These shows have demonstrated that there really is no substitute for quality parenting. (Thank you mom, for not beating me senseless with a coat hanger when I was rotten to you, and for raising me well enough so that nobody else wanted to beat me with a coat hanger either.)
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Sarah gave me another reason to detest myself. I'm not going to get into it here... let's just say that I did something SO AWFUL that I really might go to hell for it, (Yes it is worse than the toothbrush thing)
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To tell you about the weekend nonsense, I fell on black ice on Thursday, (if I had been an older woman I certainly would have broken my hip) instead I managed to only bruise myself (delicate peach that I am) and strain a few muscles, including a slight case of whiplash. I have total sympathy for Carolyn.
Friday was nothing special... a couple in-class naps and some time at the gym
Saturday was quite possibly the most glorious, sunny day that February in Chicago has ever known. I, of course, spent it at work. (But I eased my sorrows with a little retail therapy at the end of the day!)
Sunday was spent lounging about, watching sports, including, but not limited to this year's uneventful, unimpressive super bowl. (Predictably, the patriots won, just like Bill Simmons and I said they would,and there were no real stand-out commercials.)
I basically spent the weekend avoiding studying for art history.
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I tried calling Dave today. No answer. No return call.
I put on my sad face.
Mom thinks he has run away and married a jealous woman who does not allow him to have contact with me anymore because I am so awesome I would steal him... Hey, at least it's a theory... lord knows I've got no better explaination coming from Dave's camp.
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As for the first meeting of the THEY, Turkey Lurky and myself have come to a new decision about the calendar year... more specifically the calendar week. Here are the need-to-know highlights.
- Weeks will now officially begin either on a Wednesday or a Friday. The final decision is left to the individual, however, the options are limited to these two days.
- Monday was instantly ruled out from inhabiting the lead off spot because Mondays suck and we all know it. You gotta have a solid hitter in your lead off spot, otherwise there's no set up for good things later in the order.
- Tuesday was ruled out because Tuesday has yet to establish itself as a power hitter or a day with a high profile... you gotta open with a winner and Tuesday just hasn't put in the effort that we were hoping to see.
- Wednesday is certainly a possible contender. Over the last several years Wednesday has firmly established itself as "Hump day" ... And honestly, who doesn't like to start off the week with a good hump?
- Thursday looked good on paper, but when we were looking at the overall performance, the "Thirsty Thursday" profile was just lacking that special something which seemed all too evident in the days which sandwich it... Sorry Thursday fans, maybe next season.
- Fridays are an obvious favorite with the working world because of a firmly established history, and reputation as "PAYDAY!" Now honestly folks, who wouldn't want "PAYDAY" headlining, and in the leadoff spot? This is a goodway to start off the week!
- Saturday and Sunday were both excluded from consideration for the leadoff spot for pretty much the same reason... these are considered by most to be "Lazy days" and we all know that laziness will not get you into the leadoff spot with this team. Futhermore Sunday is regared as "The lord's day" and a traditional "Day of rest" and as far as we're concerned you should not start off your week with a day of rest, because you don't need it! YOU HAVEN'T BLOODY DONE ANYTHING YET, YOU LAZY BUTT PIE! Arguably, it would seem that starting off with a day of rest would kind of ease you into the week, but we, The THEY, contend that it would be much better to start the week with a nice hump, or get hit with a PAYDAY... So this is not up for negotiation.
- Please dispose of all calendars where weeks do not begin on Wednesday or Friday, and pick up a revised calendar as soon as is humanly possible.
We have also decided to reintroduce and repopularize the term "Crapola" in the great American lexicon... please immediately begin using the word "Crapola" liberally in any and all apropriate instances.
On a similar note, we are recommending the use of the term "Butt pie" for people with whom you are arguing, or are generally displeased. (i.e. - "CRAPOLA! You piss me off, you're nothing but a gigantic butt pie!")
Thank you.
Sincerely, The THEY.
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If you like kitties or not, I do suggest that you view this... it is enjoyable. (Thank you Christopher.)
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And for those Napoleon Dynamite fans out there, (And I know there are a lot of you, and that the number grows every day,) here is something that you will also enjoy. (Thank you Nater-tots)
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I did send out an e-mail on pooping ettiquite, if you did not receive this e-mail and would like to, please contact me with your e-mail address (if I don't already have it) and I will send it along to you.
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2.8.05 - "So of course I made a big deal of it, and I said 'MARY! You HAVE to come over here and look at this SUBMARINE SHIT!'" ~Erin talking about a monster dump in a movie theater bathroom
2.9.05 - "I have to pee again, Liz. I think I have overactive bladder! I am 19 and I'm going to have to go on Detrol [breaks into song from Detrol commercial] 'Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now, gotta go gotta go gotta go!' ... I mean it only makes sense, my mom has over-active bladder... my mom peed on a horse once!" ~ Erin. (Not many people can say that they have peed on a horse, it was worth mentioning.)
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