor, so payday thrills me.
I would also be thrilled by a halloween costume idea, but nobody is helping me out with that one.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
I need to take a quick second to remind people that I am not the only person who posts nonsense up here, the most common other contributor is Dave, the love of my life in Baltimore. So basically, if you see posts about smoking, or sleeping with women, it should be noted that I neither smoke, nor sleep with women, and I am very happy with keeping it that way.
That is all.
I would also like to take a couple seconds to give a shoutout to the new couple SPOOLIE AND BENNY! (Yeah, it's true, we thought it would never happen, so all we can say is IT'S ABOUT FRICKIN TIME!) You kids already argue like an old married couple, you might as well be together in the meantime! Congrats kids!
As for last night, we didn't know where we were going, we just knew we were going out... and out we went. We didn't even leave my apartment until midnight, and I know I didn't make it back to my bed until at least 5 AM. No drunk dials, no makeouts, but still a fun night out with my homies.
10.20.04 - "Liz, I think your hair is magical!" ~Teresa
10.21.04 - "Oh, I put on Karla's skirt, and I've seriously got about a half an inch between the end of my hang time and the bottom edge of the skirt." ~Ben (He's gonna be Britney Spears for Halloween)
I LOVE SMOKING!!! I haven’t had a cigarette in 3 days and I think that I may die… soon.
Don't smoke? Think of it like this; You're 8 years old, it's Christmas morning and your perfect present is under the tree...but you're locked in your room. Meanwhile your father is outside your room giving a rather jovial and descript analyses of the progress your mother is making... skinning your beloved dog alive. and you're on fire.
If I go through all of this "not smoking" crap and end up getting cancer anyway... I'll be fairly upset.
Wanna see me pimping the Serial Killer Indian look? I'm the one with the full headdress in the lower left.... My Kickball team.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
I'm sure you've had one of these moments in your life, everyone has, even if you didn't take the time to appreciate it when it happened.
Well, I had one of those today. I was talking to a guy who I have maintained a long-term friendship with, but who I have never dated, and we were talking about why we never got together... It's just these kinds of conversations that generate those movie-scene moments... I'm going to keep the details of this conversation to myself for a little bit, (At least until I discuss it with the boy to make sure it's ok with him if I post the details... I'd understand if he didn't want them up on the internet) But I just gotta say, thanks honey, even if nobody else ever knows what was said in that conversation, it was an amazing dialogue that I will never forget! You're amazing and I love you!
As for the rest of you, I LOVE Jon Stewart. I LOVE HIM! For those of you not already familiar with this stuff, he was on CNN Crossfire on Friday of last week. If you didn't catch the appearance here it is, all linked up for you! It's about 14 minutes long, but well worth EVERY SECOND if you have a brain in your head. And if you've got another 3 minutes or so after you're done watching that, then I encourage you to watch this clip, where Jon talks about his appearance to his Daily Show audience, VERY FUNNY!
And with that, kids, I bid you adieu, because it's 9 PM on a Tuesday, and I already took the only exam I had this week, so it's time to go out and get toasted! (I hope some of you won't hold the multiple drunk dials against me... I try to entertain you. If you get multiple calls in a two week period, just know it's only because you're so very very loved!)
While catching up on my reading of Jason's blog (see links column) I had to note that this guy, who was a history major is also quite an astonishing writer, (Significantly funnier than me, I have no problem admitting). But anyway, Jason posted what I can only say is the most horrifically hilarious sentence I've ever read. (I have brought over acouple paragraphs to put things into a little bit of context for you, and I've put the sentence in question in bold italics, but if you want more, try going to Jason's blog)
"I don't know what theatrical pairing I'm more excited about: Queen Latifah joining forces with Jimmy Fallon, or George Costanza finally (finally!) pairing up with Theo Huxtable to create the greatest television the world will ever see until, at the earliest, the 23rd century.
First, The Queen and Fallon. I know you've seen the previews: a buddy comedy featuring Fallon as a bumbling cop and the saucy Queen ("We gotta start playin' to your strengths, and thinking ain't one of 'em") as a cabbie who helps him track down a gang of bandits led by (are you ready for this? I don't think you are!) the model Gisele Bundchen! Como se dice, "Oscar"? Also, como se dice, "I would rather eat my brother's shit using as chopsticks two hypodermic needles filled with retard than pay $10 to sit through two hours of this crap"?"
Yeah, he used the phrase "hypodermic needles filled with retard" ... And these are the kinds of people who's material I continue to read? I mean I thought I was hellbound... WOW! (Well, scratch that, I KNOW I'm hellbound, now it's just a matter of logistics... we're just trying to narrow down which circle of hell I'll be residing in so I know where to have my mail forwarded) I gotta stop reading this stuff... I mean it's addictive like heroin, but I am feeling the warmth of the eternal fires of hell here... Oh, wait, the heat is on in the apartment, woops! Ok, so I guess I can keep reading! Happy trails kids!
