Wednesday, July 26, 2006

And it's official...

I have found it! I have made an astonishing scientific breakthrough...

I've found the one place on the face of the earth where TIME STANDS STILL!!! In fact, I think here in my home towm, it occasionally runs backward... There is no other reason or explaination for how long the days feel here.

You need an example of just how insanely bored I am here?

I am actually excited to go to the dentist because it will get me out of the house for a while.

Please feel free to stare at that last sentence in disbelief for a while... YUP. I am excited to have sharp metal objects scraping the delicate tissues of my gums and have to suffer the pains of holding my mouth open wide enough so the hygenist can get her pneumatic scubber thing in all the tiny crevices of my mouth for an hour... Yeah, you know you're bored when the prospect of visiting the dentist seems appealing.

I've come to the conclusion that getting through the next week will take a mentality much like the one I had to adopt when I lived with crazy Jennie. That mentality consisted of avoiding contact with the other resident of the apartment in order to avoid conflict and insanely idiotic confrontations and arguments. The keys to that strategy were to keep different hours than the other person, and to be at home as little as possible. That second key element is significantly harder here. I am unable to drive while I'm here, and unlike Chicago, there is no other relaible way to get around and go places... Of course, that would imply that there are things to do here in my home town, which is categorically untrue.

If you will excuse me, I am going to go gather the necessary supplies to begin shoving sharpened bamboo poles under my fingernails... And then I think I'll while away the hours counting wood chips or something...

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