Thursday, August 18, 2005


YEAH, that's right bitches! It's MOMMA'S BERFDAY!!!!!!

I'm celebrating by doing laundry, cleaning up my apartment, possibly a few cocktails, and DEFINITELY some cheese popcorn. I have no doubt in my mind that that's EXACTLY how momma would want me to honor the anniversary of her birth! (Probably without the laundry or cleaning though... mom has never been much for cleaning when there is celebrating to do.)

I wish I could say that I got a job for my mom's birthday, but unfortunately that's not the case.

I don't think I need to explain to all you kids just how tired this job search is. It's flippin PLAYED OUT like a Mariah Carey song... or P.Diddy's name changes.

So, what's new in the world with my readers??? You bitches never let me know what's up anymore. This is just so typical. I graduate from college, and all of a sudden I'm outta sight and outta mind! Seriously folks, LAME.


You ever just let your mind wander and see where it takes you? I did that today, and here's what came to mind.

Why aren't there more streets named after fruit? Yeah, sure you've got Cherry St. and occasionally you'll see something like Peachtree St. but seriously, there are SOOOOOOO many kinds of fruit, and only a couple of street names that ever see any play.

So I've decided that I'm going to found a city somewhere, and ALL the streets are going to have fruit names! So far I've decided that city hall will be on Banana Blvd. the grocery store will be on Apple Ave. and my home will be on Kiwi Court. (If I can't have a whole city, I will merely scale back the plans a little and develop an upscale housing subdivision) ...But no matter what Banana Blvd is going to be the main street in my development, because who wouldn't want to live on Banana Blvd?

Other street names include, but are not limited to:
  • Grape Trail
  • Kumquat Street
  • Watermelon Way
  • Lemon Lane (which will undoubtedly have to intersect with Lime Street) so that 4 lucky bitches can say, "Oh, I live at the corner of Lemon and Lime!"
  • Honeydew Road
  • Blackberry Boulevard
  • Blueberry Lane
  • Strawberry Street
  • Apricot Aveneue
  • Raspberry Road
  • Tomato Trail (Shut up, tomatos are technically a fruit!)
  • Plum Place
  • Cantaloupe Court
And then I got to thinking... A grape is a fruit. Grapes are produced on grapevines. A grapefruit is also a fruit, but is produced on a grapefruit tree...So if you say, "Hey I'm eating fruit" and someone else says "Oh, what kind of fruit?" and you say "I'm having a grape." Should we really be saying "I'm having grape fruit" and if that's the case should we be saying "I'm having grapefruit fruit" ...It boggles the mind.

And since we're talking about grapes and grapefruit, why the hell do these two not taste anything alike? Turn that over in your head a while...

Or you could just ignore me... Sometimes I babble just for the sake of babbling.

Ignoring me would probably be the best course of action here!


It's days like this that I look over what I've written and realize this blog makes me look like I'm recovering from a serious head injury.



Anthony: "Ugh, I have to go out to Oak Park tonight, I hate going to the burbs."
Caro:" Why? The burbs aren't so bad."
Anthony: "In all of the burbs there are only 2 gay bars!!!"
Caro: "So you're saying that the burbs hate the gay folk?"
Anthony: "Do you know how many gay people live in the northwest burbs? TWO... Two gay bars are all they've got???"
Caro: "OH!!! I thought you were going to say...."
Liz:"I thought he was saying that there were only two gay people in the northwest burbs."
Caro: "Yeah, that's what I thought... And you were going to finish by saying you'd slept with both of them, right Anthony?"
Anthony: "Well YEAH... I'm a slut like that. I've slept with all of them! Or BOTH of them... depending on how you take that earlier bit."
Caro: "Damn, you are a ho."

Liz: "So, what's the one lesson you hope to impart to your children?"
Steph: "Easy. That lasagne is ALWAYS better the next day. Why? Isn't that the most important lesson of all? Or do you have some other wisdom to impart?"
Liz: "I always thought 'Pee before leaving' was a really good lesson."
Steph: "Yeah, that's another good one..."

"Damn, look at her... She looks like a Pez dispenser!" ~Caro

1 comment:

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