Meljoy is old... but we still love her!!

Yes, that's right kids! It's Meljoy's birthday, AND Halloween! (Both at the same time -- Amazing, I know!)

Happy birthday Mel!
You are such a hot bitch!
Keep it real!
(And don't go with Paco!)

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In other news, I still rock at life. (Film at 11)

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I also still hate my job, but that's hardly news-worthy. Today I got roped into working an extra two hours in addition to my regular shift, which already feels as though it stretches on into eternity. I've GOT to get out of this mess IN A HURRY.

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4 + 1, The non-profit production company I am a board-member for is kicking off soon! Visit the webpage! (www.4plus1.org) Ok, so there's really not much to see there, yet... but it's gonna be hot!

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I don't know what else to tell you kids. Stay out of trouble, and keep off the drugs! We all know it's cooler to be high on life!

In case you missed it...

Yeah, there are some of you out there who missed the November edition of Cosmo, and that's really a shame! Because the one and only Shane Davis was Mr. Illinois in the "Bachelor Blowout"

I'm putting his picture from the magazine up to amuse myself, embarrass him, and for your viewing pleasure as well. If you'd like to see the Q & A portion of the spread, go here.

Happy Halloween Bitches!!!

I know you're all wondering what I dressed up as. I was "A day late and a dollar short." (You'll understand how I pulled it off when you see the pictures.)

Speaking of pictures, I hope to be getting my computer back sometime this week, so they will be posted as soon as I can manage it.

My sisters who I do not have pictures of (but I'll likely see some in e-mails) had two of the hottest costumes ever! Becky tied a plastic fish to herself, wore water wings (aka "floaties,") mardi gras beads, and a sign that said "FEMA Sucks!" ~ She was a hurricane victim. And Kimberly donned a beret, a moustache, and carried a loaf of french bread, and whenever someone asked her what she was, she'd poke them with the bread and say, "I'm a french tickler!"

We're a creative family.

As for the festivities, I went to Lonnie and Ling Wong's party, where I drank more than my fair share... (And I'm sorry I broke that glass guys!) and then we went out to the bars for more drinking and debauchery. While at the bar, I drunkenly hacked at a pumpkin with a butter knife... yeah, as if carving a pumpkin while drunk isn't hard enough, I had to do it with a butter knife. (Probably safer for all of us, but still...)

I'll just say the result was definitely not pretty.

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All in all, it was a really great weekend! I hope you all had a delightful time as well, and if you have pictures, send them!

Be good kids! Stay out of trouble, and we'll talk again soon!

How Lizzle got her groove back...

Once upon a time in a land not so far away lived a lovely girl named Liz.

Liz was a dear, sweet girl, but at times she was very prone to foul moods. These foul moods were frequently generated by the fact that Liz wasn't having any fun.

She was apologetic to the people who wanted to know about all the fun she was having, because there was frequently nothing to tell... Until one day...

Yup! That's right kids, Lizzle's back on the horse! Here's the scoop!

Friday I lunched with Anthony, and caught him up on all the job/nightmare scenario stuff. We ladies just love to gab about hating our jobs. (It was a delightful afternoon, very well spent.) After hanging out and window shopping with him for a while, I went home, had a delightful nap, and woke up to a ringing telephone. It was Beth returning a call I placed a couple days ago. So I chatted her up for a bit, and saw that during my nap I had also missed a call from Alana. (I guess including names in that last post was a good idea!) So I called Alana back and chatted with her for a bit. That gets us to roughly 9 PM.

Considering I've spent my whole day gabbing to people who were not available to go out with me, and napping, I decided it was probably going to be a quiet night in for the Lizzle... I was wrong.

I decided that I was not feeling up to starting an evening alone at 9 PM, so I decided to stave off boredom by going up to campus and using a computer, (since the geek squad is still holding my computer hostage).

While up at campus, I struck up a conversation with an old flame... And the rest, as they say, is history.

A few drinks and an evening with a straight male later, and I am a new woman! I won't get into details, but it was good... Even if there was a problem with an over-flowing toilet.

Yeah, a toilet over-flowed... And no, I didn't have a thing with Lenny Kravitz, it's just a coincidence.

So, it's a bright, shiny new day for Liz, and it will be followed with a drunken shiny night at Lonnie and Ling Wong's Birthday / Halloween extravaganza tonight.

Things are lookin up for the ol' Lizzle!

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Those of you who are observant may have noticed that I've changed the header for the page to show a reader endorsement! If you have an endorsement of the fun-time happy hour, by all means, send it to me, and you might find your name in the header one of these days! (It can be your brush with fame... but since it's here, it's probably something more closely resembling infamy!)

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On a different note, I would like to point something out.

I think it's readily apparent to all of you that I call things like I see them. I feel that I am entitled to say these things, and point out other people's stupidity, largely because I have no problem pointing out when I am in fact REALLY stupid. (Bluntly, I dish it out because I can take it.) Some people would argue that this pointing-out-stupidity trait makes me a jerk or an asshole. That's fine. I'm OK with that.

This trait has been the source of much of my entertainment, and the entertainment of my friends... Friends, some of which decided they liked me and wanted to be my friend specifically because of this trait.

What I am not OK with is when those same people who befriend me for that reason, decide that they don't want to be my friend anymore when I say something "jerk-y" or "asshole-ish." (This is largely because I am noting stupidity in THEIR personal behavior.)

The fact is, I am a jerk. If you want to be my friend, great! Just don't go getting pissed off when I act like a jerk if that's one of the things you liked about me in the first place.

Thank you, that is all.

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And now for some quotes:

"I really like making out with you!" ~Lizzle's straight boy encounter. (This is my time to gloat, just ignore me.)

