IT'S FUCKIN' TRUE!!!!
Yeah, the Lizzle is lucky to be among the living these days! Here's how it all went down!
Today was kind of shitty to begin with... I didn't even go out drinking last night, and yet I woke up with a SUPREMELY MASSIVE headache! And no, it's not a brain tumor, so just simmer down... I'm not going to blow my wad that early in the story! Anywho, this headache business put me in a bad mood from the time the alarm went off, but that wasn't even the half of it. So I went to work this morning as usual, and after calling India (AGAIN) I spent the morning at my desk doing normal work-related stuff... A little before 1PM, I decided to go get lunch. So I sauntered on over to the local Subway to get a sammich, and on my way back I was rerouted from the most direct path back to work... Why, you ask? Because there were 6 fire trucks blocking off traffic on Michigan Ave.
A nice fireman politely asked me to cross to the other side of the street if I wanted to continue traveling in my intended direction. Knowing I needed to get back to the office, I did as I was told, and walked the long way back to the office. Before I go on with the story, here are pictures of the traffic-less Michigan Ave. And Lake St. So you know I'm not totally bullshitting you.
Michigan Ave.
(in front of Michigan Plaza)
(*Oh, and that car you see is a cop car, so it doesn't count as traffic!)
(in front of Michigan Plaza)
(*Oh, and that car you see is a cop car, so it doesn't count as traffic!)
Lake St.
(Just west of Michigan Ave.)
(And yes, that's a cop car too.)
So the fuzz had the area all cordoned off. It seemed kind of weird, but hell, I live in Chicago, weird shit happens all the time in big cities, right?
So when I got back to my office, I told my boss about the fire trucks, the detour, and the lack of cars on Michigan and Lake... And at this point, one of the brokers decides she's going to get lunch... A few minutes later, she calls to mention a little hitch in her plans... They are not letting anyone in or out of our building.
Again, I can see you scratching your head, and saying, "But Lizzle, WHY weren't they letting people in or out? What the hell is going on?"
Well I'll tell you.
They weren't letting people go in or out because they didn't want innocent bystanders to be hurt... You see, on the corner of Michigan and Lake there was a "suspicious bag."
Someone left a brief case just sitting on the corner by a trash can and a transformer... And in this heightened state of security, there was significant concern that it was a bomb.
That's right. I was stuck in my building despite the fact that there might be a bomb on the corner. And no, I'm not kidding... Here's a picture of the bomb squad guy checking things out!
Yep. There was a bomb scare in my building, and the guy in the body armor was totally there to assess the situation... And as we stood at the window, watching all of this play out, I turned to my boss and said, "You know David, when I agreed to work here for the wage we agreed on, I didn't figure in the cost of hazard pay."
He just laughed, and told me that I did have health insurance, so as long as I only lose a limb, rather than being totally blown up, I'd be fine.
In the end, it turned out to be nothing, and the cops took away the brief case after the bomb squad guy ruled it harmless.
Of course, me being that ass that I am, when we were having a problem with our e-mail later in the day, I joked to one of the brokers that if we'd all gotten blown up earlier in the afternoon this e-mail situation wouldn't be such a big deal!
So when the day was done, I called my dear Anthony, and told him my story. Here's how he reacted:
Liz: "(bomb story, blah blah blah)"
Anthony: "Wow! I don't even know what to say!! I'm totally blown away! Er... Well, I'm not blown away, and I'm glad you aren't either! I guess I'll just say I love you, and that I'm glad you weren't blown up!"
Liz: "Thanks, I love you too, and I am also glad that neither of us was blown up!"
Anthony: "Well your day was a whole hell of a lot more interesting than mine!"
This little snippet of conversation makes me wonder, why doesn't Hallmark make a line of cards that reads something along the line of "Hey, I'm really glad you didn't get blown up today!" I mean really, think of it... It would be a huge seller to people who have loved ones in the armed forces!
God... I really am an asshole!
(You think this bomb scare business was god's way of telling me that it could all be over at any time, and that I still have a chance to turn it all around? ...Yeah, me neither!)
No comments:
Post a Comment