Monday, October 18, 2004
So why do I even care about any of this? Because one of these days I'm going apply to grad school... and the people who aced bowling 101 at state school will have a higher GPA than I do because I got a B in the theology of environmental ethics class I was required to take. Yeah, sure my B.S. diploma will have a more distinguished name at the top, but unless I went to Harvard or Brown, I don't see that A I got in "History of the Holocaust and 20th century Genocide" getting me much further in the eyes of a grad school selection committee while I got a B in "sociology of pop culture." I think Alana's got the right idea. Go to grad school in Europe, do it all in a year, live it up for a while while you're abroad, and let things take their course. They have a better attitude towards life in general anyway. Food, drink, people, sports, and other simple pleasures far outweigh things like work and grand materialism. That's how it oughta be!
But for those of you trapped in the college life, I encourage you to adhere to the ten commandments of college (Thanks, Kang-a-roo, for the link!) while you're here, and deal with the grad school selection committee when you get to it... Put down the damn book and go out and live life! (Katie Miller, this means you!) There is no reason that you should spend the best nights of your early twenties going over flash cards for cellular biology, or advanced goldfish anatomy, or whatever the hell it is you pre-meds study for weeks on end, when you can go out to a bar and meet a hot medical student and get him to tutor you and make out between chapters. I mean really! Priorities people! PRIORITIES!
I really just wanna talk to my Daver! But he doesn't call when I want him to, and he doesn't answer his phone either... You call that love Dave? Really? (Just kiddin baby, you know I love you, and I'm sure you're busy, or sleeping or drunk, or whatever.)
And HOLY CRAP the BoSox just pulled another one from the garbage disposal! Just when you think you see your team (in this case, my AL team, which kinda makes me a glutton for punishment, I know...but I digress.) circling the drain, they go and amaze you! (Though I have no doubt that they are only toying with our emotions, as they have been known to do in the playoffs.)
Liz: [Exceptional Child voice] "Have fun at practice Krystian! 'Cuz you're my friend!"
Krystian: "HELL, Liz, Fiery HELL!!"
For real though kids, what am I gonna be for halloween???
I consider myself utterly blessed to be among the lucky few. I have my team, I have my faith, I know the joys of victory, and I know the bitterness of defeat. I can sympathize with the other tortured die hards out there, and we kindered spirits know what's up.
And for the record, real fans don't believe in the "curses"
Congrats BoSox on pulling this one out!
An amusing exchange with Spoolie:
(A trailer for "Shall We Dance" comes on)
Spoolie: "My mom saw that, she said it was cute."
Liz: "Yeah, but that's a girly movie, Spoolie, you don't see girly movies."
Spoolie: "Yeah I do!"
Liz: "Oh really? What was the last girly movie you saw?"
Spoolie: (Long, pensive pause) "Hmm.... Well, I'm sure there's at least one."
All I wanted this weekend was to talk to Dave, because he just gets me... and alas I didn't talk to him... So Daver, when you see this, give me a call when you've got some sober time!
What the hell am I going to be for Halloween????
Sunday, October 17, 2004
This is one of those more cerebral/analytical posts... not the norm here, I know, so feel free to skip.
I was talking to my very intoxicated cousin last evening, and he was asking me for relationship advice... This amuses me. I am amused because we all know that I don't have successful, lasting relationships. It's not for a lack of wanting or trying, it's because I just can't find any guy who is right for me. And to be honest, I don't think I'm asking for so much... I just want a guy who is moderately attractive, (I don't have strict limits on anything physical, as most of you know from my photo-array of all my former Mr. Lizzles) I like to think that as far as the physical goes, it really doesn't matter, but since we all know that it does play a role even if we say it doesn't, I like guys with that "all american boy" kind of charm... So yeah, I just want an all american boy who has a decent sense of humor, and is willing to laugh at himself (and at me, when appropriate). And I think more than anything I want someone who is strong enough in character to have his own opinons while still giving a degree of consideration to mine. Is that so much to ask? I didn't think so, but I guess it is...
But anyway, while I was talking to my cousin, he was seeking a little bit of relationship advice. In his very drunken text messages, he was telling me how much he cares about his girlfriend of 6 months, asking me what he should do to celebrate their 6 months together. He then asked me if 6 months was too soon to be so serious, (i.e. was he missing out on college life, etc.) and the only answer I could give him required me to go on record about my feelings on cheating. So I might as well let everybody know... I'm pretty obviously anti-cheating, I've never cheated, and based on my own philosophy of anti-cheating, I have no intention of ever starting. Here's why. If you're in a relationship where you feel like you are willing to commit yourself to the one person who you care about, and you've both decided that it's a mutually exclusive commitment, then you have pretty much stated that you care enough to be with that one person, and nobody else. And if you feel the need to be with someone else, then you obviously don't care about that other person quite enough to be with only them, so why bother being with them at all? I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but it makes sense in my head, so that's why it's my philosophy and not yours... I'm not preaching or anything, just putting my shit out there. (That's what I do here... so get over it.)
Mark is a champ again with another stellar performance on the soccer field. Way to go honey, you're such a superstar!!!
I talked to my dad today. He was calling just to make his standard every-other-weekly call... We talked about school, weather, baseball, football, and just as I could tell he was about to get off the line without saying anything I thought I'd go ahead and bring it up. Here's how it went down:
Dad: "Well, kiddo, you sound like things are going pretty well, study hard for those exams..."
