Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Is it bad that I'm still waiting on my members for some fresh posts? Why am I the one doing all the work here? THIS IS WHY I INVITED MEMBERS IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Ok, with that out of my system, I'll just recap the day for you kids. I got up early, went to work, where we slacked a bit and got things in order, then took a decent-length lunch, which provided us with time to go to the batting cages. (and we all know how Lizzle LOVES the batting cages.) So after lunch, I returned to work, and we did a few things, but then the fun began. It was time to start watering, when we decided that instead of watering the plants, C and I should water each other... It was a good decision! We had a water fight out in the garden department, and it was glorious. Lots of water, lots of laughter, very little work being done. So after work, my phone wigged out for a little while and I spent an hour trying to fix it... And I did. Then I went out with Alana, Momma Stephansen, and Aunt Peko to dinner at Cullen's (where I found out that Alana used to meow for hours on end,)and we saw the band Eldest Son at the Elbo Room. It was a VERY pleasant evening, and the band was REALLY good. In fact, I recommend that you kids check them out, (their website is www.eldestson.net in case this link doesn't work... because I am aware we're having link issues now). I think you will enjoy it almost as much as I did. On the way home from our pleasant evening, Alana claimed quote of the day with this lovely gem!

6.29.04 -
"Raping and pillaging! Raping and pillaging! That's what I like!" ~Alana

Monday, June 28, 2004

Well, I'm going to go ahead and announce it to everyone, and see if I get any offers... Basically, I'm really feeling like I need a good makeout with an attractive male. The fact that I've got two scheduled events with Alana is a pretty good indication that we can remedy this situation with minimal effort. I'm so glad she's back. I even got her a welcome home present (it's nothing big, but she's the type of person to appreciate the gesture, and the particular gift... The type of thing that's just too good to pass up!)

6.28.04 - "Never underestimate the incredibly stupid, the super vapid, the utterly shallow, the completely fake, those who obviously lack any and all moral fiber, or any single person who embodies all of these traits... These people will stop at nothing to make our lives hell... AND THEY DO IT EVERY DAY, so they are very well practiced, and they have no reservations whatsoever about making you want to kill yourself." ~Maria (and she's SO DAMN RIGHT IT HURTS!)
Well, kids it was family reunion weekend once again, and you know what that means... An alcohol-soaked, gossip-and-laughter-laden bullshit fest at the cabins on Patoka Lake. This year we had new additions to the old stomping grounds, which included four horses (more about them later) and a GIGANTIC rooster! As for family additions, Tammy has had yet another baby, Sandy announced that she wants to adopt YET ANOTHER child, Shelly got married, Tiffany got engaged, Tarreck is robbing the cradle, and nobody outside the family has any idea what the hell I'm talking about. But all in all, I'm amused, and it was a good weekend. (Oh, and it's official, I'm going straight to hell.) I guess I should go ahead and recap for you all... Here goes.
12:01 AM - I refer to my plagued mother as a leper and call her "Lep" for short (this is reason 712 why I'm going to hell)
6:30 AM - get up and leave to drive to family reunion
9:30ish AM - I LAUGH at my mother for a 40 minute detour taken through Hammond Indiana going the wrong direction
2:00 PM - I arrive at my brother's place just in time to watch a police chase of some idiotic criminal in CA, and it becomes a running joke for the weekend ahead.
3:45 PM - Bill and Lisa take quote of the day.
4:15 PM - First sighting of the now-infamous "Squizard!" (This ends up being another quote for the annals.)
4:30 PM - We arrive, and drinking begins promptly.
Sometime shortly after dinner - drinking and bullshitting increase steadily.
Time gets hazy - Lots of sports and alcohol talk with uncle Steve, lots of alcohol consumed. Sleeping on shitty couch with shitty blankets commences.
roughly 7:00 AM - Post-alcohol vomiting.
roughly 8:00 AM - Post-alcohol dry heaves.
roughly 8:20 AM - Post-alcohol dry heaves, round 2.
9:05 am - Wake-up call, Bill takes quote of the day again, Babysitting begins, alcohol consumption and vomiting become part of family reunion lore.
10:00 AM - 1:30 PM - Horses nearly trample small children and beloved pets. Other family socializing/gossiping, golf/assorted game-playing napping, etc take place.
1:45 PM - Family softball begins.
2:00 PM - Becky takes softball to the face, rallies like a champ!
2:25 PM - Family softball game gets organized & gets serious.
4:30 PM - My team wins family softball on a walk-off 2 run homer. Final score 13-11.
6:00 PM - Dinner consumed, alcoholism resumes.
7:00 PM - Campfire commences.
7:00 PM - 8:09 PM - Jamie babbles only occasionally coherently about sand people, ice people, a dog, someone named Bob, a marshmallow-stealing monster with no teeth, and god getting married to mother nature... (parts were really amusing.)
8:10 PM - I confirm my seat in hell with another smart remark.
8:30 PM - Marshmallow/S'more consumption begins.
9:00 PM - 2:00 AM - Bullshitting, family games, and general roasting of people seem to rule the evening. (which is exactly what we expected)
8:00 AM -Wake up call (Becky + Pot + spoon + 2 sleeping sisters at 8:00 AM = not funny.)
10:00 AM - Time to hit the road.

