Yup, I'm still a dummy.

Ok, so lately I have touted my job-induced misery to a startling degree. The truth is, I don't think I'm really as unhappy as I previously noted.

The truth is, that as a woman I have hormones that fluctuate WILDLY. This caused me to overreact to my review, it caused my migraine, and in all liklihood, it caused me to feel like I was miserable when in fact I might ordinarily have just been having an off-day.

The ladies out there feel me.

The truth is, I don't HATE my job. For someone my age, it's actually a pretty damn good job. Decent benefits, good salary, paid time off, and it doesn't make me homicidal/suicidal like the tanning salon did. I did come to the realization that I do greatly dislike working for other people though, and I have always hated it when people talk down to me... And in a review type of situation, it's damn near impossible not to sound like you are talking down to the person under review. So in actuality, there were some things I didn't like, but I am getting over them as my hormones adjust to normal levels.

But the realization that I don't like those things has spurred me into pursuing graduate school with a great deal more fervor... So much so, that I have started looking into the GRE general and subject tests... (And let me just say that I am totally terrified.) And I have also started looking into grad programs in Chicago, and a few other cities with greater intensity and interest... Because I KNOW I am not cut out to be someone else's worker pod! I am cut out to be my own working, functional, giggle pod... And being a giggle pod is much easier when you're not answering to someone else about why the retailer maps are reverse paginated.

So with all of this going on, why am I still a dummy?

Because I have gone through all of this at a feverish pace. I have worked in some form every day since the 10th of May. Yeah... EVERY. DAY. INCLUDING. MY. WEEKENDS. Because I worked the whole week before Easter, Easter weekend I spent both Saturday and Sunday slinging flowers, I worked the whole week after Easter, and last weekend I was flower slinging on Saturday and Sunday was spent repainting at Anthony's. And in the midst of all of this came the hormones and the review... and this week it was the migraine. Which makes me think that I was overreacting to the amalgamation of all this crap, rather than being genuinely miserable in actuality... I've been miserable before... I no longer work at the tanning salon.

The real stupidity came tonight. Because despite the fact that I am still feeling the remnants of my migraine (Yes, they can still hurt days later) I went to my soccer game tonight. And let me tell you, it is no fun to feel your brain sloshing around in your skull with every step you take... And it is really no fun when you have to run after a ball or a player in that condition. And it is even worse when the majority of the best players decide to take the night off for one reason or another, and leave us hanging with minimal substitute players, (including no real goalie) and inevitably having our asses handed to us by the other team as a result. In fact, I'm going to go so far as to say that it's downright BOGUS.

Now while I was stupid enough to decide to play tonight, I was also a vital member of the team, because we have to have at least 4 girls on the field at any time in order to play, and including my retarded ass, only 5 showed up... So we had to work out a plan for the substitutions.

But since I still have the remnants of my migraine, and I was the dumb fucktard who decided to go play soccer anyway, my head is kinda mad at me right now... So I am calling it a day.