Saturday, January 22, 2011

A bleary-eyed Saturday morning rant:

To the kid who woke me up wanting to shovel the driveway, a few customer service pointers:

1 Don't show up before noon on a Saturday, its a weekend, people want to sleep in. Furthermore, you're 2 days late. The snow showed up on Wednesday night... If you really gave a crap about making any cash, you'd have been out on Thursday and Friday. (and don't you give me that, "But I was at school" bologna, I saw the local news, and we both know that you didn't have shit else to do either day because school was cancelled!) And further still, by Saturday morning, the folks who want their driveway shoveled have either shoveled it themselves, given the job to the other annoying teenager who had the brilliant idea to come out shortly after the snow quit, or have driven on it repeatedly turning it into ice, and thus something that you want no part in attempting to shovel.

2) Under no circumstances are you to pound on my front door like you're the police. Do you have a gun and a badge? No? Oh, you say you're only 15? Then quit pounding on my goddamn door like that! The only reason that the citizenry allows the police to pound on doors like that is that they are armed... And for all you know I am armed. frankly you're lucky I opened the door at all, let alone opening it without some manner of weapon in my hand, a la Clint Eastwood telling you to get off my lawn.

3) If I didn't answer the door after the first ring of the doorbell, three more isn't going to make me move any faster. One ring is sufficient. Those who intend to ignore you are going to ignore you anyway, those folks who intend to answer the door after the first ring will not respond kindly to your repeated and overzealous assault on that poor little doorbell button, and my last nerve... You're going to make more money and piss off fewer customers by learning to knock rationally or ring once, WAIT for a few seconds without continued knocking or ringing and when it is prudent to do so, just move on!

Oh and don't come back in the spring you little pissant! I mow my own lawn, and frankly, I don't trust you anywhere near my garage. Now seriously, BEAT IT!


LadyHAHA said...

That kid would've been toast if he knocked on my door that way. A damn a-hole knocked on my door selling some kind of security system. He got our security system worked up into a barking frenzy (he's our alarm system) but he woke up the baby from a nap!!! My head did a full 360 and I vomited out pea soup. He got the hint.

(LadyHAHA AKA YoMomma. Long time no ready chicky!!)

Jay Ferris said...

We don't seem to get many solicitors after last time, when I opened the door with my bathrobe open. Well, let's just say we don't get a lot of male solictors anymore at least.

Reuben said...

Thanks for this post, pretty effective piece of writing.
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