Monday, July 09, 2007

Ok, so it's been a little while...

I told you all a while back that I attended a party hosted by one of my coworkers. I told you all that I had a good time, and that I took pictures. Unfortunately for you all, when I am the one taking the pictures, it means that I am not the one in them... So you don't get to look at my hot ass. Sorry.

These are not in any particular order, as you can tell if you pay attention to things like the degree of darkness of the sky outside... It's also evident if you're accustomed to examining photographic evidence of the degrees of drunkenness.

Here goes!

This is Ben. Ben and I are pals... He occasionally plays softball for us even though he doesn't work at the same office with the rest of us on the team.

This is an example of a photo from later in the evening being posted early in the post. This picture shows the setup of what was probably the last round of flippy cup. Here we see Nicole, Erin, Jeremy, and Angie. Angie was a lightweight, but more on that in a moment.

Here we see Brent and Nicole playing a little beer pong. We're not entirely sure why Brent was shirtless, but for whatever reason, he was, and he gets all pouty over things like having to put a shirt on. We just don't fight it.

Here we see an animated discussion in the garage... I believe at this point the boys were arguing with the girls because they were upset over being totally routed at flippy cup. From left to right we see Nicole, Jason, Rebecca, Drew, Ben, the back of Erin's head, and Brent's shoulder.

In another example of chronological errors we see Brent and Jason warming up for the first round of flippy cup. (As it turned out Jason had never played flippy cup before but was a bit of a savant, as he managed to get his flip on the first try in both his first and second games.)

Relatively early in the evening, Brent decided it would be a good idea to go and pass out. We loved the irony that he passed out in a little girl's room. (No the kids weren't at home.) Here we see Nicole harassing Brent for being a little bitch.

Of course, a little while later we caught Nicole just before she decided to go and pass out.

Seeing as it is Drew's house, he's the one dictating where people get to pass out.

In another chronological incongruity, we see a SLIGHTLY less drunk (when compared to the photo above) Drew, having a chat with his neighbor Kirk.

And in the final picture we see Angie eating bread while Rebecca supervises. Supervision was necessary because, as we noted before, Angie was a total lightweight. Despite everyone's best efforts, I believe she puked on the kitchen floor about 15 minutes after this was taken. Eh, such is life I suppose.

In other news, on Saturday, while I was driving to a couple of my appointments, I saw a sight that will unfortunately be forever be burned into my retinas.

I was rolling down a heavily populated road, which is host to a bevy of restaurants which commonly allow organizations to have fund raising car washes in their parking lots. Seeing as it was a hot July Saturday afternoon, it was prime time for these car washes.

One organization having a car wash on this particular day was the local women's roller derby team.

There are a few men out there who read "women's roller derby team" and instantly began salivating at the idea. Well, I am unfortunately here to tell you that you need to just go ahead and roll up your tongue and put those salivary glands on ice.

Basically these "ladies" (and when I use the term "ladies" I mean it in the loosest possible interpretation of the word,) anyway, these ladies looked like an odd assorted collection of slight variations of Beth Ditto.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Beth Ditto, I suggest you mosey over to Dlisted and do a quick search. (I'll wait.)

Now that we're all on the same page, I'll paint a picture for you.

Picture it: You're driving along, minding your own business, trying to get from A-to-B to make a buck. Suddenly you are visually assaulted by something on the order of about a dozen of these Beth Ditto-esque, rather large, scantily clad "ladies" yelling and waving neon signs advertising their car wash... I rapidly found myself in my car with a sudden urge to vomit, (and yet in the train wreck sort of way totally unable to tear my eyes from the scene,) as I have never seen so much bare, ghostly pale cellulite! (And I was a lifeguard at city-run pools in the midwest for 7 years, so that's REALLY saying something.)

I hope you really enjoy that morning doughnut.


Alana: "I know I'm not that cute... I'm funny, I'm skinny, I've got personality, but I'm not that cute!"
Liz: "Shut up, you're hot."
Alana: "Well, thanks, but I don't think so... I mean you're gorgeous."
Liz: "Well, that's really nice of you to say, but I'm average looking."
Liz: "Umm, not really. I'm alright, I've got personality, and a sense of humor, but when coupled with my large ass, I'm just average."
Alana: "You shut up right now or when I come down there I'm going to punch you in the ovaries!"

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