I don't know why it is that I come home from Chicago and all of a sudden I become incapable of composing blog entries until 2:30 in the morning... I really don't. But alas I have once again let another day go by, and not gotten to the blog until nearly bedtime.

Since mom and I went shopping and drinking this evening, I am rather tired now and once again I'm putting off the blog entry that I have promised you. My sincerest apoogies. I will however tempt you with some of the topics I'm working on for you:

1. How I am slowly turning into my mom
2. How some things (for better, or for the worse) never seem to change
3. Why dial-up interned service makes me want to kill myself
4. Why I can't be left alone with the internet, a season of "Sex and the City", a credit card, and a hankerin' for beautiful new footwear.
5. How much I miss Kirsten... and DAVE.
6. How awesome my Christmas was!

See, so once I get off my lazy ass... or rather, as I will be sitting as I'm typing these entries, ON my lazy ass, you can see that you will have plenty to read and be entertained by. I only do this because I care... and because I forgot your birthday, or didn't bake you some muffins, or because I told on you when I caught you eating babies and you got mad at me for it... or something. Anyway... I promise I'll try to do better.

================================

QOTD - (Since Kirsten called this evening, she owns it... and alas she's bridging the gap into the new year... HOW GLORIOUS!)

12.31.04 - "Liz, I know you think you've seen some hickies in your day, and I thought I'd seen some real doozies in mine... HELL, I've had some real doozies in mine, or so I thought! This monstrosity was seriously 3 inches wide and like ... at LEAST 6 inches vertically! And it wasn't like it was on the side where we could cover it with hair or a high neck sweater, no, it was on her fuckin' throat! I tried putting makeup on it, and I felt like a mortician! I think the only way to divert attention from it would have been for me to slit my own throat, but even then they still would have noticed it!" ~Kirsten, on trying to cover her sister's monster hickie (And what a glorious way to close out 2004)

1.1.05 - "Yeah well all I really do anymore is go to work, go to class, and go to the bar... and if I'm not actively doing any of that, it's only because I'm outside havin' a quick smoke." ~Kirsten

1.2.05 - "My mom sends me money every week for food... but what Pam doesn't realize is that I'll spend 20 bucks stocking up on 32 cent boxes of off-brand macaroni and cheese and ramen noodles, and I'll eat a box of crackers for dinner, just so that I can spend the rest of the money on alcohol and cigarettes... my goal is to cut down for the spring term." ~Kirsten, on having priorities.

Another day, lazily spent doing nothing. GLORIOUS!

Read my books, watched some movies, went to Bonefish Grill for dinner. BRILLIANT!

================================

I'll give you the entry you deserve later... as for now, tracks and quotes will have to suffice.

================================

TOTD-

Incubus - "Drive"

Primitive Radio Gods - "Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with a Quarter in My Hand."

================================

QOTD
12.29.04 - "I know the drought is a big thing right now, but I figured I could take you out to have a nice meal and maybe take your mind off of it for a day." ~Mom

12.30.04 - "So I may have wanted to play with your boobs, is that so wrong? ... [later in conversation] I still want your boobs. Really, I DO. They are nice. " ~Andrew, my former neighbor

Track of the day - Simon & Garfunkle, "I Am a Rock"

=================================

Yep, that's right folks, I'm a rock. A rock with slutty red toenails.

I tried everything else, so the toenails must be it. The last time I was home (which was in the summer and just after the last time I was kissable) I got a pedicure. Since the last time I got any love from a boy preceded my last pedicure, I'm thinking that the little Vietnamese, or Filipino, or Laotian or whatever pan-asian woman who scrubbed and rubbed my feet might have scrubbed and rubbed away my magic... This is a sound form of logic... I'm convinced of it! So a little change for the piggies has to be it, right? So we went to Walgreens tonight and I saw some very slutty red nail polish with a very slight sheen, which was just entirely too perfect to pass up, so here I am with my slutty toes. (I think they will look fabulous in my fabulous Charles David open-toed Barbie shoes when I get back to the city where I left them.) This is my last vestigial theory, so if this one doesn't work out and ends up falling by the wayside, I'm in REAL trouble. (Which isn't to suggest that I don't think my current state isn't entirely 100% trouble to begin with.)

Yes, I am aware that I am obsessing over this quite a bit, but I think that given the circumstances a little bit of obsession is warranted. So, yes, my current state is obsessive, pathetic, action-less, slutty-toed, whiny, and TROUBLE.

Part of me already feels sorry for the next boy who deems me worthy of making out with... It will almost definitely go down one of two possible ways; either A) I will be totally unable to control myself and I will end up swallowing his tongue, or B) I will have totally forgotten what I'm supposed to do in that situation and I will have to end up playing possum (and yes, I am aware that the animal name is actually spelled with an O, but I think for this term it's just a P...) (Besides, nothing starts with an O these days... and if you just got that joke, I want to thank you for being here and reading this! And if you didn't get it, then don't let it keep you up nights... because it likely won't... ba-dum-bum.) and should I play possum, my tongue will lay there like a dead carp or somthing-or-other and I will then stand there with a face as red as a baboon's ass, waiting for the ground to open up and swallow me... And knowing my luck, I get the distinct uneasy feeling that IF I should ever get back on the proverbial horse it will almost certainly be with some random guy who ends up being a horrible kisser and wants to lick my forehead, or bite my nose, or something equally weird and gross. (I've got that kind of luck when I've got any luck at all)

The last paragraph had entirely too many animal references... opossums and horses and baboons! Oh my! (Oh god, did I just make that joke? Please say it isn't so!) With that joke I have come to the realization that I'm slowly turning into my mom... (Which is NOT entirely bad, but it's too much to get into right now... that's a whole other entry.) I love you mom.

================================

QOTD
12.28.04 - "I can't talk now, Kirsten is helping me cover a hickie, but she wants me to tell you she'll call you soon!" ~ Little "Pippen" Tricia "Juancho" McLinden (At least someone is gettin some real life lovin!)

I must be some sick kind of masochist.

Despite my knowledge and loathing of my drought, I torture myself. It's been 160 days since a boy has even kissed me as we all too painfully know... And in spite of knowing this, how am I spending my free time at the homestead? That's right, I'm watching whole seasons of "Sex and the City" in one sitting. Yep, I guess I've come to be of the belief that if I can't get any kind of lovin, I might as well watch other neurotic women get action and then either find a way to screw it up themselves, or to come to the inevitable conclusion that men really suck. Yeah, if I can't have it, I'll watch other people have it for a little bit (thus masochistically torturing myself) and then watch it crumble (being a little bit of a relationship sadist for the fictional world)... This is my life. (And I'm really starting to think that I really suck at it.)

Everyone who has been so kind as to tell me that I'll make it through this dry spell, give me advice on how to break it, how to get through it, etc... well, if you're not my mom, you all certainly sound like her. Examples:

1. No, Liz, you're beautiful...
   
2. You're funny, smart, cute, and any boy that can't see that doesn't deserve you.
3. You're going to look hot and you're going to go out and some boy is just going to throw himself at you.
4. If your bra and panties match, you can rule the world, and nothing can stand in your way.
5. If you just stop thinking about it, and relax it will happen.
6. It's gonna happen as soon you least expect it.
7. You don't suck at life.
8. You're a talented, sweet, loving, giving, genuine girl, boys don't know how to respond to that these days.
9. Oh, I know this cute guy... I could set you up!
   
10. Well, you've always got Dave.

To these 10 most commonly heard lines, I must almost invariably reply the same 10 ways:

1. Thank you for saying so, but I disagree... and apparently so do all the acceptable boys on the face of the earth, so at least I agree with them on something!
2. They might not deserve me, but I deserve to at least make out with one of them, right?
3. I've looked hot every time I've gone out in the last 160 days and look where that's gotten me.
4. I have worn matched bras and panties every time I've gone out in the last 160 days and look where that's gotten me.
5. I was relaxed until day 125, when I realized it had been that long since anything had happened... and in that 125 days of relaxation and not thinking about it, I got nothing then either.
6. (See #5 and change to "Not thinking about it for 125 days")
7. I do suck at life and apparently the men can smell the pathetic on me... it's like a 160 day old musk!
8. Boys might not know how to respond to my good qualities, but what am I supposed to do? Not be so awesome?
   
9. The "cute guys" are NEVER cute.... they end up being like Santana or Favier.
10. Yes, Dave loves me, and I love Dave... but I've got one word for you: BALTIMORE.

I highly doubt that there will be any kissin on New Year's, so that leaves me holding out hope for Florida... if I get nothing there, GOD HELP ME!

I am convinced that I have a form of adult- conversational- A.D.D.

======================

You know what? I got Play Doh for Christmas and you didn't. And that makes me cooler than you.

======================

I had a post a while back full of things that I randomly thought up during the day... and today I got the answer to one of the questions I've wondered for quite some time about! I had always wondered if people who are raised in a bi-lingual household, when they are thinking to themselves in their head, which language they thought in... and today I got to ask Mendez... (Spanish and English speaker, on the off chance that you are either new, or were illiterate until now.) And so now I finally know... she thinks in English.