"Jesus! After hearing about your work stories, I think I need a drink... and it's not even happening to me." ~Kirsten

Anthony: "I don't know what I'm going to be for Halloween this year."
Liz: "Dress in your normal clothes and be 'FABULOUS'"
Anthony: "Yeah, but I've been 'FABULOUS' for the last 4 years... they're onto me by now!"

"Halloween weekend makes for the ultimate in 'walks of shame' because you know there's no shame like doing a standard 'walk of shame' dressed as batman... The question is, do you wear the mask and be the asshole totally dressed as batman, or do you leave the mask off and just walk home in the rest of the outfit?"

"Seriously, I can't kiss you now! You're dressed as super-girl, and you have make up on... And not just lipstick, you did it all... What scares me is that you actually did a pretty good job! Did you even do the mascara yourself? " ~Ashley to her boyfriend.

Ling Wong is onto something!

Loyal reader, Ling-Wong commented that this has stopped being a fun time full of happy hours! She's right!!

My apologies.

I know that it's more fun for you all to come here and read about me going on week-long drinking binges, and molesting boys, but lately I've been unable to come up with fun tales for you... If only because my job makes me hate life, and they don't pay me enough to be able to afford fun times and happy hours... at least not if I plan on doing other extravagant things, like go to the grocery.

Couple that with the fact that my friends all leave town on the weekends, (LING WONG, LONNIE: We're talking about you here!) Or they live in the burbs, (Alana, Mendez, Mags, Sarah, Katie, Dez, Bridge, Chich... etc.) Or they have found significant others and decided that weekends are to be spent with them, instead of the old crew. (I'm not naming names, those folks know who they are!)

So that pretty much leaves me with Anthony, and on occasion, Caro. And as much as I love my husband, I'm not going to monopolize his time. And Caro... Well, Caro has yet to prove herself on the battleground, so we'll see!

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As for your daily update from the hell that is my life, there is STILL no heat at work, there is STILL no credit card machine, and today I was forced to stay an additional hour and a half to redo my training because my boss thought that it would be good to go over it again... despite the fact that I already went through it, and I had to get up despite my hangover the first time training was necessary.

Those bitches also want me to do "lotion training" which is essentially where they bombard you with TONS of information that you'll never use about all the lotions that we sell. I've gone over the lotions with both bosses 2 times a piece... I'm not looking forward to doing it again.

If anyone in Chicago is willing to hire me, for the love of god SAVE ME!!!

And now I get to go home and do laundry. (What a joy my life is!)

It's my day off...

Yeah, it's my day away from that hellhole, and you'd think I'd be really happy about it, but I'm not a happy camper. Know why? Because my computer was supposed to be fixed as of a week ago, and as of yet, I haven't gotten any kind of notification that it's done. So I tried calling Best Buy, where my computer is being held hostage. Nobody is answering the phone. And I don't mean that I called, let it ring three times, got pissed, and hung up. No, I called THREE SEPARATE TIMES, and let the phone ring anywhere from 10 to 20 MINUTES, and got no response... I even tried different departments. I'm kinda pissed that I've got to go down there and sort this mess out in person, so if anyone is there, (and for their sake, they'd better not be... hopefully for them, the store has burned down, or there was a hostage situation there this morning, or something.)

Dante got it right... Almost.

Yeah, if your high school English class was anything like mine, you probably had to read Dante's Inferno at some point. If you haven't had to read it, let me summarize... Hell is divided into 7 circles and the deeper the circle (the higher the number) the worse the damnation.

Well Dante was onto something. He got most of it right... The only revision I would have for him is to note that there are in fact 8 circles of hell. The 8th circle of hell is better known as L.A. Tan, (And to Dante's credit, tanning beds weren't invented yet when he wrote the book, so the 8th circle of hell had yet to be formed... he shoulda known better.)

The fact is that I have continually said that I am an evil person who does evil things, and because of my wretchedness, I will be going to hell.

I'm there.

Yes, that's right, the fine folks at L.A. Tan have me convinced that I am in fact IN HELL as we speak. It's amazing, I've finally realized that my version of hell is being cold all the time, and being forced to deal with the incompetence of others. (And this is my job.)

Yesterday after I wrote that post, I went into work... When I got there, I was informed that instead of sitting at the desk in the salon (which STILL has no heat) I was being forced to go out into the cold and rainy weather and put fliers on people's cars, and go to surrounding businesses and ask if I could leave our fliers for their customers. This is not my idea of fun, not is it what I signed on to do. These bitches need to get a clue.

I made it abundantly clear that I was REALLY not happy about doing it, but since they sign my paycheck, I did it.

I can't wait to find another job just so that I can walk into the salon and quote a line from one of my favorite movies. I will wait until someone pisses me off, which won't take very long at all, and I will look at them and say, "I hate this job. I HATE THIS GODDAMN JOB, AND I DON'T NEED IT!"

Some jobs you make connections and network, essentially building bridges... and sometimes you find those bridges take you places you don't want to go... those bridges you burn. And there are still other bridges that you frickin' blow up with plastic explosives and dynamite.

I'm currently in the market for a dynamite supplier.

Oh, I am SO over this job...

This morning as I lay in bed at 9:30, my phone rings... Clearly someone who doesn't know the rules.

I look and see who it is. It's Liz. (My boss.) Here's the conversation:

Boss: "Liz? Where are you?"
Me: "At home. IN BED."
Boss: "Oh, so you don't work this morning?"
Me: "No, I have the closing shift today... I go in at 3."
Boss: "Oh, do happen to know who works this morning?"
Me: "No... someone other than me."
Boss: "Oh. Do you have the schedule on you?"
Me: "No. I'm IN BED."
Boss: "Oh, ok... well we have tried calling the salon and nobody is answering, and I didn't know who was supposed to be there, so we're calling everyone."
Me: "Well, it wasn't supposed to be me."
Boss: "Ok. I'll stop by later while you're there. Bye"

A few minutes pass... I was on the verge of being asleep again... and the phone rings. It's my other boss. Obviously she knows I talked to Liz already this morning, so she'll expect me to answer my phone... EWW.