Other assorted madness available upon request. I'm tired though, so I think I'm going to put up the quotes of the day and call it a night.
QOTD - 6.25.04
Bill: I have an idea! How about I climb in the trunk and we pretend like I didn't come along!
Lisa: Bill, any idea that starts off with "How about I climb in the trunk..." is generally not a good idea.

Also 6.25.04
Lisa: did you just see that? It looked like a cross between a squirrel and a lizard. WOW, I just saw a squizard!

QOTD - 6.26.04
Dad:(in his booming voice) OK, everybody, time to get up!
Bill: IT'S GOD!
Kim: What time is it anyway?
Bill: Single digits... and not the good ones, let's go back to sleep!

Also 6.26.04 - (The comment that confirmed my seat in hell)
(After Jamie's incessant babbling.)
Jessica: And to think that was me just three years ago.
Liz: Wait, Jessica, three years ago you were a small black boy?

QOTD - 6.27.04 (share this one with your friends.)
Kim: Why does Snoop dog carry an umbrella?
Liz: I don't know, why?
Kim: For drizzle.

Friday, June 25, 2004

6.25.04 - (We were watching Forrest Gump)
Liz: "You can sit here if you want." (mimicking the movie line)
Momma: "No thanks, I'm fine right here!"
Jennie: (Chuckles in the back room.)
Liz: No, mom, it's a movie line.

The quotes of the day and blog entries will be a bit delayed this weekend so that I might attend my family reunion! (You kids all know how much I look forward to this every year!) But I promise that I shall return with a big story and good quotes, and I have a feeling that Kimberly's first blog entry will appear shortly thereafter as well... Wish me luck! GO Cubs! (Since it's Cubs-whitesucks weekend and I don't get to watch baseball!)

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

momma is here! momma is here! YAAAAAAAY! And she brought ski, and presents!

6.24.03 - "I'm not bad now, I DID look like a chinese chipmunk!" ~ Momma.

Oh, and for all you Orlando Bloom fans out there, I've got some news... YOU WILL BE JEALOUS, but you must contact me for further info! HEE HEE!

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

The actual quote of the day went to Nate:

6.22.04 - "it was just the ultimate picture to see naked Rob spooning Scott, and when I think about that trip, that's the image that comes to mind!"

and as for the other quotes of the day... (to be ammended throughout the evening...) (Special note, these are all from Jennifer... while still sober!)

"Let's tie 40s to our hands and be Edward forty hands!"

"I can get more [black hair products] and then I can just be black when I go home!"

"Let's baptize me tonight!"

(simulating conversation with herself:) "Why is your hair wet? Oh I just got baptized!"

"This is the fairy princess prance!" (shortly followed by) "And that was my dancin' hip!" (shortly followed by) "That wasn't my dance hip, THAT was my attitude hip!"

"My weewer is gettin a little warm! ...Do you ever notice that? Your weewer gettin all warm after the first drink or so? ...It's the weewer sensation that's hittin the nation!" (hilights from the weewer monologue.)

"That guy [in Amsterdam] had the most crooked cock ever... it was like a 'C'! And I've seen some cock in my day."

