Where are the reporters from the Enquirer, already?

Crimeny... I get a brand spankin' new look, the sasquatch is being spotted all over the place, and the face-transplant lady has come out of hiding! Let's get the other tabloid news stuff out of the way so that I can gush about my new look!


Ok, so... Remember the face transplant lady? And do you remember asking for a picture of her when I first mentioned her? Well here is the first picture that anyone in the media has been able to get.

Go easy on her, because she has survived my worst fears realized, (she had the bottom half of her face ripped off by dogs,) and the new (bottom) half of her face is still paralyzed because she only got it slapped on there a couple months ago.

The scariest part of this is obviously the part involving having half of your face ripped off by crazed dogs, and we all know this is probably my greatest fear, (despite my LOVE of dogs) and this is most certainly the way that I'm going to bite the big one, because karmically-speaking, I probably deserve to go out that way.

And suddenly as you find yourself notting in agreement, you pause and ask aloud, (despite the fact that your computer screen will give you no verbal response) "So what's the second-scariest part about this?"

Well I'll tell you!

That creepy look on the lady's face reminds me more than a little bit of Jackie Stallone, but she also vaguely reminds me of my crazy Aunt Monica. I can't explain it, but there's something about her!

In other tabloid news, Bigfoot has been spotted again, and that bitch is on the move! Usually limiting his appearances to Canada and the Pacific Northwest, our old pal sasquatch must have hired himself a private jet, or got John Travolta to fly him to Malaysia... (Because you know that crazy scientologist bitch and sasquatch are totally pals!) Don't believe me? Here's a video link for ya!

Ok. So now we're done with Enquirer-worthy items, so let's get to the hard news, shall we? (he heh heh... "HARD" news, ...God, I am such a 12 year old boy stuck in the body of a 23 year old girl!) So anyway, let's continue gushing about what a great job Kelly did!

I'm not kidding, I don't think I could be any happier about the new look, I think Kelly did an amazing job! (Thanks again Kelly!) She really captured the overall theme of the happy hour! And that theme is, "No matter how bad things get, they can always be improved with a few cocktails!"

I think that theme is Pulitzer-worthy... but then again, what do I know?

Well, I've certainly bored you and kept you from your lives and families for long enough don't you think? So run along! Go play! But don't you get muddy! And don't pull your sister's hair! ...And be home in time for supper!