Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Here's a super-sized post for you... You better make it last!

Ok, so as you all know I am moving to my new home... Only a few blocks away from my current home.

The move means that internet will not be something that I will have regular easy access to. (At least for a few days. You see, my old building includes internet access for free as a feature of the units... My new home opts for affordability and an elevator instead.) So until I have a chance to set up an appointment to have internet installed, posts might be a little light, occasional, or non-existent... Get over it.

To try to ease you into the pain of lizzle-cake-withdrawal, I am composing a super post for you! (basically an expanded version of my ramblings posts which seem to carry favor with a fair portion of my readership)

Here goes nothin!


Tonight I tried a "Take 5" bar for the first time... I am not really a big fan of candy bars in general, (hence why this one remained unopened in my bag for a couple weeks) but if you get a chance and you are not allergic to peanuts, I recommend that you give this a try... I was pleasantly surprised.


I was killing time earlier and I happened across a blog where a person took a couple pictures of her toes... Considering I have at least one regular reader who is a foot fetishist, I thought of this as an amusing little added feature...

I am thinking that I will run around as I tend to do, and snap a picture of my feet wherever I am... Kind of narrating where I hop along during my weeks..

So occasionally you will see a picture of my feet.

The official title of this occasional feature is "This is where my toes go..."


The other day while I was standing on a street corner, (I was waiting for the light to change, not "peddling my wares") I saw something that really amused me. A straight looking man who was at least 50 years old, and at least 275 lbs, balding, and smoking a cigar, riding a vespa scooter.

I was amused because it's pretty hard to look manly on a vespa... even with a big phallus hanging out of your mouth.


While packing, I got to thinking... artsy people own some really RANDOM, weird stuff. I've run across many a fellow artist who had some weird nonsense in their home that kind of defied explaination... I know I certainly own several such items, including but not limited to:
  • A raggedy old three pane window that someone threw out.
  • A plush (think plush as in stuffed animal) cucumber that talks when you hit it.
  • GIANT pink sunglasses.
  • 144 plastic hawaiian leis.
  • A hand puppet in the shape of a hamster.
  • A jar that once contained BBQ, but now contains assorted colors of sea glass.
  • 2 ping pong balls... despite the fact that I have only played ping pong a total of approximately 5 times in my entire life.
  • A golf ball that I keep in the freezer.
It's really weird the stuff you amass over time.


You know how you occasionally hear something that makes you examine the grand social scene? Well I heard one of those things today.

It was with regard to how our society thinks that guns are ok, and that it's perfectly natural to have one in the home, and they regularly appear in television and film... Meanwhile nudity is ultra-taboo (don't believe me about the term ULTRA-TABOO? Just look at Janet Jackson).

We are a society that readily embraces images of people killing, maiming, and hurting one another, but Susie Homemaker gets all in a tizzy because a boob was flashed for a half a second on network television??? Which one do you think is going to more easily have a negative impact on Susie's innocent children? A continuous influx of violent imagery condoning human violence against one another, or a quick flash of a nipple shield?

Considering boobs are a natural occurence and that little girls will get them, and little boys will want to see them, I'm thinking it's not the nipple shield.


In the last few days I've figured out that I do have some favorite people!

  • Mom (obviously she holds the number one spot without question or opposition)
  • MelJoy - because she helped me move multiple carloads of stuff the other evening... and she's a regular reader/commenter which gets bonus points in my book
  • Ciara -because she loaned me her vehicle to transfer the rest of my life into my new home.
  • Nate - because he will be helping me with moving the last bit of furniture into my new home
  • My sister Kim's boyfriend Thomas - because he gets liquor at cost, so my family reunion drinking will be fabulously cheap!
I also have developed a shit list...

  • Mendez - Because she has continually found ways to bail on me after offering to help me with my move. (I love you girl! Really I do, and I appreciate the one carload you helped with, but bailing on me 3 times, no matter the circumstances, has you in the dog house for a bit.)
  • My brother - for never visiting me at any point during my college career.
  • Dave - for once again falling off the face of the earth.
  • The CTA - for being a bunch of bastards.

