Sunday, June 10, 2007

The Bartender does the African Bank Scam...

I was checking the ol' e-mail account and wouldn't you know it, the bartender has struck it rich! Details in the e-mail below!

FROM MRS BINTU AZIZ,
BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER,
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT,
BANK OF AFRICA (BOA),
OUAGADOUGOU, BURKINA FASO.


MY DEAR,

I AM MRS. BINTU AZIZ, THE BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER AT THE FOREIGN EXCHANGE DEPARTMENT OF BANK OF AFRICA (BOA) OUAGADOUGOU IN BURKINA FASO. WITH DUE RESPECT AND REGARDS, I HAVE DECIDED TO CONTACT YOU ON A BUSINESS TRANSACTION THAT WILL BE VERY BENEFICIAL TO BOTH OF US AT THE END OF THE TRANSACTION.DURING MY INVESTIGATION AND AUDITING IN MY DEPARTMENT, I CAME ACROSS A VERY HUGE SUM OF MONEY BELONGING TO A DECEASED PERSON, A FOREIGNER WHO DIED IN A PLANE CRASH WITH HIS ENTIRE FAMILY.PLEASE THIS IS A CONFIDENTIAL MATTER AND IT REQUIRES URGENCY.


THE FUND HAS BEEN IN HIS ACCOUNT WITH THE BANK WITHOUT ANY CLAIM OF THE FUND IN OUR CUSTODY EITHER FROM HIS FAMILY OR RELATION BEFORE OUR DISCOVERY TO THIS DEVELOPMENT.ALTHOUGH PERSONALLY, I KEPT THIS INFORMATION SECRET WITHIN MYSELF TO ENABLE THE WHOLE PLANS AND IDEA BE PROFITABLE AND SUCCESSFUL DURING THE TIME OF EXECUTION. THE AMOUNT INVOLVED IS USD$12.500, 000 (TWELVE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S DOLLARS.) MEANWHILE THE WHOLE ARRANGEMENT AND DIRECTIVES NEEDED TO PUT CLAIM OVER THIS FUND AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED WILL BE FORWARD TO YOU UPON YOUR ACCEPTANCE. INFORMATION WILL BE RELEASED TO YOU AS SOON AS YOU INDICATE YOUR INTEREST AND WILLINGNESS TO ASSIST ME AND ALSO BENEFIT YOURSELF TO THIS GREAT BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY.

IN FACT I COULD HAVE DONE THIS DEAL ALONE BUT BECAUSE OF MY POSITION IN THIS COUNTRY AS A CIVIL SERVANT, WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT AND WOULD EVENTUALLY RAISE AN EYE BROW ON MY SIDE DURING THE TIME OF TRANSFER BECAUSE I WORK IN THIS BANK. THIS IS THE ACTUAL REASON WHY IT WILL REQUIRE A SECOND PARTY OR FELLOW WHO WILL FORWARD CLAIMS AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE BANK AND ALSO PRESENT A FOREIGN ACCOUNT WHERE HE WILL NEED THE MONEY TO BE TRANSFERRED INTO ON HIS REQUEST AS IT MAY BE, AFTER DUE VERIFICATION AND CLARIFICATION TO DESIGNATED BANK ACCOUNT.

YOU CAN SEE THE WEBSITE BELOW COVERING THE PLANE CRASH BY CNN & BBC
NEWS.

http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.crash

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/3348109.stm

I WILL NOT FAIL TO INFORM YOU THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% RISK FREE. ON SMOOTH CONCLUSION OF THIS TRANSACTION, YOU WILL BE ENTITLED TO 40% OF THE TOTAL SUM AND 10% WILL BE SET ASIDE FOR EXPENSES INCURED DURING THE BUSINESS WHILE 50% WILL BE FOR ME. YOU HAVE BEEN ADVISED TO KEEP TOP SECRET AS I AM STILL IN SERVICE AND INTEND TO RETIRE FROM SERVICE AFTER I CONCLUDE THIS DEAL WITH YOU.