======================

A boy I used to be friends with once told me that I had a cute nose and that he wanted to bite it... I just thought about that today for no particular reason, and I'm still a little weirded out by it... and I still don't understand how it was supposed to be a compliment as he said it was. (I'm very befuddled)

======================

"Befuddled" is a great word. And it doesn't get nearly enough play!

======================

I am getting new socks tomorrow. I couldn't be happier about this! Although it doesn't mean I'll be throwing out all my old socks... even though they are all the same and most the ones I'd be throwing out have holes in them. (I'll probably throw out the ones with the BIG holes.)

======================

By BIG holes, I mean big enough to get a whole toe through...

======================

Why are you still reading my mumblings?

======================

I love Bill Murray... I'd love him even if he wasn't a Cubs fan, (but since he IS a Cubs fan, he's that much more awesome!)

======================

I forgot to wish Mendez a Happy Birthday back on 12/22 and that makes me an asshole... Sorry Mendez, Hope you had a good one kiddo. We're still homies.

======================

I like grape kool-aid... and I drank A LOT of it in the the last couple days... perhaps a little too much.

======================

I like BINGO... I miss going over to the clubhouse at the Glenmary counrty club with my brother and step-sister and playing BINGO when we were kids... that was fun, even though we never won.

======================

I don't know if it's bad that I think 20 bucks is expensive for a plain white tank top... I am still willing to pay it, but I don't like it! (But it is a nice tank top... not like a wifebeater or anything)

======================

I can't find my hairbrush. This is a big problem. I didn't brush my hair at all on Christmas day. (I just threw it up in a bun so that nobody would notice... and they didn't!!)

======================

My brother's girlfriend saw a picture of me being all tan from a summer of lifeguarding and said I looked like Malibu Barbie. (I disagree... I wish I had Malibu Barbie's legs... even if they only bend 15 degrees)

======================

My mom is trying to poison me with expired toothpaste... (Likely laced with cyanide!)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(Ya jerks!)
(Just kiddin)

(Don't be so sensitive.)

(You'd only be jerks if you celebrated Kwanzaa...)

(And to Mendez, Feliz Navidad... because she speaks Mexican!)


=================================

QOTD

12.25.04 - "Liz, no matter how many girls I date, or how much I like this Karen chick, you're the girl for me!" ~Dave

12.26.04 - "By the way how's the drought going?" ~ Dave, roughly 3 seconds later.

12.27.04 - "Liz, I'm gonna get you the best Christmas present ever... Do you want an Ipod?" ~Dave (Very drunk, but very lovable... I do want an Ipod, but I REALLY don't expect dave to get me one... I think this was one of his famous drunken offerings that I'd never think of holding him to.)

===================================

That's right kids, we heard from the ever-elusive Dave.

===================================

My sister went to my dad's without me. (All because it took me 20 minutes to return her phone call.) I'm sure that my dad will be upset, but I made an effort in the morning, and I think that should count for something!! (Oh, and Dave wants me to kick his dad's ass, although I don't know why... but if he's going to allow me to call in a couple favors and have it done by other people I know, that's fine... as I doubt I'd be able to manage it myself, despite being the scrapper I am.)

===================================

PS - I am aware that Mexicans speak Spanish... when I said Mendez spoke Mexican, that was a joke. (Lighten up!)

I promised that I'd tell you all about "That Guy" (If you don't recall, please refer to the TOTD section of the post from a couple days ago.)

So what is "That Guy?"
"That Guy" originally referred to any incident on TV or film where you find yourself watching a movie or show and you are confronted with an actor/actress who seems to be in everything. The actor/actress in question usually inhabits some small role, (supporting characters, cameo appearances, etc... the stuff these folks gotta do to pay the bills.) and while you can place them in other roles, you can't actually NAME them. Thus these actors/actresses are referred to as "That Guy" as in "You know, THAT GUY, from Shawshank Redemption..." or "Oh, hey, isn't that THAT GUY from that one John Cusack movie?"

"That Guys" are often referred to by their better-known co-stars. And some of the "That Guys" have become so legendary as to make it into the "That Guy Hall of Fame." But of course since it's full of all those actors we just can't name, the list of inductees isn't available... and even if I did give you names, the "That guys" aren't big enough that you'd really recognize them by name only anyway. You get the idea.

Bing Crosby is the devil... He and his WHITE CHRISTMAS MUST BE STOPPED!

I just shoveled my driveway... No, I don't have the longest driveway known to man, but I'll tell you something, when it's buried under a 3 foot thick snow drift, it feels a WHOLE LOT LONGER. And by the end, I stood there in the slush at the end of the driveway, where the concrete meets the asphalt, and I literally cursed Bing and his most famous song. I need to look into finding out something in the way of lodging a formal complaint against the Crosby estate... because I can do without a white christmas. And all those girls I go to school with? The ones who always talk about how much they love the snow? Yeah, I curse them too because they only love the snow since they've never had to shovel through 36 inch drifts of it.

The State Police are all telling everyone to stay home. There are people on the interstate who have been trapped in their cars for 30 hours... and yet, my (pregnant) sister with 2 year old in tow still seems hell-bent on going to Louisville for the Holiday. Well, it's her 4 wheel drive, and I've got the time, so I think we're going... God help us. (Do expect a full recounting of the trip, and exactly how long it takes us)

=========================

QOTD - "I think that hell actually has frozen over, and the devil was giving me a preview of coming attractions by forcing me to shovel the driveway today... I gotta stop making fun of people!"

HOLIDAYS MAKE PEOPLE STUPID.

Yep, that's right, holidays make people stupid. (And not just the winter holidays, although they do seem to be the embodiment of stupidity.) It seems to me that around any holiday you really seem to note more incidents of readily available stupidity. Want examples? FINE...

• People become desperate to fall in love with someone to share a holiday as opposed to being alone again... STUPID.
• People blowing their fingers (or other body parts, or body parts of friends) off playing with fireworks... STUPID.
• People driving in 18 inches of snow to go to the mall to wrap up the holiday shopping... VERY STUPID.
• People burning their houses down trying to deep fry a turkey... STUPID.
• People paying $100 or more to go to one bar for the evening so that you can be in the company of others who spent entirely too much on an evening that is merely celebrating that we are still smart enough to count down from 10. (But apparently not smart enough to save our money...) STUPID.

These are just a few examples I'm sure you can think of more if you try. (I think this is me being a bit of a scrooge, because right now I'm snowed in and I can only handle so much Bing Crosby and re-runs of a Muppet Christmas Carol (And I like the muppets more than most!) ... It's like knowing that TNT airs 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" and committing yourself to watching it on loop for the whole 24 hours... it gets to be a little much. So I'm being a grinch right now. You'll deal.

================================

I don't like that telemarketers are now calling my cell phone.
THEY MUST BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS!!!

================================

I saw an extended trailer for "White Noise" and I'm telling you all now, that if the movie holds up to the trailer even the slightest bit (and I think it will) then this has to be the most terrifying movie ever made. I'm not kidding you, the extended trailer REALLY made me want to soil myself. This will undoubtedly be one of those movies that gives you nightmares for months on end... and will I see it despite knowing this? Most likely. [sigh]

================================

QOTD

12.21.04 - "I bought you new stuff because I know when you put it on you'll look good, and you'll feel good, and some boy is gonna come up to you and say 'Come here baby!' and you'll totally make out!" ~ Mom. (Yes the drought has gotten bad enough that my mom has gone on sympathy buying trips.)

12.22.04 - "I tried to get 007Taco, but it wouldn't let me!" ~ My big brother and his name for trivia at BW3's

12.23.04 - "THUNDER SNOW!!!"

================================

TOTD

Mono - "Life in Mono" (I've had this one on loop for an hour and it gets better every time around... It's one of those "That Guy" songs. I'll have to explain "That Guy" to all of you in my readership who don't actively read Bill Simmons... But that's for another day.)

Hoobastank - "Crawling in the Dark" (This was probably their biggest hit before "The Reason" when all of a sudden EVERYBODY liked Hoobastank)

Pete Yorn - "Come Back Home" (Oh, Pedro.)

After my last post I got curious as to when we last heard from Daver... So, I just checked things out, and we haven't had so much as a comment from Dave since December 2 (on the 11/30/ post) and we haven't had a Dave post since November 19. WOW. SLACKER. Nobody's that busy. (He started a draft on 12.14, but apparently was too busy to finish it and/or actually post it... I blame those crazy snowboarding federales. I'm going to be really upset unless I find out Dave was selected to be a contestant on Supermarket Sweep, or something like that.

You make me nervous.

