And so it is.

Today was a defining day. I talked to Dave, and as you can see in the post below, it was a meaningful conversation. If you had asked me yesterday, or even this morning before the conversation where I'd be in the process of dealing with all of this, I'd have been very pessimistic. But the fact is, after the conversation ended, I came to the realization that hearing the things I heard, and saying some of the things I wanted to say put me in a position to see things from another point of view.

Basically I was forced into what alcoholics refer to as a "moment of clarity." And I came to the realization that while Dave and I are not what we once were, we are what we are. And I am fine with that. We have changed, but we are not done.

I am fortunate to share my life in many different ways with many different people, and I am fortunate that they helped me come to the realization that my life is a shared experience, but I am the one who must decide which path to take. That said, I came to the realization that feeling sorry for myself wasn't making me feel any better, and it was starting to drag down those who cared for me. The sun went on shining, and the world kept on turning whether I was ready to enjoy them or not... so it was time to let it go. It was time to press on. I chose growth and change.

It's time to drink and laugh and play, and let the chips fall where they will. I have to play the cards I'm dealt, and DAMMIT, I'M GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME DOING IT!

Holding onto the hurt serves no purpose. It doesn't make you feel better, and ruins the hours and days that you are given in the meantime.

(Mom thinks that this happened so fast because I've got that "survivor instinct" I have a different theory. I think it's because I have optimism programmed into my DNA.)

Nenny has also been dealing with a lot of boy-related personal growth issues, and she put it really simply in her post for April 10, when she said, "Sometimes you don't get the one you want when you want them, & sometimes I think it's for the best.
At times, I get the feeling that God spares me from irrepairable heart-aches and tragedies by making things seem illogical and difficult for the immediate."

You can check out her post by clicking here, or clicking the link to her page in the sidebar.

Nenny and I are finding a lot more common ground. And when I told her I was ready to let go of it all, so that I could dance and drink and play, she asked if she could come along... and she can!

Nenny: Liz, I think we're going to be ok....I feel it
Liz: I think so too... this story is far from over... and know what? I won't make out with you, but if you ever need somebody to hold your hand, I'm your gal!
Nenny: LOL.....awwwwww!!!!!! You rule!!!!!
Liz: You're rockin pretty hard too!
Nenny: Thanks chica (rough translation)
Liz: I not only win at life, I kick it's ass! ...and then I send it the bill for my dry cleaning!