Sunday, February 26, 2006

My Brother... the Idiot.

Yes, it's true that my brother is not the brightest crayola in the box, and yes, it's true that he's done a lot of stupid stuff in his day... A LOT of stupid stuff... A WHOLE LOT.

The fact is that despite his idiocy, and despite the fact that he insists on learning EVERYTHING the hard way, we have always found a way to forgive him, if only because we all know there's one bumbling idiot in every family, and you have to just love them anyway. And it is not uncommon for me to find myself in the position of defending my brother for his idiotic misdeeds, but I think I've finally found the one thing that I won't defend...

HE THREW AWAY MY PROM DRESS.

Yes, you read that right... HE THREW AWAY MY PROM DRESS.

Now, when you read the phrase "PROM DRESS" please don't let horrible mental images come to mind! It was not seafoam green, it was not spandex, there were no sequins, big ugly flowers, or mountains of tulle involved.

It was a very classically-styled full length gown... White brocade satin, with a high neck and an empire waist... It was stunning, it was expensive, it was mine... And now it's either at a goodwill store or chilling at the city dump amidst soiled diapers, coffee grinds, rodents, and somebody's Vanilla Ice tape.

It was the only dress that I've ever put on that made me feel like a princess, and now it's gone.

How could this have happened, you ask?

Well when I moved to Chicago, I didn't think I'd be attending any proms, so I left it where it was in the home I grew up in, covered in a custom-made plastic bag along with all my other formal dresses, hanging on a hook in my basement. And my idiot brother moved back into the family home, and decided to do a clean sweep of EVERYTHING the house contained... INCLUDING my stuff. No phone call to say "Hey, I ran across those nice formal dresses of yours, do you want to keep them, or do you want me to chuck them out on the highway so that the bums can remember what satin feels like?" Also in that bag was a Christmas formal dress that had been hand made by my now deceased grandmother, a green velvet number that I wore to another Christmas formal, a floor-length red velvet dress that I wore to a Valentine's day formal, and an all-purpose formal black satin dress that I'd worn to my cousin's wedding... Yeah, they're gone too.

The prom dress was just the first one I thought about, but the one I am most upset over losing is the Christmas dress that my grandmother made... I mean it was custom made to my specifications and custom tailored to fit me, by my grandmother, who is no longer with us... She took the time, and energy to craft that beautiful burgundy and ivory dress just for me. An act of love on her part... And that's something I can't get back... EVER.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT MY BROTHER DIDN'T EVEN CALL TO CHECK!

I mean I know there are a great many things about my highschoolian days that I would love to forget, but I'll tell you something... He chucked the few good memories I had, like they were phlegm covered banana peels and moldy bread. (Which is likely what they are now hanging out with.)

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Lite, because this one's for you, my idiot brother... You are a real man of genius!

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