Sunday, January 18, 2009

Crazy Magnet...

As a person with my life experiences, and job history, I've come to the realization that I'm some kind of magnet for all kinds of crazy. And as a crazy magnet who is working in retail, I've also come to grips with the fact that it was almost inevitable that the crazy would come and find me at the store.

Today it happened.

I was in the last hour of my scheduled shift, fantasizing about going home and forgetting the crap I'd put up with all day. One of the people I regularly converse with, Patty, was headed to take a break and smoke a cigarette. Since things had warmed up to a balmy 10 degrees ABOVE zero, I decided I would accompany her outside so that I had someone to talk to while she got her nicotine fix.

No sooner than we got out there, the crazy found me.

A customer came out of the store, having freshly purchased a can of pringles potato chips. She popped the top, and ate a chip or two. She then said that she thought they tasted bad. Having the particular job I have at the store, I told her that if she wanted to return them, we'd help her out with that. Almost instantly, she said that she felt like she was going to sue because she felt like she was going to get food poisoning. Then she decided she was going to act like she was feeling ill. Instantly she was talking of calling her lawyer... And the crazy magnet now pulled me in and got me involved.

This crazy lady decided she wanted to make a real production of it... Simply returning the can of chips wasn't an option! Not when there was money to be made with frivolous litigation! So she demanded that we fil out an incident report. All over one measly bad pringle.

While we were filling out the paperwork, she called 911. Yes, you read that right, she had one stale potato chip and called an ambulance! AN AMBULANCE!!! I don't think it's necessary to inform you that the EMTs were PISSED when they found out why they'd been called. They told her to go home, drink some water, get some rest, and that they weren't going to treat her. Then they got back in their rig, slammed the doors, and peeled out of the parking lot to go to REAL emergencies.

I then spent an additional 40 minutes beyond the scheduled end of my shift filling out an incident witness statement instead of going home and forgetting about my shitty work day.

All for one bad pringle.

I tell you, the crazy just finds me like a heat seeking missile.

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