The semester is all over now. THANK GOD. My system was so thrown off by all that studying and whatnot that the weekend was pretty much ruined. Basically I don't think I've ever slept that much over the course of a two day period. Friday, after my second final I went to work, then came home and slept. I got up in time to go out, got all gussied up for the masses, had Mendez (who was WASTED!), Joshua, Alana, Ben, over [Edited at request] and we had a few rounds around the peninsula and after a while we realized that it was midnight, so if were going out, we needed to get on it. So we headed for the el... and we didn't get on a train. Yup, drama kept us from getting on a train. That is something we won't get into... but suffice it to say that I was not pleased about having put forth all the effort to make myself presentable in addition to the cost of the roughly 2 pounds of makeup I put on... (Just kidding, it was really only about a pound and a half.) and then we didn't even end up going out to the bars. (Like I noted in my away message, I don't think Friday should be counted against me because lord knows that in spite of my total exhaustion, I put forth the effort, and it was not my fault that we never made it to the bars as I had planned... this is why I was disgruntled the other night, and I have not intention of really getting into it, because I'm not salty, shit happens, and it's over now.)

Saturday I got up, went to the post office, got made fun of by a homeless guy, went to the bookstore where I was promptly violated. (Apparently I so grossly abused my books by NOT opening them, that they were devalued to the point of being worth only 62 dollars... down significantly from the original 450 I paid.) This is madness. Then I went to work, and you all know how that goes... On my way home I stopped to pick up some hot pockets ... (they're on sale this week, you know) and that pretty much brings us up to speed, because I've done little more than sleep, watch televised sports, and do some recreational reading. (As you should all know by now, this was my intended plan for how to best spend the break) Me gusta mucho! (Probaby not proper spanish I know, but I really don't give a damn)

================================

I (Heart) James Franko

================================

Dave has been abducted by the yetties again!

================================

As for the drought, I'm tired of people telling me to just relax, and not think about it. Believe me when I tell you that relaxing and not thinking about it is an impossibility. After 152 it's all I can do to keep from making out with the TV whenever there's a hot guy on... P.S. I've noticed that Calvin Klein perfume commercials are the hardest to watch. And believe it or not, the commercials for erectile dysfunction come in second. (And I'm kinda weirded out by the fact I'm even bothered by old folks kissin.)

================================

QOTD
12.18.04 - [Edited at request.]

12.19.04 - "I come from an African American family, Gina. Fried chicken is what kills my people." ~ Crystal Page, courtesy of Sarah V.

12.20.o4 - "I'm starting to think I live in a musical... People around me just randomly burst into song. I swear if I see someone bust out a tap solo, I'm checkin everywhere for cameras." ~Emily S.

================================

TOTD
Plumb - "Damaged"

Avion - "Seven Days Without You"

Massive Attack - "Teardrop"

I think my fortune cookie called me a sucker... I got both fortunes in the same damn cookie... First off, the odds of getting 2 fortunes in one cookie are pretty slim... The odds of getting these two together has to mean something.

I am officially disgruntled.

Disgruntled is offically defined as 1) Discontented. 2) in a sulky state of dissatisfaction.

So, I am not salty, I am disgruntled... but it's 3:18, so we'll get into this later.

It's 11:37, I should be reviewing for my consumer psych final (which is my only non-8:30 final, instead being at 1:45,) but I am too tired to absorb any information, so I figure this is an equally good way to spend a few minutes. I hate to be repetitive to those of you who have been around me lately, and I hate to keep being "Debbie Downer" but this no sleep business SUCKS ASS. I'd say if I had to guess how much sleep I've had since last Saturday, I'd guess in the range of about 18 hours... Sleeping the standard 8 hour night for the same amount of days would mean I should have at least 48. Which means that I'm operating on nearly 2/3 total sleep deprivation. QUALITY.

Basically, that means that once I do crank this last bitch of a test out, I'm going to work, where I will do very little, and then I will go home... And I WILL SLEEP. (Although I've note entirely ruled out going out and/or drinking this evening... Because the drought does take precedence.)

Ok, enough of this malarkey, it's time to get back to business and go review so I can bitchslap this last final... Stupid bloody consumer psychology... I don't want to think about mindful mass marketing strategies, and the combinatorial methods of Fishbein and Aijen, and the reasoned action theory... it's all a buncha hooey!

I shoulda gone to clown college. (I'd be a straight A student)

===================================

A Very Special Birthday Shoutout to Christine K.

It's Chris' Birthday!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

A fabulous new game! It's PIMPTASTIC! (Thanks Sally)
Second, third and fourth levels are awesome. (First one is kinda cracked out.)
And you can even shoot craps while you wait!

Jennie sent me this Thursday. I've seen it now in a couple of different forms, Chris K. has another form of it in her office, but I still found the little diddy applicable either way:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

So Yeah, I think that applies.

Quotes are up to date, here are tracks.

Jane Siberry - "It Can't Rain All the Time"

U2 - "Electrical Storm"

(I know too many Jennie, Jenny, Jennifer, Jens... and that's a fact.)

We've had another comment from mystery boy spotted! And I still don't know who this fellow is. This is craziness... I WANNA KNOW who this person is!!!

As for finals, 4 down and 2 to go. I'm still trying to figure out how I scheduled my courses so that I didn't have anything before 10:30 AM (And yes, I did this with the very specific knowledge that I DON'T FUNCTION WELL BEFORE 11 AM EVER...) and yet somehow the university thinks it's really funny to mess with my like-minded fellow students and me by arranging the finals schedule to be as follows; Monday 8:30 final followed by turning in a project, Tuesday 8:30 final, Wednesday no finals for anyone (Study day for EVERYONE) Thursday 8:30 final. Friday 8:30 final and 1:00 final... so 4 out of my 5 actual finals were scheduled for 8:30... as for that last one, well, I think it's only because we have that study day off, so an 8:30 was impossible. Meanwhile all those kids who have had 8:30 classes all along? Yeah, they have finals at 10:30 and 1:00 WHY????? SOMEONE EXPLAIN THE LOGIC!

I should be studying, but if I didn't put up these quotes now, I would forget them, and we'd all be at a loss.

QOTD
12.16.04 -
Liz: "...and I blame all of that for my lackadaisical attitude towards attending classes even now, and if you ask me, I'm still doing pretty well for myself."
Jen Mendez: "wo wo wo did you just make up a word?"
Liz: "No."
Jen Mendez: "Leave that genius lingo at home [Last name redacted]!"

12.17.04 - (E. Kang's away message) So I'm waitin in line at Dominicks & there's this old asian woman in front of me in line staring at me. So I'm like okay whatever. She says to me, "you look like my dead son." I'm like woah... but i ignore her. She turns around again & says, "when I leave, can you please say 'bye mom' to me?"
Okay so I'm totally weirded out but i decided to do it to be nice.
I say it and she leaves. Next thing I hear is "That'll be $101.78." I'm like what? He says, "You're mom said you would take care of her grocery bill."
I'm like, "No fucken way!" So I book out the door into the parking lot. I'm looking around and I see her getting into her car. I run over there and open the door, but she's trying to close it. I finally get a hold of her leg and I try pulling on it. I keep pulling and pulling on it like I'm pulling your leg right now.

(Now that's quality.)

No time for a real post... I must [gulp] STUDY [GASP!]

But here are your regular features


QOTD
12.15.04 - "Damn that Chuck Norris!" ~ Dave V.


TOTD
Prince - When Doves Cry

There's nothing funny about it...

Yeah, we all know that I've gone through a drought of epic proportions lately, that's no secret. (I knew it was big when I had to start physically turning away from commercials where people kiss... and when I subconsciously knew this had been going on long enough that I felt the need to track down a calendar and actually count the days...) But Now, I fear is has become an even more significant problem. Why you ask? Because I have been trying to slowly generate some interest in this page among my friends, acquaintances, and cohorts... unfortunately my constant focus on the drought has pulled my focus off of what is really important. HUMOR. Ok, yeah, to the casual reader there is some comedy in my suffering, and the occasional recounting of my nights out which all end the same way, but seriously, if I expect to generate ANY new readership, I've really gotta step the comedy back up. Sorry guys, my apologies.

Hey, if I thought I could use the drought as a constant source of humor for the benefit of my readership, I'd keep this up as long as the jokes held out... but I think we all know that at this point, there's REALLY nothing funny about it.

But for those of you who have suffered along with me, poring over every miserable word, I thank you for your personal fortitude. And to the readers who bailed on me because I temporarily lost my touch, well you can go suck on an egg!

Day 146 - Ben came over early in the afternoon to pick up his bag and to let me know that the bet was caled off. As he put it "It was null because we didn't get to go out at all, so it's only fair to give you a fair shake, you know... it's only sportsman-like" The remainder of my day was spent being lazy, watching televised sports, followed by extensive ALL NIGHT study session with Mendez for Brain & Behavior. And as much as we might have laughed about nonsensical info on the brain contained in the book and notes, it was not as pleasant as anyone in earshot might imagine. (Though studying with Mendez made the overall studying and test taking experience as painless as was really possible.)

Day 147 - Spent taking test, turning in project, and napping. That's all.

*NOTE* - Walking into a weekend knowing that you're not going to go out at all because you've got to work and study, and thus not have any chance of gettin any action is not a positive way to segue into finals week. It kinda takes the wind out of your sails and blows your confidence.

