Leave the twins outta this!

Ladies, back me up, when you've actually got tits, they are WAY less of a big deal than guys might think. I can't tell you how many times I've heard a guy say "God if I had tits, I'd never leave the house!"

Gents, let me clue you in on a little secret.

They are just conveniently mounted lumps of fat. Trying to balance them often leads to back aches. And if you are ever stabbed by an underwire continuously for 12 hours as you try to work on anything, you'll have some idea of what it's like to have boobs. Add in some 4 inch heels that you'll need to learn how to properly walk in, dealing with monthly hormone fluctuations, and the oh-so-delightful cramps, bloating, and men questioning you about PMS, and you'll start to get the picture of what we deal with... And then we have the pleasure of dealing with your dumb ass talking about how if you had boobs you'd never leave home... Well at that moment we're usually wishing you had boobs instead of just being a boob, because if you were true to your word, at least you wouldn't be standing there bothering us.

Anyway, I feel the need to mention this because I've noticed a rash of comments regarding my twins... Picture it: I'm sitting at a game, or at a restaurant, just trying to have an enjoyable time, and I look down at something... could be to see if I got something on my shirt, could be to see if my necklace is hanging where it's supposed to, etc... And suddenly I hear a comment on the order of "What? Checking to see if they're still there?" I get these cracks from both male and female, those who I know well, and some who I don't...

My instant response is "No, smart ass, I was actually looking at my shirt/ fixing my necklace/etc." However, I am always tempted to say something to the effect of, "Well, they are just so fabulous, I have been looking at them for 23 years and just can't get enough" or "Hey, just because you're always checking out my boobs, doesn't mean I am... I've seen them before, and I'm pretty sure they aren't going anywhere."

Does anyone else have this problem?