If that last post didn't make you itch merely out of the power of suggestion, then this one should be a cake walk.
So I went about my business today, working hard. (Yeah, right, who are we kidding here?) And upon the completion of my duties, I came home, had dinner, made some calls, and then went to Traci and Addison's house to wrap gifts for a friend's bachelorette party. (Yeah, just an FYI, it's not a wise idea to invite me or Traci to your bachelorette party... Rather than being all demure and getting cutesy lingerie, Traci and I raunch it up in the best/worst possible way!) But all of this is beside the point.
After having completed our wrapping, Traci and I were sitting out on her balcony. We chatted for a bit, and before leaving I stated that I needed to use their bathroom. After doing my business, I look down at my hip to see a little dark spot that I was not accustomed to seeing. I look a little closer, and wouldn't you know, it's a tick! Naturally, I was surprised by the presence of this creature on my person, as I have not been camping, or hanging out in any wooded areas at any point during my work day, and I know that I rather thoroughly check myself out for any other abnormalities any time I shower, (i.e. EVERY NIGHT, unlike the folks at the scabies and lice house!) And given its conspicuous location, I'm pretty sure it hadn't been there for very long. It had bitten me, but wasn't all giant and engorged... But being the informed and paranoid jackass that I am, I get all worried about the potential for Lyme disease, (read "potential for Lyme disease" as "just my fucking luck!")
God, I hate that I know enough to worry about this shit.
So upon announcing this to the rest of the folks at Traci and Addi's place, I was informed that apparently it's going to be a really bad year for ticks. And like I said, I haven't been out in the woods, any wooded area, humping any trees, or anything of that sort, so I kinda believe them.
So if I suddenly start complaining of a rash on my hip, or of flu-like symptoms, just know that I probably have a nasty case of Lyme disease, and will then promptly turn up dead. It's gonna ROCK!
I have since had the mental suggestion of all these things causing more psychosomatic itchies, and have been compulsively been checking for more ticks, scabies, lice, and everything else that I seem to be at risk for since apparently it's my lot in life to be constantly exposed to hazardous crap which will ultimately be my demise. AWESOME.
Go check yourself out. Make sure that the ticks haven't invaded your body too! Let my downfall be a lesson to you... No need for both of us to die!