The grass is always greener... but this post is blue.

Hi, in case we haven't been intorduced, I'm Liz, and I'm an apparently unloveable magnet for weirdness.

Ok, that felt like an introduction at an A.A. meeting... perhaps that was a little bit on the melodramatic side. My apologies. (Just trying to set the scene for you kids as today's entry might not be the typical comedy piece you'd normally find here.) Today the darker side of my personality wins out.

I found a few spare moments on my Sunday afternoon, and so having a computer that works at lightning speeds, I decided to do something I haven't done in a long time... I went "blog rolling." (For those of you who don't know what that means, I clicked that little button at the top and looked at other blogs, all belonging to people I've never met.) You know what I found? I'd say I looked at somewhere around 30 other blogs, and I found about nine in languages I don't speak, four pages trying to get me a car loan, two pages about real estate prospecting, 2 pages preaching uber-right wing conservative religious views, and a whole bunch about how sad life is. Today I'm with them... today, I'm gonna be one of the sad ones.

"Why so blue, Lizzle-cake?" you ask.

Answer: Because in attition to the myriad of bizarre factors that typically comprise my existance, today I'm hormonal. And seeing as I am normally a pretty upbeat person, (despite "being mad all the time,") when I get hormonal, sometimes I get sad. It happens to the best of 'em... and today it got the better of me.

I was watching what is quickly becoming my favorite show on TV, Intervention. And as I sat there watching, I found myself saying "DAMN, these people are really fucked up." And in spite of that fact, in spite of these people having seriously huge problems, the majority of them have a boyfriend or girlfriend... Most days, as long as I'm not in the midst of a makeout drought, I don't care about not having a boyfriend. I admit that it crosses my mind, and I know that with relationships come with a whole other set of issues, but the thing is, I found myself watching Intervention and I couldn't help thinking "Damn, if these folks who have all these horrible addictions and problems can find someone who will love them, and stick with them through addiction and recovery, what the hell is wrong with me?"

Now I'm not looking for someone to support my smack habit, and I'm not looking for Mr. Right... I don't want to get married any time soon, and I understand that I have no concept of the person who I could feasibly spend the rest of my life with at this point in time... I am only 22. But the fact is, at 22 I'm looking for some signs of life out there... just something, anything... a tiny glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel.

....

...........

............... Nope. Nothing. Pitch black. Damn.


I'm not going to go on and hypothesize about this. I'm not going to waste your time or mine. I'm just sad today. It'll pass... always does. And then it'll be back to the normal HAPPY (MAD) Liz.





*For the record, I'm not holding onto the "ALWAYS MAD" thing out of spite for the person who said it, (I could give a fuck that they said it,) I'm holding onto it because it is SO FUCKING FUNNY!