I'm that asshole...

So it is roughly 10:00 PM my time. I've been consuming alcoholic beverages since roughly 5:00 PM. That's five hours of alcoholic consumption for those of you who are mathematically impaired.

It was roughly this time when I deemed it time to call my friend Debbie.

Naturally she was asleep. I of course forgot about the whole time zone difference.

When she answered all sleepy-voiced, I was that asshole who said, "Oh, god, were you asleep? I'm sorry!"

Yep. That's me. I'm that asshole.

I admit that I am a total ass in this regard.

But shortly thereafter I called my friend Brittany... (Not to be confused with Britney and her nasty weave.)

When she answered her phone, the conversation went:

B: "Hello?"
L: "What's happening!?"
B: "I don't know."
L: "Do you know who this is?"
B: "No."
L: "I'll give you three guesses... and I'll give you a hint... A.) I'm AWESOME!"
B: "Oh my god! How are you!?!?! [Last name redacted] I haven't talked to you in forever!"
(I would like to note at this point that it took one of my friends only 2.4 seconds from the point I said "I'm awesome" to the point of identification with no further indication to identity.)
L: "I'm good! I hear you're coming back into town in a week or so!"
B: "Yeah I am! And I'm thinking a drink is in order!"
L: "Are you kidding? I'm thinking like 7 or 8 drinks are in order!"
B: "Yeah! And considering he has like three kids now, I'm thinking a prank call to [redacted] is in order as well."
L: "Well YEAH, because when a guy has three kids, that's prime time for prank calls."
B: "Yeah, he's going to hate us, but it'll be worth it."

And I can promise I will make that prank call to the gentleman with three children.

You can bet on it...

Why?

Because I AM THAT ASSHOLE!