In the words of Jimmy Buffet, ("Fruitcakes,") "I'M MAD AS HELL, AND I DON'T WANNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!!" (Alana might appreciate that line... I doubt many others will.)
So let's go through the day as it really went. (Because it started out really well... In fact MOST of the day was pretty damn good.)
9:20 AM - Dad calls. Dad leaves voicemail, because I don't EVER answer my phone before 10:00 AM central time. EVER.
9:45 AM - Cousin Tarreck calls. Leaves voicemail because once again, I don't answer my phone before 10:00 AM central time... EVER.
10:03 AM- Tarreck calls again from land line. I answer because A.) it is now after 10:00 AM central time, and B.) I have already heard my phone ring and go to voicemail 2 times, so there is little hope for me to get any more sleep.
10:20 AM - Tarreck and I play phone tag because between the two of us, a solid cell connection can't be established.
10:35 AM - Tarreck calls from land line, connection is sound.
10:45 AM - While on the phone with Tarreck, I get another call. It's Abe. (Lizzle's reaction = "SHIT!")
10:58 AM - With things reasonably in order (As much as they can be in order when dealing with Tarreck) I get off the phone with him, and call Abe back.
10:58.30 AM - Abe is busy, please call back in a few minutes.
10:58.50 AM - Call mom because that's how I occupy "a few minutes"
11:10 AM - Call Abe back. Abe asks for interview at 1:30 Tuesday. (Which gives me a little over 2 hours including travel time to get my shit together... HOLY CRAPOLA!!!)
11:15 - 12:00 - Get ready for interview and consult with Michael K. (Because he is a hot slut and lord knows I need his type of rationale to gear up for an interview.)
12:10 PM - Starbucks run.
12:30 PM - Catch train south to interview.
1:00 PM - Wait for bus that doesn't show up... because busses in Chicago are the devil.
1:12 PM - Rather than be late for interview, catch cab.
1:20 PM - Arrive early for interview, securing good impression.
1:30 PM - Interview time. (We all know that Lizzle is a champion interviewee... so that's that.)
1:40 PM - Leave Louie's Pub with a job. (FINALLY BITCHES!!!! FINALLY!!!!) Calls to mom, Ciara, and dad ensue... (I return dad's call immediately only because I can finally tell that bitch to simmer down because I am employed.)
2:00 PM - Celebratory shopping is in order.
3:00 PM, and $30 later - Hop the el to go see Anthony... because he loves me and he'll be happy for me. (Because he is a super-hot-turbo-slut!)
5:30 PM - Leave ABC/ visiting Anthony and Caro/ assisting with a class because I am starving (If you're paying attention the only thing I've had all day is a Starbucks)
5:40 PM - Get thai food and head home.
5:50 PM - Mendez calls, wants me to attend a Cubs game tonight... I figure I've got a job, I can spare the $20 for a ticket and a $25 more for a few brews.
6:20 PM - Leave apartment because the game starts at 7:05.
6:45 PM - Mendez calls, thinking the game starts at 7:30... she is promptly called a dumb slut.
7:00 PM - Run into former boss Nate who offers me time at the flower slinging job on memorial day weekend if I am available.
7:40 PM - We pay $30 for Mendez to get EZ-out parking near Wrigley so we don't waste another inning hiking to the game.
7:50 PM - Edgar realizes he left his wallet in the car, because he doesn't have his ID to get beer.
7:55 PM - 9:40 PM - We happily drink and cheer the Cubbies on to a 10-1 victory over the Atlanta Braves. (During this time frame I also manage to offend a family with a small child because I continually use profane language and utter the words "Bitches," "mother-bitches," "Fuckers" (or some other form of "fuck") and "Sluts" on an average of 6.3 times per minute.) What? I asked the kid to earmuff for me... not my fault if he didn't take direction well! I blame that on bad parenting!
9:50 - 10:15 PM - We look for Edgar's wallet in the car... It has mysteriously gone missing since we paid the $30 to park the car... funny how that happens.
10:20 PM - We drive the Lizzle-cake home because Edgar doesn't have a wallet, so we can't get into the bars, let alone afford drinks.
Moral of the story... most of the day was pretty damn good. I got a job, I got to go to a Cubs game, I got to see the Cubs rout the Braves... And yet, my great day was spoiled because bitches felt like they weren't ripping us off enough by charging $30 for parking, so they had to steal a wallet too. MOTHER BITCHES!
"MMMMMMM.... FACE!!!" ~Mendez, whilst eating a hot dog.