In fact, let me just say now that I love people ... Until they start shopping for flowers.
One woman nearly lost her life while shopping for flowers this weekend... Here's the scene: She picked up a flat of flowers that I had just fixed, sat them down about 10 feet away and walked away. 20 minutes later, once I had mentally established that she had abandoned them I went and got them... I had not made it three steps back before I hear her yelling at me like I am an asshole for trying to put them where they belonged because she was planning on buying them. (now, granted, I AM, in fact, an asshole, but the fact is that she doesn't know me, and doesn't know I'm an asshole, but I digress...) So, I calmly put them back where she had left them... and you know what? THE BITCH DIDN'T EVEN BUY THEM! She yelled at me like I'm an asshole, and she didn't even buy them! I moved on to another project, came back an hour later and those bastard flowers were right where she left them, and she was nowhere to be seen. I moved them back where they were supposed to be, but I was not happy.
And a word to the wise out there. If you do happen to see me, or someone else who has my job, and they are actively reorganizing a section or a rack of flowers, or veggies, or whatever... if you pick something up, then decide you don't want it, you DAMN WELL BETTER PUT IT BACK EXACTLY WHERE YOU FOUND IT IF I'M STANDING THERE! There is no quicker way to ensure that I will be quietly plotting your death than to pick up something I've just fixed and then sit it down someplace other than where I had it.
I just found out today that a whole bunch of other people I didn't know about actually read this thing! Hi guys and gals! Welcome! I hope I don't bore you! ...And if I do, then just leave.
My mom found this, and she thought it was absolutely hysterical... A real life tale of Penguins with Chlamydia. (You're going to have to forgive me, mom's got a weird sense of humor!)
I think I've decided to do away with the dates on QOTD. The dates were rather arbitrary anyway, as they did not actually denote the day on which the comment was made. So I think I'm going to adopt Nenny's format, and if it's funny it get's noted and the speaker's name will appear with it. (This is a convenient shift because with finals week upon us, nobody has had much of anything genuinely funny to say, and I have been too busy/tired to be around to hear anyone say anything funny, so I have fallen behind... you will get over it, I'm sure.)
I think I've figured out why I am terminally single. I am actually a gay man trapped in a woman's body.
- I do have a woman's body.
- I prefer boys. (Like gay men.)
- This quiz tells me that my brain is 60% male.
- I can't get a decent straight male to come within 100 yards of attempting to date me.
- I agree with men when they say that women are absolutely nuts. (Case in point below)
J-Dub told me today that she wants to try to go a year without dating anyone... This is incredible to me... That's like me being an Ethiopian who hasn't eaten a meal in years, and watching J-dub throw away a year's worth of perfectly good food just because she can... Fucking NUTS.
I've noticed that my swearing has gotten out of hand... I'm gonna work on that.