Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Well, there's that...

Another year older, and none the wiser...


Today is the Lizzle's birthday.

Not anything to get excited about.

I was talking to my mom about my birthday, and she wanted to know where the time has gone. Hell if I know. As far as I'm concerned mom is still 37, and I am still the tender age of 5.

Not much has changed since my fifth birthday. I still play with play doh, I still finger paint. I still sing when I don't think anyone is listening, and get shy when I find that they are listening. I still imagine a perfect world, despite any evidence to the contrary. I still don't like my big brother. I still think he's a meanie, and a poop. I still listen to the music I listened to back then, and I still love it just as much now. I still love to put my hand out the car window and make an "airplane" in the wind. And I still think about the "puke-berries" outside the library whenever I see a gingko tree. I still love to listen to other people tell me stories, no matter how wild and unrealistic they might be. I still keep myself and my friends amused by telling those stories where everyone takes a turn adding a sentence.

Sure I don't live at home anymore, and I pay my own bills. Sure I can now bake cookies without help... But I still sneak a little bit of dough, just because I can, and I still often throw other stuff in there just because it might be neat to try it out, and see what happens.

I still look at the world with the same wide-eyed curiosity that I did all those years ago. I still dance and play all alone in my room. I still occasionally catch Saturday morning cartoons. I still laugh at my own jokes, even when nobody else thinks they are funny. I cracked myself up then... And just like everything else, not much has changed.

And momma? Momma is just the same too! You know when you're little, and you think your mom is the most beautiful, incredibly awesome woman in the world, and you're constantly amazed because SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING? And that you would do anything to show her how much you love her? Well, I'm announcing here and now that she is still every bit as beautiful and wonderful now as I thought she was at five. If anything I only think more of her as the greatest mom in the world, because now I have years of proof to back me up. And yes, momma still DOES KNOW EVERYTHING!

I still don't have that pony I wished for on my birthday candles all those years ago... (And that I kinda secretly wished for again every year since, including last year.) I had a suicidal fish back then, and I had one this year too. Like I said... Aside from the date, not much has changed.

I'm still smarter than most of the kids my age. I still think boys are smelly... But I still know that I eventually want to find a good one and marry him someday. I still only have one or two best friends who know all my secrets... And I still think the best time you can have is a sleepover when all those secrets come out to be traded and examined.

I suppose you could say I'm just waxing nostalgic for days gone by. But then again, there is a certain truth to the nostalgia. The fact remains that the time has passed. There have been immeasurable sums of joy and pain since I was five. There have been incredible victories in the face of great odds, and there have been crushing defeats despite the best chances, and the best intentions. There have been tears, and tests, and errors in judgment. But there have also been delights, elations, and amusements, and chances taken that led to good ends. There have been deaths, and new lives. Promises made and broken, promises made and kept.

Yeah, I'm another year older, but not that much has changed...

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