I WILL BE MONITORING THE WHOLE SITUATION HERE IN THE BANK UNTIL YOU CONFIRM THE MONEY IN YOUR ACCOUNT AND ASK ME TO COME DOWN TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR SUBSEQUENT SHARING OF THE FUND ACCORDING TO PERCENTAGES PREVIOUSLY INDICATED AND FURTHER INVESTMENT, EITHER IN YOUR COUNTRY OR ANY OTHER COUNTRY YOU MAY ADVICE ME TO INVEST IN. ALL OTHER NECESSARY INFORMATION WILL BE SENT TO YOU WHEN I HEAR FROM YOU. I SUGGEST YOU GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE STATING YOUR WISH IN THIS DEAL.

PLEASE REPLY TO MY MASSAGE BY INDICATING YOUR BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS WHERE THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFERED TO. ALSO, SEND ME YOUR PRIVATE PHONE NUMBER FOR EASY COMMUNICATION.YOU SHOULD CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY AS SOON AS YOU RECIEVE THIS LETTER.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MRS BINTU AZIZ

Seeing as I have to do so little and I'm getting my grubby little paws on $5,000,000 ... I say AWESOME! But I would like to take a few minutes to address Mrs. Bintu Aziz.

First off, Mrs. Aziz, please don't initially address me as "My dear" because let's just get this one thing straight, you don't know me well enough to find me dear to you, and I'm strictly a dick chick, so you need to get that dear idea out of your head... I'm not going to be the Scarlett to your Rhett. (Frankly, my dear, I DO give a damn.) Furthermore, I am not yours! I can not be owned! Not for any price! (And certainly not for a measly five million.) I might be a bartender, but I'm the best damn bartender this little happy hour has, and I'm happy pouring the shots and mixing the martinis around here... So you just need to step off, and you need to address me with a little more formality, and a little less colloquialism. We're not friends UNTIL you give me my money.

Now that that's taken care of, let's discuss a few other things. First off, if you're typing up e-mails from your bank, it might be a good idea to turn off the caps lock. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who finds that really fucking irritating. Secondly, I realize that you're "in Africa" and that means that there is a pretty strong chance you're trying to imply that English is not your primary language... But if you're going to try to solicit my participation in defrauding people of their money, you'd be well served to get yourself a tutorial in spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Furthermore, if you're trying to entice me into participating, telling me that all the expenses are going to come out of my half of the proceeds is not going to convince me... Either we split the expenses or you pay them, after all, you're the one who apparently needs my help! I mean since the money is going to my account, by all rights, I should legally be keeping the whole amount. I mean I'm the one who is making the claim to be the legal heir to this money. If I can "prove" this, then the money is mine, right? I might pay you a little finder's fee, but that's more at my discretion and personally I think 50% is a little steep.

Let's not even get into the fact that you want me to reply to your "MASSAGE" (Massages are usually reciprocated, and not replied to... but maybe you do things a little differently in Africa,) and that you want my phone number and banking information. I'm only giving you my phone number after you've bought me a drink or two, and you're promising to buy me a lobster dinner. As for my banking information, well, I tell you what, you send me all your banking information, I'll drain your accounts and hold your money hostage until I get my $12,500,000... Once I've drained you of all your money, I'll give you a number to a totally empty account, where you can put my money.
Once I get my money, I'll give your money back free and clear, no questions asked, and I'll even add in a little extra for that finder's fee we discussed. It'll all work out just as we planned! It'll be great! And I won't even submit all your information to the FBI so that you can be investigated for fraud!

(Do people really buy into these scams? I mean I know that these things are continually circulated because there is a tiny margin of success in taking advantage of the gullible, elderly, unsuspecting, and overly trusting people of the world, but really, haven't Dateline and 60 Minutes covered this enough that people know better than to dole out banking information like it's day old bread being cast out to the masses?)

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