Please god, let a camera fall from the sky!!!

First off, allow me to say this:

THE CHICAGO TRANSIT AUTHORITY (CTA) HATES ME!

That said, I in turn also hate the CTA.

This morning I was 15 minutes late for work (which doesn't seem like much, and quite frankly I don't really care about it until my boss starts ragging on me for it...) And why was I late? Because of the CTA.

For some strange reason there were no red line trains going north... NONE... For like 20 minutes. So seeing something like 6 southbound redline trains go by in that time, I decided to board one, go south into the city, transfer to a northbound purple line and go about my day. So that's what I did... and I encountered people who I normally miss out on during my morning commute to work... Tragically, I must say that I was terribly sorry that I'd forgotten to bring my camera for this journey!

I saw some hideous fashion mistakes including, though not limited to:

• A woman wearing what can only be described as a scarf with GIANT white yarn tumors ALL OVER it.
• A woman wearing an obscenely short skirt for no apparent reason (she didn't have the legs for it, and it's DECEMBER in Chicago!)
• A man wearing a coat that he, no doubt, thought was vintage, though I'd have called it dumpster-worthy.
• A small dog wearing a bright orange puffy coat that was something on par with an item you'd spot Puff Daddy wearing.

And that's just the start of it... I begged god for a camera to drop from the sky so that I could capture all of these atrocities, and more, though god did not oblige my request... and if he had, I'd have promptly begged for an Ipod while I was at it.

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Last night I had a dream that I was a fish, and that I was at "summer camp" also attended by people with whom I went to grade school... and they were also fish.

And then for some reason one of my fishy "friends" was being mean to me, so the "camp counselor," who was a grade school teacher of mine, and a crab (who apparently had magical crab powers,) turned her into a clam... and she was promptly taken away, and most likely eaten, by a sea otter.

Don't ask me what any of this means... because I have no clue!

(And no, Markus, there were no sharks in the dream.)

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In response to a couple of recent comments;

• No Marcia, there was no proof of Dave's tongue skills, though he repeatedly offered to give me proof despite the fact that his girlfriend was sitting roughly 3 feet away from me... and I am glad to have made your day by adopting a duck.
• Idle, he does devour the bread much like the cookie monster, but in this case it actually goes into the duck, rather than crumbling and falling to the ground because the cookie monster had no actual mouth.
• Brenda, ducks are lovable creatures!
• Sarah, we don't need help! We are just trying our hardest to save the world, one adopted virtual pet at a time!

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Don't ask me why, but I have an inexplicable and curiuosly strong urge to listen to some Busta Rhymes right about now.