Sunday, September 03, 2006

If you see this man...

Attention readers: If you should ever find yourself in the company of this man, which would likely only occur if you also find yourself in Chicago, TURN AND RUN THE OTHER WAY! Under no circumstances should you ever engage him in conversation. (Unless of course you are REALLY wanting your brain to hemorrhage, and you want grey matter to come spewing out of your ear.)

His name is Hans Seigfried, and he is a philosophy professor. And as someone who once took his class, I can vouch for the fact that he falls neatly in the category marked "criminally insane."

His distinguishable characteristics include:
  • Speaks with an Austrian accent so thick that you will wonder when you actually moved to Austria. (Understanding Arnold Schwarzenegger will suddenly seem like a cake walk through the magical lollipop forest.)
  • Has a creepy little beard like his fellow countryman Sigmund Freud.
  • Is incredibly sexist.
  • Will devour your soul if given the opportunity.
  • Is only slightly taller than the average hobbit.
  • As a professor of philosophy, and author of the book he teaches from, not only are his theories incredibly intricate and enigmaticly hard to dissect, they are taught in the aforementioned thick Austrian accent. Learning is futile, and bullshitting to make up for the things you are not learning is damn near impossible.
I only mention this for your safety and well-being. There are other former and current students out there who can attest to the truly evil and duplicitous nature of this character. And I'm pretty sure that his hobbies include kicking puppies, clubbing seals, and eating babies.

Just consider yourself warned.

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