I don't know...

It's once again time for me to work on weekly paperwork... This means it's prime time for procrastination. I don't know what the hell to post for you people, but I don't want to do any real work, so you get the lazy blogger's version of a post, better known as a meme.

Feel free to skip it if you are so inclined... It's clearly nothing of substance.


1. Is your second toe longer than your first?

No, it's about the same length... possibly a millimeter or two shorter.

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?

Yeah, my favorite pens are ones that work! And ones that that are not covered with saliva when I borrow them from someone else because the one I had didn't work. Nothing worse than borrowing someone else's pen only to find your hand covered in drool. (But then again, I chew on my pens, so who am I to complain.)

3. Look at your planner for March 14, what are you doing?

Well, let's see, that's a Saturday, so I'm probably working, but by then I'll have some vacation time to burn, so if you want to hang out, I'll see what I can do!

4. What color are your toenails usually?

Umm... Toenail colored? Kind of a fleshy-pinkish... I'm too lazy to paint them most of the time.

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?

I think I highlighted excerpts from some animal control ordinances, to show some clients good reasons to get rid of some portion of their herd of cats. Around the same time I highlighted portions of a psych evaluation of a client's child... Hard to say which one was the last thing.

6. What color are your bedroom curtains?

They are kind of an off-white crinkly... I know crinkly is a texture rather than a color, but it plays a factor in how the color looks, so I deem it worthy of mention.

7. What color are the seats in your car?

Tan and covered in little kid dirt and grubbies... So, dirty tan.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?

I've never had a cat... My mom is allergic to cats, so I never had one growing up, and now that I'm grown, I prefer not to have a shit box in my house. This is not a judgment on those of you who do have cats, just a personal preference on my part.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?

I put stamps on my electric bill... because I'm a big fan of my air conditioning, and food not rotting in my fridge.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?

No... People actually live in Wyoming? Why?

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?

Because I had to pay for my haircut, and while the salon accepts debit cards for products, my stylist only accepts cash. I think this is some kind of weird tax evasion thing, but I can't prove it...

12. Whose is the last baby that you held?

I hold client's babies all the time... Part of the job. The last one I held belonged to a semi-unhinged lady who lost the kid because of drug use.

13. Unlucky #?

I've never liked the the number 19... Though I don't know if I'd go so far to call it unlucky, unless I'm playing blackjack it seldom comes up in luck-related scenarios and I don't want to be accused of slander or anything.

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?

Not particularly... I'm a mint gel kind of girl.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?

I wasn't driving a car two years ago... I was rollin' in a Chicago city bus and riding the red line.

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?

Just pick one? If I'm picking one to be trampled by a pack of wildebeests, and have their rotting corpses then pecked at by giant vultures, then I'm going to go with Miami. If I'm picking them for any other purpose, I'll take the gators.

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?

In college... It was a weekend road trip. Good times.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?

Thankfully, no.

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?

There is some light cheez whiz on a bowl of broccoli I was just enjoying... That's kind of a yellowy-orangeish but I say it counts.

20. Last person to give you a business card?

The only people who I ever give my business cards to are clients... And as soon as I give it to them, I pray they will never use it, because I don't want to hear from them in my down time.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?

Indiana Department of Motor Vehicles... I had to get a new license plate since you ask.

22. Closest framed picture to you?

I've got a vintage-looking black and white picture of some guys putting in their boxers under a sign that says "Play golf FREE while having your suit pressed," hanging on the wall behind me.

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?

I am not so rude as to "have someone cook for me" I recently had the privilege of eating a meal my mom cooked just last night! It was delicious.

24. Have you ever applied for welfare?

Not for myself, I have assisted others in doing so though.

25. How many emails do you have?

542 in one junk mail box, about 30 in the inbox... I'm guessing that the combined total of my 4 email addresses is probably in the range of about 2,500.

26. Last time you received flowers?

I got flowers for my birthday last year... They were beautiful! (Birthday is coming up soon for any of you who wish to make this a running occurrence.)

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?

No. And I will engage in fisticuffs with anyone who cares to argue.

28. Do you play air guitar?

My predecessor's answer was far better than one I would have come up with, so in this case, I will defer to his answer... "No. I used to, but I smashed my air guitar against my air amp late last year, in an air concert in air Kansas City, destroying both, as well as much of air Kansas City."