Me: "Hello?"
Boss #2: "Hi, Liz, it's me, how's it going?"
Me: "It'd be going a lot better if I were still asleep like I'd hoped."
Boss #2: "Oh, ok, well, Cody was supposed to work this morning, but he's not answering at the salon, and he's not answering his cell phone."
Me: "Yeah?"
Boss #2: "Well, Liz has to work the Belmont salon, and I have classes, so we were wondering if you would go up and check on the salon and see what's going on."
Me: "Ummm, no."
Boss #2: "No?"
Me: "No, I can't go running up to the salon to check on it for you, I've got things to do this morning. (I was thinking ideally of SLEEP right at the top of my list.) I work at 3, and that's when I'll be going up to the salon."
Boss #2: "Oh.... Uhhh... Ok. Thanks anyway."
Me: "Yeah, sure thing. Bye."

These bitches are not paying me nearly enough to go check on the salon for them... especially given the fact that I don't have a car and I would've had to take two trains to go and "check on things" for them... And they don't let you on the train for free...

So I am convinced that these bitches are just TRYING to make me feel better about quitting, (and I'll tell you all a little secret. I sure as hell am not going to feel bad about it... and I'm highly doubting that I'm going to give them any "two-weeks notice" because those bitches fucked me over for over a month... so it won't break my heart to leave them high and dry for a couple weekd until they find some other sorry sucker.)

Welcome to the pit of hell that is my life!

This is not a good sign.

The salon has been open for less than 24 hours and I am already a disgruntled employee.

Yes, you read that right, the salon is open. And I know you're thinking, "Oh thank god, now we don't have to deal with her incessantly bitching about the salon taking forever to open." Well, you're right, I won't be bitching about it not being open anymore... but the salon, and the people who are running it are still what I would classify as a "clusterfuck."

Never have I been privvy to people who think they are so ready to open a business when they are not at all prepared. I should note that while I was there this morning, there was NO CASH in the registers, therefore even if we had a customer, we couldn't give them change. There is no credit card machine, so we couldn't process credit transactions. There is no heat, so it's frickin freezing in the place, and these are just the first few problems I noticed this morning. Add this onto all the other problems with the beds being put together wrong, or not at all, the poor lighting, the lack of a sound system, and now you're starting to get a better picture of what we're dealing with... Namely, a CLUSTERFUCK.

So I am a disgruntled employee, and I haven't even worked an actual shift yet... clearly this is not good. So the job search has been re-doubled, and I have called in the heavy hitters to assist me, (i.e. - I called everyone I know with any kind of connection and begged that they show me some love... Not an easy task for someone who REALLY hates calling in favors, and/or asking for help from anyone.)

It's all GROSS.

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And with that, I leave you to enjoy your day.

Public call-out, public apology.

I'm sorry Mendez. It wasn't right of me to call you out directly on my page. I am not going to hide behind the defense that 99% of the people that actually read this mess even know who you are, because that's irrelevant.

The fact is that I shouldn't have been so specific about things that would have been better left between us, especially when my frustration was not only with you, but with others who have done very similar things lately... It was addressing issues I have been having with other people as well, and since you seemed so good natured about everything by the end of our little talk the other night I thought I would use you as an example. That was my mistake. Reading the comment you left on my myspace page, I assumed it was an open affair, and mistakenly took the point and ran with it. Again, that wasn't the right thing on my part.

I was wrong, and when I am wrong, I whole-heartedly admit it.

Again, I'm sorry.

Dance, bitches! DANCE!!!

A wide variety... take your pick.

First things first, I have gone ahead and changed the video of the week, despite the fact that it is in fact Thursday as I write this, and I originally said that I would be changing it on Fridays...

It's likely that most of you out there won't be seeing this until Friday, so it really doesn't matter, but I just thought I'd let you know as a courtesy.

This week's selection is the song "Over My Head" by The Fray.

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Since we're already on the subject of music, I'm going to go ahead and go on a little musical rant. This time I'm taking on broadcast radio...

People (generally ones who don't know me particularly well,) frequently ask me what kinds of music I listen to. I have a tendency to give the standard, pat answer, which goes something like, "Oh I'll listen to just about anything," but the fact of the matter is that while my musical taste is diverse, it is not all-inclusive.

I am the first to tell anyone that despite my Midwestern upbringing, country music does absolutely nothing for me. (Neither does most rap/hip-hop music, but that's not really something that I can parallel with my upbringing... Unless you want to credit my extensive work at the ghetto pools during my tenure as a city lifeguard... But I digress.)

The fact is, that I know what I like, and I know what sounds good to me, and I know what I think is total rubbish. A large part of the music on popular radio stations, in my humble opinion, is rubbish. This is not to imply that music that isn't widely broadcast over the air waves is not rubbish as well... A lot of that is crap too, you can be sure.

The fact is that broadcast media is controlled by corporations, and thus we get a VERY VERY limited view of the spectrum that is out there. This won't be a rant against the corporations or anything, but I just want to say that if you were to go out and buy the whole album of all the artists a radio station plays in any given hour, I can promise you that 9 times out of 10, the best song on the album is not the one you heard on the radio.

(Go ahead, tell me I'm wrong... I'm not.)

I've gotten off track again...

Anyway, what I'm most upset about is the fact that radio stations are force-feeding us CRAP. The worst perpetrators of this force-feeding, are the so-called "Mix" stations. Any radio station advertising itself as "THE MIX" will typically utilize the following programming schedule in any given 1 hour span:

5 minutes of DJ banter that is not funny.
2 songs (totalling about 8 minutes) that are on current pop charts.
10 minutes of commercials.
1 song (4 minutes) from a bygone era, (i.e. - something by Flock of Seagulls, REO Speedwagon, or Journey)
7 more minutes of commercials.
3 minutes of unfunny DJ banter.
2 more songs (another 8 minutes) that are on current pop charts.
4 minutes of commercials.
5 minutes of incessant DJ blabber.
4 minutes of commercials.
And finally one more song from current pop charts.