Liz: "Oh, hey, dad, I've got a question for you."
Liz: "You don' t happen to remember what last Monday was, do you?"
Dad: [LONG pause] "Oh, shit... I'm sorry."
Liz: "Yeah, I figured you just got busy and forgot."
Dad: "Yeah, honey, I'm sorry. Well, how was your 22nd birthday?" (He verbally noted my age to prove he had at least remembered what year I was born)
Liz: "It was good, it was fall break, so we had a couple extra days to celebrate."
Dad: "Well, you know maybe if you called more often I'd be more likely to remember."
Liz: "... Yeah... Well, I think we're just mutually busy."
(Please go back and read that last exchange again... My father, who is responsible for half of my genetic makeup forgot my birthday, (as if that isn't bad enough) he then tried to put it back on me after I reminded him... and upon hearing that, did I take the chance to rip him a new one? No. I was nice enough to let it slide...)
Even though it's futile, I'm still rooting for the BoSox... the only team left in the playoffs with any indication of a soul.
10.18.04 - "Have you ever woken up mortified at yourself for something you did in a dream? Last night I dreamt that I walked with Dave Coulier as he threw a cripple's wheelchair up a hill. We then laughed with Uncle Jesse and Danny Tanner as we watched her try to get up the hill to her wheelchair. We were laughing so hard that the filming of Full House had to stop... I finally get a chance to be on tv and I blew it!" ~ Abbey P.
Saturday, October 16, 2004
In talking to others about the events of the evening, I've gotta say it does seem that there is a kind of cosmic balance out there... and for every victory there is, in turn, a failure. I won't go into details, because I want to protect those with issues still outstanding here... I just wanted to note that I recognize the correlation.
I've also gone back and read some of my past entries, and I just need to say, WOW, I complain about my life a lot. And the fact is, I really shouldn't. I know that I also have my moments of self-depracation, but then there's the written evidence that I keep complaining about all this mundane crap that other people would be thrilled to have. So, yeah, I willingly and whole heartedly admit, I've got it pretty damn good right now. If I ever get into one of those complaining ruts again, someone just smack me.
A shoutout is due to Mark (my Mark Joseph) for his diving header goal... even though it wasn't enough to get the win, you're still my champion honey, way to be!
And another shoutout to Ciara Henderson, for being the 2004 Loyola University Battle of the sexes, and all time 3-point champ! We have known for a long time that you were a champ, and you showed them ALL tonight honey! WAY TO GO!
Jake Brown came within an inch of losing all Lizzle priveleges, and very nearlylosing his life when he called me this morning at 9:28 AM to ask me to get him a shirt at midnight madness. I told him I'd try, but there were a WHOLE LOT of people there, and it was really difficult to get a shirt for myself, let alone one to give to Jake, so sorry buddy... consider the fact that I couldn't get another shirt for you to be restitution for the fact that you called me so early in the morning to ask me for it.
I think after 5 days it is safe to assume that my dad forgot my birthday. I even tried calling him today, but the house line was busy and his cell was off...
I would really like to get out of bed before noon tomorrow, so I'm going to wrap this up with a quote or two and call it a night.
10.15.04 - "Oh Lizzle, you and your many men... what ever will you do?" ~C-murda
10.16.04 - "Liz, thank you for listening to me and understanding me, even at 2:30 when I'm am really drunk and even my roommates get mad at me for waking them up!" ~Beth H.
10.17.04 - "Liz, that's so sad! Here! Happy Birthday! I'm your dad! ... does that do anything for you?" ~ Teresa N. (Jen also said a similar statement, but Teresa had the original franchise on it!)
Friday, October 15, 2004
1) Common sense dictates that a show titled Wife Swap would be shot in the bedroom. Once again I’m disappointed by today’s programming.
2) Outsourcing... Cutting costs to increase profit is the nature of industry. Don't blame the companies. Blame the silicon valley flunkies who won't work for anything less than 6 figures. Bush wants to throw Pell Grants at the problem. Idiot. An old man with a thick Indian accent and a Windows for Dummies book will always win over an M.I.T. grad aiming to retire at 30.
3) If I can convince my roommate to vote Bush/Cheney, cancelling out my own vote, I'll be able to sleep in come November 2nd.
4)Light beer makes me pee a lot. I will have none of it. I'm not even on a diet.
5)Depression... Bull Shit. If you've got a porsche in the driveway, a trophy wife/husband, a few million in the bank, a yacht and you still wake up crying... fine here's some Prozac. If you live from paycheck to paycheck, drive an '84 chevy chevette, and can't get a date... Your life sucks. There's nothing clinically wrong with you.
6) People ask this question all the time: Why the hell are drive through ATMs equipped with braille? This is mine: Why braille on any ATM? They can't read the buttons, but the tiny low contrast two tone LCD is no problem? Do blind people know there's a $2 fee every time they withdraw from an ATM? Poor bastards.