"Naked bitches in the windows, sellin the pooch!" (once again talking about Amsterdam)

The lone Ben Quote (which will get honors for 6.23.04: - "I heard and felt this concussion blast, and I thought I was living in downtown Bagdhad!"

Monday, June 21, 2004

Ok, well for those of you who have already heard from me today, you already know the story, I'll spare you. So for the rest of you, it's the super-duper-condensed version. (and if you want the whole thing, you'll have to call me!) Basically, there wasn't anything left to do in Evanston this morning after we'd been there for an hour or two... so around lunch time, we decided to grab a s'mich and go over to Niles... which is legendary for always being a disaster. (when we arrived, we were not at all disappointed!) So we get there, and it's a DISASTER. And the next 4-5 hours was just pure, rain-soaked, surreal hilarity and assorted comedy. Between Bob/Shrek, Megan, the "night crew", the continual rain, and all the assorted cart problems, the only word to appropriately describe Niles was SURREAL! Chris and I will be laughing about today for a VERY long time. I mean I couldn't even contian my laughter once we left... Chris asked, "This is going to keep you chuckling for some time, isn't it?" and I could only say, "You know it, and you know I'm not the only one who's laughin!" ...Just LOADS of pure unintentional unadulterated comedy today. Oh, and I'd like to officially welcome Alana and Kim, because we've finally got things set up so that they can contribute... And I look forward to other people being able to tell my tales! (if only to get an observer's perspective!)

I'm a tired jack-mo though, and I've gotta get up early to go to work, so here are the quotes of the day for yesterday and today.


6.20.04 -
Liz: drinkin can lead to makin out!
Alana: yes you're queen of makin out
Liz: (Kissy face) you and chris really enjoy giving me crap about being a makeout whore!
Alana: hey im a big makeout whore right there with ya!

6.21.04 - "I feel like I'm on drugs!" ~Chris trying to justify all of the surreal, oddball comedy in Niles

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Kids, we've got another website with some interesting quizzes. Evetything from "what genocidal maniac are you" and "how dumb are you" to "what annoying b-list celebrity are you" and "what kind of drunk are you"... This one is actually a pretty amusing time! For the complete list of nonsense, go HERE! Oh, and don't forget to post your results in the comments section!

Just so you kids are aware, I am:

I'm So Drunk!
What Kind of Drunk Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

and I am also:

I am Ebola. Hear Your Organs Squelch.
Which Horrible Affliction are you?
A Rum and Monkey disease.

Saturday, June 19, 2004

6.19.04 - "I'm lookin at the black hair products... because, lately my hair has been, well... knappy!" ~My apparently black roommate Jen.

Yes that's right folks, Jennifer bought some curl activator... or some such nonsense from the black hair products section of our local Jewel market. I think she went to the self-checkout area if only to avoid any questioning looks from the regular cashiers. Pure comedy. On her way out the door, I referred to her as a bootylicious black goddess, and got the reply, "DAMN RIGHT!" ...I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!

Friday, June 18, 2004

6.18.04 -
"What are we gonna do? He's going to be traveling the world having illicit gay sex with other men, and not Mark!" ~Jen talking about a co-worker's partner going on tour.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

6.17.04 -

"Why can't we just throw meat right on it? I mean it's flat!" ~Jennie talking about our stove.
I KNEW BILL SIMMONS WAS MY FAVORITE SPORTS WRITER FOR A REASON! In today's article for Page 2, Bill discusses the 2004 NBA finals. (and he did a spectacular job of it... even put down a QUALITY description of the Lakers... here's an excerpt!

"More importantly, the sanctity of the game was restored. A team like the 2004 Lakers shouldn't win the title, not with so many involved for the wrong reasons. Shaq and Kobe have been co-existing uneasily for years, like two people trapped in a bad marriage, neither of them displaying the guts to ask for a divorce. Malone and Payton swallowed their pride for supporting roles on a potential champion, then folded like accordions when the team actually needed them. Phil Jackson kept holding on for a chance to break Red Auerbach's record of nine titles, even though he stopped breaking a sweat years ago. (His team was jarringly unprepared this spring.) Even the organization has been mailing it in for years -- it hasn't developed an above-average starter, much less an All-Star caliber player, since it traded for Kobe eight years ago." ~Bill Simmons, ESPN.com, Page 2

Its this kind of willingness to admit that your team is stacked for all the wrong reasons, despite living in LA, that makes me think there is still a shred of decency out there in the sports/sports writing world. There are still a few people out there who do have souls, (unlike Roger Clemens... But that's a whole other ball game). To see the complete Simmons article that I'm talking about, you just gotta go here. Ok, I gotta go to work now.... I'll get back to you kids later!

