On the topic of Identity theft -
No, I don't mean Identity theft like, "Hey, that guy stole my social security number and my credit cards and now he has my life!" Because, as much as that sucks, I'm referring to something much more insidious, and much more maddening. (For you readers who have been around since the beginning, you might remember certain parts of this rant as the "Grilled cheese- spaghettio's allegory)
I'm talking about the tendency of certain people to latch onto certain defining aspects of your personality, or certain personal preferences of yours, and assume them as their own. This is worse than the other kind of identity theft because with the other kind of identity theft, you can usually (with some effort) get your life back, whereas with this kind, there is little hope of reclaiming the comfortable niche you once inhabited all alone, as being fully yours.
Not following me? That means you've been lucky. You've never befriended one of these people. These people can take on many different forms, though once you really get to know them, you will find that they lack intrapersonal intelligence... that is, they do not know themselves very well. As a result instead of developing their own identity, they find it is easier just to steal pieces of YOUR identity. I assure you this is incredibly maddening and can leave you feeling as though you are in the twilight zone.
This has happened to me on more than one occasion with more than one person, so to avoid hurt feelings, I'm going to leave out names and just speak in generality here.
I have seen this parodied on sitcom TV... I think Full House did an episode like this, though I'm not really sure. But in the sitcom version, the identity thieving person latches onto the featured player, and proceeds to dress and style their hair like them. (This is what high school was all about, yes, but that's not what I'm referring to.) In the sitcom version, we are supposed to learn that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and learn that you have to find out who you are and then be that, instead of trying to be like someone else...
Apparently the people who I've experienced this with stopped the learning experience after the first part.
In my experience with these people, I've had my clothing preferences stolen, my identity as a Cubs fan stolen, my friends stolen, my jokes stolen, my musical and cinematic preferences stolen, my class schedule copied, and habits imitated.
I've gone out shopping with a certain character who would only pick up an article of clothing in a particular store if either A. I already owned it, and she'd seen it, or B. I had picked it up off the rack a few minutes before and mentioned that I liked it... (noting this as it happened I even picked up and noted something I thought was ugly, and said I liked it, to test my hypothesis, and guess what, I was right on, she said she liked it too a few minutes later.)
As far as my status as a Cubs fan goes, nobody can really STEAL that from me, but this experience had to be the most infuriating of all, largely because it became such a big part of the other person's identity as soon as they decided to latch on. Basically before becoming friends with me, this person had never expressed any interest in the Cubs to ANYONE who had ever known her... this included her sisters and several of her friends who befriended me because they thought I was way more fun than this person. Shortly after befriending me, she had suddenly been a Cubs fan her whole life, and the Cubs were a huge part of her life, and she scheduled things around the Cubs... Now, let me say something here. As a member of the Cubbies nation, as someone who grew up with a Cubbie family tradition, as someone who geographically should be a St Louis fan but isn't because I love the cubbies, I am more than willing to accept new fans into the nation with open arms... there is one stipulation though. You need to own your identity as a fan. You need to admit when exactly you became a fan. If you only came in a year ago say hey, I'm still new to loving the Cubs, but I hope to make it a lifelong experience. (This is a serious commitment.) This is swearing allegiance to a team who you love. This is falling in love with a game, finding the sports equivalent to "THE ONE" and taking a vow to stick with them through thick and thin, sickness and health, injury-plagued and playoff-bound, spring training to the fall classic year in and year out. This is not something that those who have committed themselves trifle with. So when someone saunters in, says they have always been a fan, and yet owns no memorabilia, no team-affilitated gear, posesses no real knowledge, the real fans get a little bothered... and when you see one of these fake fans daily, and you can't see them without them mentioning the depth of their love (which you secretly, broodingly know is actually quite shallow and superficial, yet you dare not speak of) you learn to despise that person's existence because it is, in essence, a mockery of your own.