7) I'm tired of all my black friends thinking they're obligated to vote democrat. Though I may lean more to the left than right I'd be the first to admit that the Ds are more racist than the Republicans. The democratic party has made it very clear that they don't believe an African American can stand up on his or her own two feet. The republicans, on the other hand, tell the blacks the same thing they tell whites. Fuck Off.
8) O'Reilly won't stop calling me, asking me what I'm wearing.
9) If you see one movie this month make it Shawn of the Dead.
10) I accidentally washed my wallet a couple days ago. Left it in my pants, threw the pants in the washing machine. My roommate asked me why I did it. I punched him in the throat.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
1.) Not all boys are meanies. Just 99.999999999999% of them... I will concede that there are still a few exceptions though.
2.) Yes, I do think the Michael Jackson is a child molester. I think he is a sick-ass pedophile, and he does horrible, scarring things to small children. I think he is guilty, and you're not going to convince me otherwise, so don't bother.
3.) Yes, my home-made t-shirts make me awesome, I look like a rockstar.
4.) I've got another reason that I'm going to hell, and it has everything to do with the phrase "HEY YOU GUYS!!!"
5.) In the last couple days I've taught 3 people to play Texas Hold em.
6.) I think as I am typing these words my upstairs neighbors are going at it. Gross.
7.) Self-important people upset me... I know that I have my moments of self-importance, (WE ALL DO...) but I'm referring to the people who have convinced themselves that they can do no wrong ever, and if it's not their way then it's not right... unfortunately for the masses, the vast majority of people with a reality TV show contract, and most, if not all, politicians seem to be this self-important type.
8.) Statement 7 also applies to people who take themselves too seriously, and people who are WAY to P.C. (I mean c'mon people lighten up and laugh at this stuf for a change, it's funny!)
I wore my "my mommy loves me even when I'm grumpy" t-shirt today, and people loved it. Naturally. Dave V. seems to think that I need to sell them outside of Hamilton's on Friday nights... as if I've got nothing better to do on a Friday night... I mean if I'm going anywhere near Hamilton's on a Friday night you had better believe that it's going to be strictly to consume alcohol... but let's be honest here kids, I'm not a minor anymore... I don't go to bars with the 17 year olds anymore. (Hell, I didn't go to the bars with the 17 year olds when I was 17... which isn't to say that I didn't go to bars at 17, but we're not gonna get into all that, because my mom reads this thing.)
And while I'm thinking about it, I need to mention that spoolie says that if I had nuts, they'd be made of steel. So basically I'm feeling super-cool. (Though not self-important!!)
But anyway, I've been having sleep issues again, not that you care at all about any of this, (so do feel free to skip ahead to the quote of the day and be done with all of this...) but basically I can't sleep when I need to, and this means that I generally can't stay awake when I'm supposed to either... This tends to be a problem, especially right around midterm time. I've tried taking drugs to help me sleep, but I've found that what is apparently a normal dose for other people takes me like 3 times longer to use up... so basically I sleep like three times longer than I should, and as a result I miss classes that I actually planned on attending, as well as other important events. I mean it's one thing to miss these things due to a hangover, because at least then I'd have had a good time the night beore, but this? No. This sucks.
Alana and I were watching Law & Order reruns again tonight, and basically we've come to the conclusion that if life had celebrity guest stars, crimes would be VERY easily solved. Basically, when in doubt, the celebrity did it, and when they didn't do it themselves, they know who did. I think it's a sound theory, honestly.
I won't bore you any longer... thank you for listening to me mumble.
10.14.04 - (Since I am the only person who is likely to be entertained by these, I'll put up two for today and let them share the honor.)
"Holy cow, Liz. This must be the first Thursday in weeks you've been home!" ~ Sorgatz
"Wait, what is this Spongebob Squarepants movie NASCAR thing? When did Spongebob go all redneck on me?" ~ Alana
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
1) Krystian will precede me to hell because of something I saw him do while he was coming down the hall at the gym today.
2) I was starting the Brent Cunningham fan club (complete with shirts and everything) but then he went and upset me, so I'm withholding my membership.
3)The birthday list of names should be ammended to include Frances, Ian, Tony, Big Pon, and one of the Loyola maintenance men. (Please note that my dad is nowhere on the list... my dad fogot my birthday.)
4) My mommy rocks! (And that's all there is to it)
Now, on with the post~
I've got just enough patience and general tolerance for all mankind to put up some quotes and a couple new links for your entertainment, and call it a night.
Brent: Yeah, I was thinkin I needed a fan club... but nobody would join
Liz: I would... and I'd even make t-shirts!! Your mom would join, and I'm sure she'd wear one.
Brent: Yeah, my mom would wear a shirt for my fan club... my dad would wear one for Robbie Wade... but once track season starts up, we all know who the man is.
Liz: It's you, isn't it Brent?
Brent: Nope...It's Sean Conroy.
For the Dems: Click here and then select the version best suited to your computer.
For the Repubs: Click here.