It should be noted that there were only 6 songs played in that hour-long time span. One of them was a proven winner from back in the day, and the other 5 are the songs designated by whomever to be the ones in heavy rotation.

And they are not kidding when they say HEAVY ROTATION.

Mix stations are perhaps most infuriating because they seem to have the same six songs on a constant loop... occasionally they will slip in something else, just so they can keep up that whole "MIX" pretense, but honestly, who are they trying to kid.

Basically radio infuriates me, and I always turn back to my extensive CD collection rather than suffer the inane blabber and advertising of commercial radio.

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On another musical note, this little video clip gave me quite a good laugh. You really do need the audio to truly enjoy this in all it's hilarious glory. [Special thanks to Leigh]

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On a completely different subject, I feel the need to address a problem that I am noticing in increasingly epidemic-proportions.

One of the cardinal rules of friendship is that you are as close as you can be when you and your friends are single, and when you happen to find a new significant other, you put forth a serious effort to maintain your friendship... Translation: When you find your sorry ass a new boyfriend, don't you dare go ditching your friends for him. After all, your friends are the ones who tolerated all your whining after you broke up with the last miserable fucker who broke your heart.

Well, as some of you know, Mendez found herself a man a couple months ago. She then proceeded to violate this rule an extensive and excessive amount.

Example: Her boyfriend is 24 years old... by all rights, a big boy. He got a new apartment. He decided to sign the lease for this apartment on Tuesday October 11... (My birthday.) Mendez had previously planned to come over to my apartment on my birthday... She didn't call. She ditched me to go with her boyfriend while he signed his lease. Please note that she is NOT on the lease, they don't live together, and this was something that could've been handled by one person, specifically the person who is actually going to inhabit the place... Needless to say I was a little upset by the reasoning for being ditched on my birthday.

Last night I called her out on it. I finally got her on the phone after two week's worth of attempts to get in touch with her. I said what needed to be said, which was something on the order of, "I am sick of being ditched for your man... I know you love him, and that's fine, but you come into the city EVERY DAY and you have not been over to my new place once since I moved in. And that includes being ditched on my birthday... If I had a dick, this would roughly be the time when I'd tell you to suck it."

She was in denial for much of the conversation saying that she hates girls that do that, and that she was most definintely not one of them... I continually reminded her that she WAS one of them.

Today I got the following message:

"Thanks for snapping me out of my little rut! I needed to hear what you told me. Someone else said the same thing to me shortly after you did. I'm thirsty, on a totally unrelated note. Also, I had a crazy dream about ghosts. Well, at any rate, I will see your goofy ass tomorrow at 2!"

Let's hope the message sticks.

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My computer is still in the shop, and I'm starting to get a little bitter. But that is really neither here nor there.

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Being in need of a computer, I have resorted to venturing to campus and using the ones in the computer labs... this means that I have to deal with a lot of BS that goes on at the university. Today's feature: ARTSALIVE! Bacially everyone who thinks they have some kind of performing talent is out in full force PERFORMING.

That's all well and good, but they insist upon doing it at incredibly irritating volumes. (And a great many of them had better have a business degree to fall back on, because I'm pretty sure that the performing thing isn't going to pan out for them... If you catch my drift.)

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Dave, the guy who I knew and loved for several years, the same guy who broke my heart back in February, is now ignoring me. I think that's cute.

I IMed him the other day just to say hello, and that since it was likely that he still wasn't talking to me, to have a nice life. He promptly added me to his block list. Because that's what grown-ups do.

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Damn, this turned out to be a lot longer than I thought it would be.

You don't need a remote control for that...

Ok, I expect a little nonsense to come my way during any given day... in fact, I welcome it much of the time.

There comes a time when one must simply say "Enough is ENOUGH." This is that time.

Ok, I'm all for technologically-induced laziness, really, I am! There are certain things for which a remote control is a nice little bonus. A television, VCR, DVD player, a home stereo, a garage door, a wide assortment of toys primarily marketed to children, a shark, (everyone should have a remote controlled shark,) etc.

One thing that you almost certainly DO NOT need a remote control for is your CAR STEREO. I don't mean if your car is equipped with video monitors etc, which is a whole other problem... I'm talking about those nimrods out there who have decided that it is easier to locate and push buttons on a remote control, rather than simply extending their arm and changing radio stations or volume by hand... If you're really that lazy, many auto manufacturers offer cars equipped with audio controls mounted directly on the steering wheel... thus eliminating any need to that "extend your arm" part of the audio adjustment.

So seriously, WHY do they have remote controls for car stereos?

Apparently, they also have them for DISHWASHERS... Another useless invention. (I mean you're still going to have to load the thing yourself, so why do you need a remote to start it?)

And we wonder why we're continually getting fatter in the technology age?

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Since I'm at least partially riled up, I'm going to go ahead and recount last night's events for you.

After I posted the most recent addition to the page, I took off to go to a meeting for the salon. This was supposed to be the big, important meeting that we have to go over everything before we open, which was supposed to happen today... Yeah, the meeting was 15 minutes of the same bullshit because the bitches STILL aren't ready. And by NOT READY, I mean that things are not hung up on the walls, the bathrooms are painted ENTIRELY THE WRONG COLOR, the internet connection that is necessary for us to conduct business is not up, the couch for the lobby is not in yet, a few of the beds are either not at the salon, or not properly put together, the inventory of our stock has not been done, nothing is clean, the thermostats are not properly operational, the audio system is not installed, the rooms are all too dark because the "pendant lighting" has not been installed, and several of the lights that have been installed don't work, the floormats have not even been ordered, let alone put in the salon.