================================

I have noticed that I've been having the most cracked out dreams lately. I don't know if finals week has me all wigged out, and that's what has been causing the bizarre crap in my dreams, or what... but I don't like it.

================================

As for Loyola playing North Carolina, well, I'll just say that I love my boys, but WOW. And I'll also say that to lose by only 49 points was a gift... I mean as much as we might try to spin it positively, there's just no way to paint this picture in a pleasant light... here's what I'm talking about Loyola's article on the game in question and North Carolina's version of events. Yeah, there's only so much the wordsmithery of the sports info department can do.

================================

Hey people, what do I want for Christmas???? (Seriously, tell me what I might want... I don't even have the first clue)

================================

QOTD
12.13.04 - "NO ME GUSTA!" (This was a sentence that could frequently be heard during the B&B all-night study session... and it kinda captured the overall sentiment of finals week in general in addition to the specific final)

12.14.04 -
Nate: "How are you doing?"
Liz: "Ehhhh."
Nate: "Why only 'Ehhhh?' What, did all your husbands leave you?"
(Yes, yes they have all left me to fester and rot all semester long.)

Saturday - 145.

A little bit more about Thursday night with Ben & Alana; we had a few rounds at the apartment, as usual, then we went down the street to the Andersonville/Clark St. bars rather than Southport... (Trying to change things up in an effort to get things going.) We went to Hopleaf, (A bar I don't like,) and we chatted up our table-neighbors. (I actually got the chance to introduce myself to a guy by saying "Hi, I'm pathetic, nice to meet you." This isn't something I would normally do, but it went with the conversation... so I took the chance.) After a little debate about the mexi-man from last weekend, along came the bet. So Ben just out & out says he thinks I'll make it to at least 175. Alana originally said she'd take that bet, then she upped the ante as I said by changing the deadline to 4 AM Saturday. We then saw a guy who was giving me the eye, he was bordering on unacceptable, but since desperate times call for desperate measures, I was considering grabbing him and doing the bare minimum just to prove Ben wrong and win the bet for Alana... But then Ben spilled his beer all over himself, and looked like he peed his pants, so we had to leave. Damn.

Friday was a super productive day though. I got up, went to both of my classes, filed for graduation, filed all the necessary paperwork for my minor, (only a couple months late) went and spent a while in the jewelry lab, went to work, and got kissed by a boy. (Yes, you read that right! ...But alas the drought still continues. Please allow me to explain.) Yep, I was standing in the cage, talking to Erin about the drought, when Dan comes walking down the hall... So as a joke I turned and said "Now THAT'S a boy I could make out with!" and I turn back to my conversation... well out of nowhere Dan comes up, grabbed my face and kissed me. I was too shocked and suprised by it to take advantage of such an opportunity, so since it wasn't a make-out kind of kiss, the drought officially continues. Double damn.

Saturday I got up, went to the game, worked for a bit, talked to the other cage girls, came home and painted up a storm. I cranked out my theology final project... (I put together one of the worst pieces of art I've EVER done, and I will disavow any knowledge of after this semester. But here's how I look at it, Theology professors don't know a damn thing about technical grading of art, and I have a feeling this prof will be especially generous... and slapping together a piece of worthless art beats writing an 8+ page paper any day!) And I also worked on the next piece in my flower series, and watched some movies... you know, fun stuff.

That's all really. Nothing interesting, or funny as usual, sorry.

================================

While I was talking to the girls at work today I came to the sudden realization that I have not gone on a real rant in quite some time! I mean REALLY, it's been a while! Ok, yes, my daily whining about not getting any action kinda adds up to be a rant, but the thing is, I've not had a big out & out rant for quite a while now. But it's coming. I promise you... IT'S COMING.

================================

Dave honey, I'm going to need your address again... I accidentally tossed the piece of paper that I originally wrote it down on... I know your name, and your street (Because it's funny) and that's all I've got... if you want your Christmas present you're gonna need to send that my way again. (That might mean you'll have to e-mail me, or heaven forbid, call my punk ass... but you know it'll be worth it, if only because you get a present for it.)

================================

QOTD
12.12.04 - "You guys are exchanging laundry stories? You've gotten that desperate for conversation topics? Wow, that's an all time conversational low... but I guess you were bound to reach it sometime." ~Alan

================================

TOTD (I'm already one behind, so you kids get a few today... so I'm ahead of the game going into finals week)

Lit - "Perfect One" - I seem to have a predeliction for obscure bands and one-hit wonders. Well this band was a one or two hit wonder, and neither of the hits were really THAT huge... and this song isn't one of the hits, so chances are you've not heard it. Give it a listen.

Joan Osbourne - "Lumina" - You might have a slight recollection of Joan Osbourne... she was a one-hit wonder with the song "What if God Was One of Us" and this song is from the same album... I think Lumina is arguably the best song on the whole album... A quality mellow tune.

Beth Hart - "L.A. Song" - Sticking with the obsure artist theme I've got going here, I really enjoyed this tune when it had a brief stint of radio airplay back home (And after many years of owning this album and loving this song, I'm still trying to figure out how the hell any DJs in Evansville ever found out about this tune!) I also rather enjoy the track "Skin" from the same album.

Pink Floyd - "Comfortably Numb" - I'm breaking the theme here, but going with an old standby favorite! It's really impossible to listen to this song and not like it. (This was the first Pink Floyd song I ever heard, and I originally only heard it as a cover... but this song is the reason I came to like Floyd!)

================================

With that folks, I leave you to go study for my finals... (RIIIIIGHT, like I'm actually going to do any studying!)

I called Dave, he's fine... not abducted by pygmies, leprachauns, or, rastafarians. Thank goodness.

Class, work, dinner with Spoolie... followed by Thursday night drinkin.

Ben bet against me. The original bet was that I'd make it to day 175... then Alana upped the ante and made the bet expire at 4 AM on Saturday morning... So basically I have to make out with SOMEONE tomorrow... at this point it's become a matter of principle.

QOTD for today was just too foul to actually type up and publish for the masses... (Really!! I seriously wanted to vomit) But if you really want to know about it, I'll tell you, just ask.

I think Dave has been kidnapped by terrorists, or hamsters, or a coconut disguised as a terrorist or a hamster, or something... every day when I check my e-mail and such, I look to see if someone has sent me a message demanding some kind of ransom (although I'm poor so I don't know what they'd be asking me for) but it when it shows up it will undoubtedly include a picture of my Dave, blindfolded, clutching a teddy bear in one hand and a copy of today's New York Times in the other.

I worry about that boy!

Dave, if you can read this, stay away from terrorists, hamsters, and coconuts!!

Shaun is all pissed off because he seems to think he was misquoted. Well you know what I have to say to that? Stop being a whiny bitch and deal with it! (but since you're my boss I'd say it with enough respect to not get fired... but really, if you fired me you'd be up shit creek without a paddle, and I have a feeling you'd be doing a lot more laundry yourself!) But Shaun's complaint prompted me to see if I needed to make a revision in the announcement of quote of the day, noting a paraphrase or something, and I actually checked on that, and if you will kindly refer to the first entry in which QOTD is posted (I've linked to it here for ease of navigation) please note that I did in fact make the provision that quotes might not be exact, but if you have a problem you can certainly present me with the problem and a suggestion for wording on the needed revision. So, basically I just told you where you can stick it.

===============================

I was recently talking to SIDintern, Ms Jennifer Westfall about some things, and we got to talking about hair. No, not like "Oh, how am I going to do my hair for the big dance" or "I think I want to drop out of college and sweep hair at a salon for a living" but a phenomenon which occurs when dealing with human hair. Human hair is considered sexy, beautiful, etc. as long as it's still attached to the head. People enjoy running their fingers through the hair of people they know well, and love, people they are friendly and/or intimate with, but the second the hair is no longer attached to the head it suddenly becomes dirty and gross. Think about it, when you find a hair on your clothes, or your sofa, or the floor, even if it's yours or belonging to someone you know and love, you still consider it gross. Funny how the one second between when the hair is on the head and when the hair is on anything else makes something that was otherwise attractive suddenly so repulsive.

*Please note that this entry is ony referring to the hair above the shoulders... so no comments about other hair please.

================================

Ok, so I've talked to about 80 people about the yetti-face-ripping scenario. I didn't keep any formal written results, but based on observed trends, here's what I can tell you:

• Boys were about 2 times more likely to be ok with looking like Richard Simmons for the rest of their lives than girls.
• About 2/3 of the people who said they would rather look like Richard Simmons also said something about using their new face to capitalize on his fame.
• A few people (myself included) who said they would rather have no face said that they would definitely write a book about having no face, and go on Oprah and Montel. (Maury really only does paternity tests anymore, so he's out.)
• A few responses didn't really fit into either category. For example; Ray-ray said that she'd walk around with a bag on her head that had a smiley face on it. Kippy said she would like to combine the options and have Richard Simmons' fro, but would rather have no face.
• About 1/3 of all surveyed said they would rather kill themselves than live with either option.
• Sally Howell has a crush on Richard Simmons because she digs the hair and the shorty shorts.
• Male athletes were more likely than other males to choose Richard's face (Especially those on the volleyball team... weird.)

