Long overdue updates...

Recently, I have busied myself with rejuvenating the ridiculous disaster areas that are the flower beds in front of my house.

...Yeah, it's still six thousand degrees outside, and we've had very little rainfall for months, so the soil is dry as a bone and hard as a rock, but I needed the project to burn off some frustration, pent up aggression, and otherwise misspent calories, and frankly, it was a helpful diversion from other things I've been focusing too much on lately.

So I raked and weeded those bitches like nobody's business, pulled up and reset all of the brick edging, planted six little boxwood shrubs, lined every square inch of that nonsense and then put down some mulch. (Ordinarily I am not a fan of mulch, because I hate how it smells when it gets wet, but I wasn't about to put down rock because that shit is a nightmare if you change your mind about the look you're shooting for later... Mulch was pretty much the only option, because SOMETHING had to be done!)

In the process, I managed to wrangle myself a mean case of poison ivy despite all of my best efforts at avoidance, prevention, protective clothing, (which was bonkers considering the heat index,) and treatment immediately after exposure. I have a stunning display of Satan's itchy devil rash behind both knees, (how I managed that while wearing long pants, I'll never know,) along the side of my left ring finger, and I think I even found a tiny bit in my belly button of all places!

I also cut out an obscenely large clematis, (which was so ridiculous and dense that I actually broke my "bolt-cutter style" ratcheting clippers... Again, don't ask me how the hell I managed that!) And after all that was said and done, I wanted to show off my accomplishments, so I put in a dozen or so new solar path lights so that the magnificence of my achievement can even be observed by the late-night-passerby-crowd.

Of course, not wanting to do all of this in the most intense heat of the day, I took to working on it in the late afternoon and evening hours for a few days, (because I currently have ZERO social life,) and of course that means I was also essentially offering myself as a delicious snack food item for what seems like every mosquito in a ten mile radius... Between those lovely bug bite welts, (scabs where I have scratched like a mad woman,) the lovely and ferocious poison ivy rash, and the dirt which now seems to be permanently embedded under my fingernails despite copious amounts of scrubbing, it's probably best that I don't have a social life at the moment, because I am not fit to make an appearance much of anywhere other than a crack house or maybe a meth lab... If I were about 150 lbs heavier, had nearly visible cartoon-style stink lines emanating up from my body, and had a menagerie of cats and small yappy dogs, I would at least LOOK like I fit right in at a poop house. (I swear, I will finish recounting all of that nonsense someday soon... I recently recovered several unpublished installments of that harrowing tale off an old flash drive, so I think it was a sign that I should probably jump back into that mess for your entertainment.)

Outside of that, I have been remarkably idle at the office... The boss actually told me he didn't have my next big projects organized enough to hand over just yet, forgetting that organizing his utter nonsense into a cogent system or meaningful end is kind of what I do most of the time... He's funny like that.

My basement makeover is on hold temporarily... I've painted the walls and most of the trim work, but can't really do much else until I get the carpet laid, and that's not happening just yet.

The guys who are supposed to be redoing the screens for my back porch should be getting that shit underway in the next week or so, and once that's done I can finish painting the porch soffits, the porch floor, and the front stoop and focus most of the rest of my time and efforts indoors until next spring... I still have a couple more outdoor projects after that, but I'm trying to be realistic about my timelines.

That really just leaves me with cataloging my receipts so as to ease the process of squeezing every last dime out of my insurance settlement as we approach the one-year anniversary of that fiasco, and thus, hopefully closing the books on that debacle for good!

I will say, I am looking forward to the idle time known as the Olympics, because let's be honest, the summer games are really the ONLY games, and once every four years just isn't enough when it comes to international sporting madness taking over 6 channels of my cable lineup and filling up my DVR for two weeks. Seriously... I love that shit, and this year, the games end the same day that Shark Week starts, so basically, nothing is getting done for almost the entire month of August.

That's all you get for now... I hope you enjoyed yourselves, my little jellybeans!