Thursday, August 31, 2006

I'm coming in off the ledge...

Apparently I have something about me that screams, "UHH, SHE'S NOT GONNA SAY IT DIRECTLY, BUT THIS KID NEEDS YOUR HELP OR AT LEAST AN INDICATION OF YOUR CONCERN!" I've gotten a lot of supportive words from people lately despite the fact that I don't think I've been telling them anything new. A lot of people have been calling and checking in on me "just to make sure I'm ok."

I know that I do a lot of complaining on here, and that I complain a lot about my situation whenever I talk to anyone on the phone... Largely because I don't do much of anything other than work on getting a job and get turned down for work, and therefore I have little else going on to talk about.

The thing is, I know you all get sick of hearing about it. Believe me when I tell you, I know I am sick of thinking about, working on, and talking about it. Call me fickle if you will, but when you have a solitary obsession for months on end sometimes you get the feeling that you just need a change and need something to break in a hurry... You know, before this girl breaks down and loses it completely. And after spending this much time climbing the walls, applying for jobs, going on interviews that never deliver, and feeling like everything I do is a giant waste of time, well... It's enough to drive even the sanest person a little bonkers. So what is it? Because like I said, I'm not telling anyone anything new, but I'm getting phone calls from people who are suddenly DEEPLY concerned for my well-being. (Alarmingly concerned, like part of me thinks they have some kind of suspicion that I'm on the verge of doing harm to myself or something... Which, as much as I might joke about it here, I'm really nowhere near. Trust me.) So is it something in my tone that has them all worried, or is it that they just have some kind of internal alarm that says, "Uhh, hey, given the situation she's got, I'd have lost it already, it'd probably be a good idea to check on that one..."

I mean yes, Wednesday's debacle was another kick in the teeth right when I was starting to think I could finally get a little positive energy flowing my way, but while I might be down I know I'm not out. I still have asses to kick. That horse might've kicked me while I was down, but I'm gonna stand up, dust myself off, beat that horse to death, and then send the remains to the fine folks over at Elmer's Glue factory.

I'm not going to let this shit beat me. I refuse to go back to being a grump simply because those asshats went and hired some other dumbass before they even looked at my fabulousity. I will prevail.

I'm coming in off the ledge, so break out the wine! I think it's time for a power ballad!

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