Thursday, June 09, 2005

UPS is secret code for BULLSHIT!

Yeah, the united parcel service is a bunch of ball-washing bastards who are getting rich by robbing hard working people blind. Here's my tale of woe:

I ordered new furniture for my new home... a new chair, an ottoman to match said new chair, a kitchen cart to store my kitchen stuff, and a new bookcase to store my books... (because I have a lot of them.)

I was expecting their arrival today. Since I was anticipating their arrival, I took off work to wait for them... (That was my first mistake.) So I sat around and I waited... and I waited. I found my tracking slip that said it should arrive between 2 and 5 PM... so I stayed in my apartment, waiting for the buzzer to sound. And it never did.

So at 5:30, when I am thoroughly pissed off, I go downstairs to find a UPS delivery attempt slip stuck to the front gate. It says that they tried to deliver at 2:16 PM. And since I know I was home and anxiously awating my furniture at 2:16 PM, my blood is now boiling.

I live only a block away from a UPS store, and since they were still open at 5:30 I decided to walk down there and say, "WHAT THE FUCK?" The UPS store employees (in a roundabout way) informed me that they are a bunch of ass clowns who figure they aren't making enough money off of their shipping services, so now they are not ringing people's buzzers even when they are at home, and so now I will be forced to re-route my packages to the facility nearest to my home (Fortunately it's only a block) and then they will hold my packages for me for a nominal fee of $5 per package... (Great, $20 I hadn't planned on spending is now down the toilet... thanks guys!) And since they are being re-routed to a place other than my home I am now responsible for getting them from the UPS store a block away to my apartment... so after spending a long ass day getting all hot, dirty, and gross at work, now basically I'm going to look like a tard rolling boxes on a dolly down the street, despite the fact that they were supposed to be delivered to my door when I was home the day before... Does this piss off anyone else?? I think it's a load of crap, but what do I know?


Pier 1 is also run by scam artists who will rob you if you let them... but they do have the most delightful smelling candles!


I also feel the need to mention that I was hit on by a cute policeman the other day... and after conversing with him for several minutes we had the following exchange:

Cute cop: "Well we've been talking for a few minutes now, and I was just noticing the cuts and bruises on your arms there... Do we need to talk about something? Are you in any trouble?"
Liz: "Oh, no no no no! It's because of my job."
Cute cop: "Well I didn't want to imply anything, but if you're in an abusive relationship or ..."
Liz: "No really! It's not like that... it's my job."
Cute cop: "Well there are other ways to make money..."
Liz: "No, I'm not a 'working girl' or anything... I'm a flower vendor..."

It was about this time that Cute cop had to go out on a call... he left the conversation at that, probably thinking that I really was either a working girl or in an abusive relationship... DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! ~ It figures that the only time I can get a cute cop to hit on me he thinks he can save me from an abusive relationship and then he ends up thinking I'm a hooker.

Welcome to my life.


I felt like such a city girl earlier... dressed in my hip, cute clothes, getting cat called by drivers as I stood on the corner sipping my starbucks and waited to cross the street... all I needed was an Ipod to complete the picture... Anyone wanna help me out in that department?


QOTD (Nate is owning QOTD... not because he is spectacularly funny, but because he's one of the few moderately funny people I have regular contact with these days.)

Nate: "Hey Squeegee girl, get over here!"
Liz: "Cool it MUCK-boy! ...Hey!! We should become superheroes!! We could fight crime!! Squeegee girl and Muck boy! ~Cleaning up the streets!"

Nate: "When I was in college, there were 4 of us who were all pretty obnoxious, we decided to start up a boy band... we decided to call it Grand Rapids Area Boy-Band... aka GRABB!"
Liz: "That is SO HOT!"
Nate: "Yeah, I was pretty proud of myself for coming up with that one!"

Nate: "So I was playing with this puppy, and I thought it was just biting my hair or something. I got up because at worst I thought he might be pissing on my head... turns out it was humping my head!"


Nate: "Libby was making fun of my farmer tan... said something like 'Well I can see somebody works outside!'"
Liz: "Yeah... and then a dog humped your head."
Nate: "Yes, then her dog humped my head... let's try and keep that on the DL though."
Liz: "So Nate, would you classify yourself as a DOG LOVER?"
Nate: "Actually, I would classify the dog as more of a people-lover."

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