The first shirt is a short sleeved black t-shirt with white flocked lettering that says "I (big red sequined heart) Jake Brown" and on the back it says "Lizzle"
The second shirt is a short-sleeved green one with blue flocked letters that says "My Mommy (little blue sequined heart)s me"
The third shirt is a short-sleeved red one with blue flocked letters that says "I can see you have already met the twins"
The fourth is a short-sleeved BRIGHT yellow one with blue flocked letters that says "I brake for plankton"
The fifth is a heather-grey (think like a grey sweatshirt color) short-sleeved shirt with black flocked lettering that says "Beware: I'm really a ninja!"
For those of you who are repeatedly reading "Flocked lettering" and thinking "what the hell is flocked lettering?" It's that fuzzy felt-like lettering that they used to put on shirts way back in the day... not the plain plastic crap they do nowadays.
Go ahead, tell me how awesome I am! (Christmas is coming, so if you have a personal slogan you think you want on a shirt, you just put in your orders now!!! (Wink wink!)
I'm beat, and after 6 hours of jewelry lab, my hand hurts a LOT... so that's all you get for right now!
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
I also came to find out that the damage done to my chin was not in fact the result of me taking a drunken header alone on the dance floor. (That would have been WAY more embarrassing than what actually happened.) The actual event was when Alana came at me and I basically "turned-linebacker-on-her" and basically tackled her in celebration of my birth. It's always better to know that when you went down and don't remember it, it was deliberate, and you took someone else out with you in the process, so you didn't stay there on the floor all alone looking like a total ass. (Although I have no doubt that I looked like an ass anyway, but damn it was a good time!)
Mom sent numerous IMs and called me a total of 8 times on my birthday... my dad didn't call at all. (I'm pretty sure he just flat out forgot, and if he doesn't call by Thursday, I'm going to call him up and make him feel like a tool.) I also got a few calls from folks who had laid down to go to bed when it suddenly dawned on them that they had forgotten to call, so even though I said thanks to you kids while I was talking to you, I just want to thank you again for the special effort!
I do have to say that I'm kind of upset that Christopher Reeve went and died yesterday, because my birthday was the day the nation spent mourning the loss of Superman. Superman isn't supposed to up and die on you... and certainly not on your birthday!
Anyway, I love all my brilliant family, friends, and friends who by all rights should be considered family, who made this birthday one of the best ever. REALLY! You are all so awesome, and I only hope that you know how much it all meant to me. If I can help make your birthdays even half as great as my own, then I'd consider it a total success!
I am worn out though, so I'm going to give you a quote and call it a night!
10.12.04 - "I'm going to go over there, because I have to fart now, but just know that I'm only doing that because it's your birthday... on any other day I'd have stayed right here to do it!" ~Name withheld at quoted's request
Monday, October 11, 2004
But yeah, this is a quick shoutout to the fine folks who not only tolerate me and my nonsense on a daily basis, but went above and beyond to wish me a happy birthday.
So, Momma, Jen, Spoolie, Ben, Nate, Jake, Maria, Beth, Krystian, Shannon, J.P., Bailey, Janey, Bret, Murda, Becky, Katie, Dez, Erik, Erin, Kirsten, Preston, Rachel, Heather, Shawn, Brice, Phil, Jag, Emily, Deb, Brian Joe, Chris, Dave, Ashlei, and Fatty, Scoot, Gretchen, Brittany, Bette, Oscar, Pam, Ron, Katie, Lisa, Mike, Matt, Jess, Nicole, Andy, Ashley, thanks for loving me! (I'll ammend this list as needed, because my birthday ain't over yet.)
A few other people wished me a happy birthday, but they are not being named because I don't want to get into details with some of that crapola!
For those of you who are concerned as to how I spent my b-day, I had no classes today, and I have none tomorrow either... I couldn't sleep, but I somehow woke up early, and then I came to the realization that I was really quite tired so I went back to bed, I woke up again, showered, channel surfed for a while, cleaned my room, cleaned a little around the rest of the apartment, talked to people, locked myself out, got Spoolie to let me back in, and that brings us up to the current moment. Tonight's plans are fairly simple because we really partied quite hard all weekend long (and for much of last week as well...) and so dinner and one or two drinks is about all I've got left in me for tonight. It'll be a nice quiet affair for my ACTUAL b-day, because one can only handle so much of that carousing that went on this weekend... but man it was a good time! Thanks again kids! You're all so awesome, and I hope you know how much I appreciate you!
The pictures I've included are the ones that are the few most flattering of me, because I'm REALLY REALLY not photogenic... But they definitely get the main themes of the evening across.
Here are the pertinent facts of the evening as best I can recall:
After the free drinks stopped, we went and lit up the dance floor, (and by we, I mean Nate! Mr. Adams was quite the dancing fool... He was bumpin and grinding on anything and anyone, and definitely had to be told to get down off the stage numerous times because nobody wants to see a drunken heterosexual white boy dance.)
I know that at some point I did spill a WHOLE long island iced tea, I did fall and bust up my chin, (I'm noticing an alarming trend lately) and I did definitely dance on a bar (because it's just not a birthday party until the birthday girl dances on the bar)... and then I sat on said bar and had a serious drunken chat with Ben.
I did not however make out with anyone, which is unfortunate.
Jake came over and made me laugh for a few hours on my hangover day, and he definitely asked me if he needed a butt implant.