================================

Day 142: I've got clean socks again! And somebody is trying to scam my grandpa! (WE CAN'T HAVE THAT! Nobody messes with my Grandpa Oscar!)

Still nothing from mystery boy, and still no boy. (That's no shocker though) And I do think it's safe to say that if I make it to 200, I'm going to need some serious therapy, because we all know I don't wanna call old-mexi-man from the other night to solicit the favor from him... Oh wow... even just typing that caused me to throw up in my mouth a bit.

================================

QOTD
12.7.04 - "I can't sing, you'd throw things at me... now while I' m very hungry in a cafeteria I might take you up on that, I don't think I'll take my chances in the jewelry lab where you're armed with a torch, sharp things, and heavy blunt objects" ~Lydia

12.8.04 - "Ok, so in this scenario, I'm living in the Yukon. There is a golf course nearby, but it's covered in snow, so it's closed, I live in a cabin out in the woods, where I cook, and hunt for game, but I don't occupy the rest of my time making package bombs or stuff like that, right? [Yes.] Ok, well do I rape men who pass by in the woods? Because I don't want to have any part of this scenario if I gotta rape men." ~Schultzie.

12.9.04 - "I raped your rooster!" ~Random IM from ex roommate Emily.

================================

TOTD - Ozzy Osbourne's "Mama I'm Comin' Home" -Classic, You know it.

================================

I (Y) Jerry Orbach!

Day 141. Still no action, still no word from the mystery boy, still no socks.

That's right, I have no socks... well I have no remaining clean pairs of the socks I like to wear. Tomorrow is laundry day though! (Shhh, don't tell!)

But as for Tuesday, I got up, turned in the paper that I did last night, and then I spent 7 hours in the jewelry lab. Yeah, that's right, 7 STRAIGHT HOURS. RIDICULOUS. But I did get a whole lot done.

Then I came home, only to have the weirdest conversation ever with good ol' fatty (aka Becky) about llamas, the Swedish national anthem, pandas, the JFK assassination and the "magic bullet theory", yetties, Canadian government-subsidized healthcare, and Richard Simmons... (I swear! Every single one of those things was involved in that order in the conversation! There was also a t-rex with laser eyes involve in there somewhere too...) But after that conversation I was left curious about something, so I began to informally poll people with the following question:

Ok, you have been mauled by a pack of wild yetties, and your face is ripped off in the attack, You now have the option of living the rest of you life either with no face at all, or spending the rest of your life with the face of Richard Simmons, what do you do?

(At present this is still an informal survey, but I've already begun to notice areally interesting correlation between certain lifestyle demographic characteristics and which optoin is chosen... please feel free to contribute your two cents to the whole thing!)

I know I'm behind on quotes, and I've got some good ones, but I don't feel like tracking them down to post them... you'll get them soon enough. (Remember all those times when I was early... yeah, so be forgiving!)

Day 140 was actually pretty productive.

I actually went to 3 out of my 4 classes, (and I actually had a valid reason to opt out of the 4th) I ran by work, and played some cards, shot the shit for a little bit, and wished my B-ball girls luck (sorry that didn't pan out better for you ladies!) I then headed in the general direction of my home, I went to the bank, and when I finally came home I found out that my new knickers had arrived, and then I came to the sudden realization that the paper that I thought was due Thursday was actually, in fact, due tomorrow... er, today rather... Tuesday.

When you come to the realization that you have to write up a somewhat lenghthy consumer psych marketing report analyzing how Nokia could utilize different marketing strategies to boost phone sales, because it's due the following morning, you generally get right on it, right? Yeah, not me. I took a nap.

When I woke up, I had dinner, contacted people I have consumer psychology with, and I tossed around a couple ideas, and then got started. I finished by about 3, and here I am.

================================

I would like to note that there has been much discussion and speculation about the identity of the mystery boy. For those of you who don't recall "mystery boy" refer to the entry for 12.4 which begins with "Ok, so I'm back to loving boys..."

And mystery boy has still made no attempt to contact me and let me know who he really is. (Mystery boy, if you're reading this, you can still email me at eschell@luc.edu, and I promise to keep your identity mysterious to everybody else ... but for the love of god, this is making me NUTS!)

================================

Track of the day - "Novacaine for the Soul" by the Eels
You might have a very slight recollection of this one from several years ago... more likely that you don't but there's a slight chance.

And the Sahara has grown by yet another weekend... (I blame Jennifer because she said the d-word before we went out... thus jinxing it all.)

We went to lakeview lounge, which was kinda scary, then down to southport, and we ended up in Messner's. It was at Messner's where Alana accidentally stepped backwards, and her heel crunched a bone in my foot. We went to the ladies room, where some random drunk girl suggested I put my foot in the sink and run cold water over it... (There's only one sink in the bathroom, so even if that would've fixed anything, which obviously it wouldn't, I wouldn't have put my foot all up in the only sink.) So yeah, I've got another drunken injury to my credit.

We came out of the bathroom, grabbed a seat, and proceeded to get hit on by... well... nobody. And just when I had resigned myself to another boy-less night out (with a broken foot), which has become all too typical for me lately, things got worse. A short little middle-aged mexican fellow, sits next to Ben and tries to strike up a conversation with us. (Side note: As if it isn't hard enough to hear someone in a crowded bar, add in a very thick accent which makes the person that much harder to understand, then combine that with the fact that the guy is old enough to be your dad, and in general, not what you're looking for, but he sat down anyway and stayed... pretty much killing even the slightest glimmer of hope to get hit on by any respectable boys... you getting the picture?) And so the whole night is becoming increasingly bleak.

Don't get me wrong, I know how to give the unwanted guys a blowoff, even in periods of severe drought and desperation, but old mexican guy was buying drinks... and not just for me, but for my friends as well. And so I basically took a hit for the team, sacrificing my high hopes for making out with a cute boy, so that my friends and I could keep drinking without incurring great expense, and those of you who have been out to the Chicago bars know that it can be quite an expense (especially for poor college kids!) And at the end of the night Mexi-man gave me his card, with his number scrawled on the back of it in kindergarten-style print, with words misspelled, and the number hardly readable. (I half expected one of the letters in his name to be printed backwards... it's that bad) If I suddenly obtain access to a scanner, I'm scanning in this card so that everyone else can see too! REALLY! And I definitely gave him the rejection hotline phone number. (Ben got kinda upset with me for that... but I'll be damned if I'm gonna have a dirty old guy like that calling my real number... we don't need a repeat of the Santana incident!)

So we got into a cab, and began our ride home, and our cabbie definitely got into a little fender bender out in front of Nick's (which we opted to skip in light of our cabbie's poor, yet supposedly sober, driving skills... and this is supposed to convince me that I'm better off with a DD? Well yeah, I am better off with a DD, but WOW! This is just nuts.)

And today I woke up with a limp, an old mexican's phone number, and another quality drunken adventure story for the masses... It's all for you kids!!

================================

QOTD
12.5.04 - "Oh, you know what you should do, put your foot in the sink, and run cold water over it... because you know it only takes 10 pounds of pressure to break a foot!" ~Drunk girl in the bathroom at the bar... I don't know how she thought cold water would fix my foot, but that was her advice!

QOTD for 12.6.04 is a conversation I had with Nate G. about his away message, as for quotes, take from it what you will:
Nate: "my roommates just found out I could fart on command... they were pleasantly surprised"
Liz: "how is that possible? you can just compel gasses to move through your system at will, so that it reaches your bottom at the commanded time? I mean it's different for burping on command... that's on the other end of the system! I'm impressed man, REALLY."
Nate: "i suck it in... from my butt"
Liz: "ummm, I don't know whether to be totally grossed out or really impressed"
Nate: "yeah, neither do most people"

================================

TOTD - Bob Dylan "Most of the Time"

================================

And since my stories of personal humiliation always find their way here, I'm adding a little something for you kiddies!

The Count-o-Drought: Presently standing at 139

Yes, that's right it's been 139 days since I've even made out with a boy.
And yes, I'm aware that's
ENTIRELY, PAINFULLY TOO LONG!!

It's 6:30 PM on a Saturday night... gettin ready time! Well, I'm already dressed, and the hair isn't going to take much time tonight, so I've got a little time for you. (Aren't you lucky!)

Basically I'm writing a blog entry because I am tired of folding clothes, and I don't want to talk to anybody online because they might mention my (you know what) and if you don't know what I mean by a "you know what" then go back and read the last few entries... you might get it. And if you still don't get it, think something on the order of the SAHARA, or something similar. Yeah, the wheels are turning.... You're almost there!! C'mon, say it! YUP! You got it, congrats.

(I'm not saying it though, and if you say it to me, I might have to stab you in the face with my half-round jeweler's file.)

================================

TOTD - "Nobody Loves Me" by Portishead. (I'm being lame lately and tying the track of the day to my current situation... I know I said I wouldn't do that, but desperate times call for desperate measures!)

