Apparently I have been living under a rock all my life because I only now found out about my latest diversion.
I was talking to Kirsten about my impending trip and other things and we got to talking about websites we use to divert attention from just how pathetic our existences tend to be.
I sent her over to the highly comical www.blackpeopleloveus.com
Kirsten's response: "Oh my god! This is AWESOME! This is one of those open-a -bottle -of -wine- and -make- a -night- of- it-websites!"
She then informed me about an INCREDIBLE webtastic diversion known as www.prisonpenpals.com
Since then I have been gorging myself on missives from prisoners across the globe. Such high comedy! Of course many of them are "not guilty" and are "attacking their convictions." Which I assume is jail-speak for seeking an appeal. And it is utterly hilarious when they are incarcerated for capital murder in Texas... I mean really... If you're in jail for CAPITAL MURDER IN TEXAS, I think your appeal is probably not going anywhere... Oh, and NEITHER ARE YOU! You're not getting out! You're in the express lane to the gas chamber!
Perhaps it's cruel of me to laugh at the missives of people who are sitting in the can just waiting for their turn in the electric chair, or however it is that Texas is bumping off the criminal population these days, but really, go read some of those ads, I GUARANTEE you'll be laughing too.
There are some more run of the mill felons there too... Arsonists, cannabis growers, weapons related felons, parole violators... You know, "lesser felons."
This ad absolutely had me soiling myself with laughter... I mean I gotta give the guy points for directness, but he just totally skipped the getting-to-know-you pleasantries and pointed out, (Note: this is a direct quote!) "I'm in search of a sex slave to participate in all my wild & sexual fantasies. So let's have a wet & wild time. What do you say?"
Sorry guy, I'm going to have to say no. Nothing against you for trying to get yours, but I think I'll pass. I am all for pursuing a non-traditional sex life if that's your thing, but I don't think I am going to venture out and start up a dominant-submissive "slave" fantasy with a convicted felon. That's a little too non-traditional and risky even for me. I mean, talk about begging for trouble...
The ads from the ladies are a riot too! There are too many good ones to pick one to show you here, but just trust me when I say you HAVE to check them out!
I hope I've opened your eyes to a new time-waster! Now if you'll forgive me, I've got to get back and search for my one true love... my diamond in the rough... Oh who the hell am I kidding, I just want to get back to laughing at these folks!