I love my friends! They are so fabulous and why they tolerate me I will never know.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
It was a call from the lovely Kirsten who was calling to in fact THANK me for a drunk dial. This might not mean anything to many of you, but it means so much to me! Why? Because it demonstrated to me that I am a funny drunk who is appreciated even by those who are not drinking with me. And also because now that I know my drunk dials bring joy to others, you can rest assured that they will continue long into the future.
So here it is, your QOTD:
10.10.04 - "Dude, I just have to say it, your drunk dial the other night, encompassed all that is good about drunk dialing... it was supremely funny, and quite frankly, probably one of the best phone calls I've ever gotten in my life. So a thank you is in order." ~Kirsten "The Admiral" McLinden
Thursday night was round two of my liver abuse... and to be honest I don't think I was even 100% FULLY SOBER until about 9 PM on Friday... which was roughly when I decided I was too exhausted to seriously take anyone up on the offers for round three... So yeah, I gave my liver a Friday night off... in preparation for tonight... But tonight's events will no doubt be recounted at a later time, so we'll just let that sleeping dog lie.
As for the previously promised details of Thursday, I'll give you the quick and dirty details... I have to do my best to protect the innocent here.
So we went to Cullen's, had a couple rounds, went elsewhere when we realized that we knew the guy who was playing the live music sets that night... he walked in and we instantly knew it was time to leave.
So we walked to Neybour's, where we ran into someone else we knew, I sat and talked baseball with a fabulous boy who was taken (unfortunate for me, but fabulous for the lucky girl!) And after three or four rounds there, we elected to move on.
And then we went to Messner's. At this point I was drunk enough to volunteer to buy two rounds of Jager bombs, even though I HATE JAGER... How does this happen? I don't know either. And we met a boy who I would totally make out with... but I didn't. (Damn, I'm not doing so well...) This fabulous boy stole two little pumpkins for me, and I definitely D-Bo-ed (Pronounced: DEE-BO-ED; meaning stole.) two for myself... this means I have 4 pumpkins that didn't belong to me at the start of the night, but definitely all came home with me when all was said and done. I think I left my credit card at Messner's... it was either there, or at Nick's which is where we headed at last call.
On the way to Nick's, (with my four pumpkins in tow) I definitely stumbled on uneven pavement, and since alcohol was in the driver's seat of my bodily equillibrium, I definitely took a header onto the sidewalk. I did a little damage to my left hand, (as well as my ego,) but I was definitely laughing as I lay there, face-down, on the sidewalk... (the other members of my party were also laughing heartily at my expense.) So we got to Nick's and since Nick's is ALWAYS a "sausage-fest" we sat and talked to many guys... harrassed them as they shot some pool, got a couple of free rounds from the ones who didn't mind our very drunken mumblings... you know how it goes. I got hit on by one of the bouncers, who called me "Thick & Beautiful" ...Now this is all well and good to some people, however, being a white girl, I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE this. However, by this time I'd consumed enough alcohol that I was too drunk to give him a fake phone number when he asked if he could call me. And he has since called me twice... DAMMIT. (And we all know how bad I suck at telling people to stop calling me because I'm not interested.)
But after last call at Nick's it was time to skedaddle on back home... and since I was VERY VERY intoxicated, I didn't mind walking alone from the el stop to my apartment... until I was very nearly forced to throw down on a random guy. Why? Because as I'm walking across a parking lot on my way home, this guy comes up behind me and grabs my ass. Those of you who know me, know that in general I'm generally a pacifist... I am however VIOLENTLY protective of my virtues, (Especially in empty parking lots at roughly 3:30 in the morning) So naturally I smacked his hand away and asked him who the hell he thought he was and what the fuck he thought he was doing. He replied with "Well, I just saw that sweet ass and thought I'd try to get to know you." So I of course replied back with "Well you don't know me, and you're not going to get to know me, so get the fuck away from me before I start screaming RAPE, you Kobe-Bryant-without-the-good-looks-or-the-paycheck-motherfucker." It was roughly this point that I decided it would be a good idea to start running and to cross the street. He followed me... So of course I said "I'm crossing the street again, and if you come within twenty yards of me, I will kick you in the nuts, scream rape, and call the cops" ...He didn't follow me anymore. (I know that publicly recounting this whole story will have people very upset that I would put myself in that position, (little girl in a big city, etc,) but I made it home safely, with my virtues intact... so while I appreciate your concern, but please don't make me feel bad for any of this.) The only reason I mention any of this is because I know a few of you out there will totally appreciate that I had the presence of mind to use a sports figure in the insults that I dealt to my would-be molester, and I did safely fend him off, so for the love of Pete, just cut me some slack.
I came home, took my cursory drunken shower, talked to Jen for a while before she headed off to work, and then slept until roughly 1 PM when I woke up only to realize I'd slept through my classes and needed to get to work, and I needed to get my hand cleaned up and properly cared for.
As they say, THAT'S ALL FOLKS.
Friday, October 08, 2004
Wednesday: Went to class, went to work, went out drinkin'...