Ok, so I'm back to loving boys... even though they don't love me AT ALL at the moment. (This is a positive announcement because a while ago I was totally HATING boys, and then I revised it to having a renewed faith in boys... and now I love them again) I'm loving them again on the theory that perhaps they will love me too (eventually)!

As for the recent comments, I have racked my brain trying to figure out who this mystery person is... The other day I got a comment which said, "if i wasn't involved... and if i had the chance to meet you again... god damn it i would date ya! you are a beautiful person... on the inside and the out.....and i hope that you don't give up... just maybe you should stop looking for it... and it might find you " posted by "guythatlikeshappyhour" and for the life of me I can't figure out who this person is!

Here's the list of clues:

• It's someone I've met in person.
• It's someone I've apparently not seen again since our first meeting.
  
• He's someone I apparently thought enough of upon our meeting that I told him about my webpage here. (this is probably the most baffling clue.)
  
• He's a HE.
• He's currently involved.

HMMMMM! Mystery man, if you're reading this page on a consistent basis, and you see this, I need more clues! And if anybody else knows who this person is, clue me in! It's been making me NUTS! (But then again I'm nuts anyway.) (*mystery guy you can even e-mail me and tell me who you are secretly in an e-mail rather than in a comment if you want to remain anonymous to the masses!!! eschell@luc.edu)

As for his theory of not lookin for lovin, and letting it find me.... well, that's what a lot of people say, but I've been single for entirely too long to buy into that anymore. That's just a load of bunk!

================================

I was talking to Ferros tonight, and I figured out the title of my first book (should I ever write a book about me and my weird experiences.) It will be entitled "SKI & GRIPPOS: An Addict's Tale" basically because I think that all of my weird stories have something to do with my upbringing, and the fact that I'm pretty much totally hooked on ski and grippos as a result of said upbringing. (Because we all know that Evansville is crazy like that and it does crazy things to people.)

================================

QOTD
12.4.04- "You decided to drink last night because you dropped that game of shitter to me, didn't you... you were just drownin' your sorrows!" ~Christine K.

================================

TOTD - "Psychobabble" byFrou Frou. It's a rather intense, yet mellow song, it's an engaging tune, give it a try if you're so inclined.

*Just out of personal curiosity does anybody even care about Track of the day? Do you kids give a listen to the songs I offer up? I've heard no feedback on this, so let me know if I'm just offering these because I have nothing better to talk about, or if you actually like this feature.

================================

Oh, and I am pleased to announce that while I was at home I happened across a bottle of the new Britney Spears perfume, "Curious" and I gave it a quick sniff... I am only pleased to say this because I am able to happily announce the following sentence as well: "I smelled Britney Spears' new perfume myself, in person, and it smells like open ass." I mean really... it's foul. (And this makes me laugh because she bragged about how involved she was with creating it... I wouldn't go sharing that info anymore Brit, REALLY.)

I just gotta say it, I love my friends. you are all fabulous folks who love me despite all my nonsense and my mistakes and my stupidity... YOU'RE SUPER!

I went to BOTH of my classes on Thursday, and I went to work afterwards... (Quite an accomplishment all things considered.) But I got an A- on my Philosophy of medical ethics paper (the one I wrote at home over break approx. 4 hours before it was due) and I got a QOTD from consumer psych, and then I went to work, where I found out that my boss was paying me for hours I'm not entirely sure that I worked and I trounced Christine K. in some card playing fun... I did drop one game to her however, and I've never been happier about losing!!! (Chris N. kinda made a fool of me though when I was playing a game of 13 with myself *13 is a form of solitaire, so it is not uncommon to play alone* because I was making a sheet to remind myself which royals went together with what, because I'm an idiot like that... and well, apparently he thought I couldn't add to 13 either... but I still love him.)

While at work I taked to my mom on the phone. And when I told her that I would likely meet up with Alana for dinner, she said, "Well, then I imagine that you're going to be doing a lot of drinking tonight then..." I told her no, and she was all proud of me for being a sober champion, and then of course I met up with Alana and we polish off a couple bottles of wine (One VERY large bottle, and one normal bottle, plus some beer...) I am shamed... sorry mommy.

But I got spoolie and Ben in thefacebook!!!! (So that makes me happy!)

And when I left alana's, both spoolie and ben were REALLY concerned about my well being... (despite my repeated efforts to convince them that I was sober enough to get home safely) which makes me love them all the more. (Although I do still need to finish the story about the pocket vagina for Kerry!)

Dave and Kirsten still haven't called me, but I still love them immensely because they are two of the coolest people I know outside the greater chicagoland area!

================================

QOTD -
12.2.04 - "I seriously didn't even remember you were in this class until I saw you walk in here today!" ~ Anne McCormack (A girl who is in my consumer psych class)

12.3.04 - "No, seriously, take this and use it as cab fare to get home... because I'm not getting you anything else for christmas!" ~Ben G.

================================

TOTD
Elliot Smith - "Between the Bars" (Because I'm a lush!)

================================

Feel better Jennifer! Stop being a sickit punkin!

Snow is the sniper of meterological occurrences. It is silent! And frequently you don't even know that a snow has fallen until you wake up in the morning and look out the window, and BAM! Like a bullet from the long-range rifle of a killer who was only waiting for a clear shot, it hits you. CRAP. You're left thinking to yourself, "Not only is it cold outside, it's cold, and there's snow on the ground, so the bottom of my pants is going to get all wet and gross from having to tromp around in it, and my feet will be cold and wet because I'm a jackass and I didn't buy boots yet. STUPID WINTER... I shoulda moved to Bermuda!"

Well, kids, we've been hit by the sniper.

================================

I am not a believer in horoscopes by any means, or tarot card readings, or palm reading, or any of that other nonsense, but that doesn't mean that I don't occasionally check things out to see what some hack thinks is going to become of me... it's a little harmless fun, and after composing that last entry I decided to go to tarot.com where I have a free account, (I would never pay for that nonsense, but it's fun on occasion) and I decided to check things out. I wanted to see if I did a tarot reading what it woud come back at me with...

You know what it told me? It basically said, "DAMN, you suck at life right now! Go away and think about ways to improve on your lonely misery before we find out you're contagious and your horrible affliction rubs off on us!" Great... I can't even fool an unmanned tarot reading website... basically I've gotta be oozing bad karma and lonely vibes from every pore. OUCH!

================================

TOTD - Meredith Brooks - "What Would Happen If We Kissed?" (Yeah, I'm tempting the fates by putting this one up as track of the day at present, but you know what, I DON'T CARE! It's not like I've got anything to lose!)

KEN JENNINGS LOSES ON JEOPARDY! In case you didn't get to see it for yourself, or catch a clip on the news or something, you can read about it HERE. Or you can actually hear his demise here! You can totally bank on the fact that this guy will be the answer to a trivial pursuit question at some point in the future! (Well him, or Nancy Zerg, who is the lady who finished his all-too-long run in a mortal kombat fatality style finish)

===============================

It's a recipe for hell monkeys! (I have no reason for using this as a title for this entry, other than the fact that the sentence amuses me.)

Ok, so here's the revelation of the day. I know it takes a person of a certain overall mindset to be only 22 years old and still be of the belief that they are destined to be alone forever. I have come to the conclusion that I am one of the poor saps who is of this sad, neurotic constitution. I mean I've been single for the OVERWHELMING majority of my adult life, and during the few rare occasions that I've cultivated anything even remotely resembling a successful relationship with a heterosexual male which exceeded the bounaries of platonic interaction, it has inevitably (and more often than not, rapidly) crumbled miserably into the annals of failed-relationship lore.

Please don't misunderstand me here... I'm not looking for "THE ONE" at the moment... For Christ's sake, I'm only 22. But the truth is that I am looking for signs of the mere existence of intelligent life forms beyond the platonic level, and at present I'm coming up empty handed here. Is it really so much for me to ask just to want to spend the interim (between now, and the time when the search for "THE ONE" eventually begins) with an acceptable guy? Once again, it seems like I'm asking too much of the boys.

Now, I've heard a few theories from other people on my chronic-single-ness, which I'm more than willing to share with you fine folks:

1) I undermine my own relationships. - I disagree, though from an outsider's point of view I can understand how it might look that way. The fact is that in any relationship I've ever considered to have even the most miniscule amount of something resembling a successful relationship (or at least the start of one) , it has been with a REALLY jealous person, a long-distance thing, (those REALLY RARELY work,) a manipulative self-absorbed ego-maniac, the most indecisive person EVER, and a chronic cheater who was also a rather emotionally manipulative fellow. (And I really don't think any of my exes read this thing, so if you think I'm talking about you, I'm probably not... but you never know, so do feel free to ask if you're all that concerned) ...Which leads me to number 2.

2) I am attracted to the wrong kinds of guys. - Now that I sit and look at it, I have to at least partially agree with this one. In retrospect, I do find myself involved with guys who make successful relationships damn near impossible. But in my own defense, all of these guys did at some point have their redeeming qualities as well, which for at least some period of time made up for their shortcommings. (And to my credit, while I am presently single, it might be because I don't like putting up with the afforementioned crap) This brings us, rather conveniently I might add, to observation number 3.