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

I finally got a paycheck today!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!? Neither can I!

I don't think I have a roommate anymore... Jennie has been taken captive by the Iraqis or some such nonsense. Either way, I miss her, and I hope I see her again sometime soon.

My dad called tonight... And instead of any real substantial conversation, we talked about baseball. And while under normal circumstances that's all good in my book, it has occurred to me on more than one occasion that despite knowing how I feel about a lot of things, dad seems to think it's a good idea to take a contrary point of view... (Comparing the Cubs with the fuckin Yankees?? I mean REALLY!) And then he got all mad when I said that Roger Clemens had no soul. So naturally he was talking about how a guy that age who could still throw the heat like that was respectable... I of course admitted that yes, Roger does have talent, however, that doesn't mean that he has a soul, and that also doesn't mean that he isn't a whore for the baseball industry, because HE IS! This is just my opinion... But still, I'm right! And since these conversations happen to occur between father and daughter, I'm starting to realize that I'm slowly becoming the son that he actually has, but never talks to. But the boy doesn't seem to be too into the whole sports/sports-debate scene these days... But you kids all know how I am about my sports... IT'S VERY IMPORTANT STUFF TO ME! Among few other things, (like drinkin and makin out) seeing the Cubs do well, and seeing the Lakers lose brings me great joy. (Bill Simmons might be upset about that anti-Lakers comment since he moved to LA and all... But I think in the grand scheme of things, he'd understand.)

I guess I'll just wrap all this up with your quote of the day!

- (I know these things are often funnier when taken out of context... But in my own defense, I'll put today's quote in context, and you can take it or leave it: Nate and I were playing the celebrity name game and he was continually sticking me with letters that were getting tough to play.)

Nate: Wow, I'm getting pretty good at dickin' you!
Liz: No comment! .... Well wait, actually, isn't that kind of affirmation for me to make?

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Lots has been happening up here in the big city... Kim still hasn't joined the blog, Dave apparently hasn't fallen off the face of the earth, (though it still seems like it) I still haven't gotten my security deposit back from Columbia, the Columbia rant hasn't been written, and I still haven't gotten paid, and I am still working my butt off... This is my life. But it's official, Jet was fired on Monday, and so that was the salacious gossip for the week. Meanwhile I'm just treading water, and staying extra busy being penniless... Trying to busy myself with activities that don't cost anything... And quite frankly I'm running out of movies to watch of an evening, and alcohol to drink... (It's a REALLY good thing that momma is bringing lots of wine when she comes up, and that I'm supposedly getting paid soon.) Another good thing we got going, is that the Cubbies are doing pretty well, and the Pistons are kicking the crap out of the Lakers... These simple pleasures make me happy. Nothing else of much value to report, so I'm just gonna give you kids quote of the day and wrap this up.

6.15.04 -

Nate: "Yeah, I'm having a sleepover at my place..."
Liz: "Nate, I can't sleep at your place, I haven't known you long enough, my mom wouldn't approve."
Liz: "Yeah Chris, I'm sleeping my way to the top of the Masterpiece Flower chain!"

Monday, June 14, 2004

6.14.04 - "I'm PURPLE! Any my cheekbone is swollen up to my eyebrow... But I'll be ok!" ~My mom maintaining her optimism despite being purple from a severe case of poison ivy.

Sunday, June 13, 2004

6.13.04 - "This could be a boob tassle!" ~Jennie talking about a decorative tassle in my room.

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Lizzle has been a bit out of sorts today. Why, you ask? Because despite working her butt off for nearly a month now, the Masterpiece Flower Company has yet to pay her for her labor. This makes it difficult to pay bills and such. So I apologize if I've been a grump to anyone.