Yeah, once again I have a rant pertaining to the CTA (Chicago Transit Authority) personnel.

You might remember my recent anger at a certain CTA staffer who thought just because he HAD a dick he needed to BE a dick. The other day I had another such experience.

*Side note: since I don't need/have a car here in the city, I am dependent on public transit... it sucks but I'm ok with it most of the time... please don't make fun of me.

Here's the scene: I was on my way to work, and I had to transfer from one bus to another, and as the first bus I take was pulling away, the second bus I take was pulling up to the stop... I was unfortunately in a rather precarious position of having to navigate 2 crosswalks in order to catch that bus before it pulled away... otherwise I'd be forced to wait 30-45 minutes for the next bus (the sign says 15-20 minutes, but I'll believe that when I see it!) So... The I had the signal in my favor for the first crosswalk, which meant the second was NOT. Since traffic was particularly light at this particular moment, and I was rather desperate, I jogged across the street, against the signal... never in any remote danger of being struck by a motor vehicle.

I board the bus, only to have the bus driver yell at me!

Asshole CTA driver: "THAT WASN'T VERY SMART, WAS IT!?!?!"
Liz: "No, I know, but..."
Liz: "Well they all say that because dickhead drivers like you don't wait for us to cross with the signals... and if they're saying it, then they obviously made it across without getting killed... so how about you stop lecturing me and drive the bus?"
Asshole: [stunned silence]

Assholes just never know what to say when they run into a normal person willing to be an asshole right back at them.

Vindication is mine!


In the last few days I have seen some of the ugliest shoes and bags in god's creation.

Bitches, just because it's spring doesn't mean you've gotta track down the ugliest shoes and purses to sport!

What ever happened to a classic black or brown bag? (Maybe something raffia in the summer with leather accents/straps?) When were the classics replaced by day-glow pink-patent-leather- with-white-polka-dots monstrosities that I catch people with nowadays?

And since we're on the subject of bags,


If you're going to spend 20 bucks on a bag, instead of 400, don't try to look like you spent 400+ ... your busted-ass Louis Vuitton knockoff does not make you look like J-Lo or whoever the fuck is hustling you bitches for all your money by convincing you that you need an expensive bag to demonstrate your value as a human being... If you feel the need for your bag to make such a statement about you, and your self worth, then you better be spending the real money on the real thing.

I'm not saying that I don't own designer bags... I do, but mine are real, and I bought them because they are quality products, tastefully done in classic styles, thus they will be regularly used and not easily go out of style. (And because you can sure as hell bet that I got them well below retail despite being REAL.) I did not buy them to assure myself or anyone else of my value as a person... That's no reason to BUY anything but a therapy session.

Enough said.


I have taken the time to create a new page for the posts that don't really have a place here... here's my explaination:

Ok, so I was sitting in my poetry class, and I got to thinking... "Hey I write poetry... where would I put that?"

So I was thinking that I do write a lot of other stuff that has no real place on my main page, where you are currently reading this lovely post.

The main concept behind the original happy hour is to recount fun tales of drunkenness, debauchery, and general amusement. (basically it's good for a few laughs.)

This means that posts that are very cerebral, (brainy,) very emotional, very artsy, etc. have no real place here. They just don't fit in with the overall theme.

So to accomodate the additional writings, I am opening up a new forum for the occasional supplemental materials that don't make the cut for the original happy hour.

The new site is: www.happyhourtoo.blogspot.com


"My favorite was when we were scarfing down our Wendy's even as we pulled up to the drive-thru at Burger King... They should totally do a 'Supersize Me' documentary about us!" ~Leah talking to Mel about their fast food adventures.

(Talking about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes)
Liz: "He is such a tool... that shit ain't natural... I'm telling you, he's GAY and someone is threatening to out him... this is totally a PR thing."
Leah: "Really? You think that? I like him!"
Liz: "No way it's real. She's totally his beard."
Chrissy: "Yeah he is weird."
(Funny because she misheard... but still managed to agree)

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