I have also somehow managed to befriend people who used me to get to my circle of friends... then they figured they would do an end-around on me and just cut me out of the group which I was a member of first... THIS IS NOT COOL. I embrace new people readily. I like making new friends. I'm a people person, that's what I do. When the new person tries to cut you out of your own life though, this becomes a problem. Don't ask me how, but on more than one occasion I have somehow been edged out of a couple social circles because of people like this... the best people in those circles sought me out later and re-established friendships with me aside from the other party, but still, this is an annoying little event.
As for the theft of my jokes, I'm funny, and I don't really mind when people tell my jokes, but if I'm standing there listening, you better credit your source... If I'm not around, I don't really give a damn whether you credit me or not... It's nice if you do credit me, but not 100% necessary.
As for my music and movie preferences, I think I have good taste in music and movies, and it's not uncommon for people to like what I like... But there are times when I like things that are really uncommon... if you steal my opinion/my reasons for liking a certain thing and it gets back to me that you're trying to D-BO (D-BO means steal) my likes, we're gonna tussle.
People have copied my class schedule... this is irritating because not only is someone trying to be like you, and do what you do, you have to tolerate them all day, every day for a whole semester... NOT COOL.
People copying habits are irritating because if you recognize that they are doing something the way that you do it, part of you wonders if you are that irritating to others when you do it, and part of you wonders if they are doing it the way you do it in an effort to mock you... either way, it will slowly drive you insane.
Basically people I'm trying to instill a modicum of originality into those sorry bastards who don't know who they are... those sad sacks who latch on to other people's identities and assume them as their own... GET A CLUE BITCHES! It's not our fault we're so cool, and IT IS YOUR FAULT THAT YOU ARE ANNOYING US!
Sorry, just had to let all that out...
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I have just come to the realization that if I cared half as much about the topics addressed in my papers I'd have been done with ALL OF THEM about an hour after they had been assigned, as I have just noted that I wrote quite an extensive rant about something I care about, and it took considerably less time to formulate and write than you think.
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While we're on the topic of things that really irritate me, can we please have a talk about Gwen Stefani's solo career? To take a line from Stefani herself, THIS SHIT IS BANANAS.
Yes, I liked her when she was a member of No Doubt. Yes she has a certain something that does make her appealing in that context. But the solo career just ain't cuttin' it for me. The first three tracks we get from her are collaboration efforts, and that's fine... she can collaborate all she wants... We established with No Doubt that she is ok when she is working with others... But then I am forced to listen to the auditory assault that is "HOLLABACK GIRL"
If you have not heard this, consider yourself lucky. (It is tantamount to having bamboo chutes inserted under your fingernails while your earlobes are being abused with needle-nose pliers.) It would be like having a screwdriver beaten into each ear, but that would deafen you, and end the rather painful experience that is "HOLLABACK GIRL."
Seriously people wonder how certain musical crimes are committed? Remember the "Macarena?" Remember "Who Let the Dogs Out?" This song is equally annoying without any catchy beat, or dance move.
To those who like this song, please allow me to illustrate the stupidity for you,
Gwen's version: "THIS SHIT IS BANANAS. B-A-N-A-N-A-S."
Liz's version: "THIS SONG IS RETARDED! R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D!"
There, that's a song lyric... now give me MILLIONS of dollars and a record deal.
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I am also REALLY irritated by the little fuckers who spend ALL DAY EVERY DAY riding up and down my alley on scooters that sound like they are running on weed-whacker engines.
I am not only mad at the little bastards themselves, I am also mad at the parents who not only purchased this godforsaken amusement, but also apparently don't make them go to school, as they are out there ALL THE TIME, EVERY DAY.
And I am also mad at the manufacturers of this dreadful item. They have sunk to a new low, implying that since children can't drive yet, they need some form of motorized transportation, because apparently pushing a bike pedal or a skateboard with your foot ain't good enough anymore... And they wonder why the youth of America is obese... HONESTLY!
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QOTD
5.2.05 - (Doris and I were talking about me wanting to find a tall Texan to marry and make tall children with )
Doris: "let's breed long tall texans!"
Liz: "HA HA HA. I'm all for it!"
Doris: "heck yes you are! let me draw up my punnett squares... this might take some doing!"
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