The Volperts have been around this weekend, and they are such cute people! I like them! (I can defintiely see where Jennie gets it from.) They took us out to dinner, and momma Volpert even brought little house-warming gifts! HOW CUTE!

Meanwhile I've been having some crazy dreams lately! I had one dream where I was being stalked by Bill Murray. BILL MURRAY! Of all people to have stalking you in a dream. (But at least he's well known as a Cubs fan!) I also had a dream that Bill Simmons replied to my request to be a blog member, and said "Yeah, I'll be your tire swing" ...DON'T ASK ME WHAT THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MEAN, CUZ EVEN I DON'T KNOW! I don't know anyone with a tire swing, and I have no idea what it would ever have to do with being a blog member! I think I'm just going quietly mad.

I'm going to go ahead and give the quote of the day to Mr. Volpert, because in all reality, he earned it first!

6.12.04 - "One little slip and you're fried!" (It was really quite funny out of context, but he said it because our hair dryer was plugged in over the toilet!)

Friday, June 11, 2004

So it would figure that the two days I have off work would be overcast, rainy and cool, and the day I have to go back to work it's supposed to rain in the morning and then hit 80 by afternoon, making for miserable working conditions all around... CRAPOLA! So my two days off were spent trying to wrangle boxes and clothes instead of flowers and carts... and I think I did pretty well! I got all my boxes out of the living room, and got my room into it's near-finished shape (just a few more things to put on the walls and such.) I also got a chance to watch a movie or two, (while Jennie and the folks went to IKEA to get a shelf for the kitchen) and I briefly talked to Dave because apparently he hasn't fallen off the face of the earth. (Who knew?) And Nicole started her new job and got quote of the day, and since I'm ready for bed, I'm gonna go ahead and leave you all with that!

6.11.04 -
(Nicole on making $51 from 6 tables on her first day of waitressing)
"Yeah, you can bet I totally turned on the Southern accent tonight!"

Because we all know that EVERYONE LOVES A SOUTHERN ACCENT!

Thursday, June 10, 2004

It was a good day. I got some decorating done, went to the batting cages, went shopping, (got some cute stuff while I was shopping!) went to wing night at Hamilton's, put up my curtains, and made fun of Jennie because she had a LAME date, and she still managed to break her bed! I'M NOT KIDDING, SHE BROKE HER BED! PURE COMEDY. Jennie's LAME-O date gets quote of the day, as you will see below. And as for other things, Ross finally got up the nerve to ask one of my friends out (Who he asked is available on request, becuase I'm not gonna out someone in total blatant fashion like that!) Jennie's parents are coming tomorrow, and I don't have to work until pay day!! WOO HOO!! Meanwhile, Dave has fallen off the face of the earth, Kim has yet to actually join the blog, and I've still yet to compose the Columbia rant.... OK, so that pretty much brings us up to the minute. I'm lookin forward to going to bed again, because I know I don't have a 7:30 wake up call. WAHOO!

So here's QOTD

6.10.04 -
(Please keep in mind that this was their "first date" if you can even call it that)
Lame-O date Brian: Yeah, so what's going on between us? What are we?


Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Since I'm SO looking forward to going to bed tonight, and since I babbled for quite some time yesterday, I'll keep this brief. I'm happy to welcome my sister Kimberly to the program, she has finally decided to grace us with her presence, and for that we are grateful, because she is one super girl! (And damn funny too)

I bought my orchid today! Her name is Chloe, and she is a crystalline-veiled white Phalenopsis. (This makes me happy!)I have Wednesday and Thursday off work, so this also makes me VERY happy.

Ok, so here's your quote of the day [I apologize, since most people WON'T have Jet's chance of coming into work (roughly a snowball's chance in hell) of getting the joke that is involved in today's quote.] But it is funny to me, so sorry people.

6.9.04 -

Liz: I can't believe you had forgotten about Stacy Taryn Dookie
Taryn: I know I cant believe it either! I'm so ashamed!
Liz: and you should be...
Taryn: I am I am
Liz: next thing I know, you're gonna tell me you've forgotten the story involving "SHIT EVERYWHERE"
Taryn: I did not forget about coco jojo's pies though... Ha ha NEVER!! If I forgot that then I will just stop saying EVERYWHERE all together!!

