It’s been a long time since I’ve assembled a list of my ramblings for you… (and since that is a popular posting every time I do it, I apologize for not doing it more often.) So here it is, a ramblings post for your enjoyment.
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As much as I do love living alone, part of me has become afraid that I will die one of those horrible big-city deaths… you know the kind. Like when someone slips, falls, and bleeds to death from a gash in the head and a brain hemorrhage, or what is more likely for me that I will go out drinking one night, and come home to take my (now infamous) drunken shower, and I will manage to drown in the tub. These types of deaths are quiet… the kind of thing that goes unnoticed by neighbors who don’t know your name… Fortunately, I think it’s a safe assumption that my mom would realize that something was wrong when I didn’t answer her phone calls (because I don‘t really talk to anyone else on a frequent or regular enough basis), and thus my body would be discovered before the smell drifted out into the hall and overpowered the stench of whatever ethnic cooking my hall happens to smell of.
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Part of me really wants to know what the hell kind of food smells like my hallway… and how often it had to be cooked in order to establish itself as a permanent fixture there.
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I have come to the realization that my CD collection is sadly outdated… This is troublesome when one considers the sheer number of CDs in my collection. This is not to imply that they are worthless, not listened to, or not any good… a great many of my CDs are timeless, and most of them still get semi-occasional play. But there is certainly a notable gap since the last time I actually bought “current music.” *
(*Upon re-reading that paragraph, I have decided that this gap might be due in large part to the fact that I find most of the current music to be intolerable… Because I am officially an old fogey now.)
This becomes especially troublesome when coupled with the fact that my computer crashed since my move, and I lost many of my favorite music files… This makes the gap between my CD collection and current music that much worse, and more obvious.
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On the topic of music, I think it’s important to make this statement; I think that the truly good musician/singer/songwriters of today are the great poets of our day… whether we might not choose to recognize it, but the true poetic talents of our time are finding out that the money isn’t in writing a book of poetry that no one will read, but rather, writing a hit song that bitches will play incessantly at the clubs and radio stations… think about it. You know I’m right!
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Why do we have those eye goober things when we wake up in the morning? Why do we only get them when we sleep, and not when we’re awake? What are we doing in our sleep that causes our eyes to produce those things?
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To be clear, I understand how people can become alcoholics… I do not understand how people become habitual smokers. Think about this… The first time you puff on a cigarette your pink virgin lungs reject that notion with everything they can muster! I know a few people who have even vomited upon their first smoke. So why then do people go back to it? At least with alcohol you get a little bit of a pleasurable sensation before you throw up (if you throw up).
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Veggie Tales, while highly amusing, perplexes me. I want to meet and try to understand the mental workings of the people who decided that they would create a line of kids videos and related merchandize centered on a collection of fruits and vegetables hopping about preaching biblical messages…
Perhaps it was thought of by someone who wanted to ensure that the children of America were not only getting nutritional fiber, but a little moral fiber as well… ya think?
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Last night as I slept, the cover on my air conditioning unit fell off and conked me on the head… this was not a pleasant experience. Funny thing of it is, I don’t remember the actual hit, I remember waking up to my own yelp and intense skull pain.
I just think it’s funny when anyone makes a noise that wakes them up.
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I know I mentioned this a while ago, but I feel the need to reiterate the fact that I still have some kind of weird fascination with David Bowie.
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Quotes are hard to come by these days… bitches don’t call the way they used to, and since I am not working at the moment, I have no funny coworkers to quote. This sucks, because y’all used to be some funny bitches!
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Moral dilemma, Chi Chi, brought over a fresh bottle of Bacardi O and a 4 pack of down-home punch… After her evening of vomiting all over God’s creation, she left it here. She has not called or come back to reclaim it.
What’s a girl to do?
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Lately, I’ve been thinking rather intensely about my life as a movie… I’m not even in the early stages of writing a book, but I’ve still got some kind of perverse fascination with casting the whole film.
Under ideal circumstances, if budget, age, and time were not an issue, and not paying any attention to how the family would actually look genetically, here’s who I’ve got cast so far:
Me: Not yet cast… still taking applications for this role.
My Mom: Kathy Bates
My Dad: Michael Douglas
My brother: Kevin Bacon or Matt Damon… depends on how the role is written I think.
My younger half-sister: Hayden Panettiere, The little girl from “Remember the Titans” (I think she can handle being both obnoxious and occasionally sweet.)
My Step-mom: Glenn Close or Kathleen Turner.
My Step sister, Kim: Not yet cast. We’ve gotta get someone who can at least act VERY smart and brilliantly funny for this role… Smart AND funny is hard to come by in Hollywood.
My Step-sister, Becky: Also not yet cast… We gotta find another real talent here… someone who can be funny, warm, and appealing, and yet if need be, subtly terrifying. Right now, I’m thinking Rose McGowan or Sarah Michelle Gellar but that could change.
Maternal Grandparents: Sean Connery and Maggie Smith
Paternal Grandparents: Ellen Burstyn and Tom Skerrit.
Those are the immediate family roles… Other interesting supporting characters: ***Remember; time, age, genetic appearance and budget are not issues***
Aunt Monica: Megan Mullaly. (Type-casting… SOOO dead-on accurate though!)
Cousins Zach and Sarah: Impossible to correctly cast, as there are no well-known albinos in Hollywood. (Zach might possibly be played by Jon Heder, best known as Napoleon Dynamite from film of same name.)
Lou: Meat Loaf. (Mom, you know I’m right about this!)
Michael K: Not cast… Michael K is quite the character, he might have to play himself.
C-Murda: Who in Hollywood has obnoxiously cute freckles? …We’d have to teach them to text message REALLY REALLY fast before contracts were signed.
Doris: Nicole Kidman, because I know she would want it that way!
Alana: Angelina Jolie can pull off the blonde and the black hair… I think she’s got the acting chops, as well as the right amount of crazy to make that work.
Ben: Topher Grace… or Robert Carlyle, the guy who played Begbie in Trainspotting, depending on how the writing shapes the character.
Nate: Someone with that all-American boy appeal… like a young Chris O’Donnell.
Mendez: Find the funniest, cutest, tiniest, skinniest, Mexican girl with great big eyes that you can. The writing should take care of the rest.
MelJoy: possibly Kate Hudson… I need someone who can pull off cute, sweet quirky thing as well as the Dutch look.
J-Dub: Someone TINY who looks like they could be half Asian, and who is capable of playing a totally endearing, lovable train wreck... suggestions?
Pat Schultz: Would either have to play himself, or be ok with Bob Saget… (No offense Pat.)
Leo: Mark Ruffalo.
Jennie V: Brittany Murphy.
If I knew any truly crazy men, I’d have to cast Tom Cruise… lord knows that bitch won’t even have to act to come off as crazy… and since his career is headed down the toilet, I’m pretty sure he’ll be available when shooting for my movie starts.
Any other ideas for casting, please let me know! (If you appear on this cast list and have a problem with your casting, please let me know… and be prepared to offer suggestions as to the replacement.)
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I think I’ve bored you enough for now, haven’t I?
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