Bill Simmons didn't die last night (At least, I don't think he did... it is possible though because he did set up a provision to have his article published in the event of his death...) Well either way, here's the article for you to enjoy.
Some highlights:
"6:10 - Following a Ramirez single, Fox shows Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore wearing Red Sox sweatshirts and clapping excitedly. I wish I was actually driving the Red Sox Bandwagon right now, just so I could screech to a halt, whirl around, point to them and scream, "Get off! RIGHT NOW! I mean it! Get off! Move it! Gather your things and GET OFF!"
"Time for a quick story: At the Pats game two Sundays ago, I didn't dress warmly enough and ended up buying a hooded Pats sweatshirt and matching old-school ski cap with Pat Patriot on it, which I wore at Game 4 against the Yanks later that night. Needless to say, the combo returned for Game 5 ... and nine days later, I'm still wearing the sweatshirt (with the cap as a late-inning closer). Also, I have a T-shirt covered in bird poop hidden in my bedroom. Other than that, I'm totally normal about this Red Sox thing. Just wanted to get that on the record."
"7:18 -- Top three places where I wish Fox had planted cameras tonight: 3.) Steinbrenner's house; 2.) Buckner's house; 1.) Nomar's house. I just picture a sullen Nomar watching the game in the dark, as Mia brings him a glass of water and he says, "Thanks, beautiful."
"7:38 -- Boston goes quietly in the seventh, leading to That Guy from Creed singing "God Bless America" between innings. Somehow, they found the one singer who sucks more than the Cardinals offense."
"8:21 -- Just had this exchange with the Sports Gal:
-- Me: "If I have a heart attack and die, copy the text in this document, paste it into an e-mail and send it to Kevin Jackson at ESPN."
-- Her: "You serious?"
-- Me: "Actually, yeah."
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