Tuesday, January 20, 2009

An Officer, and The Admiral:

Just before I was scheduled to go in to work, I got a text message from my best friend, "The Admiral." Before I tell you what it said, I should note that we tend to call or message each other when we have bad days and compare notes. I have pretty crappy luck in life, so I usually win this contest, where it is usually better to be the loser... Today I got trumped.

The message, verbatim, read: "Today I got arrested. I've finally beat you."

Knowing that it was only early afternoon on a Monday, and that The Admiral is generally a law-abiding citizen, I knew that this was a big deal, and that there must be a story to go with it.

I called her, hoping that if she was able to access her phone to text me, that she still had access to it to talk to me and give me the full scoop on how the hell she managed to get arrested. I also wanted to know if I needed to figure out some means of bailing her out.

She answered, which reassured me that she was ok.

"What the hell! ARRESTED? HOW? WHY? And might I add, WOW!"

"Well, I went to get my taxes done. That was shitty because I found out I owe the government a few hundred dollars that I don't have. So I was upset. I was crying while driving back to the office and trying to figure out how I was going to pay it."

"Ok, that's shitty in and of itself. But that doesn't explain getting arrested... Did you black out and go on a kill-crazy shooting spree?"

"Well, remember that car accident I got into a few months ago?"


"Well, I got a citation for following too closely, and for not having proof of insurance with me. They told me to submit proof of insurance when I paid the fine, or they would suspend my license... I paid the fine, but totally forgot about the insurance card."

"OH, shit!"

"Yeah, so while I was crying over my taxes and driving today, I apparently missed a sign that said no turn on red, and a cop was there to see it."


"So of course I'm in hysterics over the tax thing and then getting pulled over on top of it... So when he got to the window, I was a mess."


"So he runs my license and unbeknownst to me, it comes up as suspended. Since I was hysterical already, he probably thought I already knew about it and was upset because I knew I was in trouble for it, but I really didn't know! That was probably why he was such a dick!"


"Yeah, so I was cuffed and put in the back of the car for driving on a suspended license. They printed me and everything... Though now if I'm ever murdered and something happens where I end up beheaded they can still identify me, because now they have my prints in the system!"

"Well, clearly that's the bright side in all of this!"

"Yeah, so they took away my license and impounded my car, and gave me a court date... It took him a while, but once the arresting officer figured out that my story was true, and that I really wasn't lying and trying to put anything past him, he stopped being such a dick, even saying that he wasn't going to require a bond on me because this was my first arrest, and that he could tell from my hysterics that this wasn't something I had done regularly... I think I even went so far as to reassure him 'NO, this isn't like me! I'm a good girl! REALLY! I'm a good girl!'"

"So they didn't put you in a cell or anything, right?"

"No... They booked me, but didn't put me in the slammer. I think they could tell that I was not the type to do well in jail."

"Wow... I just don't know what else to say. WOW!"

"Yeah, I finally scored one on you."

"Congratulations... You trumped me. Well done!"

"Oh, it was really just a matter of time... I mean I got engaged, got into law school, and got a huge scholarship all in one month's time... Things were just going far too well, OF COURSE it all had to go awry."

"WOW... I just don't know what else to say. That is an impressively bad day."

As much as I don't look at this as a win for me, because it is unfortunate and it happened to someone I care about, it is nice to know that it DIDN'T happen to me. I am by no means gloating over this, because I wholeheartedly sympathize when the shit hits the fan and just keeps heaping up, and it happened to my best friend, so that sucks. Can't we all just collectively catch a huge break?

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