Thursday, September 28, 2006

Ok, its time we had a serious discussion...

Perhaps I hadn't made myself 100% clear in previous posts. (I thought I was being pretty clear, but perhaps not.)

It's about the comments regarding the "Gay husband."

Umm... Long story short, I have one. My concern is that some of you might have missed that fact in the nuances of past postings.

You all remember Anthony, right? Yeah, he's my gay husband. In an effort to be 100% totally and completely clear, let's do this in a bulletted fact sheet.

  • Anthony is gay.
  • I love him.
  • He loves me.
  • We are not actually/legally married.
  • We will never be actually/legally married.
  • I do have a friend who intends to legally marry her gay husband... I find that weird.
  • He still qualifies as my gay husband despite any legalities because I say so.
  • He knows that he is my gay husband.
  • He is ok with this title.
  • Despite being my gay husband he doesn't really do husband-y things. He occasionally buys me drinks, or pays for dinner... That's pretty much where the husband-y line is drawn.
  • You might think that because Leslie's gay husband fixes things around her house that my gay husband does the same for me. You need to rethink that.
The fact is that inasmuch as I am Anthony's straight wife, around the house I am comparable to the stereotypical bull dyke. (No, I am not a lesbian. Though I have many lesbian friends, so I can get away with saying that I know I fit a kind of bull dyke stereotype in certain situations.)

Another bulletted list in the interest of clarity:
  • I help my friends (and gay husband, Anthony) move as the need arises.
  • When I help my friends move, I don't shy away from heavy lifting like a lot of girls. I get in there, I get dirty, I take care of business.
  • Anthony is deathly afraid of mice/rodents. While I don't want them in my house, I am not bothered by them. I can exterminate like a pro.
  • I know about cars. I know about makes and models. I know about transmissions and radiators. I know about semi-metallic brakes and rotors and drums. I can change a tire. I can change the oil in a car without the aid of a mechanic.
  • I love my sports.
  • I love to go camping/fishing/etc.
  • I am not technologically impaired like a lot of girls. I know what an RF converter is. I know that given my current setup I need to have one in place, and as such I purchased and hooked up my own. I can hook up a stereo. I can fix a wide variety of computer problems without assistance.
  • I can outdrink a lot of the men I know.
  • I have a working knowledge of power tools. I can wield a drill, a nail gun, a jig saw, a table saw, other power tools, and an acetalene torch with no questions or problems. (Manual tools go without saying.)
  • I can dismantle, clean, and reassemble, (and have fired) a gun. (Several varieties actually.)
  • I could go on, but I think you're getting the idea.
After that list I feel it's necessary to refresh you on the fact that I am a HETEROsexual female. (And while I'm on that note I should also mention that as a heterosexual female I have impeccable taste in shoes and accessories.) As such, it's a mystery to me why guys don't want to date me.


In summation: Anthony is my gay husband. I fix things for him, and he pays me in food and alcohol. It's a good trade-off.

I'm glad we had this chat.

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