Thursday: Too hungover to make it to class, went to work, came home, went out drinkin' and hurt my hand, kept drinkin', and very nearly had to throw down on a guy who thought he would be cute and grab my ass.
Friday: Woke up too late for class, went to work, got my hand fixed, went to the volleyball game, (Where God thought it was necessary to remind me I'm going to hell,) and despite offers to go out drinkin, I'm giving my liver the night off.
I'll definitely have to recount the long version of events, but not right now because typing is rather painful with a bum hand.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Well, last night was another of our weekly editions of "Weekday drinkin' 101" I know I made a few drunk phone calls, and I know I didn't actually talk to anyone, so the people I called have good audio footage to blackmail me with when I make my bid for a senate seat... hmmm.
The upswing is that I met one of my neighbors... actually, one of my neighbor's friends too. The friend was memorable enough that I recall her name was Sylvia. I could pick my upstairs neighbor out of a police lineup, and I know she told us her name (something lame like Agnes or some such nonsense... we all know I am good with faces but I SUCK with names so I make shit up), but she seemed kind of anti-social... Stupid fuckin Agnes. (At this point I just gotta say that I apologize for my potty mouth ... I don't know why it's so bad lately)
The only reason I mention any of this is because knowing that we're a bunch of lushes on weekdays at least once a week kinda sets us up for quote of the day.
10.8.04 - "You guys were so funny when you came in last night... I was having weird dreams about people screaming... then I realized it was just people in the alley... and those people were you!" ~ Jennie
10.9.04 - "If I were a dumber man, I'd think I had a shot at gettin' some tonight." ~Benny
Sample conversation I had with my mom this morning: (She knew I went out drinkin')
Mom: So, are you going to class today?
Liz: Nope. I woke up too late to make my first one, and the professor for my second one is too much of an asshole to start off the day with.
Mom: Going to work?
Liz: Yeah... I get paid for that!
Mom: Well, good for you. 33% is better than nothing.
Mom is proud that I will make it out of bed long enough to go to work, where I do next to nothing.
Some girl at the bar kept insisting that I fell down... and for once, I can safely say that I know I didn't fall down in that bar. Stupid bitch.
Shoutout to Krystian in the blog entry today: (think of this as being said in the "Exceptional child" voice) "You're a super guy! We're friends!"
God is sending me straight to hell... and I don't even blame him.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
But yeah, considering I automatically lost 10 percentage points on my exam, just because I HAD to go to the doctor, was not something I was thrilled about... The test was ugly, and the loss of that 10 percent made it all the more ugly, but it's over now, so that's all I'm going to say about it.
Wednesday's jewelry class will be the deciding factor as to whether or not Monday will be my official cause of death... we shall have to wait and see.
I've been watching the VP debates. Let's see how the contestants stack up shall we?
Cheney: Heart is either not working or not present. Basically a cold fish, but while his heart might be non-operational, at least there are signs of life above the neck... I could be wrong, but I think that's important...
Edwards: Somewhat smoother and warmer demeanor than Dick. IQ is decidedly lower though... I often found myself wondering who thought this guy had enough brain power to get on and off the short bus at NC State. Plus every time he opened his mouth, I could tell he wanted to open up my wallet and rob me of my hard earned money.
Indiana will automatically go to Bush - Cheney, and Illinois will go to Kerry - Edwards... So I'm still voting for Nader.
A special shoutout to C-Murda, because I love her, and she's a special girl! In fact, she's super duper.
Janet Leigh and Rodney Dangerfield died... that's very sad.
Scottie Pippen retired today, which made me ask myself the question: Scottie Pippen was still playing basketball? I thought he died, or had a rap album, or a rape charge pending, or something... Go figure.
"Anger is like a little puppy in the house, and if you don't let it out, it will piddle on the carpet of your soul!"
I don't know why, but I just got the sudden urge to look up this website... just for the pure fact that knowing it's actually in existence has an element of comedy.
Alana: "I am so excited we're going to Florida... We're going to have so much fun... we're going to get drunk and play at the pool and we're going to go play at the theme parks..."
Liz: "Well, if we're doing anything in a swimsuit..."
Alana: "Oh, don't worry, I'll be playing 'Operation: Anorexia' right there with you too!"
10.6.04 - "Wow... it seems you have a good time ... even if you do have to be reminded of things the day after!" ~Erin
10.7.04 - "Do you like my jacket? It's a one of a kind!" ~Brent Cunningham (He was walking next to Sam Romanowski who was wearing the same jacket... and he was somewhat serious about the jacket.)
Monday, October 04, 2004
I start by prefacing this outline of my shitty day with the note that I was doing all of this with severe cramps and no, I don't mind telling you about my cramps, because I just had them two weeks ago, and there is NO REASON WHATSOEVER that I should have them now. If you're opposed to knowing about my cramps then stop reading now... and stop being such a whiny little bitch... Also I was operating on only about two hours of sleep... that's one of those times where you're really better off with no sleep at all, so you feel like crap all day too! Anyway, here goes nothin'...
