DIE YUPPIE SCUM!

Contrary to what was written last week, I don't hate my job... It is now official. It was just hormones.

Like ANYBODY in the working world, (or at least anybody who doesn't have a sweet-ass job like "professional spa service evaluator" or "police sketch artist") there are certain things about my job that I dislike.

To cope with these things on days when they are particularly irksome, I take an early lunch, go outside, call my mom, and vent over the phone.

Today was just such a day. I found a reason to bitch, so I take my lunch, go outside, call mom and start bitching.

"So what the hell are you bitching about today?" you ask.

Well, the title should have been some kind of indicator for you... 6 or 7 of you just scrolled back up, didn't you?

Yeah.

I hate the yuppie scum.

Before we go any further, I think it's important to define exactly what yuppie scum is. Most of you are used to the classic definition "Young, Urban Professional." This is not really fair. Because there are plenty of young people who work in professional environments who I wouldn't necessarily call yuppie scum. The yuppie scum of this world are the people who are all high and mighty on their own ego. They are the people who think they can treat everyone else like dog shit because they are just OH-SO-IMPORTANT. These are the folks that walk into a cell phone store and say things like, "Um, I need a new phone. And I'm going to need 3 extra batteries because I'm very busy and important... So I have no time to sit and charge my phone battery." (True story: I actually heard a guy say this VERBATIM when I recently purchased my new phone.) The yuppie scum are the people who will continue along their oh-so-important lives in pursuit of becoming "The Man." (I mean "the man" as in, "DAMN THE MAN! SAVE THE EMPIRE" kind of way.) Yeah, you know those folks! I guarantee you are thinking of at least 3 people you know, and you're thinking, HOLY CRAP... Liz is right! [Bob, Steve, Angie, etc.] is yuppie scum, and must die!

So I come to the conclusion that I hate the yuppie scum. I say this to my mom. Mom tried to talk me out of this thinking... Here's a snippet of conversation:

Liz: "What was the mantra of your day? 'Die yuppie scum?'"
Mom: "If you say so."
Liz: "Yeah, well, I hate the yuppies, and they need to be stopped."
Mom: "Umm, well aren't you a yuppie?"
Liz: "NO!"
Mom: "Well, let's see... You're not in college anymore."
(Side note to mom... Thanks for that handy little reminder... That was the verbal equivalent of repeatedly pinching my tricep fat really hard.)
Liz: "Yeah mom... Thanks for the reminder. I know I'm not in college anymore."
Mom: "And you have a real job, in a real office."
Liz: "Yeah, I know... but I'm not yuppie scum!"
Mom: "Honey, I beg to differ. You're young and upwardly mobile."
Liz: "Yeah, but being Young and Upwardly Mobile doesn't make me a yuppie... IT MAKES ME A YUMMIE! I'm a yummie!"

Yeah, I am a Yummie... and if you're reading and finding yourself in agreement with this, and you work in an office you are probably a yummie too! The yummies of this world know that just because they have an education, and a job in an urban/office setting, you are not excused from rules of common courtesy. You know you still have to treat people with respect and common courtesy no matter their position in life, and no matter how that position relates to their own. (This does not apply when someone is seriously pissing you off... like a little old lady who honks at you when you're helping someone move... When someone makes an effort at pissing you off, the rules go out the window.) The yummies of the world are the ones who work in an office more or less out of necessity, and don't do it as a matter of ego, because let's face it, you gotta do something to make that paper. Sure some yummies love their jobs, and some of them will go on to make lots of money working in those offices at jobs they love, and that's fine. And the yummies of this world don't need to apologize for that, because they know that their job doesn't make them better than anyone else... However, the yummies of this world need to stand up and crush the egos of the yuppie scum of the world back into the urban cesspool they sprang from.

YUMMIES UNITE!