Let's keep in mind that this place was supposed to be up and running by the third week of September... Here it is a MONTH later, and we are still not ready. (This instills real confidence when it comes to these bitches actually getting me a paycheck on time.)

SUPPOSEDLY, we are set to open on Friday. (Personally, I'll believe it when I see it.)

After the meeting, I was all set to go out boozing with Caro... That didn't happen either.

Yeah, I knew Caro was going to have to work until about 9 or 10, so I didn't really worry until then. At 10:30, I called her at work to see if things ran late, and nobody answered the phone. So I tried her at home. Dave answered the phone, and informed me that Caro was asleep.

Yeah. So, I didn't go out boozing.

Caro called me back this morning, and apologized noting that one of her friends had alcohol poisoning on Monday night, (blood-alcohol level of .37 which is on the low end of coma-inducing alcohol levels) and she had to take her to the hospital, and didn't get home from the hospital until 11 AM, and thus was too tired to go out.

That's a good excuse and all, but this brings me to a much more important point.

My friends are NOTORIOUSLY bad about changing plans, or cancelling plans WITHOUT contacting me to let me know what the hell is going on. I am greatly irritated by this.

If you make plans to go out with me, CALL ME IF SOMETHING COMES UP. If you just really don't want to go out with me, don't make plans in the first place. I am nobody's pity case.

This has been a public service announcement from Lizzle. Thank you for your kind attention, and have a nice day.

You are an odd lot.

Yeah, that's right. I'm calling you out on it! You, my friend, my loyal reader, are a small part of an odd lot.

My readers are strange... why else would they keep coming back?

But I checked in on the poll results, and only a meager 18 of you voted about the cheese. And for all I know, that could've been one person voting 18 times. (Because you can vote as many times as you like.)

Personally, I find this cheese thing to be very important, and I'm inclined to follow Markus' advice and steer clear of that mysterious unrefrigerated cheese. (Michael K is perhaps a little too adventurous when it comes to matters of unrefrigerated dairy products, in my humble opinion.)

So, with that, I will say that I do love cheese, (especially mozzerella, feta, pepper jack, and muenster,) provided that it is refrigerated, and I will leave it at that.

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I would like to take a quick moment to give a shout out to Lonnie and Ling-Wong, two of my loyal readers in the great city of Chicago. Y'all are some hot sluts! So now I will take the time to say hello to them in their native languages.

Lonnie (Dutch) : Hallo, Hoi, Dag, Morgen, Môge, Goedendag.

And Ling-Wong (some kind of Asian) : Chào cô, San baino, Aqua,Kam sangbo dugay, Sawatdi jau, Mabuhay, Eh ho meh, Yiem longx nyei fai, Annyong haseyo, Annyong hashimnikka, Choum reap suor look srey, L'e, Konnichi wa, Maayo nga adlaw, Néih hóu, Nî hâo

(There's a lot more ways to say hello in all those crazy Asian languages... Jeez, I hope yours is in there somewhere Ling-Wong!)

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And with that, I'll say SAYONARA, BITCHES!

(I've gotta skedaddle to a meeting and then go out boozing with Caro!)

The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!

Yeah... I don't know either.

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I was talking to Mel today, and I mentioned that at least a small portion of today's post would be about cheese.

This got Mel very excited. Here's how it all went down:

Mel: "I haven't checked the blog today... Did you update it?"
Liz: "Not today, I updated it yesterday, and then I decided that at least a small portion of today's post will be about cheese."
Mel: "OOOH, REALLY? I had a lot of cheese this weekend... Parmesan... Mmmm!"
Liz: "Well, it's not a post about my love for cheese, just about cheese."
Mel: "Oh... ok... I still look forward to it."

So, anyway, about the cheese.

I was on the phone with Anthony while I was in the grocery store yesterday evening. He was ranting about his computer problems, and I was repeatedly telling him that he was not being at all helpful in assisting me in deciding what to get for dinner.

It was about this time that I walked past a display of cheese. I was a little unnerved by this display of cheese because it was not in a refrigerated section of the store.

I get very nervous about cheese that doesn't need to be refrigerated. Since I still had him on the phone, I decided to go ahead and ask Anthony if he was also made nervous by cheese that lacked any apparent need for refrigeration. He agreed.

So I am not entirely alone in my nervousness about unrefrigerated cheese.

I would like to know if there are more people out there who are similarly put-off by this unrefrigerated cheese phenomenon.

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I just created and added a poll to the sidebar to test the cheese question. (For those of you who refuse to download/use Firefox, you probably can't see the sidebar, so I'll instruct you to go ahead and scroll ALLLLLL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM, and respond to the poll question. It'll only take a second, and it won't cost anyone a penny!

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I was going through my friend's profiles and away messages, and I found this in the profile of a friend of mine... It's kind of cheesy, and perhaps a little trite, but I liked it. So even though it's not usually the kind of thing I post here, I thought I'd share it. (Because I don't believe in forwarding cheesy e-mails to people, I let them come here and read nonsense of their own volition, rather than cluttering their in-box with it.) Here Goes!

"Life comes with no guarantees. No time outs. No second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest. Laugh as much as you can. Spend all your money. Tell someone what they mean to you. Tell someone off. Speak out. Dance in the pouring rain. Hold someone's hand. Comfort a friend. Date someone totally wrong for you. Pig out. Fall asleep watching the sun come up. Stay up late. Be a flirt. Smile till your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love. Laugh until your stomach hurts. Tell the truth. Say no. Be random. Cry during a movie. Apologize. Live life. And most of all, live in the moment because when you look back someday you will know that you have no regrets. That is going to be what makes you smile, and that is what means the most."