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Why hello there, and welcome back to the happy hour. Since it's been quite a while since I've had a really lengthy blog entry, I figure I'd just give everybody the details of the day because the 7th of June certainly proved to be an all-around interesting day. Please forgive me if I ramble on for too long ... It's just something I tend to do, because I don't know when to stop myself... So here goes!

Quote of the day went early on to miss Jennifer as you will see below, and we both left early to get to work at our respective jobs. Once at work, I began talking about my Sunday work day. Upon discussing this, I mentioned the reason Jet gave for leaving was that she had her 40 hours in after working only 3.5 hours on Sunday... This, of course, was total horse shit, and not only did I know it when Jet first told me, but Chris and C also knew it when I informed them. This actually perturbed all of us, but it rather obviously bothered Chris even more than I first thought it would. Of course, Jet did not show up at all today, despite being scheduled from 11-7 ... Or something like that. More on that in a moment, but for the sake of preserving chronological order here, it should be noted that there was quite a convention of Polish-speaking folks at the ol' Home Depot garden center when I arrived at 9, and they stuck around for quite a while. It turned out that they were there to finally pick up the impatiens that we had pulled for them like 10 days ago. Now while this was amusing in and of itself, (because of the brigade of cars that were lined up to be loaded with plants,) as well as people just D-BO-ing a couple of spikes, geraniums, and an ass-load of mulch and top soil here and there, I was also HIGHLY AMUSED by the fact that Doug got yelled at for being an idiot! PURE COMEDY FOR ME! Please allow me to illuminate. Now admittedly, Sam is notorious around the home deopt for being an asshole, but I like him, because he does know what he's doing, and in general, he leaves the Masterpiece people alone because he knows that we know what we're doing. Additionally, Sam has never been anything but nice to me, so I've got no reason to complain. As we all know by now though, Doug is an idiot and he thinks he knows a lot more than he does. So Doug had all these carloads of Polish people in the alley to load these flowers up... COMEDY ENSUES. After about 5-7 minutes of flower loading, while a UPS truck is trying to get through, Sam suddenly comes up from receiving and WIGS OUT on Doug. HILARIOUS! He's hollering at these people to get the hell out of the alley because basically if a truck were to come through, everyone would die. (This is not an exaggeration, it really went down like that!) So after the people clear out, Sam has a little talk with Doug, and we don't see Doug for quite some time, which makes us wonder if he'd been canned on the spot for being a total dumbass. Sadly that was not the case. So at noon C and I go to lunch, and when we come back, Nate has arrived, and of course, Jet has not. At which point Chris, C, and myself all inform Nate of the predicament involving Jet and the time clock. Nate takes note of that, and does his thing for a little while. (We like Nate, he's good people.) And before leaving, Steph tells me not to let my monkeys get into a bunch... whatever that means! So sometime after lunch, Doug unfortunately reappears. So while I'm watering all the hanging baskets, I'm forced to listen to his inane babbling about Aussie-rules football, and going to the beach, (Doug going to the beach would in no way EVER be a pretty picture, so this was a scarring comment,) he babbled on for quite some time, but I do my best to tune him out if it's at all possible. So at some point during all this, I come to the realization that C is "having problems" (what kind of problems is privileged information, but I will say that I had a really good laugh at her expense, and in fact just typing that makes me chuckle!) but since C is such a trooper, she stuck around until 2. So Chris and I are the remaining 2. Doug left at about 2:30 or so, and Sam came looking for him around 2:45... It looked to me like Sam needed to "have a talk" with Doug. (COMEDY!) Chris takes off at 3 and I'm left there with little more to do than water for the next couple hours. So I water A LOT. And I push some carts around, and I help some people, clear some carts, water some more, and go home at 5. Not a bad day at work. (I think this is the kind of incentive I need to get my knees to return to me!) So I come home, shower, do dinner, and do a little more unpacking, FINALLY DID MY LAUNDRY (YAY!) and went to the Burger King and since I'd used all my singles and quarters on laundry, I paid for my large beverage entirely in pennies. Yes, I'm an asshole. Not only did I most likely get Jet fired, laugh at Doug getting yelled at, laugh at C's problems, but I paid entirely in pennies!