I know like most people, I LOOOVE wasting time and money at the doctor's office, only to have the doctor state the obvious. Which in this case was something along the lines of "Yeah, you've strained your back. Rest, don't lift anything heavy, and thanks for the check!" The worst part of this doctor's appointment? I didn't even get good drugs to make me feel better. BASTARD!
While I was at Dr. Obvious' office, I missed the exam that was due to rape me, and now when I take a make-up test tomorrow, I am automatically starting out with a 90%... yeah, I was automatically docked 10 percentage points because I was in pain... GREAT! I LOVE THAT!
So I got up to school just in time to make it to Jewelry, I figured this was a good thing... If I was going to have to go to class on my shitty day, I might as well go to a class I actually like to start things off... WRONG. (Severe cramps persisting.)
Yep, I managed to channel my shitty day energy into my jewelry piece, which means, YOU GUESSED IT... I fucked things up. I melted a very important part of my piece. It was roughly this point in the day when I began looking for ways to kill myself. Stab myself in the face with the self clamping tweezers? No, couldn't grasp brain stem through eye sockets quite fast enough... Natural gas torch? No, too small & painful... better hold out for drugs or firearms or something.
So I go to the gym, hoping that Jake, my effervescent, ever-optimistic friend could do something, ANYTHING, to lift my spirits... Nope, he was in a bad mood too. Must be going around.
So we decided to grab food, and of course they didn't have what I wanted. TYPICAL. (Cramps worsening.)
So it was time for night class... where I got back a quiz that I did quite shitty on. (Shocker, I know.)
I admittedly dozed through lecture, (occasionally awakened by cramps of course).
So then it was home, where I had an overwhelming desire to do nothing but curl up in a ball and die, but unfortunately having a strained back prevents one from living out such a simple dream... I can't even curl up.
At this point my cramps were so bad that I seriously considered performing major surgery on myself with no anisthetic which would have prevented any chance of me having children in the future, because quite frankly, it would have been less painful. But the upswing of it is that I wouldn't have to worry about a preganancy interfering with my heroin and coke habits.
I hate life, and have to study for that test that will rape me even more tomorrow... maybe one day I will find a bootleg handgun in the dumpster in the alley and not have to worry about this crap.
10.4.04 - "I didn't know they could do that? Liz, are Amish people allowed to yell? They aren't allowed to raise their voices like that, are they?" ~ Alana
1. My test in 10 hours IS without a doubt going to rape me. This is a fact.
2. I have done something to totally fuck up my back. It hurts A LOT, this is also a fact.
3. I also have another physical ailment that makes me a "Hurtin' Turkey" ...but we won't get into that.
4. I have already done something that has made me feel like an asshole (I readily admit on a regular basis that I AM an asshole, but rarely do I ever have that regretable feeling associated with my asshole-ness)
5. Mondays suck by definition.
6. My Mondays suck because they are my long days, when I have night class.
7. Despite the previous six reasons for my Monday sucking, I still feel bad for bitching about my day... and another reason to feel bad is another reason it sucks.
For you kids who enjoy the political humor and interesting little games, give this little gem a whirl. (My good friend Beth's brother did the graphics in case you care!)
I'm going to have to start working this website into my online conversations, it is quite possibly the greatest website ever.... I mean think about it, someone paid to reserve this site name, and THIS IS WHAT THEY PUT UP... Just fabulous in it's simplicity.
Sunday, October 03, 2004
So what prompted the asking of one of life's great mysterious questions? You'd never guess unless you saw it for yourself... I know that there was no way I thought I'd ever be in a situation such as the one which prompted me to ask myelf "WHAT THE FUCK?" last night. So what the hell happened, you ask? I'll tell you. I established that Alana would be coming over later, so I didn't have to really worry about getting ready and going out, so I turned on the TV, began channel surfing to find something remotely worthy of my time, and I found something. Goodfellas! I love this movie... I've seen it many many times, and it never gets old, so seeing it on TV was not quite a big enough event in and of itself to prompt the "What the fuck" moment. It was however an event worthy of a "What the fuck" moment title when I realized what channel I was watching Goodfellas on.
"Bravo?" you ask?
"Well it is based on a true story, maybe it was on A&E or the History Channel or something?"
"Uhhh... Well they cook in the movie, was it on the Food Network?"
Basically you will never guess what channel it was on, because it had ABSOLUTELY NO REASON to be there... I've had 24 hours to think about this, and I STILL haven't got the first clue what the hell this film was doing on this channel. Think about it, think really hard! What is left? What channel has no business ever airing Goodfellas?
Congratulations, someone get this nice person a cookie. Yes, that's right, GOODFELLAS WAS ON LIFETIME! If this doesn't qualify as a WHAT THE FUCK moment, I don't know what does.
10.2.04 - "I had to call someone, and you're the only one who REALLY understands me when it comes down to this sort of thing, so basically it was either call Liz, or call 1-800-SUICIDE." ~Kirsten "The Admiral" McLinden, calling after one of those very real sports tragedies yesterday.
Mom: "Are you going to need anything for your party next weekend?"
Liz: "No, mom, it's not here at the apartment, it's out in the bars, What could I need?"
Mom: "I don't know, a diamond tiara maybe?"