Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Things I learned at bar tending school.

  • I have more personality in my little finger than a lot of people have in their entire bodies.
  • For some inexplicable reason, red food coloring makes jugs of water smell rancid… but this only applies to red.
  • Brown food coloring makes pour tops look like they have herpes.
  • When alcohol is involved, I rock at life.
  • I love gay men.
  • Gay men love me.
  • When mixing drinks and you are using water in the place of cola, your drink will likely not be the right color.
  • Some people think it’s ok to make a vodka tonic with Jack Daniels. (Those people are idiots.)
  • Oh yeah, and I also learned how to make some drinks...


Yeah, I LOVE bartending school! (And I'm not trying to "toot my own horn" or anything, but I'm frickin' GOOD at it!)

My instructor is a HOT gay man named Anthony. (If he were straight, I would marry him and bear his children, or I'd at least molest him on a weekend... but alas that is not the case.) (Michael, you would LOVE him!)

As far as mixing drinks goes, I am probably the quickest (at least top two) and as far as accuracy goes, I am pretty damn close to being tops on that as well. (I had one cosmo turn out more orange than pink, and I forgot to add soda water to a Tom Collins today, but aside from that I'm GOLDEN!)

There are a few hopeless cases in my class... I kinda feel sorry for them because they definitely paid a lot of money to take a class that they suck at... and it's really hard to have fun doing something when you suck at it as badly as they do. I've tried to help a couple of these people, but it's really hard to help someone when they think there's tequila in in a Grey Goose gibson. (I mean really, there's only so much I can do for you when you don't know what kind of liquor is in the drink you're supposed to make.)


In case you can't tell, I (heart) bartending school!


I keep forgetting my camera, so I can't post my alabama pictures just yet, but I promise I'll get to them VERY SOON!

Here are your quotes:


Kirsten:"Ok, serious question: Would you be willing to trade your life for the existence of unicorns on earth?"
Liz: "If I were 8, the answer would've been yes, but now, I'd have to give it some thought."
Kirsten: Yeah, it has a lot to do with how in touch you are with your inner child, and how depressing your life is... On a Tuesday or a Thursday, I would say YES!"

"I come up with all of these really cracked out questions when I'm all viked up... I come home of an evening and spend 6 hours essentially alone, so I occasionally take a vike or two and sit around thinking shit up to pass the time." ~Kirsten

"My doctor doesn't know shit from apple butter! I'm pretty much convinced that I could go on WebMD and do a better job with my medical care" ~Kirsten

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