... I should be shot!

Here's your quote of the day.

6.8.04 -
Jennie: I'm all wrinkly but I don't care.
Liz: Well, it's a patterned skirt and the top is stretched over those huge boobies you got there.
Jennie: Yeah, I am all wrinkly but look at my huge boobies and we're all good.

Monday, June 07, 2004

A letter to my knees:

Dearest knees,
I miss you. Please come back! I don't know where I left you, or where you have run off to without me, but I want you both. I love you and I need you back. Please forgive me for all the times I mistreated you, hit you, or cursed at you. I'm sorry for all the many ways I abused you, and I'm sorry for not paying more attention to you and showering you with praise when you were around. That is my shortcoming as person. I am begging you to forgive me and return home to me! I need you! I love you and I miss you both so much. Please don't be mad at me! Please come home.

Sincerely and with all my love,

Ok, so now that I've gotten that out of the way, I guess I'll go ahead and blog about my weekend. (before I get started, I guess I'll let you guys know to look out for the Columbia rant coming soon... Probably on Wednesday or Thursday) Ok, so this weekend went a little something like this: Jennifer left me on Wednesday to go to her sister's wedding, Kim had her baby, miraculously the baby survived the birth and came home, I had Thursday off, so I spent the day running errands and unpacking boxes, and moving stuff into storage. (I got a new coffee table and end table while I was at it though!) Friday I went to work, came home showered, napped, and Ben came over for a few beers and a movie. Saturday, I dragged ass into work, worked all day, came home, got celery at the market (YAY CELERY!) and worked on the Faith project. Sunday I dragged ass back into work where Jet stuck around until 12:30 because she supposedly had 40 hours... RIIIIIIGHT. So I spent the next 5 hours alone trying to put things together faster than the crowds could destroy them and I was not successful because LOTS of people can destroy a LOT faster than I can fix it. I was also forced to contend with Doug, who I have gone from merely disliking and finding tolerable to full-on detesting and I will no longer censor myself in his presence. To be quite honest, he is a 40 something year old man working 40 hours a week at the home depot. Now, I have nothing against blue collar work, nor the vast majority of those who do it, but when you're 40 something and that's your job day in and day out all year long, please do not act like you're all high and mighty when there are high school kids who are doing the same thing as you for similar if not the same pay. In my own defense, I will say that I find blue collar work to be a totally honorable profession, and I respect the people who do it. There are however certain people (as there are in ANY profession) who are intolerable because they forget themselves. A conversational example.

Doug: Oh, I hadn't even noticed you were wearing flip-flops today
Fed-up Liz: Yep, I sure am.
Doug: Well, you know, that's in violation of Home Depot's dress code.
SUPER FED-UP Liz: Yeah, Doug, well, I guess it's a pretty damn good thing that I don't work for the Home Depot, huh?

I don't like it when people who don't even work for the same company as I do, and don't do the same thing I do, try to tell me how to do my job. Fred, GO BACK TO WATERING, AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP ASKING ME TO UNWRAP HANGING BASKETS THAT MY COMPANY IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR! DOUG, I WILL CLIMB ON THE CARTS AND WEAR MY FLIP-FLOPS AS I SEE FIT. AND WARREN... YOU JUST WEAR YOUR PINK SHIRT AND REMAIN A CLOSET CASE!!
I feel a full-on Home Depot rant coming soon... But not now. We're gonna let this one build a little more! Ok, I'm beat, so here's the QOTD!

6.7.04 - (a little background: don't ask why, but Bret was massaging Jennie with a crucifix)
Jennie: What are you rubbing me with (looks back, sees crucifix) ... Jesus loves me!
Bret: No, if you stick it in your kooch, THEN Jesus would love you.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

6.6.06 - "Yeah, I'm leaving at 12:30 because that's 40 hours for me." ~Jet (And I just need to say that if she actually worked 40 hours, then I'm Doug's best friend.)

Saturday, June 05, 2004

6.5.04 - Nicholas Messina: "I have a baby face" (Talking about his baby sister Faith.)

Friday, June 04, 2004

6.4.04 -
Liz: "I don't know what I'm gonna do with that girl (Ciara)!"
Joe: "I know a few things I'd like to do with her."
Liz & Ciara: [stunned silence]
Ciara: "Hey Liz, BREATHE!"

