Does anyone else smell bacon?
Is there someone having a barbecue around here?
Oh... Wait. That's just the smell of my own flesh cooking as it sears in this godforsaken heat. Seriously, this wretched swelter needs to come to an abrupt end... Like NOW. I don't think anyone would complain.
I'd escape to the beach and jump in the lake if I thought for one minute I could go into the water without constantly wondering exactly how many hobos baptized themselves in the same general area in the last few days in an effort to assuage themselves or evade heatstroke for much the same reason that I find myself there. The beaches are public domain, after all.
The worst part? Butler jokes that it's hotter than Africa outside, and since I don't have A/C that means its hotter than Africa inside for me too! I considered this line of thinking... And then I looked into it. I checked the average temperatures in the three catalogued regions of Africa to see the average high temperature... And the results were just as I suspected! (Look! This is Chicago, and here are the reports for Equatorial Kenya / Morocco / South Africa. Mind you, these are the averages, and I know for a fact that it's been WAY the hell hotter than 83 in Chicago lately. Right now, 83 is like you're sitting under a tree, in a grassy park, by the lake in the middle of the night. And it's a WET heat. BLECH.)
I wish I were kidding when I mention that I have resorted to taking cold showers at odd intervals throughout the day, and sticking my head in the freezer on a regular basis. It really is THAT miserable.
I'm betting that you are all sick of my whining right about now, so I'll just cut it out before you get mad at me... Its time for another soak in an icy tub anyway!