So I know I've had my bouts of self-indulgent "woe-is-me" I hate being single and childless moments in the past... And I know that there is probably more of that to come in my future, but today I came to a realization...
There are days when pushing 30, and being unwed and childless can be TOTALLY AWESOME.
What brought me to this conclusion?
Well, you see, the other night after downing a bottle of wine, (over the course of a few hours, it wasn't a wino-chug-fest,) I checked my email and saw that there was "secret sale" going on for one of my FAVORITE girlie things... Luxury handbags. (Yes, I own my own cordless drill, and miter saw, and a bad-ass grill, and I'm still into girlie things like fancy purses... I am an odd amalgamation of traits, but I embrace it, because it makes me a unicorn among women.)
So feeling pretty good, thanks to the wine, I perused the items up for purchase and found two purses and a wallet that EASILY topped $1000 when found at full retail price. I paid a fraction of that... FAR LESS than half. And I got them direct from the company website, so I know they are legit.
And when I got home from work today, there was an inconspicuous cardboard box on my porch... But I knew what was in there, and it made me smile before I was even out of the car.
So I went out to the porch to collect my box, and got giddy with excitement as I brought it to the kitchen to cut it open. And they are BEAUTIFUL bags. I realize that there are starving villages in Africa that could feed everyone for a month on what I spent, but frankly they were the last thing on my mind... Because it was at that moment that I realized that many of my friends and peers have settled for what they thought they wanted. Some are enviably happy, sure, but many of them hate their spouses, or in some cases former spouses... And while I'm not discounting the rewarding nature of parenting for most people, I even know some who resent their children, and that makes me so sad for them.
You see, today was one of those days where a little self-indulgent consumerism taught me a valuable lesson. Those people who got married and/or had children now have other people to consider first. Their spouse's needs, their children's needs... "We need to pay tuition, and the kids need new shoes." Or, "Honey, I am buying a new lawnmower..." or something similar; whereas I only have myself to please. Sometimes I forget that fact. I forget that I have absolutely nothing to tie me down. I have a great job that is super-flexible, and a boss who is convinced I can walk on water, so he lets me do as I please. I can take the projects I want, I can turn projects down if I want. I can work from home in my pajamas, or I can get dressed up and sashay into the office if I feel like it, and through it all, I collect my paycheck, put it in the bank, pay my relatively minor bills, and have the freedom to do and buy whatever the hell I want whenever the hell I want it because I only have to worry about me.
It really is amazing that it took me this long to come to this conclusion. I'm kind of ashamed of that. But today, I recognized that I actually have it pretty great and I'm going to go on celebrating me for a while... Just because I can!