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Once again I find myself irrationally irritated by people tonight... and I don't know why. I guess it's fortunate that Jen isn't here this weekend, as I would hate for our first weekend living together to be marred by my bizarrely irrational irritability, because that would be bad, and I think it would set a bad tone for the rest of our time. I'm even bothered by my music on my computer, because apparently among the 700+ music files on my computer, I don't have many that I actually want to listen to right now... weird.

I call these irritations irrational because it's over trivial things really. Despite the fact that he is not responsible for my happiness or my mood, I expected Dave to entertain me tonight, and he didn't... so I was irritated. My mom told me to take proof of my student status to my doctors appointment so that if the insurance company needed proof of my status they would have it on file... but since I know that an insurance company would not go to the doctor's office to obtain student status info, I was irritated... once again irrational. I suppose that my only rational complaint for the evening is that my 12 year old sister Jessica now has a cell phone. A CELL PHONE! AT 12 YEARS OLD!?! YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME! Supposedly it is just for emergencies, but honestly what kind of emergency is a 12 year old going to be involved in where she will need a cell phone? HONESTLY! SAVE YOURSELF THE MONEY AND HAND THE KID 50 CENTS AND MAKE HER USE A PAY PHONE LIKE EVERY OTHER 12 YEAR OLD! Dave tried to justify this, which only further angered me... I will never be convinced that there is any good reason for a 12 year old to have a cell phone unless that 12 year old is a child star who is managing his/her own bookings. I mean really.

Out of my irritation I am making everyone else pay the penalty. Therefore there will be no quote of the day. I'M BOYCOTTING!

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

I'm too frickin tired to do much for you kids now... I'll blog for you in the morning. Here's quote of the day:

6.3.04 - (It should be noted that Bill is a little old man... and he wasn't the only little old man who was making lewd remarks today!)
Liz: They marked the geraniums down to 99 cents... maybe now they'll sell
C: They'll really move if they go back down to 79 cents.
Bill: Well, I prefer 69. (And yeah, he meant it to be dirty!)
Living with Jennie has already proved to be an adventure. And honestly, I think in the times when she's around (basically, when she's not going to weddings all the damn time) she has already generated enough comedy to make me contemplate a Jennie V. Quote of the day... and since in highschool there was JV Baskeball and such, I don't think that JVQOTD is such a stretch... because it's Jennie V. and Junior Varsity... and we all know that the original QOTD is the dominator!! But anyway... in the near future you kids ought to be on the lookout for the rant about the Columia apartment.... because we all knew it was coming. (but I don't have the time, focus, or inclination to do it just yet... it's the kind of thing that will require my full concentration and some time to put together as such.)

I suppose that I should note that after a little over 3 weeks of ignoring Rachel, I have given in and we are back on speaking terms... although I will only ever refer to that dog as Wicket.

I'm tired and I want to go to bed, so I'm gonna just put up the quote of the day for today and keep mulling over the JVQOTD for a few days... because so much of Jennie's comedy has a physical aspect that makes me wonder if it would be as funny to people who don't hear and see it themselves!

6.2.04 -
"I'm actually gonna sleep now, because I haven't had more than 5 hours of sleep in about a month... I look like Steve Buscemi so bad." ~Another gem from The Admiral!

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

OK, so we're all moved in, and the new place is terriffic. And Jennie is terriffic, and all the friends who we recruited (Drew, Bret, Nicole, Ben) to help move are awesome super-movers and they are terriffic! Dave supposedly helped us mentally... but I don't think he was thinking very hard!

So we're all moved in, (moved in does not mean unpacked)and we're super excited about all this fun stuff! and while Jennie and I were exploring the new neighborhood we decided to run into the dollar tree to get some pine glo for our kitchen floor, (which the previous tennants didn't clean before leaving,) and Jen offered this little gem for quote of the day:
6.1.04 -
Jen: Look, a metal plant hanger... to hang metal plants (note: she was totally serious about metal plants)
Liz: Uhh, it's made of metal, and it's a plant hanger.
(I think I've got a Jessica Simpson think-alike over here!) (JK Jen!)