3) I am too picky. - I wholeheartedly disagree with this one. I am willing to give just about anyone a fair shot. And we all know I hate doing the breakup dance (while a rare event, it has happened,) so in general you've gotta be doing something REALLY bad or making me REALLY crazy to drive me to the end of the line. Also, we all know I'm at the heart of a very serious dry spell, and I'm just about ready to make out with anything that shows the least bit of interest in me and posesses a Y chromosome. (XY = BOY for those of you who don't know) So the picky thing has flown the coop on this one. And besides, I'm a reasonably attractive girl, (XX chromosomes) and I have a brain, and I refuse to apologize for the fact that I'm not willing to lower my standards to the level of dating the homeless men on the street who cat call me every so often. (Sorry Froggy... wait Froggy is homeless, he doesn't have a computer, although he used to have a functional cell phone... weird.)

4) I am repugnant and/or repulsive in some way. - I really hope this one isn't true, but under the current circumstances, it's not safe to exclude this one just yet... CRAP.

So, that's the best I can come up with.

I'm single, and hating it. (I pray to god that there will come a day when I can look back on that sentence and either announce the exact opposite "I'm no longer single, and I'm loving it" or on some day in the distant future I will look at those words written so long ago, and I will think to myself, "My god, what the hell were you thinking? YOU WERE SINGLE! THAT WAS THE LIFE!")

At present I am thinking that there is very little, if any, hope for my romantic future. Granted, my mother has tried to hook me up with patients at her office, family members of co-workers, etc, basically any guy between the ages of 20 and 35 who she thinks is even remotely attractive or acceptable, and who generally turn out to be neither attractive nor acceptable... but she means well, so I overlook it.

Yup, I'm convinced that I will live the rest of my pathetic life in male-less misery and I will eventually die alone. No one will notice I've gone missing for a good week or two, and when they do, they will discover my remains (bottle of alcohol still in hand) partially, if not mostly (depending on the length of time since my demise went unnoticed) consumed by a pack of wild marmosets, or yetties, or kangaroos, or something like that.

I DARE SOMEONE TO PROVE ME WRONG! I SET FORTH THE CHALLENGE TO PROVE ME WRONG AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

If I didn't love Dave so much, I'd have given up on him a long time ago. But I'm sure he's got an excuse... and I'm sure that I'll hear it, and either believe it, or not believe it but not care enough to stay mad at him. (That's pretty much how things go with me and Dave.)

=================================

Today was something less than fabulous. It was not only a Monday (my long days which always suck anyway,) but it was also a Monday after a holiday break. (Those always suck way worse.) So I got up, I went to class, spent much of my day talking to others about their thanksgiving break, and how they had a great time, while I didn't, then I killed time at the gym before night class, and had a pleasant little meal with Spoolie (not that you care). I then went to half of night class and then bailed to come home for dinner, a shower, and movie time. (Life is just a barrel of monkeys isn't it?). But the upswing to being this incredibly bored and boring all day is that I got to think a bit, and I finally came up with the answers to some things that had really been bothering me... the answers are 1) His name was Alex! 2) Dr. David Rudek, and he loved Piaget. 3) Mother Theresa and Joan of Arc... quotes are possible. 4) A bracelet and/or earrings. I guess that leaves you wondering what the questions were, doesn't it? Well, that's your problem!

================================

A FEW WORDS ON CAT CALLING...

I find myself kind of torn as to how I feel about cat-calling. (For those of you unfamiliar with the term "Cat-calling" it means when someone you don't know whistles at you, makes some kind of comment, or honks at you, or makes some other kind of suggestive/obscene gestures aimed at you in a lustful way.) Why am I torn about it? OK, yeah, someone who you don't know is going out of their way to comment or note your appearance in a positive way... Yeah, that's a little bit of a self-esteem booster. But at the same time the people who generally do the cat-calling are rarely, if ever, even remotely desireable people. They are generally dirty old men, the homeless guys you pass, truck drivers, and construction workers. (*Please note that not all truck drivers and construction workers are undesireable dirty old men, these classifications are not mutually exclusive or exhaustive, but generally those who do the cat calling tend to fall into a very undesirable category.) So yeah, you might get a little ego boost, but it tends to come from the kind of person you don't really want an ego-boost from on a good day... and on a bad day, well, anything will do.

================================

QOTD
12.1.04 - "I love you! HEY COME BACK!! I LOVE YOU!!" ~ Some random drunk guy at 4th street live (And no, this is not what prompted the cat-calling commentary.)

================================

TOTD
Johnny Cash & Dave Matthews - "For You" (Awesome song, just trust me on this one! I mean really, who doesn't like Johnny Cash?)

Ok, so I was an even bigger slacker than I had projected over the holiday weekend... Sorry.

But I'll recap the events for you, just so you know I wasn't totally worthless the whole time I was gone.

• Sunday - I drove home with the mommage, and did some slacking at the homestead. (Because if you can't slack at the homestead, where can you slack?)
• Monday - Did very little all day, went out for a beer with my mom and brother, came home and wrote a paper for medical ethics philosophy which was due Tuesday morning (Please note I've had almost a month to do this paper at this point)
• Tuesday - found out my paper was not in a readable format, so I had to resend in a different format... you know, standard operating procedure for we procrastinators. Then I made plans to meet up with my sister on Wednesday and I saw the new Bridget Jones movie (Personally I prefer the first one, but this one was good as well)
• Wednesday - met up with Becky and rode to dad's house, played with the nephew, sisters, etc, you know, general visiting with the fam.
• Thursday - THANKSGIVING DAY, cursory overstuffing at the traditional meal, nap, football watching, video game playing, more visiting etc.
• Friday - went to the riverboat casino (my first casino ever) where I proceeded to lose $40 because I am jinxed. Did some cursory day-after-thanksgiving shopping, got my Christmas cards (if you want one, please make sure that I have your address)
• Saturday - More visiting, more eating, more football, and went down to "4th Street Live" for an evening of fun with Kim & Cole.
• Sunday - Rode home with Jen & Nicole. Watched a movie, and typed up this little number.

So you see, I am not a total loaf... just a semi-loaf.

=================================

I feel it necessary to note that today while driving up with Jen & Nicole, we rode through Gary, Indiana and I think it's important to note that I stand by my original stance about Gary. For those of you unfamiliar with my take on Gary, it is simply this: I firmly believe that everything and everyone that comes from Gary, Indiana should be required to have a warning label that is fully visible at all times, and this warning label need say nothing more than "Warning: Product of Gary, Indiana. Exposure to Gary products may be hazardous to your health." Here is a small sampling of conversation which contains a couple quotes of the day.

Jen: "Hey look, we're in ghetto-Gary"
Nicole: "OOH, a taco and bake sale!" (QOTD - 11.26.04)
Liz: "Taco and bake sale? Who does that? JESUS, where are we?"
Jen & Nicole: "We're in GARY!"
Liz: "You know, it's really no wonder Michael Jackson is such a dysfunctional whacko!"
Jen: "Oh, hey, look there! Food & wig shop! (QOTD 11.27.04) (Then mocking conversation with other Gary residents) 'Hey, baby, you want anything to eat? I'mma go get me a new wig!'" (QOTD - 11.28.04)

Here’s another doozie of a quote from my sister Kim!

11.29.04 – “I love cancer! HOORAY AND HIGH FIVES FOR CANCER!” (It should be noted that Kim works in a lab doing cancer research, and cancer keeps her out of the unemployment line… so she’s not cheering for cancer, but more for cancer research, so please don’t get offended… you know if you heard it in person you’d think it was quote worthy too! And if you are offended, then what the hell are you doing reading this page? You know I don’t give a shit about offending people!

I think it's also important to give my dad a QOTD, because he is really incapable of addressing his children without alienating them... you all know how my birthday went down, and today I found out first hand that I am not unique with regards to having an asshole dad who makes needling remarks at inappropriate times. Today is my big brother's birthday (Happy birthday bro! Sorry I let dad talk on my phone only long enough to be a dick) And to be quite honest, even knowing the tenuous-at-best relationship between my dad and brother, I wouldn't have believed the comment if I hadn't heard it myself.

QOTD - 11.30.04 - "Well, I've sent several e-mails your way... apparently you check your e-mail about as often as you call." (I also feel that it's important to note that while my dad claims to call and leave messages for my brother, he did not have my brother's current phone number... My brother has lived at his current address and had his current phone number for over a year now... just goes to show how diligently my father keeps up with his kids.)

Please don't mistake any of this for bitterness, it's not bitterness, it's not spite, it is merely allowing my privileged readers an accurate view of my family and some of the shit I have to put up with and be the middle man for.

=================================

TOTD - (I'm a bit delinquent on this one as well, so I'll give you a few to choose from)

Bowling for Soup - "Hit Me Baby One More Time!" (WAAAAY better than the original which will never make this list for reasons already noted)

Amanda Ghost - "Silver Lining" (This is one of my favorite songs, and it's by a relatively unknown artist... It's a shame.)

