I don't know what the hell is going on...

I have had a WEIRD ASS week. So what do I do? I call friends and try to hash out the reason everything has suddenly turned on it's ear.

I call Mellie-Mel, aka Lonnie. Her explaination? She doesn't really have one. She says she has given up on trying to explain the events of this life. That doesn't really help me. But at least she and I listen to the assorted events going on with one another. And that's nice.

I call Kirsten, get her voicemail.

I call my brother, get his voicemail because he is undoubtedly working.

I call my mom, get her voicemail, because she is undoubtedly humoring grandpa and sitting there while he watches Lawrence Welk on PBS... (Sorry momma, THAT BLOWS.)

So what has me so thrown?

Well, basically, I think the earth has spun off it's axis and directly toward the nexxus of the universe. Why do I think this?

Well for starters, I think somehow in the middle of the night, the entire city of Chicago has magically been transported to some latitude roughly equivalent to that of Nairobi, Kenya. FOR REAL. This heat is just insane! When we were wondering where the hell that global warming thing was back in February... Well, we found out! It showed up this weekend! CRIMENY, a girl has to take a cold shower and let a fan blow on her while still damp just to get a little relief! Seriously, I took to watching March of the Penguins and thinking cold thoughts just to get through the evenings.

Also, the earth must be spinning out of control, because it would seem that there is actually a boy interested in dating the Lizzle. (I know, CUH-RAY-ZEEEE!) I'm not going to get into it too much, because ... Well, it's early, and there isn't really much to get into. (That and I don't want to make this blog about my dating mis-adventures... And believe me, if that was something I was interested in doing, I could dredge up all kinds of material, none of it pretty.) I'd sooner delve into the rich history of my amusing, psychotic roommate situations... There are ENDLESS testimonials to the fact that I have lived with some serious crazies in my day. (Note to self: If ever hurting for a post, mention just why I love living alone so much...)

I don't know what to make of all this. Any thoughts?

Before I wrap this up, I want to respond to a couple of comments on the previous post:

• Darth - Post Apocalyptic humping is fine and dandy when you're involved in the humping, but there comes a point when you hear other people doing it, and after sooooo lonnnnng you just feel like you are intruding on someone else's good time... I guess I'm just not voyeuristic like that. (Also, going to the beach is not the best place to cool off, because the sun beats down on you, the sand radiates the heat back at you from underneath, and you don't have easy access to chilled beverages... Which is why I love the beach at about 80 degrees rather than 97.)
• Brenda - I'll e-mail you my turkey chili recipe if you'd like! (It really is quite good!) And I don't understand people who want the pirate teeth either... I mean you'd think their teeth would get hot wearing that thick yellow coat all the time!
• Deb - I will promptly be visiting you to siphon off your air conditioning and liquor. Also, Jeff IS watching you poop! (Can you believe I used to have a relatively loving relationship with a guy who, in all seriousness, wanted to give that poster to me for my birthday?)
• Joy - I don't know why the comment link does that. Most of the time I don't have a problem with it, but on occasion it happens. I find that if I reload the page or close and re-open the browser it comes back though... Go fig.
  

Well I guess that's all my lovelies, I'm going to go mire myself in a tub of icy water so that the warmth of my apartment seems like a rational approach to body-temperature regulation.

And then I think I'll have a couple of ice-cold dirty martinis, because they make me drunk and happy ...and they are cold!