Holy cow!

I was bored, so I spent part of the day just going through the details left by people who visit here. (Yeah, I have something that monitors that stuff... but don't worry, it's not particularly specific, and it's only for my own personal amusement on slow days like today.)

But I must say, I am impressed!

Apparently I am big in Australia, as well as western Europe! I also have a couple fans in Singapore, the Netherlands, (which I'm unsure if it technically falls into the category of western or eastern Europe), a few in Canada, and Mexico.

I had no idea I was a global sensation!

Thanks bitches, you're hot!!

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Although nobody has lodged any formal complaints, you have all probably noticed that there has been no quote of the day lately... sorry. I've been bad about keeping up with it lately. (It's hard to remember all that shit when your computer is in the shop, so you have to go elsewhere to use a computer to post this mess. (That, and Anthony & Caro were the only ones who were ever saying anything worthwhile, so it seemed kind of silly to just digitally reproduce all the conversations I ever have with them.)

Anyway, I've got a few quotes for your enjoyment...

“I’ve been on this earth sixty-nine years and have yet to get a tattoo. My wife got one when she was sixty-two. It shocked all the girls!” ~ Bill

“Old women need a car that makes them feel like they're driving their living room, which they didn't want to leave anyway 'because there are teenagers out there' ... but the hairdresser isn't coming to the house, so...” ~Matt

“I don't get how it's rude for me to tell old people to die, but they can tell me to grow up... that's unfair.” ~ Katie

“I ran so hard today that I got a cramp in my soul.” ~ Erica

The tango is frickin HOT.

Yeah, that's right, I think the tango is FRICKIN' HOT!

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The above statement has absolutely nothing to do with this post whatsoever, I just thought I'd let you all know that I think the tango is FRICKIN HOT!!

Ok, so now that's out of the way, I suppose I should get on with the regular post, whaddya say?

Since you are still reading, and I'm still writing, I'm assuming that you indicated and affirmative response, so here goes.

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Today might very well have been the most interesting day in the history of the world!

Yes, that's right, today, Saturday, October 15 might very well have been the most interesting day in the history of the world.

Of course, the odds are significantly greater that it was, in fact, NOT the most interesting day in the history of the world.

To be honest, I wouldn't know.

I wouldn't know for two reasons.

1. I don't know what your collective or singular personal opinion(s) regards as being spectacularly interesting, so therefore I can't make such a generalized statement without taking into account that it is not qualified to anyone but myself.
2. I slept all day, so if anything spectacularly interesting which would qualify this as the most interesting day in the history of the world actually transpired, I slept through it.

Yeah, for some reason I was spectacularly tired today, so I slept a lot. (If you find that spectacularly interesting, then all the better, I suppose.)

I don't know why I was so tired, because last night consisted of going over to Anthony's, eating a couple pieces of pizza, and making t-shirts. (As we all know by now, I LOVE making t-shirts, and I LOVE Anthony, so it was a good time.) This was not a particularly physically draining experience, but I was compelled to sleep a lot today... Perhaps these events are not even related, except for the mere fact that they occurred in close proximity on my own personal timeline of events.

Yeah, I went to bed at roughly 2 AM, and slept until 11 AM. Nine hours sleep is usually a pretty damn sufficient amount for most people. Apparently not me. I got up, had a bowl of cereal, brushed my teeth, grabbed a book, read approximately 3 and a quarter pages, and promptly decided that I needed to go back to sleep. I slept until 4 PM. I have since whiled away the last 3 hours or so doing very little except think, "Damn... I slept a lot today!" This thought is generally followed by, "Damn, I make awesome t-shirts... too bad I slept all damn day so I didn't get to share them with the world!"

(I'm a global thinker... I would be sharing with the whole world, rather than just the few people I encountered during the course of whatever it was I would've done today.)

So that brings us up to the present moment, where I sit here in a computer lab (because my computer is still in the shop somewhere,) typing up this post for your future entertainment.

Provided that you have been sufficiently entertained by all of this, I will consider they composition of this post a relative success, and wrap it up at that.

Wow, I didn't think it was THAT bad...

Apparently I was doing considerably worse than even I had thought.

Last night, not long after I posted the entry that most of you read today, (Friday,) my father called. I don't mention my dad on here very often for a good reason... we don't talk much. And as a direct result of not talking to my dad much, it's very easy for me to say with no doubt whatsoever that he doesn't know me very well at all.

Sad, but true.

Well, dad had called on my birthday (Tuesday) to wish me well, (shocking because he actually remembered the day this year... likely only because I made him feel like an ass last year by reminding him of the date more than a week after it had passed... I'm cold like that.) So he called Tuesday, and I talked to him briefly, accepted his well wishes and got off the phone so that I could continue reading the book that I was so enjoying when I was interrupted by the phone.

And in an unprecendented move, he called again Thursday night, a mere 48 hours later! (This from a man who frequently goes more than two weeks without calling, and then complains that I never call...) He was calling just to check on me because he was worried.

WOW... my dad was calling because he was worried?!?! How can this be? He says that when he called on my birthday, he could tell I was really down and that it was significant enough to have him more than a little concerned.

Ok, so if dad could detect it, it must've been bad!

I don't think he really believed me when I told him that things were better now, and that there was no longer any need for concern.

Oh well. I'm not gonna let that ruin my day!

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The new video of the week is up! This week is Depeche Mode's latest foray into the musical lexicon, "Precious" ... so Check it out! IT'S A HOT TUNE!

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I hope you all have a delightful weekend! (Or, HAD a delightful weekend, depending on when you read this.)

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Ok, bitches, call off the suicide watch!

Yeah, so I was a really miserable, grumpy bugger for a while there... REALLY miserable. So much so that people who know me well were concerned for my well-being. I know it's been showing up in the writing lately... if only because the cynical edge was just that much sharper, and the acid tongue was just a little more acidic. Basically I have hated the world for the last couple of weeks.