Phil Collins - "Long Long Way to Go" (I only heard clips of this tune for the first time tonight, and I already like it enough to recommend it to you. *Might be a little hard to find though)

================================

And here's an interesting link that my buddy Nate G. tracked down. Believe what you want to believe, but at least give this a look, if for no reason other than to pass a couple minutes of time that should be spent doing actual work.

Happy Thanksgiving kids! (Just got that one in under the wire here!)

Here's the update:

• Becky got a non-verbal form of discipline from the state police on our way to my Dad's... Though not in the form of a ticket, but rather in the form of a stern finger wag. (Only in Indiana can you get comedy like that from the state policemen when you're doin' 90 on the interstate)
• I got pooped on by a puppy today.
• I beat the newest Mortal Kombat game in under an hour... (Because I'm a champion)
• Tomorrow I will go to my first casino EVER.
• I am friends with Turd Ferguson.
• I had homemade dressing, and life is good!

Here are a couple of quotes that I can recall now:

QOTD
11.23.04 -
Dad: "Golly, I ate so much I feel like I'm pregnant!"
Grandma T. : "Yeah, well, you look like you're pregnant too!"

11.24.04 -(in response to the above comment)
Grandma: "What, um, I mean... I don't know what I'm talking about..."
Becky: "Yeah Grandma, way to use the 'Where am I? ... I'm old, I don't know what's going on' defense!"

(QUALITY!)

11.25.04 - "Well, we were at the concert, and there was this 30 year old lady behind us, and quite frankly we couldn't tell if she was hitting on me or on Emma, but after she did that I was like 'I don't care who you were just hitting on, that was so awesome that I'll still make out with you right now!" ~Cole (the 30 yr old woman taught him the "double whammy")

Sometimes I wonder where it all went wrong... this is not one of those times. I know that my life is far from perfect, but I somehow get the feeling that I am standing at the edge of an epiphany. I don't know what this impending revelation has anything to do with, but it feels big, it feels like I'm going to have what we alcoholics refer to as a "moment of clarity" ...Now with all that said, I suppose I should note that spending two days at my southern Indiana home, doing relatively little whilst my fellow students are still in class in Chicago, and my mother is at work has left me with time to think about things, and so I've come to my own conclusions, and basically decided to reconstitute my faith in men. Yes, you heard it here first. I'm not man hating anymore at the moment. (And no, it is unfortunately not the result of seeing any real action, but rather merely personal refletion on matters.) I should note that while my faith in men in general has been restored, there is one notable exception. I am of the firm belief that my own father is not infrequently reprehensible and generally beyond help. I'm sure that you've heard plenty about all of this, and if not, I doubt we are close enough for you to ever be able to forgive me for boring you with details. Sorry.

============================

I've been rather lax with the tracks and quotes of the day... though with such a traditionally large holiday coming up in the next couple days, you can undoubtedly count on my family members to provide some real gems for the daily quotes (So I'll save up the 2 days I'm presently lacking so that you get quality lines instead of just slapping up poor quality quotes in order to stay current... besides, you all know that punctuality is not my strong suit.) As for the tracks, here's a few to hold you over while you sip your wine/bourbon/etc. and wait for the annual promise of turkey and family drama to commence.

TOTD:
The Darkness - "I believe in a thing called love" (The video is spectacular, as I have noted before, but listening to just the song is fun too, even if only because you can imagine the best parts of the video in your head while you tone out your intoxicated parents talking about their sex life in all-too-vivid detail.)

Guns N' Roses - "November Rain" (it is November after all, and at over 8 minutes long, it eats up all kinds of time that would otherwise be spent listening to your great aunt Doreen talk about her bowel movements, or something equally grotesque)

Stroke Nine - "Vacuum Bag" (This one is just an overall quality tune... give it a listen and I think you'll agree... and if not, then you can feel free to vent here if you want)

The Beatles - "Eleanor Rigby" (One of my favorite Beatles tunes and one that is neglected in the modern musical lexicon, and we all know you can't very well go wrong with a Beatles tune)

Elvis Presley - "Hound dog" (Because we all know that the world is divided into two kinds of people, ELVIS people and BEATLES people... and I can't very well have a song by the beatles listed without alienating the elvis people for lack of metioning the king.)

So there you have it. Enjoy your turkey, have a happy holiday, and do your best to not kill (or do anything else which you might regret in the morning) family members, family friends, and neighbors... well, neighbors are ok.

Quick history lesson: (courtesy of Sally H.) In the late 19th century Evanston, Illinois, nicknamed "Heavenston" by Frances Willard, was a Methodist-minded town, so pious that the town fathers, resenting the dissipating influence of the soda fountain, passed an ordinance forbidding the sale of ice cream sodas on Sunday. Some ingenious confectioners, obeying the law, served ice cream with syrup but no soda. This sodaless soda was the Sunday soda, and became so popular that orders for "Sundays" crossed the counter everyday of the week. When objection was raised to christening the dish after the Sabbath, the spelling was changed to Sundae, and so developed one of America's most characteristic dessert dishes.

============================

QOTD
11.20.04 -
Mom: Oh, I bet you could pick up something really nice at the "Highway-side all-in-one marketplace"
Liz: "Yeah, something nice, like syphilis!"

11.21.04 - "Yeah, I used to not mind her crap so much... then she turned into the devil, and I decided that she must be stopped!" ~Lindsey (and haven't we all felt that way sometimes?)

11.22.04 - "I have crazy dreams all the time... but never one like this. This one involved WAY more cheese than ever before!" ~Gies

Do's and Don'ts of Driving

• Do turn your stereo all the way up. If you're like me you find driving to be a relaxing escape from life's struggles. Too often you find yourself pulled from the warmth of the womb that is your 84 Chevy Chevette by the sounds of an angry and selfish world. Luckily for you Honda, in it's infinite wisdom, has included with your 92 Civic ES (that's the cheap one) a 60 watt three speaker stereo system. Use it. You'd be surprised how well a cheap stereo and a Jefferson Spaceship 8-track can drown out the blaring horns of fellow drivers and the blood curdling screams of pedestrians caught unawares.

• Don't use your turn signals. After a late night and a hard days work most people find that they need a little pick-me-up. Bumper to bumper freeway driving is no solution, rather it does quite the opposite, putting even the most spastic 12 year old into a deep coma. Help your fellow commuters wake from their slumber by changing lanes quickly and without warning. The horns you hear are the cheers of thankful drivers TIP: More advanced drivers will master the incorrect turn signal method of driving... I prefer leaving my left turn signal on ALL the way home. God bless blinky lights.

• Do aim for squirrels. listen they're gonna get hit. It's better that you end their lives quickly with a single square squish than they get clipped and die a slow painful death. So aim for the little bastards. TIP: This makes for a great game. A common point system is as follows: Squirrels 2 points, Cats 3 and the elderly 1.

• Don't let a good opportunity pass you by. While this rule applies to life in general here we'll only discuss opportunities applicable to driving. Let's say you're stuck in traffic one hot July evening and suddenly you hear sirens. In your rearview mirror you see a great red truck parting traffic like the Reed Sea (red sea was a mistranslation... get over it). Yes, at this very moment a man is standing outside his burning home screaming to his wife whom is stuck on the second floor. She will die. Everyone dies though so don't get all mushy on me. Here you've a great opportunity. Don't let it pass you by. Follow that fire truck like it's your friggin job. TIP: Feel free to follow ambulances, fire trucks and cops. be careful not to follow cops too closely as they will pull you over and beat the crap out of you, possibly give you a ticket.

• Do unplug your brake lights. Unbeknownst to most drivers these little red lights warn others that you are braking... that's right, I'll say it again. Brake lights let others know that you are stopping. But wait you say, this is the U.S.A!!! Privacy is important to every US citizen, but here we find that the auto industry is openly giving out personal information to anyone who happens to be behind us. Fight the power and unplug your brake lights. BONUS: Most states are cracking down on tailgaters. In MD, for example, if you rear-end another driver you are ALWAYS at fault no matter the circumstances. You'll find that you've a second income after unplugging your brake lights. You owe me big.

• Don't wear your seat belt. Extreme sports (sometimes spelled Xtreme) are spreading across the world like wild fire. Many find themselves spending thousands of dollars a year to feed their adrenalin habit. Why? Why travel for hours, spend thousands of dollars and be forced to wear neon colored clothing? There are cheaper ways to laugh in the face of common sense. Instead try driving without your seat belt. You'll find that even a trip to the grocery store becomes an xtreme adventure. The head rush will do much to extinguish the flames of embarrassment as you set the box of extra wide pads and Monistat 7 vaginal suppositories down on the conveyer belt of the express lane at your local SuperFresh (it's amazing what a man will do when in Love). TIP: Remove your windshield. There's no bigger buzz kill than slamming into a sheet of glass at 80 miles per hour. Not to say you’ll survive the 200 foot flight of doom, but those few seconds of free fall are totally bodacious... dude.

Sorry I didn't get this posted yesterday, but I had to work.... at work. You should try it Liz. :-P