29. Has anyone ever proposed to you?

Once, but it was as a result of consuming my "Marry me chocolate chip cookies" (thus the name.) I accepted the proposal, and there was an awkward silence... As of today I've been engaged for over 5 years, and the gentleman to whom I am affianced has been missing in action for a little over 4 of those years. It's a lonely life...

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?

Skim milk and bit of sugar or splenda.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines?

I assume that this is some kind of figurine brand... To the best of my knowledge, I don't think so, but I've got some kooky shit around here, so who knows.

32. What is/was your high school's rival mascot?

In lieu of correcting the grammatical sequencing of that question, I'll just note that the sentence would better read: What is your rival high school's mascot?

In which case it was either a bulldog or a wildcat, depending on if we're talking private school rival or public school rival.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?

Probably that poor guy I saw working at the grocery store... I don't hang out with the high school folks much anymore... I didn't really like them the first time around.

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?

Doing what I do for a living means that having stock options in purell would be a sound investment. I use it after I wrap up pretty much any contact with any client. I go through a bottle every couple of weeks.

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?

Are the lessons free? If not, I am willing to barter air guitar lessons in order to learn the drums.

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?

Kind of an off-white, vertical, ugly.

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?

Somebody's obituary.

39. What was the last pageant you attended?

Are we talking beauty pageant or like a school play? I don't do beauty pageants, but if that's what you're interested in, then I suggest you read a couple of posts from Elaine... Here and here. (Actually, I recommend those posts even if you're not into beauty pageants, if only because they are highly entertaining.) If we're talking about a school play, then it was probably a production of Music Man in high school. It sucked.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?

Having lived in Chicago and being friends with real Italians, I won't dishonor the title of "Pizza" by calling that dough-slab from Papa John's a pizza... The last real pizza I had was from Giordano's.

41. Have you ever worn a crown?

Aside from one of those Burger King crowns? Maybe a few clover crowns as a kid. (I was a champion at making clover crowns!)

42. What is the last thing you stapled?

A cognitive therapy anger management book... No, I'm not a therapist, but I use the material as a handy guide for teaching the stuff.

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?

Once... And that was enough for me to say NEVER AGAIN!

44. Are you ticklish?

Not really... But depending on who is doing the tickling, I'll fake it.

45. Last time you saw fireworks?

I saw some on TV at the Bears game on Sunday night, in person it's been since the fourth of July.

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?

I'm not big on doughnuts... I could have had one last Tuesday at the staff meeting, but I skipped it. I'd say the last time I actually ate one was a few years ago.

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned it?

A case worker. We're not allowed to get mad when they don't return our calls, but when we don't return theirs, we have hell to pay.

48. Last time you parked under a carport?

Six years ago. And there was an earthquake while I was parked under it which made me question the structural integrity of said carport. I've not had the opportunity to park under one since in order to prove I bear no grudge against the category of structures as a whole.

49. Do you have a black dog?

Why's it gotta be a black thing? I suppose if I say no you're going to call me a racist!

50 . Have you had your mid life crisis yet?

Not yet. It's tentatively scheduled for 2027.

51. Are you an aunt or uncle?

Unless I magically sprouted testicles since I last checked, I'm pretty sure I would not be an uncle... But yeah, one of my sisters has two boys, so I am an aunt.

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?

My friend Krystian has very pretty eyes. They are pale green. He knows they are pretty. He uses this fact to his advantage!

53. What kind of soap or body wash do you use?

St. Ives exfoliating apricot. I'm not really a fan of the scent, but it gets the job done.

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?

Do you mean the band, which I remember only because of the name? Or Joe Schultz, who attended high school Spanish with me?

In either case, yes. Vaguely.

55. Do you have a little black dress?

I have a dress. It is little, it is black, but I would not go so far as to call it a little black dress as it is made of jersey material, and I'm not thinking it's something for a date or a formal occasion.

Either way, this interview is over!

So there you have it, my useless answers to a bunch of useless questions. I hope you enjoyed yourself!

In sports news, for those few of you who care, I would like to point out that I was highly amused by Jason Taylor (Miami) sawing in an interview, "I suck right now. There. That's your headline." (No clip on youtube just yet, but I am watching for it...) I also wait for the day when Rex Grossman admits that to himself and everyone else... Because we all know he sucks a hell of a lot worse than Jason Taylor...

And in other sports related news, I don't think I could respect myself as a Cubs fan if I didn't post this for everyone's enjoyment... I thought it was funny. If only because they called Ozzie Guillen "una punk!"