Today I got up and decided I was going to stop this mess and be happy. So I got out of bed, I got dressed in clothes that made me vaguely resemble a soccer mom (not trendy or funky, but a littly on the frumpy side for me... but that doesn't really matter...) I went to Jewel, I bought flowers for the two people in Chicago who have kept me from doing serious harm to myself or others, I put the flowers in little vases, I wrote up a couple of cards, I slapped a smile on my face, and I headed out to face the day.

In other words, for the past couple weeks I had the job of being a miserable grump, and today I got up and said, "Fuck that bullshit, I quit!"

And now I feel infinitely better!

I called my mom, because she was the one who was probably the most concerned for me, and I told her I was all better, so she could stop worrying, and that made her happy... the conversation went something like this:

[ring, ring, ring]
Mom: "Dr. Craig's office, this is Becky, may I help you?"
Me: "I've decided to stop being a grump."
Mom: "Oh, ok... Good. What made you decide that?"
Me: "I figured out that it wasn't making me feel any better, so I'm just not going to do it anymore."
Mom: "Ok, great! I was very worried, you know!"
Me: "Yeah, I know... and I'd send you flowers for putting up with me, but that costs money, and as we all know I'm broke... I used to be broke and miserable, now I'm just broke."
Mom: "Yeah, don't worry about sending flowers..."
Me: "Ok."

I don't know why, but I thought you might like to know how the conversation went... You probably don't give a damn, but I don't care. You come here to read my senseless drivvel and that conversational tidbit just happens to be a part of what you get today, so if you don't like it, leave.

(I said I was over being a grump, I didn't say that you could get away with being lippy about the content!)

So then Anthony and I ran errands, and I spilled shit all over my favorite white shirt. (Anthony says that the fashion gods are punishing me for wearing white after Labor day...Bitches!)

And that pretty much brings you up to speed!

Tomorrow (Friday... because I know some of you bitches read this mess the day after it's freshly posted) the hunt for a "real job" begins. (I didn't want to let a job hunt ruin my first day back from misery.)

Anybody know someone who needs a little Lizzle in their lives? Preferrably someone who pays really well and offers great benefits for very little work... You know anybody like that? Let me know.

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I am trying to figure out what to be for Halloween. Any bright ideas? (Ones that won't cost me a huge sum of money are preferred)

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Markus, I have a picture to send you, but I have to get my computer back before I can send it, because the computers I have to use while mine is in the shop SUCK.

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MMMKAY bitches, that's all I've got for you right now... I heart you, though!

I am still a grumpalumpagus...

Not to be confused with a Snuffleupagus. (And yes, that is the correct spelling of that name... I checked.)

I went to a meeting today, and the salon STILL isn't ready... And it probably won't be for another week or so. So I'm looking for other work.

Also, I've had a couple of complaints about the way the new video feature was causing things to load incorrectly, or it was freezing computers, (mac users,) so I've deicded to move it off of the main page. Instead, I've got a link to a new page where you can click at your leisure to see the video clip of the week. (It will remain in the sidebar with the rest of the links.)

That way everyone's shit will load right, and everything is frickin hunky-goddamn-dory, MMKAY?

(I'm just kiddin, I'm not at all pissed about moving that stuff... I just wanted to let you kids know what was going on.)

Another year older ... and none the wiser

Yeah, yesterday I quietly got another year older... And I do mean quietly.

I didn't go out for so much as a birthday dinner, or a birthday drink.

How did I celebrate my birthday?

I did laundry. I cleaned my apartment. I read a book and drank 2 glasses of red wine.

Yep. I'm old, and that's how old people celebrate their birthdays, by doing ordinary things that could be done any other day.

I didn't make any plans because I was supposed to have a meeting from 8 PM until 10 PM, but when my boss called me at 5 PM, she told me that there was no meeting. So then I was left with no meeting, and no plans.

Mendez had said she was going to come over at some point in the afternoon, but she never showed, and she didn't call. (Yeah Nenny, I'm salty enough to call you out on it!)

So that was my birthday in a nutshell. Just another day in the life.

Meet Fluffy.

(Thanks for the laugh, Anna.)

Can't I just enjoy my latte in peace?

During a recent trip to starbucks (my one indulgence even though I am very broke...) I found that I had arrived on one of the nights when the joint was hosting one of it's "live music" nights. I was trying to make myself feel better by just going and reading a book, while sipping my vanilla latte... At the risk of sounding mean, I was glad I thought enough in advance to bring headphones.

I can say without any shred of doubt or uncertainty, these bitches are playing at starbucks for a reason... it's because starbucks has LOW LOW talent standards, and they obviously had nothing better to do with their time.

I am not kidding when I tell you that when I walked in, there was a man who was easily upwards of 70 years old, warbling bad covers of Beatles tunes. (Here's a hint grandpa, if you haven't made it big by now, there's probably a reason... give it up.)

He was followed by more, equally offensive assaults launched by much younger troubadours, and my latte-enjoyment was significantly compromised. Even listening to Springsteen on the headphones with the volume all the way up was not enough to drown out their musings.

I'm all for people following their dreams, but honestly pursue your dreams in places that don't involve me, and the enjoyment of my book and my $4 coffee beverage.

Thanks, and have a nice day.

Ok, time for a new feature...

So I have added a new feature.

The audio/video clip of the week. You don't have to listen to it. If you don't like it just hit the pause or stop button on the media player. Let me know what you think of it, because if you kids don't like the feature I'll take it down. Not a problem really.

The addition of this feature once again means that the people still using crappy browsers like the AOL browser, Internet Explorer, and Netscape will likely have issues with how the page loads. (That's what you bitches get for using a shitty browser! GET FIREFOX, ALREADY!)

BITCHES - BITCHES - BITCHES!!!!!

Ok, so as you all know by now, my computer has broken twice in the last month... and that month includes the two weeks that it was away being fixed the last time. So essentially my computer was only operational for 2 weeks. (And to be honest, it wasn't 100% even during those two weeks, but I suffered through, and did the best I could manage with it up until Thursday night when it really decided it was going to make things hard for me... I wasn't ready to go another 2 weeks without it so soon, so I pushed the limits.)

So when I took the computer in, I was greeted by the same woman who told me that everything was fixed the last time... I don't react too kindly to being lied to. Here's how it went down:

Computer Lady: "Hi! How are you today?"
Liz: "Hi. I'm gonna be honest. I'd be a lot better if my computer worked. I doubt that you remember me, but I was here only a month ago with the very same problem I have today. And I was here two weeks ago when you told me I could pick up my computer because it was fixed..."
Computer Lady: "Oh? It was fixed a month ago?
Liz: "No it was broken a month ago, and 'fixed' as of two weeks ago."
Computer Lady: "Oh... So this is the second repair?"
Liz: "Yes. This will be the second repair for the same problem... and considering you said they replaced my motherboard the last time, I am quickly losing faith in the Hewlett Packard Corporation, and the products they produce."
Computer Lady: "Oh? They replaced the motherboard the last time?"
Liz: "YEP."
Computer Lady: "Oh... er... well, since they already replaced the motherboard, and this is the second time you've had to come in, they'll probably just authorize an exchange for a new one."
Liz: "Oh good... Because I was wondering if I was going to have to schedule this visit into my plans every month..."
Computer Lady: "Of course, we still have to send it in, so even if they do authorize an exchange, it will still take two weeks or so."
Liz: "So even if they decide not to fix it, it's still going to take two weeks?"
Computer Lady: "Yep."
Liz: "Great... Call me when I need to come in and get my new computer. See you in two weeks."

So, that was me being sort of a bitch to someone who may or may not have deserved it... And then we went shopping.

Anthony, Anthony's friend Ronnie, and I went shopping on Michigan Ave, and for anyone who has ever been shopping on Michigan Ave, you know that down there, there are bitches EVERYWHERE!

So, we shopped, and we had lunch, and bitches in the stores were rude, because that's what they do best. When we stopped for lunch, the waiter was extremely nice, so we tipped him a great deal. (He deserved it.) And when I went to the Clinique counter, and told that bitch what I wanted, and she tried to sell me something else, I told her no, I didn't want it, and of course, she got snippy. (I was getting an exfoliant, that is meant for all-over-body use, but I just use it on my face because it does a really great job... so she's gets all indignant and says [in a hoity toity tone] "OH? You use it on your face?" And I simply said, "YES, I use it on my face, and if that's a problem for you, I will leave and gladly give my sale and your commission to someone else at another Clinique counter... So give me what I'm asking for, and a little less attitude, mmkay?"

That bitch deserved it.

I then walked over to the Lancome counter to see about a Juicy Tube (because those things are FABULOUS) but the bitches there didn't even look up, so I sure as hell wasn't giving them a commission off of my sale. Fuck that bullshit!

And then Anthony and I went to a show. ("Tony 'n Tina's Wedding," for those of you who really want to know) And it was decent. A couple of the actors were trying a bit too hard, but on the whole it wasn't bad, and our tickets (and dinner that is served as part of the show) were free, so it's all good.

So I'm a little less grumpy, though we're still not out of the woods yet! And that brings you pretty much up to speed.

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Happy Birthday to my Grandpa! He is 85 today!!

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This means that my birthday is only 4 days away, and I still don't have anything planned.

The event has really jut kinda gotten away from me this year.

Someone want to buy me some diamonds or something??

MotherBitches...

My computer is fucked again, so posting will be light in the next couple weeks as I have taken it in for repairs.

This on top of my already existing funk is frickin bullshit!

I am REALLY a grumpy baby now.

If you need to get in touch, e-mail or call.

Be good while I'm gone!

TAKE YOUR PICK...

I found 2 pictures of critters who appear to be as grumpy as I am.

If you ask me, both of them look downright PISSED.

And to be honest, I'm right there with them, so I don't blame them.

I've been trying to shake this case of the "Mean Reds" for the last few days, but to no avail. I have tried to limit my contact with the outside world because A) I am broke, and contact with others usually costs me money, and B) I don't want to offend or alienate anyone with my foul disposition.

I can honestly say that I have not laughed since Saturday. Not once. And that is a long time to be without laughter, especially for someone like me, who is generally predisposed to laughter.

Ordinarily I'd go to see Anthony, and everything would be ok, but Anthony's European adventure plans fell through, and so he has been very busy trying to get things organized during his time off from work. And since he's so busy I've been kind of left on my own to deal with this funk.

I've tried all the traditional solutions; reading my favorite books, watching my favorite feel-good movies, listening to music that usually makes me feel better, going to the beach, etc... but nothing, and I mean NOTHING is doing the trick.

Anyone got any bright ideas? I need to shake this bitch in a hurry!!! Because at present, I am miserable, and without good miserable company.

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On a completely different note, I have rediscovered my love for Depeche Mode... and more specifically the lead singer of Depeche Mode, David Gahan. He might be old, but he's still got something that is undeniably hot about him. I have Nenny to thank for rekindling my love for this slut!

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QOTD

"I love drinking, and I love Raptors!!" ~Meredith

You're probably better off...

I'm in a foul mood today... Yeah, that's right, I'm a grumpy baby!

And since I'm so sour today, I won't be posting anything for you.

That might make you grumpy, but I don't care!

I will be posting again later when I am less of a grump.

On the whole, I'd say you're most likely better off not getting into it with me today, because I will rip your heart out and feed it to you.